Across the Dark
by VioletLites
Summary: It's cold and dark and thick, but the air is too thin to breathe at the same time. You don't get hungry or thirsty, but you do get tired. But you can't sleep. It's too quiet to sleep. When reality comes crashing down sometimes purpose is what keeps you alive
1. Chapter 1

**Hello fellow Whovians! **

**This is my second fanific ever and my first multi chapter so we'll see how this goes. I would appreciate it if you could give me some feedback on how to improve my writing. It's one of the reasons I decided to start posting. That and I need to let out my imagination. ;)**

**Disclaimer: does it need saying? **

**So without further ado, the first chapter of Across the Dark. Enjoy! :D**

Chapter 1-

"Ladies and Gentlemen, if you'll kindly take notice that the Captain has turned on the seatbelt sign we are going to be experience some turbulence in a moment." I hate it when they do that. You know, make it sound like the turbulence might be fun, like it's something few get to experience and you should count yourself lucky. It's not that I don't like flying, I do. I like the rush of take off and I like going to other places, and I like looking down at the Earth below. I don't like the chaos of airports or the fake, overpaid models that they usually get as airline stewardesses. Occasionally I see a normal person doing that job, but it's rare. Very rare.

The plane shakes. A baby cries a few seats behind me. On my far right there's a man I've been eyeing for the past several hours. He looks like Moffat. He's clutching the armrest as if he can keep the plane flying steadily by doing it. Did I mention he looks like Moffat? Yeah, you can imagine what's been going through my mind. _Slap. I'm sorry. You're a literary genius and my life would be boring without you...slap. _"Ah!" several people cry out in fear. For the record, I didn't make a sound. I just gasped slightly. Why? Because a plane doesn't normally pitch to the side like that, that's why.

I've flown more times than I count at this point. My Dad lives in England and my Mum is in America. I'm on my way to her place. I'm thankful for the option they gave me. I do school in England where my Dad lives and summers I spend with my mum. Leaving me with American citizenship and a British accent. Unfortunately it also leaves me with a workaholic Dad, a Mum with a messed up love life, and me in the middle of it all with a headache and a need for escape. That's where my love for British sci-fi comes in.

The sound of thunder surrounds us breaking me from my thoughts. The plane goes dark and the emergency lights flash on with a ding. I close my book and place it back in the bag under my seat. People are beginning to panic around me. Not the major freak out kind of panic, but the silent kind. The one that makes you feel like you can read everyone's thoughts. It ripples through the plane like a current leaving some with short and shallow breathes and others with no breath at all. It's silent. And then I realized that it was too silent. The engines were no longer buzzing. "Ladies and Gentlemen this is your captain speaking. I ask that you would please prepare for a crash landing. Remain calm. Everything's going to be fine."

And that's when I feel it. That pull you get in your stomach when you first start falling or going down on the rollercoaster. Everything is NOT going to be fine. That is the most used lie of any adult to a child. Or in this case, a plane filled with terrified passengers. Then the unthinkable happens. There is a draft of cold air that rushes in behind me and my ears pop to a point where I hear nothing. I look back and see that the tail of the plane is gone. I feel rather than hear my own heartbeat pulsing in my ears. My breaths are coming quickly and heavily. In. Out. In. Out. We lurch again. For a second I'm blissfully unaware. When I come back to the conscious world I'm falling. No seat, no plane. Just me and the ground and lighting all around. My hearing is back but it doesn't do me any good. All I hear are the people screaming, crying, panicking.

There's a flash of lighting around me and I feel warmth course through me. _I've been struck by lightning! Holy crap!_ And then, nothing.

The first thing I notice when I wake up is the cold. It prickles underneath my skin like a thousand needles. I open my eyes but it makes no difference. If anything it's darker than it was when my eyes were shut. There's a gnawing pain in my stomach. Almost like hunger but it isn't. It's dull like a suspended punch to my gut. I try to focus on that pain. It is the only proof I have that I am still inside my body. I can barely move. I feel like I'm trying to swim through jello. My limbs are heavy, my head is foggy. Oddly the air feels thin. All I can think is that I must be dead and that this is hell. But it's cold not hot, so maybe not or maybe everyone was just wrong.

I don't know how long I drift in the dark. Maybe minutes, but it feels infinitely longer. So many thoughts go through my head and I sing so many songs. I'm bored out of my mind and I can't see and I'm alone. So very alone. When I finally see a speck of white I can't tell if it's right in front of me or far away in the distance. As time goes on I realize that it is growing larger. I can't look directly at it because my eyes hurt too much to. So I close my eyes but I can feel myself being pulled toward it.

Eventually I no longer feel like I'm in a no place. I have a direction, and it's down. I'm falling again, and that white speck is my new gravity. They tell you not to go into the light, but I welcome it. I'm tired of the cold, in the dark. Maybe warmth and light will be better. I can feel the warmth going through me and I know that I'm falling asleep in what feels like the first time in years. My last thought before I'm gone again is that maybe death won't be so bad after all. Anything is better than this lonely and heavy nothing.

I wake with a start. Why can't I finally just stop waking up? It's making me crazy. The dull pain in my gut is now replaced with a throbbing pain everywhere else. I feel weak and stiff, like I was cramped inside a box for too long. Slowly the darkness gives way to fuzzy gray and gradually continues to lighten until it's a fuzzy but warm yellow. The silence in my ears give way to a background buzz which becomes more and more clear until I can make out voices that are way too loud. It's been too long since I've heard anything.

The light is too bright and the sounds too loud, the smells too strong and I can't concentrate. I squeeze my eyes shut and slowly move my hands to cover my ears and hold my head because if don't I'm afraid it will roll away. I feel my body cringe in on itself until I'm inside my own shell of a world. I feel a vibration in my chest and realize that I'm groaning. My throat is dry and my tongue feels like sandpaper in my mouth.

Then there's something else. Something outside of me is touching my shoulder. My body reacts like a catapult. I launch myself away with a strength I never knew I had. My back hits a wall and my hands come up defensively. I widen my eyes as much as I can and force myself to focus on what I'm seeing and hearing. I'm breathing deep and the air tastes so good. I didn't realize how stale the dark air was. It was almost like I was drowning and then ran a race. I finally breathe in long and deep. My heart slows down as much I can make it. My vision clears and then my heart stops altogether.

"You a'right?" I gap at the man in front of me. "Can ya understand me? Do ya know where ya are?" I don't know how to react. In a trance I slowly move out my left hand toward his face to see if he's real. It's his turn to act like a catapult. People dressed like they're a swat team pounce on me and sit me into a chair which I am quickly tied to. The man from before barks orders at them. "Oi, be careful with 'er. She 'asnt done anything to endanger us yet."

He looks at me with suspicious eyes. I've got to be dead, or this is the most surreal nightmare/dream I've ever had. Because the man in front of me is Mickey Smith. I can't look at him anymore so I look down at myself. A red hoodie over a loose tank with "Bow ties are cool" written on it over a pair of yoga pants capped off with my red trainers. I momentarily panic before remembering that Mickey wouldn't know that the Doctor had an obsession with bow ties. At least not yet as he knows him. And of course he already knows him, because pre-doctor Mickey wouldn't be like the stern and confident soldier in front of me. I don't look up again, and I don't pay attention for a long time. It isn't until I hear "her" that I start listening.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

Rose Tyler stood watching the night sky. There were even less tonight. The stars were going out and there was nothing she could do. She needed the Doctor but he was a universe away and she would never see him again. It had been three years since the worst day of her life at Bad Wolf Bay. He had called her the Defender of the Earth that day. She didn't feel like she was doing that good of a job at all.

Her phone rang and she answered after a quick glance at the caller ID. "Miss Tyler," a young Torchwood agent said. "You're needed at the Hub." "I'm on my way," she replied. Maybe someone had come up with a way to stop this. Maybe they could make the stars come back.

She made it to the London Hub in record time. Sweeping into the room she turned to Mickey, her oldest and dearest friend, "Whaddya got?" Mickey nodded to a girl tied to a chair behind him. She looked young. Couldn't be more than eighteen. She had short coffee colored hair pulled back in a tight ponytail and had black yoga pants with a graphic tee that had a weird saying on it. She didn't strike Rose as a threat but there were many species out there that seemed nice but were decidedly not. But this girl looked human.

And then she looked up. Chocolate brown eyes peered up at her with pain and desperation. Rose gasped. Those eyes. She's seen them before. She's seen them in the face of a very broken man that she grew to love so long ago. She lost him and thought that she would never see those eyes again.

Rose turned to Mickey, her oldest friend and most trusted ally in this universe. "Where did she come from?" "She came through the wall. There was a lot of artron energy in our readings." The wall. That dreaded white wall that had come to represent the fact that she was forever cut off from the Doctor, the man she loved. But maybe it wasn't impossible. This girl had just come through the wall. The artron energy suggested time travel at least, but what about void travel. "Get me some 3D glasses." Some random agent quickly supplied them as soon as a pair was located. Rose made sure that there was always a pair nearby for a moment like this. She put them on and peered at the young creature before her. The girl looked at her with eyes that had the strangest mix of hope and dread. "Well, am I covered in void stuff for not," she asked, apparently unable to read Rose's expression.

Rose sighed and removed the glasses. "You are." A flicker of pain crossed the girl's face before it was replaced with something else. (Acceptance? Resignation?) "You know about different dimensions. You want to tell me how you got here." "I don't know." The girl suddenly decided not to look at anyone in the eye anymore. "It doesn't just happen by accident. Who are you? Why are you here?" "I don't know how I got here," she repeated. "Who are you," Rose asked with a little bit more force and desperation. She needed answers. This girl was the key to getting back home. She was the key to solving the darkness problem before it was too late and the universe was nothing. "Answer me!" "I can't! I don't know how I got here! I don't know what the consequences of my presents here will be. I don't know if it's safe for me to say anything, whether it's my name, where I'm from or what I know about anything. As to why I'm here, I'm chalking that up to be some kind of sick and twisted joke that the universe is playing on us!" The girl was flushed with her angry outburst. She sagged in the confines of her chair and releases a single, strangled sob before finding her composer again.

Rose sent a pointed look at Mickey who nodded and immediately cleared the room. He stayed by the door, but more to keep others out. Rose had always been good at compassion. And right now, this girl before her was in need of a lot of it. Rose recognized that look. That was the look of someone who had lost everything and didn't know what to do. She had seen that look on the Doctor, and she had seen it in the mirror everyday for three years.

She knelt down in front of the girl and asked softly, "Are you alright?" "I'm always alright." How many times had she heard him say that? Who was this girl and why was she such a reminder of him? "Are you sure you can't tell me your name?" Those brown eyes looked back at her. "I'm not sure of anything anymore. But you need something to call me so...Jane will be fine. You can call me Jane." "Hello Jane. My name's Rose." The girl just nodded. "Can you tell me what 'appened Jane?" "I was on my way to visit family in America. The plane must have taken a wrong turn. We were ripped apart. I was falling and it was dark, and then I was here. People freaked out and tied me to a chair. End of story."

Rose didn't know what to make of this. The void should be sealed. Interdimensional travel should not be possible. Yet this girl was clearly from somewhere else. "You'll get back." Rose looked at Jane sharply. "Back where?" "Back to him. The Doctor. The stars are going out aren't they? Let me help. I know what to do. I have no other purpose any more. This isn't my world. My goals are gone. My family is gone. My faith has shattered. Let me help you. Maybe then it won't hurt so much." Jane was pleading. "How do you know about the Doctor," Rose asked in a dangerously quiet tone. Jane hesitated slightly before answering, "I know both the Doctor and you in my universe."

Rose was surprised by this. She hadn't expected this. But it made sense with why Jane was reluctant to say much. It also explained the comment she made about knowing stuff "Do you know us well?" "I know from the word 'run,'" she said softly. Rose looked at her in contemplation. "Are you me?" "No," Jane said in surprise. Then she paused. "Well, in a way maybe. We're similar in a way I guess. But no. I'm not you. I'm me. I will only ever be me since I've got nothing else left anyway. Wow. Never thought I could be so cryptic. I'm like that mysterious character in a TV show that never really has a back story. They just help and talk in riddles and do awesome stunts. I wonder if I'll do awesome stunts." The slight babbling tone made Rose smile despite herself. "I think you hung out with himself a little too long. You kind of sound like him." "I was fourteen when I started w...traveling with you. So yeah. I guess maybe I picked up a few of his habits."

Rose looked at her carefully before making her decision. "Mickey! Come let this girl out will ya?" "You're the boss babe." Mickey let the girl out and Rose heard him give the girl, Jane, an apology for being so rough with her. Jane seemed unbothered by the whole thing but Rose knew better. The girl was too calm about it all.

"So...are you going to let me help you?" Jane looked tired and Rose felt for her. "Yeah, but first you need to eat and get some rest. You can stay with me until we can find your own place." Mickey shot a warning look at her. "Are ya sure that's such a good idea Rose? We don't know anything about this girl." Jane nodded in agreement. "He's got a point." Rose looked her in the eye and asked, "You gonna murder me in my sleep?" "No," she replied with a furrowed brow. "Then I don't see the problem. It's late. There's no time to find you somewhere else and you look like you're about to fall over so you need to rest as soon as possible. Beside," she then turned to Mickey. "I can take care of myself just fine." "I know that babe. But your mum worries ya know?" Rose sighed. "Yeah. I know."

Jane shifted uncomfortably. "Come on Jane. Let's go have a cuppa and then go to bed." Jane nodded and allowed herself to be led out of the lab with Mickey watching warily as they went.


	2. Chapter 2

**Right. I'm back. This is the next chapter. :D Shout out to JemmaPOND! Thanks for reviewing. You made my day. :)**

**(Please note that the majority of this story will be told from Jane's point of view. Occasionally I'll write from Rose's perspective but only when it's necessary.)**

**Disclaimer: Does it need saying?**

-I don't look up again, and I don't pay attention for a long time. It isn't until I hear "her" that I start listening.-

"Whaddya got?" I recognize her without even looking up. But I can't be sure. I don't trust myself after being in the dark for so long. I raise my head to come face to face with the owner of the new voice. Rose Tyler. As we make eye contact her lips part in what I label as surprise. Does she recognised me somehow? Is there another me?

She turns to Mickey. "Where did she come from?" He answers her "She came through the wall. There was a lot of artron energy in our readings." Artron energy? I remember that from some episode. I think it had to do with background radiation on the TARDIS but I'm not certain. It's been a awhile since I heard it mentioned.

"Get me some 3D glasses." Rose's voice brings me back to the room. It doesn't take long for someone to get some to her. At least I remember why she wants them. No one could forget Ten wearing those red and blue lensed glasses and making jokes about Jackie. Classic Whovian knowledge. He used them to see the void stuff on people. Now I'm sitting here and Rose is looking at me with those glasses. Her expression is blank. This makes sense to me. It would explain that dark place I was in. Maybe it was the void. Ive got to be in a different dimension because I don't like the alternative. But I have to know for certain. "Well, am I covered in void stuff or not?"

It seems to take a long time for her to take off the glasses and look at me. "You are." Maybe it's not what I wanted to hear. On one hand it's an explanation to what happened. On the other hand, it shouldn't have happened. This is fiction for cryin out loud! It's fake. As in not real. Yet I'm sitting here, talking to these not real people. I can't go home. Not after this. I can't go back to my broken world knowing that this all exists because I will never see fiction the same way. I will have no escape. Everything I thought was real...what if that was the fake? I resolve that I will stay. I don't have much of a choice anyway. Never mind where I am, it should be impossible to get here in the first place.

"You know about different dimensions. You want to tell me how you got here." "I don't know." It's not a lie, but it isn't the truth either so I look down at myself again. "It doesn't just happen by accident. Who are you? Why are you here?" "I don't know how I got here," I tell her. "Who are you," she pauses waiting for me to explain. "Answer me!" "I can't! I don't know how I got here! I don't know what the consequences of my presence here will be. I don't know if it's safe for me to say anything, whether it's my name, where I'm from or what I know about anything. As to why I'm here, I'm chalking that up to be some kind of sick and twisted joke that the universe is playing on us!"

I hadn't realized that I had thought of all that until it was out of my mouth but I suddenly realize how true it is. I know too much to go home and I know too much to stay. I have no idea where that leaves me and I'm terrified. I can't help the choked sob that comes out of me. But I refuse to start crying yet. Not in front of these people who don't know me. Not where all of them would want to take me apart for answers. I may think I know a couple of them but how can I? I've seen bits and pieces. Not the whole picture.

I'm surprised when Rose kneels down in front of me. Not because I never knew she was kind, but because she's never been kind to me personally. "Are you alright?" I take a shaky breath. "I'm always alright." I can't help but say it. I've been hearing the Doctor say it for years but this is the first time that I actually understand what he meant by it. He never meant he was alright which we all knew anyway. He meant that he was going to be. Someday. Even if it wasn't for another hundred years before he was.

"Are you sure you can't tell me your name?" I look back at her to see her searching for me to lie. So I don't. "I'm not sure of anything anymore. But you need something to call me so...Jane will be fine. You can call me Jane." Jane is safe. Jane is the girl version of John. It's simple and easily forgotten. "Hello Jane. My name's Rose." All I can do is nod. I can't just say that I know. She doesn't trust me enough as it is. "Can you tell me what happened Jane." I can't help but be a little sarcastic. It's how I cope with fear. "I was on my way to visit family in America. The plane must have taken a wrong turn. We were ripped apart. I was falling and it was dark, and then I was here. People freaked out and tied me to a chair. End of story."

Rose gets a faraway look on her face. I fell like she did. I know who she's thinking about. "You'll get back." I don't know why I say it. I just think she needs to hear it. She looks at me with a bit of anger in her eyes. I can see the bad wolf there even without the gold light of the vortex. "Back where?" Her reaction tells me everything. This is after doomsday but before journey's end. All at once I find something to do with myself. I can't go home.I know staying is dangerous but I can do more here than I could there any way. "Back to him. The Doctor. The stars are going out aren't they? Let me help I know what to do. I have no other purpose any more. This isn't my world. My goals are gone. My family is gone. My faith has shattered. Let me help you. Maybe then it won't hurt so much."

"How do you know about the Doctor," she asks me with voice barely above a whisper. I didn't think about that. I need to answer so I continue with my tell a variation of the truth strategy. "I know both the Doctor and you in my universe." Her eyes widen slightly at this. Then she gives a subtle nod of agreement. She believes me. "Do you know us well?" "I know from the word 'run.'" It's the truth. I do know from that point. But I know there are things I don't know. I'm figuring that I'll learn quickly.

"Are you me?" I wasn't expecting that. "No." Then again I met him the same time she did. I ran with them. I never stopped. "Well, in a way maybe. We're similar in a way I guess. But no. I'm not you. I'm me. I will only ever be me since I've got nothing else left anyway. Wow. Never thought I could be so cryptic. I'm like that mysterious character in a tv show that never really has a backstory. They just help and talk in riddles and do awesome stunts. I wonder if I'll do awesome stunts." I'm scared I'm going to say too much so I try to say a lot of nothing. "I think you hung out with himself a little too long. You kind of sound like him." Or maybe I just learned that from him. This seems to be a good time to give some sort of back story. Stay as close to the truth as possible. "I was fourteen when I started w...traveling with you. So yeah. I guess maybe I picked up a few of his habits." That was almost a little too close to the truth.

"Mickey! Come let this girl out will ya?" "You're the boss babe." He comes and cuts my bonds and I rub my wrists as I stand stiffly. "Sorry about that. We can't be too careful." I give him a tight smile and a nod of acknowledgment. I'm worried about how much I can give away with simple reactions so I'm trying to be non committed.

"So...are you going to let me help you?" She didn't answer me before when I said I could help. I need her to let me help. I'm actually a bit excited by the idea. It's not everyday you get to help save the fictional hero. "Yeah, but first you need to eat and get some rest. You can stay with me until we can find your own place." "Are ya sure that's such a good idea Rose? We don't know anything about this girl."

I nod my head. "He's got a point." She looks and me closely. "You gonna murder me in my sleep?" "No." The thought never even crossed my mind. What would that do to the time lines? "Then I don't see the problem. It's late. There's no time to find you somewhere else and you look like you're about to fall over so you need to rest as soon as possible. Beside," she looks sternly at Mickey. "I can take care of myself just fine." "I know that babe. But your mum worries ya know?" Rose looks like her shoulders just became a little heavier. "Yeah. I know."

I'm not sure what to do with myself now. I don't know what to say, but Rose saves me from having to say anything. "Come on Jane. Let's go have a cuppa and then go to bed." I take a deep breath and follow her out but not without the feeling of Mickey's eyes boring into my back like he could stop me from hurting her. It's really not necessary but I'm not going to try telling him that.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

The drive is quiet. I can't take my eyes away from the window. The world looks so different here. From the zeppelins in the sky to the people on the street. It's so similar and yet so different. I can't put my finger on it, but it's something in the air. The energy that hums underneath the city isn't the same.

The silence is loud inside the car. I don't notice until Rose starts fidgeting next to me. The driver in the front seat seems oblivious to his passengers. I turn to see Rose looking at me from the corner of her eye. I look back out the window trying to pretend for a moment that I'm simply driving home with my dad. It doesn't work.

I can feel Rose biting her tongue. "Why don't you just ask me whatever it is you're dying to know." I hear Rose sigh but I don't look away from the world outside. "You said you were fourteen when you started traveling with alternate versions of us. I was wondering how long ago that was." I clench my teeth together before replying. "That's just a backward way of asking for my age." I pause for a moment. I can't think of a reason not to tell her the truth on this so I don't. "Almost four years. I'll be eighteen in a few months. Or maybe I already am. I don't know how long I was in the void. Or if you even can age in there."

When she speaks again I can barely hear her. "What was it like? In the void?" I'm surprised she asked this soon. I suspected that she might at some point. Many will if they know that I was there. But Rose especially. It was very nearly her own fate if her father hadn't caught her at the last moment. "You don't have to answer...I was just curious." I realize that I had been lost in my thoughts too long to answer. "No it's fine." I squeeze my eyes shut and then face forward.

"It's dark, like you'd expect. And quiet. So quiet that your ears start to ring, it sounds like someone's screaming. Until you get use to it. It cold. And thick. Hard to breathe, hard to move. You don't get hungry, or thirsty. You do get tired, but it doesn't matter. Cause you can't fa asleep. You're too lonely sleep. It's too quiet to sleep."

We don't talk again for the rest of the drive. When we stop, I follow her blindly into the apartment. She leads me to a room and I know she says something about me being able to sleep here but I'm still lost in remembering. I'm remembering the days leading up to the plane. I'm remembering the last time I talked to my mum. Did I tell her I loved her? Did I tell my dad know how thankful I was that he let me stay with him?

I know it's no use breaking it down like that but I can't help myself. I numbly sink down into the bed, and I feel when Rose leaves the room and shuts the door. I curl up and wrap the soft pink blanket around me and let myself cry. The sobs warp my body and my tears soak through the sheets. I don't care. It's a long time before sleep finally takes me. And when it does it provides no comfort. I wake up often to more tears. I wish the nightmares were frightening. I wish I would dream of the void. Instead I dream about regret, and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. All I want is for the sun to come. I haven't seen it in so long. I miss it. I never thought it would be something I missed.

DWDWDWDWDWDW

The fourth time I wake up the room is lighter. There is warmth pouring through the window and I'm drawn to it. I slowly walk to it and part the curtains. The sight outside I wouldn't normally consider very scenic but not today. Today, it's the most beautiful thing I've seen in my life. It's so bright that I have to squint but I don't care. I close my eyes and bask in the warmth. Even with my eyes closed it's not dark anymore. It's a deep red-orange color and no longer black.

I hear a clattering sound outside my door and turn to go see what is going on. I open the door to see Rose in the kitchen. I assume she's making tea. I walk in slowly. I don't want to startle her. She looks up and sees me and gives me a little smile. I can tell that it's forced, and I know that I must look pathetic. There are dark circles under eyes so I can tell she didn't sleep well either.

"How you feeling this morning Jane?" "I've been better." She looks back at what she was doing and I know that she knows what I mean. I've never been worse either. "You hungry?" "Yeah" I sit down on the stool at the counter as she places a plate in front of me. Eggs with spinach and cheese sit in the middle of it. She places a fork by it and looks at me expectantly over her mug. I can't help the small laugh that escapes me. "What's funny?" she asks sounding slightly offended. "Nothing, I just, didn't know you cooked."

She places her tea down. "I didn't. I picked it up after getting trapped here. I needed something to do." "Didn't you start working at Torchwood?" She shrugs one shoulder. "Not at first. I was too...emotional at first. Cooking helped. After I did start working there I kept it up. It helps to keep moving." I take a bite. It's good, but I knew it would be. It smelled delicious. But even if it's the worse meal in the world I would like it. I haven't eaten in very long time.

"Maybe I should find a hobby too." She smiles sadly as she pours tea into two cups. "Yeah, that might be a good idea. Though you said you could help me." She's trying to be patient. I'm her best lead to get back to her original universe and she doesn't want to rush me, but at the same time...I'm all she's got. "Yeah. I can help. I don't know many details, but I can set you in the right direction. Get you thinking about the right solution. I'll need to talk to your best scientists, see of they can find a way to use what I know. But I have to warn you that it isn't much. I never heard all the mumbo-jumbo. Just a simple description."

She hands me the tea and presents lemon and milk and honey if I want it. I pour in the honey and stir it slowly. "It's better than nothing. You're right. The stars are going out. It won't be long before our own star dies. The consequences of that would be..." I take a long sip and then nod. There's no reason for her to finish that sentence. The thought of being in the dark again...of everyone being in the dark, it's not a pleasant thing to think about.

"We should go in today. The sooner we get started the better." Rose looks at me thoughtfully. "Are you sure you want to do that. You might want to rest more, so our mind can think straight." "I need to do something Rose. You understand that don't you? You wouldn't have started cooking of you didn't." She takes a deep breath and then releases it slowly. "Okay. You can take a shower. The bathroom is through that door. I'll leave something for you to borrow in the room you slept in." "Thank you." I watch as she goes through another door. I assume it leads to her room. I look down and see that I managed to finish eating. I didn't even notice. I down the rest of my tea and then head to the bathroom. I hope a shower will make feel at least halfway human again.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

When I get back into 'my' room there is a pair of gray drawstring sweatpants and a white and purple tee with some socks on top. I get dressed and put on my own shoes and my red hoodie. The familiar covering is comforting to me. I finger comb my hair back into the high pony tail. It's easier to keep it out of my face.

When I come out Rose is grabbing her keys off the counter. She hears me enter and turns to face me. "Ready to go?" I nod and we head out the door to the same black car from last night. The driver stands holding the door open as Rose slides into the seat. For the first time I take note of his appearance. "You're ginger," I say without thinking. "Yes," he says holtly. "Is that a problem?" "No, no. Just making an observation that's all. He nods and I get into the car.

"Do you want to go the back way today Miss Rose." "Yes Danny, that would be great." I shoot a questioning look at Rose. She answers my silent question. "Danny is my driver slash sort of bodyguard. He lives just a few doors down from me. My dad hired him after I moved out." It sounds like something Pete would do. "Why'd you move out." "My little brother was born. I don't plan on staying here forever, I'd rather he not get too attached."

"Wouldn't it be better for him to grow attached and then miss you rather than to have no one to miss but a story?" Rose shrugs. "Maybe." "Or maybe you're the one who doesn't want to get attached." She looks at me sharply and I know I shouldn't have said it. "I get that I'm at a disadvantage not knowing you when you know me, but Id appreciate you not using your knowledge against me." "I don't make promises. They're too easily broken." She accepts this with an incline of her head and we continue in silence.

It's true that I don't make promises. My parents promised to stay together, my dad promised to come home sooner, I promised to be careful while traveling. Promises that are all broken now. The plane wasn't my fault, but in my mind I'm still traveling. And what I'm doing now is definitely not me being careful. Promises are lies told in advance. Of course now, I'm living a lie. What would one more be?

I'm broken from my musing when the car stops. The driver, Danny opens my door and I get out, followed by Rose. "Thanks Danny." "You're welcome Miss Rose. Miss Jane." With that Danny got back into the car and I followed Rose into the Torchwood office, Canary wharf.

We make our way through checkpoints and everyone knows Rose and greets her as Miss Tyler at every turn. She returns every one with a smile and knows their names and asks questions about their families. It's impressive how much she remembers. When we make it to the lab, Mickey is already there with several others I don't recognize and a couple I do. Pete Tyler and Jake Simmons.

"Hi dad." "Hi sweetheart." Rose and Pete greet each other with a hug. "Mickey tells me that this girl came through the void last night." "Yeah, dad this is Jane, Jane this is my dad, Pete Tyler, the director of Torchwood." "Nice to meet you sir," I say as I shake his hand. He smiles kindly at me and I feel like I can breathe again. He's a man I want to stay on the good side of.

"You've met Mickey Smith. This is Jake Simmons." "Hello." Jake looks at me with narrow eyes. I can tell that he and Mickey spend a lot of time together. If I don't earn some respect soon I doubt either of them will ever accept me. "Look, you don't have to trust me, you don't even have to like me. But the darkness is spreading not just through this universe but through the entire multiverse. You have no choice but to listen to me. All I ask is that you at least try to look at me like you don't hate me and wish I was dead. Give me a chance before you decide I'm a threat. Let me prove myself. Because like it or not I'm all you got."

Mickey and Jake exchange a look and I can see the silent conversation. They seem to come to an agreement and they both give me a nod. So, I guess I got their attention, maybe a little respect but I don't want to take too much too soon. "Okay. Thank you." "Why don't we step into the conference room and you can brief us on the situation Jane." With that, the three of us follow Director Tyler out of the lab and down the hall to a large room with a lot of chairs around a big table. A typical conference room.

They all sit while I remain standing. Pete asks the question, "So what exactly are we looking at here? Why are the stars disappearing?" They all look at me expectantly and my head spins. I notice a white board and walk toward it as I gather my thoughts. What is the situation? Well, Daleks are stealing planets to make a weapon to destroy all matter. I think back to journey's end. Rose showed up with a gun. So did Mickey. Big guns, and they weren't surprised. They knew what they were dealing with. Which means it's safe to tell them that.

By this time I have absentmindedly picked up a marker. I pull off the cap and write on the board. D-A-L-E-K.


	3. Chapter 3

**There is some alcohol consumption and mention of child abuse in this chapter. It's very mild but just to be safe I'm warning you now. Hard T, soft M rating. You can decide. **

**Disclaimer: still doesn't need saying. But that's because I'm in denial. :P**

Chapter 3-

_By this time I have absentmindedly picked up a marker. I pull off the cap and write on the board. D-A-L-E-K. _

The room is extremely quiet. I turn to see everyone holding their breathe. Rose looks intently at it and then at me. "Are you sure?" I nod. "Yes. I'm sure." Mickey is the next to shake himself from the shock. "But how? The Doctor said he was going to suck them into the void. Rose nearly died."

I clench my teeth and sit down. "The cult of Skaro escaped the battle of Canary Wharf and ended up in the 1930s. Dalek Sec spliced his DNA with a humans and learned emotion. The other three killed him and the Doctor managed to end two of them. But Dalek Caan escaped and ended up saving the Dalek father from the middle of the time war. He began rebuilding and now his new race of death machine squids are building a weapon that will exterminate every atom from every universe except themselves. Even time will cease to exists if we don't stop them."

"Well," Jake says brightly. "Just another day at Torchwood." Pete nods grimly. "Indeed." Rose looks at me. "So how do I get back?" I smile. This is where things are going to get interesting. "We're gonna shoot you out of a cannon." They all look at me with a slack jawed look. "What?" "You heard me. We are going to use a dimension cannon to poke holes in the dimensional wall so that we can slingshot you into other worlds."

Mickey looks agast. "We're gonna purposefully breakdown the only thing between us and worlds possibly worse than ours? The only thing that is keeping our reality intact?" I clench my teeth. "Your world isn't intact. If I'm here and the stars are going out that means that the wall is already fracturing. If we do nothing we buy a little time but if we do this we have a chance of stopping it completely. Take your pick."

"But.." "That's enough Mickey." Pete has a look of set determination on his face. "Rose, you and Mickey can brief the people you think would be good to work on this. Jake, you can take Jane around. Show her the lab, get her some clothes that fit whatever she needs." "Boss I'm not a babysitter." "Just do as I say." There was no room for argument in that. Jake still didn't look happy but there's nothing he can do about it.

We all sit there awhile longer. Me answering what feels like the same set of questions over and over again. I avoid answering what I can, and by the end of those couple hours they know as much as I think safe to tell them. It mine as we'll be everything. But I won't give away the future. I can't. I won't.

When we finish, Pete leaves while typing away on a handheld device. He is a busy man. Rose and Mickey follow suit with Jake on their heels. I continue to sit here. Everything is happening so fast and yet it's as if an eternity has passed. Jake looks back in at me. "You comin or not?" I look up at him. "Yeah." I follow him blindly out of the building and to a car.

He drives us to some sort of shopping district. It doesn't take us long to get there. I don't pay attention to what the store is. I just follow wherever he is leading me. I've no desire to care. I don't notice when he stops and I bump into him. "Watch it." "Sorry." He sighs. "You look lost." I can't help the look I give him. How could he ask that question after knowing everything I just told him and the others about the void? "You're right. That's a dumb thing to say. Why don't you just pick out some things to wear that fit you properly." He gestures to the selection in front of me.

I go through without much of an opinion. I end up just getting myself some extra underthings, a pair of jeans, a couple of tee shirts, and some pajama shorts. He tries to talk me into getting a jacket that's in better shape but I don't want to part with my hoodie. Something about it is far too comforting to part with. I realize that it has become my armor. My leather jacket, my pinstripe suit. I start to try explaining but I stop myself. I don't really see the point. He probably doesn't actually care anyway.

Before we leave I stop him. "Do you think we could get me some art supplies. Rose said it would be good for me to get a hobby." "Yeah. Right. This way then." We get me a good sketch pad and some pencils. I also talk him into getting me some charcoal. I haven't drawn anything since my parents divorced three years ago but I use to be good. Maybe I can find my way back to it.

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Jake dropped me off at Rose's apartment long before she gets back. When she does she finds me on the couch scribbling away. I'd forgotten how much drawing could make me lose track of time. "Find something to do then?" I look up from a sketch of my childhood home. "Yeah actually. I use to draw all the time but...life happened I guess. Get a lot done?" "We did actually. We have a couple of scientists who came up with some schematics. Your canon just might work."

"Of course it will. It already has remember?" "For you yes. But this world is different." I sigh. "Yeah. Can't argue with that." She kicks off her shoes and gets herself more comfortable. "I could use a drink. Want one?" I've never actually been too fond of alcohol, but tonight I could use one too. So I nod for her to bring me one.

She comes back and hands me a glass of scotch and curls up on the opposite side of the couch from me. We sit there nursing our drinks slowly without a word. Neither of us needs to talk and we don't want to either. So the clock ticks by and I lose count of my sips. We have two drinks each before finally putting the glasses in the sink.

"I still get nightmares." I look at her and see that it's more than she's told anyone else. I don't want this to turn into something about me right now. She doesn't need that and neither do I. So I don't try to turn it into that at all. "Everyone gets nightmares Rose." "I know. But it's never about the monsters. I could handle it if it was just Daleks or cybermen or even that stupid black hole but it's not. It's always _him. _Walking away. Forgetting me. I want him to find someone I do. He shouldn't travel alone but what if they never know me? What if I'm just another Sarah Jane?"

By this time she's crying and so am I. "No. Not you. He told you that. He almost said it then. That he loved you, but he was scared. He doesn't forget you. You, are brilliant. You saved him so many times and in so many ways after the war. He'd be the last to admit it. How could the last of the time lords rely so much on a stupid ape? But he did. And he does. He needs you. I don't think he would have realized how much unless he lost you."

"The beast said that I was the valiant child who would die in battle. At first I thought I was truly gonna die. And then the Doctor said I was on the list of the dead. Now... I feel dead. Like I'm a shell of myself walking around. I didn't think I'd survive being without him. I've become harsh. I don't need him and yet I do at the same time. Maybe that's how it is for him too." "Maybe. But you won't know till see him. And you will see him Rose. You'll get back. Do you believe me?"

She studies me before she answers. "Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't but I do." She wipes the tears away and I do the same. "Look at us. We're both a right mess aren't we?" I let out a mirthless laugh. "Yeah we are. A couple of broken girls from broken worlds."

When we finally get ready to go to sleep neither of us want to be alone. With some sort of silent agreement we both lie down on "my" bed. We stare at the ceiling and take comfort that we aren't alone. It's enough. At least for right now.

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Time passes slowly. More slowly than I've ever realized. Maybe time passes differently here or maybe I'm just more aware of it now. Day after day it all just ticks by leaving me feeling like I'm standing still. It's how I come to realize why the Doctor is always running. It's why he dreads the slow path. If you can move faster, you can stay ahead of the pain so it doesn't consume you.

It does consume me. But no one ever sees it. Except Rose, and even then only rarely. We fall into a pattern together. Leaning on someone who understands the similar feelings of loss and despair. We wake up early everyday and eat a breakfast she makes. Some days it tastes better than others but I would never dare say a word.

We go to Torchwood after that. There is always something needed to be done. I try to answer all the questions asked of me in the best way I can. A few weeks in, Jake shows up at Rose's office which I spend more time in than she does. I answer all the questions I can and I do some paperwork that Pete gives me so I feel like I'm always useful.

When Jake comes he brings all the documents I'll need to exists in this world. A passport and work ID, as well as a birth certificate. There's some files too. Files that explain the reason I appeared out of no where is because I was part of the Preacher operation. I was in deep cover leading up to and during the cyber invasion. All pre existing records for me before that have been destroyed. That's the official story anyway. Jake has more work to do so after I skim my official file he takes it away to archived and uploaded to the database.

I look at my work ID first. I don't have total clearance but I never expected to. I have access to research operations and the alien tech department only. Science, engineering, public relations, and a host of other things are off limits. My photo on the ID is decent enough. My face looks a little hollow and I look ragged all around but it doesn't really matter. I don't care what I look like in a photograph or in person. The name on it is the thing that really stands out to me. Jane Ryder. The name I picked when Jake asked me for one.

Rose asks me if she can see it and I hand it to her. "Why Jane Ryder?" I look at her confused. "What do you mean?" "It's not your real name. Jane I understand. It's simple and common. But why Ryder? It's not common at all." I bite my lip deciding what to say about it. The truth is that I didn't really have to think all that hard. It was name that had been on my mind for a long time. Since even before I came back to a place with light. There really isn't a reason not to explain this, so why not?

"There was a boy I knew once. He didn't it have it easy. His mom died when he was young and his dad was a drunk. Everyone knew that his bruises came from his old man but without an admission from him no one could prove it. So no one could do anything about it." I can feel that Rose is paying close attention to this story. It's the most insight into my past that I've given all at once. But I don't think about that. I just keep talking.

"I remember this boy in school. He was always so quiet. He was smart too. Got good grades and his presentations were always interesting. I think he would have made it far in life. Except he didn't. One day he didn't come to school. Unusual since he stayed out of his house as much as possible. But he didn't come the next day either. They found him a while later. Sitting in his car, an empty pill bottle on the floor, and the classical music station still playing through the speakers. There was a note on the passenger seat. 'Im sorry I was such a coward, but I'm not strong enough for this anymore. I'm tired of fighting. So I'm giving up.' There's more but that's what stuck with me."

I take in a shaky breath before continuing. "His name was Ryder Jenkins." I make eye contact with Rose at this point and I can see how sad my story has made her. "I picked the name Ryder as a reminder. A reminder that giving up should never be an option. I almost forgot that. I wanted to give up. I still do sometimes. But that day I found out that he killed himself...I told myself that it would be the one promise I wouldn't allow to be broken. That I wouldn't give up. Even though my parents divorced, even though my mom can't keep still and my dad is always working. Even though life happened. But that's the point. It's still life."

We stand looking at each other for a bit before she hands the card back to me. "Well then." She smiles at me. "It's nice to meet you Jane Ryder." I smile back at her for that. She's just accepting it as my name now. And everyone else does too. It isn't long before my co workers begin recognising me. Jane Ryder, the woman who survived the void, the woman from the dark.

They see me as their savior but it will be Rose is the end. Just as it was Ryder. He may have called himself a coward and maybe he was. But his dad got sober after that. It was his wake up call. A call that I need now. I suppose taking his name as my own is my way of making myself stronger, but it's also my way of honoring him. It's easier that way. I'd forget him otherwise. There's a lot I just want to forget. And a lot I want to remember too, but can't.

I want to forget that I'll never go home again. But it's always nagging the back of my mind. I want to remember my mother's face and my fathers voice but as the days slowly pass those things slowly fade to less than an idea. A memory of a memory, like a faded photograph that tells you you were there but you don't remember beyond the picture itself. Yet pictures fade and wrinkle. But this is a picture I'm determined to keep. I just have to take this one day at a time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry this is such a short chapter. I might post the next chapter before next Monday to make up for it. But don't hold me to that. :P**

**Disclaimer: in case it does need saying, I don't own doctor who. Unless you count Jane. She's mine. **

Chapter 4-

Every night Rose and I get back to the flat and eat while watching whatever is on. I never pay attention and she doesn't either. It's our excuse for not talking while not having to suffer the silence at the same time. It's never long before one of us heads to bed. We don't always share. Only on the nights that the nightmares make it impossible to manage the dark alone. I find that I'm still in the void. I'm still trying to find my way out of the metaphorical dark. I can almost see the humor in the thought.

Rose and I do talk from time to time. Sometimes the tellie doesn't do its job. Sometimes neither of us is brave enough to sleep. So we talk. It's always about nothing. But nothing can fill the time better than anything else.

We ask the stupid questions. Favorite color: mine is red and hers is pink. No surprise there. Favorite kind of day: crisp and sunny. Least favorite person in school. Dream house growing up. Pets. Favorite and least favorite foods, animals, songs, movies, books. Slowly we get closer. Slowly, she's more than a character on a TV show I once watched. Slowly, she begins to accept me more than she did before. It's the difference between trust and faith. Acquaintances and friends.

Day 56 is when I meet her mother. I'm nervous the whole way there, and seriously don't want to go. But Rose keeps telling me that if I want to stay with her than Mrs. Tyler is going to want to know who I am. Jackie already had a dinner planned and I've been advised not to miss it.

So we go. But I go under protest. There's no reason to knock when we get there since it's Rose's family. We just walk in. A little blond boy came barreling around the corner almost immediately. "Wosie! Wosie! Look! I 'av a hairplane!" The smile on his face and excitement in his voice is contagious. I can't help but give a grin at how he throws himself into his sister's arms. It's obviously Tony. "Do you now?" Rose examines the little toy airplane that he shows her so happily. "It's very nice."

She smiles at him and puts him down since he is squirming and doesn't want to be held. He runs off shouting to his dad that "Wosie likes my plane and you should get 'er one too!" I look at Rose and see she still has a little smile. "How old is he?" "Two. But he'll tell ya he's two and a half." I nod my understanding. A typical toddler determined to grow up. What I wouldn't give to be so young again. Things were so much simpler then.

Dinner is served almost immediately after that. We sit down at the table and I get properly introduced. Things are calm at first. But of course Tony is determined to make a mess of the pasta and Jackie keeps scolding his manners. She fusses per him and Rose is equal measure if in different ways. Pete wisely stays quiet throughout her tangents, smiling at me apologetically from time to time. I try to convey that I don't really mine.

Then of course the topic of conversation turns to me. We tell a bit more about how I got here though I leave out as many details as possible. Jackie try's asking about my past but I make it clear that it's not option for discussion. She proceeds to lecture me on rudeness. I respond how any Whovian would. "Well that's me. Rude and not ginger. Jackie gives me a funny look but get destructed by Tony dropping his silly cup. Pete notices nothing as far as I can tell. But Rose looks at me with an odd expression. She's remembering I can tell, but she's also upset I think. I catch her eye and mumble a sorry that she seems to accept.

Dinner continued with no more mishaps. The drive home isn't awkward per say but it's far from comfortable either. "You knew him well." I look at her surprised. "You figured that already." "Yeah but...I haven't heard you quote him before." I'm sure she has, just not an episode she knows. But I won't tell her that. "I'm sorry if I shouldn't have done that." "No it's fine. I do it too. I spent so much time with him. I'm bound to pick up some of what he said. He always had a bit of a gob on him." "True."

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When Rose and Jane got back to the flat Jane headed straight to bed, but Rose stays awake on the couch for a while longer. What Jane said at dinner sends her deep in thought. She's such a reminder of him. Again.

It's almost painful for Rose sometimes to have to see so many things that are characteristic of him. Yet at the same time it's comforting. Almost as if Jane was sent here to be the motivator to get back to him.

It's strange just how much Jane knows and yet how little she does too. On one hand she knows details of certain conversations and where they went and who they met and who died. Other times it was like she knew nothing. Like she was only there for the dangerous parts. Like she couldn't see the whole picture.

Maybe she didn't travel with them all the time? Maybe she was only there on certain trips? It doesn't really matter though. Who cares how much she knows or how she knows it? Getting home is all that matters. It was a long time before Rose realized that home didn't mean or original universe. It didn't even mean the TARDIS. It meant him. It meant the Doctor.

Oh how she missed him. The traveling too. She missed seeing new worlds and holding his hand while exploring them. She missed all of it. This universe just wasn't the same. It felt wrong. It didn't seem to like her. It always felt...itchy. She thinks it's probably because she never existed here before.

Which brings her back to the fact that Jane didn't either. Or maybe she did or still does. Without her real name she can't look her up. Which brings her back to the Doctor. She never knew his real name either. Always just the Doctor, always just Jane Ryder.

Brown eyed small little Jane Ryder. The best word that comes to mind to describe her enigmatic. Which reminds her of the Face of Boe and New Earth and the Doctor again.

Around and around her mind spins like this. Each thought leading her between two major figures in her life. The Doctor and Jane. Even after all this time of not seeing him and even after such a short time of knowing her, they each have somehow become the things that never stray from her thoughts.

It's hours before she goes to bed. And when she does her dreams continue the same train of thought as her musings on the couch. It's a dream that leaves Rose feeling a bit insecure in how everything will work out. If Jane is sort of like her, does she love the Doctor too? And did her Doctor love her back? Rose decides it's a question that should not be answered. But her mind won't stop asking.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry. I know I said I might give you this one early but life got in the way. Anyway, I still own nothing (except Jane Ryder)

Chapter 5-

One hundred days. That is how long it has been. From the day I got here until now it has been one hundred days. One hundred days of the same thing. I get up, go to work, answer questions, test the cannon, do paperwork, come back to the flat I won't call home, eat take away with Rose and then go to bed.

This is what my existence has been reduced to but it's more than it was one hundred days ago. Truly though it's the days long before that that I miss. The days of school and homework and playing cards with my old man, speaking with my mom on the phone in the middle of the night because she forgot the time difference.

This one hundredth day starts like any other. Without ceremony, marked only by the fresh tears that run down my face. But as always, i wipe them away and soldier on. But even though the day starts the same, as it progresses it becomes apparent that it will become a particularly bad day.

At work, Pete seems to be stressed with everything going on. And it doesn't help that Tony has a flu. Mickey is just plain cranky from over work and Jake isn't much better. Rose is increasingly getting on my nerves. I liked her on the show. I did. She was real to me, probably because she was the first companion I knew. I never understood why some people hated her. But now I totally get it.

Her love for the doctor now seems borderline obsessive to me. Though I do understand it to an extent, living with her is getting on my nerves. Today she seems particularly bad. Or maybe it's just me. One hundred days. I've been living with her for one hundred days and we have had little arguments. All roommates do. She has the annoying habit of leaving her make up out on the bathroom counter. And she hates the fact that I get charcoal everywhere when I draw with it but I don't actually care.

Today, I'm just fuming. It's too hot outside and too cold inside. People are talking way too loud and I can't hear myself think. I snip at everyone but really can't bring myself to care. But it just escalates all day. And then Rose left work early because she was too "distracted."

I get home to find her crying on the couch. "What's wrong Rose?" I say it with an exasperated tone but seriously. I had a sucky day too. Am I crying? "Nothing, it's just. I miss him you know. And the cannon still isn't working. One of the technicians got burned today." "Is he alright?" I ask because it's polite. "He'll be fine."

A new burst of tears comes out. I set my things down and then I just can't take it anymore so I rage on her. "Why the hell are you crying about it? You said he's going to be fine." Her tears start showing anger but I cut her off before she gets indignant. "And if this is just about the doctor I don't bloody care. We're working on it. You get back. Happy ever after, the end. And you're sitting here with running mascara because you haven't seen him in awhile. Grow up Rose! You don't really need him you know. He's just a guy. An extraordinary one but that changes nothing. You're getting worked up over him and putting him up on a pedestal that his ego certainly doesn't need. Not to mention what he does for yours. I don't think you love him, you don't know the meaning of the word, you just are hopelessly and obsessively sick over a man who is centuries older than you!"

"How dare you!" Rose Tyler stands in her righteous fury and gets in my face and I get right back in hers. "How dare you say that I don't love him. I've given everything for him! I've been willing to die for him more than once, and I still am! That man deserves someone who can just be there and I was and I want to be. Not because he's good for my ego." She's practically spitting in my face and I'm reminded of the wolf for which she was named, growling and snapping at its enemy. And she keeps going.

"I've lost everything Jane. My home and the man I love and I'm doing everything I can to get back but I'm only human so excuse me if I have to cry over it from time to time!" This is just rich and I can't help how I explode over this. "YOU'VE LOST EVERYTHING!?" I start laughing. "You better look at who you're talking to before you start going to make claims like that."

"Look at you. You have a mom who loves you and a little brother who worships you. You gained a dad. A dad that you didn't have before but he doesn't love you any less. You have a nice flat, and a personal driver, and a best friend who loves you and is there for you during all of this. You lost the man you loved so what?!" At least she has the decently to look a little chastised but I'm on a roll now and have no intention of stopping.

"I would give anything to have just ONE person who knows me. One person who knows my real name, and understands why all of this is so horrible for me. I don't have my parents here. I will never see them again. Or my friends. Or the rest of my family. I'll never sleep in my own bed. There was a boy I sort of liked that I know liked me. But I'll never get that first date he promised me for when I got back to England. I spent what felt like years, alone in the dark. I have nothing from my past but the clothes I had on my back and the things that were in my pockets which really wasn't much. Don't talk talk to me about losing everything. I've lost everything. Even the doctor emerged from the time war with more. At least he had his TARDIS, his true home. I have nothing. All I've got is an ungrateful, self absorbed, love sick puppy for a roommate."

I stand there looking at her, with heavy breath after my speech. And I feel empowered by the fact that she looks hurt and defeated. But I realize everything I had said and no matter how true it is I still feel mad at myself for saying it. The guilt and the exhaustion of realizing that I really do have nothing breaks me down, and I start sobbing.

It's the first time that I've cried for myself in front of anyone. Any other times that I've shown this weakness it has been for her pain, for these peoples pain. Not mine. I don't protest when she takes me into her arms. I curl up on her on the couch and I cry like a child as she strokes my hair. I know she's saying she's sorry and that I'm right but I don't really hear the words themselves. It's more like I can feel their meaning.

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Jane's words hit Rose like a freight train. It isn't until that moment that she realizes just how selfish she really has been. And when Jane falls apart in front of her she doesn't hesitate to bring her in and hold her. This girl who hasn't seemed so young until just now. This girl who has held her through her tears when all along she was the one with a real reason to cry.

"It's okay Jane. Shhh. Shhh. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. So sorry. I have been so selfish and I've taken you for granted and taken advantage of you when all along you've been hurting so much inside. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. It's okay. You're okay." She murmurs to her whole she rocks her back and forth letting Jane cry herself out.

Eventually Jane falls asleep and Rose doesn't have the strength to move her or the heart to wake her to go to bed. So she maneuvers them into the most comfortable position she can and falls asleep too.

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Over the next little while i feel much better. And Rose is better too. The complaints and the pinning stop. Rose becomes more interested in my past but we still stay away from anything too deep. I can't risk telling her something I shouldn't.

It doesn't get easier exactly but I begin to feel a little more relaxed. It's far from comfortable but I doubt that I'll ever be comfortable here. Or anywhere ever again. I'm always going to feel lonely and out of place but I'm thankful I'm here.

After my speech to Rose about how she should be grateful for what she does have I start trying to do the same. I'm still alive. Which is always a plus. I'm in a universe that I at least semi-know. It could've been a lot worse. I could've ended up in a zombie apocalyptic world. I shutter at the thought of that. I was never one for straight up horror movies. The Blink episode is about as close to horror I will get.

I'm thankful that I even landed at all. I could've been trapped in the void forever. I may have died in there eventually or maybe my original guess is right and I never would have aged or anything. Just been there for eternity. I'm still sane. Or at least as sane as one can be after a traumatic plane crash, basically solitary confinement before ending up in a fictional world. Maybe I'm not sane at all actually but I don't think I'm that far out. Does an insane person know they're crazy? I'm pretty sure someone would have told me if I was so I just count it as something to be glad about an move on.

I'm not alone here. I have a place to sleep, and food to eat, and tasks that keep my mind occupied. I've found a reason to live. Get Rose back to the Doctor. Make sure the story plays out properly. It's a purpose that gives me a direction to go.

So I prepare. There's not much I can do about the cannon anymore and paperwork isn't all that exciting so I open up my own secret project with Mickey's help. I tell him that there is a possibility that a man will have to come here from the other universe so that he can recover. I tell him that I can't give any more particulars than that.

He doesn't like it. He's suspicious but after I keep bothering about it he finally relents and gives me access to document software. With the meta crisis in mind I start building him a back story. I create a birth certificate with the name James Meta Nobel. I don't know if he'll like it or not but he can always have it legally changed when he gets here.

I do some research and find that during the Cyber War there was a Scottish village that was destroyed that no one knows the name of. There were no survivors. So I slowly learn how to hack computers and change information in the records. The town gets the name Gallifrey. But I leave the no survivors.

The story morphs until I get what I think he can work with well enough. James Meta Nobel, son of Christopher and Sarah Jane Nobel, lived in Gallifrey with his twin brother John Theta and his older sister Donna until the cybermen attacked.

He was the only survivor and joined the Preachers almost immediately in the aftermath to avenge his families death. He was pronounced dead with the rest to help protect him and the Preachers. When the war ended he continued to work as a ghost, tracking down and destroying all traces of cybermen resistance.

I set up this skeleton of a story so that it would be easy for him the full in the details. He and Rose could figure out how they met and all that stuff. James Nobel was now a man who once existed in this universe but died. But after the return to bad wolf bay he could be brought back with ease. If for some reason nothing went according to plan and my presence changes something (I don't know how it would) then James can simply stay a dead man who no one will miss.

With all that happening around me, time begins to move at what feels to be a more natural pace. Jake and Mickey warm up to me and the four of us, the boys and Rose and I, begin to bond into close friends. We train together and I learn how to defend myself with techniques I can't pronounce and weapons that shouldn't exist. The weapons make me just as uncomfortable as Rose but it is something to do, something to learn. And I become good enough at it to earn Mickey and Jake's repect.

That fight on my one hundredth day was so very needed. I'm glad it happened. It made Rose better and helped me gain closer friends than I've had in a long time. Maybe ever. And even though it's a bit of a lie to myself, I think it anyway. Everything's going to be fine. And when Rose tells me cheekily one day that she's always wanted a sister, I think that maybe some lies have a grain of truth to them. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the feedback 10 Squad 3rd Seat! :D I'm going to start spreading the dialogue out. It does definitely read better so thank you. **

**Nobel. Oops. (*grins sheepishly*) It should be Noble as in Donna Noble. Thanks for catching that. **

**Alright. The sooner we move forward, the sooner I can make the cannon work and then the real adventure can start. (*rubs hands together*) So, Allons-y! **

**Disclaimer: still waiting for BBC to give it to me but...at least Jane is mine. **

I needed a new pair of jeans. Mine were getting a holes in them all over the place. I don't normally get them unless I put them there so it's a bit odd. Then again, I have been walking everywhere. Even with access to the Tyler car and Roses driver I still didn't use it that much. I didn't like Danny much anyway. He reminded me of Donna in a way, with his sassy nature and take no prisoners attitude and I love donna. But seeing her as a guy is just...no. Just no. That's all I can say about it. N-O.

But anyway, that is the reason I find myself at the department store. Looking for a good pair of comfortable jeans. It's really not that hard so I go to move on when I pass a rack that catches my eye. It's filled with leather jackets that are on clearance. And one in particular stands out to me. It's blue. Almost TARDIS blue but not quite right. I move over to it and take off the rack, slipping it on to see if it's really like the one I'm thinking of.

I turn to look at the mirror that isn't too far from me I smirk slightly. It is. It has to be. Even though it's been too long for me to really remember details anymore, I remember enough. This is the jacket that Rose wears when she's dimension hopping. I get out my journal just to be sure.

A few months ago I got my self a journal so that I could write some important things down. I started at the beginning. Season one, episode one. I moved through the list in the order that I could remember even though I know it isn't exactly right, and record everything about that episode that I can remember.

So I flip through the pages until I find the drawing that I did of that leather jacket. According to my memory, it's almost perfect. Which has got to mean that it is, since my memory isn't. It strikes me for a moment that my little book is a lot like that Journal of impossible things that John Smith had in the family of blood episode. Or was it journal of impossible dreams not things? I don't remember but I figure it doesn't matter.

I head home with both my new comfy jeans and a blue leather jacket that I know Rose will love. On the way, I pick up some curry or dinner. It's one thing that I admit is better in this universe. The curry back home was never so delicious. I always liked it, but here it is absolutely devine. And I know Rose agrees, and it's my turn to pick up dinner so I stop at the little Thai place to get it.

Rose gets home not long after me and let's out a huff as she flops on the couch.

"Do I smell curry?" I laugh.

"Of course."

"Mmm. I know we had it like three days ago but I was totally craving it today. You read my mind."

"No. I just really wanted it again. It's just lucky that you agree with me."

I hand her the bowl of deliciousness and sit down with mine.

"Well, great minds think alike." I nod in agreement since my mouth is already full.

We eat in silence. The curry is far too good to be talked over. But as we finish up and start to head back to couch to turn on the tellie I grab the bag and toss it to Rose.

"Oi. What's this?"

"I saw it at the store today and thought you'd like it."

She takes it out and unfolds it. She turns it back and forth before slipping it on. She steps over to the hall mirror and looks it over. Turing this way and that before getting a big grin on her face.

"It's perfect. I love it."

"I knew you would."

And I settle in for old reruns of a show that hadn't existed back home. And then she places a box in my lap. I raise an eyebrow at her and she indicates that she wants me to open it. So I do. Inside, there is a set of earrings shaped like bows with a matching necklace. Three little red bows a neat in the box.

"You're always wearing that shirt that says bow ties are cool on it. I thought I'd better get you some actual cool bows before you decided you should actually start wearing a tie."

I feel my eyes tear up as I finger them and them I start giggling.

"Yeah. That's smart thinking. Thank you, but why? You didn't have to get me these."

"You didn't have to get me a jacket either. Besides. Next week is our anniversary."

She says the last part with her tongue touch grin but sad eyes and I cock my head at her.

She smiles sadly and says, "Next week will be the first year anniversary that you came here."

"Ah. Well, happy anniversary."

"Happy anniversary." We then turn our attention back to the tellie.

I only half pay attention though. I still laugh at all the jokes and such but my thoughts remain on our conversation. 365 days. That's how long I've been here. I stopped counting after day 100. It was better that way. I needed to focus on other things, rather than counting days as if I was a prisoner. I really wasn't one.

When the canon is working I know that in all likelihood I could simply go home. I could find my dimension just like Rose will find hers. But Rose asked me why I wouldn't do that a little while ago. And I told her the truth. My family thinks that I'm dead. If I go back, it wouldn't make sense. Because they would see how much I'd changed. My dad could read me far too easily.

If I went back and no time had passed, I still would be aged a year. Maybe not noticeable to most but it would be a big difference to me. If I went back and 20 years had passed, or 100 year... My world wouldn't understand it. How could I have survived and not aged? What if my family was already dead? But it's really not a question of what ifs. What if is an excuse. No. Bottom line, if I go back, I would destroy what my family believes to be true about the world. I would destroy the beliefs of a lot of people and with it, their hope. Give me the title of destroyer of worlds any day. But never make me the destroyer of hope. I couldn't ever live with that.

My faith is shattered. Why would I take it from anyone else? How can I go home after learning about all this? The answer is, I can't. I'm not strong enough or brave enough for that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Ok, I need a break from all the heavy stuff so this chapter is going to be a bit more fluffy than the rest of this story. Just basically your average friends night out with a healthy dose of crazy. :}**

**(Warning for alcohol consumption.)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own DW or the Wizard of Oz. **

I'm sitting in Rose/my office when she and Mickey come bursting through the door.

"Oi, guys, watch it or you'll break the door. What has you flying around like monkeys?"

Mickey gives me an odd look, "That really doesn't make sense but wot'ever."

Rose then cuts in, "We did it."

I look her in the eye and see the excitement I've only seen on screen before.

"You mean..."

They both nod vigorously.

"The canon works! We had successful tests run today. I can start jumping in a couple days."

Mickey doesn't look as excited by the last point.

"I still don't think you should be the one to jump."

"Don't be that way Mickey, I can handle it. Besides, we need to find the Doctor and I'm your best shot at doing it."

"You're the boss babe."

Jake came in and Rose swept him into a hug. The news was quickly shared and it was universally decided that we should all go out to celebrate that night.

"With the world ending you got t'live a little." Jake's new favorite saying. So that's how we ended up at the pub.

Rose insisted that we get dressed up for the night out. So we dug into her closet to find all the cocktail dresses that she has acquired for Vitex events over the last couple years. She settles on a midnight blue, capped sleeve number with a cinched waist. Her TARDIS key hangs around her neck and matches the silver heels she wears with it.

At first, I try to wear her simple black shift, but she won't have any of it and somehow manages to get me into a deep purple halter. I've never worn anything like it and keep trying to pull it down to cover my legs but then have to tug it up again until Rose finally smacks me and tells me to stop fussing. So instead i twirl the dangling black earrings and readjust the straps on my black heels.

We step into the pub in our made up glory, me trying to hide in my discomfort and rose simply accepting the attention while at the same time managing to intimidating enough to ward off would be suitors. We catch the boys waving to us from a booth in the corner and head over to them.

"Hey boys."

Rose slides in next to Mickey while I slide in next to Jake who gives me a nod of approval after his once over inspection.

"You clean up nice. I just might have to buy you a drink."

I return his cheeky smile.

"You better."

Mickey just nods at both of us. "You two are definitely a sight for sore eyes."

The first round heads our way and we toast to the cannon project, and they toast me for my help. The night goes on and we decide to head to the club up the street for more variety. The music is loud and we have to shout at each other but who cares. It's the most fun I've had since I got here, the most relaxed I've been since I boarded that plane so long ago.

"Hey babe, let's dance."

Rose laughs as Mickey drags her out onto the floor.

"May I have the honor m'lady?"

I giggle at Jake's formal tone and allow myself to get swept away too. Have way through the second song Jake spins me away and I end up with Mickey and Rose ends up with Jake.

"Ya know, I'm glad ya ended up 'ere. Ya've done Rose a lot of good."

I look at Mickey and say what I really feel at the moment.

"I'm glad too. She's done me some good also."

We all stop for another round but head out again and some point Rose is my partner before I end up with Jake again. At the end of the old swing song he dips me and plants a big kiss on my lips and I know it's all in jest so I laugh and slap his arm.

"Oi. I don't know where that's been."

"Oh. You wound me."

Rose and I head to the restroom and on our way back to our "dates" we get stopped by a couple of dudes who are little too pushy and Rose gets angry and starts shouting like her mum and then Jake and Mickey stalk over then it got a bit ugly. That's how we got thrown out. Our laughter echoes off the streets and we can't stop. My mind is a bit hazy but who cares? I'm actually laughing.

Jake looks at us and says, "We should go to my place. It's closer and we can sleep it off."

We all giggle and the four of us link arms before heading in the direction of his flat. I don't know why but I start singing and then they join in.

"_We're off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of oz. Because, because, because of all the wonderful things he does..." _

DWDWDWDWDW DWDWDWDWDW

We stumble into the flat giggling like teenagers.

"Got anything to drink?"

Of course Mickey is looking for more to drink. Jake stumbles over to the fridge and trips over nothing which causes the rest of us to roar with laughter.

"Ooh. I got chocolate milk."

Rose grins. "Yes! Lay it on me, and make it a double."

"Ditto!"

We all sit around his kitchen island and he slips and lands on his bum which of course ignites another bout of crazy.

"You're like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz!"

Rose seems very happy with that assessment and Jake smiles good naturedly while pouring us each a glass of chocolate milk. Mickey looks like a light bulb comes on.

"Oh! Flying monkeys!"

I giggle at him. "That was this morning!"

"So if Jake's the scarecrow that makes me the the wizard right?"

Rose and I glance at each other and do that thing. You know when you spend a lot of time with someone you can read their mind.

"More like the cowardly lion!"

Mickey's smile fades and Jake mentions how creepy our unison comment was before he laughs.

"I am not the cowardly lion!"

"No?"

I drag Rose to a more open space to demonstrate. I fall on my knees and throw my arms around her.

"Don't go. It's alien. It's scary. It will eat me. Like the trash can! Waaaa!"

Rose quickly picks up on the game and begins doing the same, grappling onto me and slaking my shoulders.

"Don't do it rose! It's too dangerous! Be the tin dog!"

We fall on the floor in a fit.

"If he's the tin dog doesn't that make him more like the tin man."

"Why, Rose is the one without a heart."

"Oi! Watch it Mickey."

And Jake points to me. "I vote that Jane is Dorthy. She likes red like those shoes."

Rose and Mickey seem to agree.

"That settles it. Jane is Dorthy, Jake is the scarecrow, Mickey is the lion..."

"And Rose is the tin man."

"Three, two, one, chug!"

And with that we down the chocolate milk in our glasses laughing and hiccuping along the way.

DWDWDWDWDW DWDWDWDWDW

I wake up with a headache. Not surprising really. Rose calls Danny and we head home to watch cartoons a day. Of course while doing that Rose also manages to do some more research on the cannon.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day she makes the first jump. And I find myself a little worried about it. I know everything will be just fine but still. I'm worried. I actually know these people now. When bad stuff happened before I was sad on a superficial level. If, when something happens now it will break my heart.

"You look worried."

I look at Rose. "Why do you say that?"

She smirks at me. "You're biting your nails."

I realize she's right. It's been awhile since I've bitten them but, old habits die hard. "Oops."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

She looks dubious at me. "You're nervous about the jump aren't you."

"Well, yeah. Even knowing the future doesn't mean I'm worried free. After all, time can be rewritten."

She bites her lip in thought. "Would it make you feel better if you came with me?"

My head snaps to look at her. "You want me to jump with you?"

"Well I could use the help couldn't I? Besides. Dad and Mickey would feel better if you came with me the first time. We don't exactly know what's going to be on the other side."

I can't argue with that. She's totally right. And I'm out of things to do. I can't really do anything now until I can start mentioning Donna. Then I can explain how that is all suppose to go.

"Yeah. Yeah I'll go."

Rose gives me hug. "Thank you. Here. You better read up on the cannon too. Make sure you understand it."

She hands me some files and for the rest of the day we go through them. Tomorrow we make the jump. Tomorrow is the start of all of it. And I don't know whether to be happy or not.

Part of me wants to change it. To make it so that Rose ends up on the TARDIS with the Doctor, and that Donna remembers. But I don't know how to do that. If the meta crisis doesn't exist, everyone dies. And I already have a set up for him. I can't interfere. But maybe I can help with the aftermath. That will be my next purpose. Make sure that Rose and the human Doctor get a happy ending.


	8. Chapter 8

**Important note: I have two separate plot lines for this story that I really like. One follows cannon and the other goes AU. Across the Dark is going to follow the AU and I'm going to start writing the cannon and will eventually post it under an as yet undecided title. It will be obvious when we get to the point that the split will happen. **

**Disclaimer: You get the point. **

Today is the day. The first jump for the dimension cannon. Pete Tyler has little to say against authorizing me to join her and gives me the go ahead straight away. Mickey seems to be a little more comfortable with the idea as well. I'm not surprised when Rose comes in wearing the blue leather jacket over a pinkish tee and jeans. And when she sees me wearing my bow tie necklace with my red hoodie she smiles.

"What is with you and that jacket?"

"What's with the Doctor and his pinstriped suit? Don't question me about it when he's out there, running across the universe in the same outfit over hundreds of years."

"He's going to wear a pinstripe suit for hundreds of years? How long do his bodies last?"

"You never asked him?"

She shakes her head.

"I'm not sure exactly how long really. But I know that one of his bodies lasted roughly 1100 years."

The look on her face is priceless. I'd laugh but the thought isn't happy for me. It just reminds me of when Eleven regenerated. It was almost like he was talking right to me during that. _I'll always remember when the Doctor was me. _Not the time to be thinking about that.

We head into the lab where the cannon is. I'm not surprised that it is the same room I ended up in over a year ago. It's the weakest point in the void. Rose's TARDIS key is hooked up so that we can land as close to him as possible. But we have to find the right universe first, and I doubt we'll get that on the first go.

A technician injects us with a tracker. It's an easier way to pull us back than a big yellow button. If something happens and we get hurt or even with a simple mental command, the tracker will sense our distress and pull us back. Also, it will automatically pull us back if we are gone for more than three days. The show never mentioned this technology so I had no idea about it until now. I rather think it's a clever idea, and it does explain how Rose seemed to travel without a big yellow button.

"Good luck."

"It's not about luck Jake."

"All the same."

I smile at this little exchange between Rose and Jake.

"You two watch yourselves." Rose sighs in exasperation at Mickey. And then Pete speaks.

"Be careful."

I grin at this and decide to respond. "Aren't we always?"

We both choose to ignore his snort of protest. I don't know why he's being like that. It's not like either of us has gotten into much trouble since I've been here. There have been zero alien invasions or contact period but that's because the whole universe is freaking out about the stars. So many have lost their homes and lives along with their suns. No aliens, no trouble. Until now though.

We don't know what's on the other side. Not even I do. We could immediately start finding the right places to look, but I doubt it will be that simple. And the first jump was never mentioned on the show. So I brace myself for the countdown. Ten. Pinstripes and hair. Nine. Leather and ears. Eight. Waistcoat and poetry. Seven. Question marks, need I think of anything else? Six. Multicolored coat and a bad attitude. Five. Cricket and asparagus. Or was it celery? Definitely celery. Four. The longest scarf ever. Three. Stuck on earth with a car named Bessie. Two. A wimp with a recorder and a badass Scottish friend. One. An old man with a dream. Just the beginning.

"Geronimo!" I can't help but shout it. Honestly. Too good to pass up. It's easier to do this than how I did it before. It doesn't burn like lightning. It's more tingly. Like when your foot is asleep and you can feel all the prickles. Except, now I feel it with my whole body. Even my brain feels like it's stinging slightly. And then it's over and my stomach feels like I've just been on an upside down roller coaster and I feel dizzy.

I hear a groan but I don't know if that's Rose or me. Probably both of us. I let myself fall to the ground so that I can get my equilibrium back. Then as soon as it has hit me, the sick feeling goes away and I'm perfectly fine. I slowly stand up and take in my surroundings. We're in a forest of some kind. The trees are enormous and the birds twittering away are both beautiful music and obnoxious car alarms. The wind blows through the branches and they sound like wind chimes. It's almost like the whole forest is singing.

"It's beautiful," I breathe. "Yeah, it is." Rose is standing next to me with the same awe struck look on her face. Another wind comes through and we both feel a bit chilled. The light is soft and seems to be darkening further.

"It's getting dark. We'd better find a place to stay warm."

"Agreed."

I hate the dark. For obvious reasons. I can handle it if I have to, but it still makes me feel cold and alone. The dark is my fear. That's really why we need to find a place for light. So we head in the direction that would be south as long as it's the same cycle in this world as ours. We assume that the sun sets in the west so we keep it on our right until we come to a place suitable enough to make a fire. Even with our jackets it's a bit chilly.

We make a small fire using the lighter in my pocket and we chew some gum that was in hers. We sit alternately staring at the flames and the sky.

"Do you think he's here?"

I look at my friend and tell her the truth.

"No. I don't. I don't recognise this place. He could be but...this universe feels off too. But that won't mean anything coming from me. What's it feel like to you?"

She sighs.

"Itchy. It feels itchy. This isn't my universe. I thought it could be yours. Then we could ask your Doctor to help find mine."

"Itchy is a good way to put it."

I don't contradict her. Even though my Doctor could do nothing, being a work of fiction, but she doesn't know that and never will. Sometimes I've come close to telling her. But then I think about how I would feel if someone told me they had watched my life, joy and pain, and called it entertainment. I'd hate the idea of it, and I would hate the person who told me. It's better this way. To let her believe what I've never said was false. That's something I've learned in this new life of mine. Sometimes saying nothing is far more effective than the most clever of lies.

As we sit here next to the fire I remember something important.

"You can't tell anyone your name here."

"Why not?"

"We might end up messing with something we shouldn't. We're going to go to a lot of worlds. It's not a good idea for them to know your name. Names have power."

"Then if anyone asks I'll just say my name is Miss Wolf."

"Only if they ask."

"What should we call you then?"

"Miss Ryder works fine."

She raises her eyebrow at me. I answer her silent question.

"Jane Ryder isn't my real name. You know that. It doesn't matter if anyone knows it. It has no power on me."

"You keep saying that. Names have power. What do you mean."

I look at the sky and I begin to tell an abbreviated version of when the Doctor met Shakespeare. I tell her about the creatures that use word science instead of numbers. I tell her how the right words can manipulate things. And that the power of a name is old magic. I don't tell her that the Doctor and Martha lived it with Shakespeare. I don't tell her that it was an adventure. I spout the facts like I read them in a text book. Who knows, maybe there is a text book that teaches these things.

We take turns sleeping and keeping watch. When the sun finally starts to come up again, we erase the last traces of our camp and begin walking again. We need to find water, because that's where the people will be. And water normals runs south. So we head west which was good because there was a river, heading straight south. And we follow it.

It's only a few hours since sunrise that we come across a small village. There aren't a whole lot of people but they are all bustling about with their work. Like everyone has a job to do and they do as efficiently as possible. The scene is like something out of medieval times. Everyone is dressed in Renaissance style clothing and there is an old fashioned water well in the middle of what is the town square I suppose though it is very small.

There are horses and sheep besides the people. I also notice a small stray dog searching for scraps in an alleyway. As conspicuous as we should appear to be, no one really pays us a second glance. It's actually a little odd so I mention it to Rose.

"Are seeing how they don't seem to even notice us?"

"Yeah. It doesn't make sense. Two women, dressed in odd men's clothing and they just keep passing us by."

She furrows her brow in thought and I purse my lips.

"Do they seem...scared? To you?"

She looks at me with a worried look and then we break into a bit of a mad grin.

In that moment it's almost as if we're with the Doctor, noticing there's a danger here and relishing that we might be able to do something. Except he's not here and I am. When did I start comparing myself more to the Doctor and less to Rose? There are parallels between me and Rose. The Doctor was a man I loved watching but never truly understood even if I thought I did. But now? Now I really do understand. I know what it's like to be alone and then saved by Rose Tyler. I start giggling because the thought is just so bizarre.

Rose of course mistakes the laughter for excitement and joins in.

"Come on. Let's go investigate."

With that she drags me toward what appears to be a pub and inn. But before we even can get through the door, someone is thrown into our path.

"Don't be stupid boy! You've been talking crazy in here for too long. Stop scaring my customers!"

A big burly man yells at the teenager in front of us.

Rose of course gets indignant. Always one for standing up for the defenseless she stands up straighter to give the man a piece of her mind.

"That's no way to talk to him. And telling crazy stories is no reason to throw him to the ground like that!"

"Stay out of this missy. It's none of your business and we don't like strangers here."

I can tell that if I don't step in, this isn't going to end well so I grab Rose's elbow. "

You'll have to excuse my friend sir. We've been traveling for many days with scarce anything to eat and little sleep. She's not in her right head."

The man just grunts his acceptance of my apology and goes back into his dark and dingy place of business.

"I didn't need you to interfere Jane."

"Yes you did. The last thing we need right now is to get put in the stockade."

"There's no stockade."

I raise my eyebrows and point behind me.

"Oh."

"But that's beside the point R-Miss."

She seems to remember the boy at the point and offers him a hand to help him up.

"Are you a'right?"

"Yes miss. Thank you."

I recognise the look on his face. Hero worship. I smirk to myself. Someone has a bit of a crush on the pretty blond woman.

"Wot's your name?"

I notice that her accent gets thicker when she's worried over someone or something.

"Peter miss. My name is Peter."


	9. Chapter 9

**So we have finally jumped! Sorry this is a day late. I had no internet yesterday. And I was doing so good too!**

**So, Jane is in a way representing whovians in a general sort of way. She's actually based on several of my whovian friends. Certian characteristics like her favorite things or what she looks like. So I was wondering any of you wanted something of yourself put into the character to help make her more relatable. Just review and give me something you like or the name of your pet, or a favorite memory that I might be able to weave into Jane's backstory. I can't make any promises that I'll be able to make "you" fit depending on my plot line but I'll try. And while you're at it you can tell me what you think so far.**

**Disclaimer: ... If you don't get it by now you never will. **

Peter is a kind boy. He has an odd mixture of both brashness and shyness. He's shy toward Rose but still very proud. He carries himself like someone who is used to relying on himself. We says that he can offer us some bread to eat. We're very grateful for it. We haven't eaten since the day before.

"You sure your mom won't mind us coming over and eating your food?"

He looks at me and stands up straighter.

"I don't think she would. Not that I'd know."

The way he says it tells me that his mom isn't around. Rose gets the same impression.

"Then who do you live with?"

He hesitates a bit. Barely noticeable unless you're me. I hesitate constantly to keep my secrets straight.

"My gran. She's just a little ways into the woods."

"_Into the woods, to grandmother's house," _

I sing softly, more to myself than anything. It's a play that doesn't exist as far as Rose is concerned. I checked. I was in the mood for Craige. But without Doctor Who I figured that the baker was close enough. Except it doesn't exist. Rose gives me the look. The look that says, stop quoting and focus. I stick my tongue out briefly but we continue to follow Peter into the woods.

We begin to travel into a darker part of the forest.

"It's a bit creepy living out here isn't it?"

Peter replies to Rose's question with bitterness.

"And dangerous."

"Why do you say that?"

Peter shrugs.

"It just is. No one goes into the woods alone any more. If you go in alone you never come out again."

"You come alone."

I know I'm pointing out the obvious but it's odd.

"And people hate me because of it. How horrible am I that not even the forest demon wants me?"

A chill goes down my spine. Something isn't right about this place. Rose doesn't look unaffected either.

"Is there a demon in the forest?"

He laughs. I can't tell if it's forced or not.

"It's just a story. People go missing in every forest. Here, people blame it on the 'demon.' There's no point in listening to my stories. No one does. I've told it too many times."

Rose looks at me with a smirk.

"What, like the boy who cried wolf?"

I can't help the small laugh that escapes me.

"Peter and the wolf?" I ask.

Peter looks at us with a confused look as we giggle.

"I don't understand."

Rose tries to explain.

"You know. Like the fairy tale?"

He looks at us with blank eyes.

"Never mind."

"Fairy tales aren't true. How come you're comparing me to one?"

He's trying to understand. I see an opportunity here. I can't pass this up.

"Because you are."

"But I'm not."

I grin. "Aren't we all? We're all stories in the end Peter. Just make it a good one eh?"

I'm quite proud of myself. Peter looks perplexed, and Rose is looking at me like I'm a genius. Thank you River Song and Eleven. Or Moffatt. Either way. It's a great quote. And I'm very happy I got to use it. Maybe I'll get to use it again. Or any other quotes. Maybe I can give the blink speech at some point. No. I'd rather not. That would mean having to run into the weeping angels and I do Not want to go there. It's hard enough watching it. Who wants to live it? Story of my life really I suppose.

We reach a small house. It's like a typical fairy tale cottage. I'm seriously beginning to think that maybe this is exactly the point. Maybe this is where fairy tales are real. Like that Once Upon a Time tv show. The boy who cried wolf. Peter and the wolf. Grandmothers house. The big bad wolf. Okay. I really, really don't like where this is going. After All, every fairytale needs a good old fashioned villain. Great, I'm quoting in my head now. Not that that's a new development. Focus!

We head inside.

"Gran. I brought you some guests for dinner."

A old woman faces us and gives a smile. She doesn't look kindly. She's wrinkly and rather brown, like dried sandpaper.

"Wonderful. Come in, come in."

She begins to pour us something to drink that resembles coffee.

"What are your names then?"

Rose looks at me and I give her a nod.

"I'm Miss Wolf and this is my friend Miss Ryder."

"Lovely names. What interesting cloaks you're wearing. Such bright colors. I have always been more partial to red myself but the blue is nice too."

SHe hands us the drinks and places a plate of cookies on the table. We cautiously eat and drink. Or at least I do. Rose seems to be much more relaxed. But something isn't right here. I can feel it. But the drink is good. Like warm honey. So I drink it.

"Oh dear. I'm out of water," Gran says when she looks into the bucket.

"Peter, why don't you take one of the girls to go get more from the well and the other can help me with dinner?"

"Yes ma'm."

Rose smiles.

"I'll help with dinner."

Gran smiles at me. Maybe I'm just being overly paranoid. And the bucket looks heavy. I better help Peter.

"Right. We'll go to the well then."

Peter and I head out.

"So...it's just you and your Gran then?"

"Yeah. I used to have a grandfather, but...he died."

"What happened?"

"The demon."

"I thought you said that was just a story."

"You said yourself. We're all stories. So why can't the stories be real?"

I can't believe how true that statement is. I'm literally living a story. I've become part of the story. It isn't just a plain old story any more. It's mine.

"Very true."

We reach the well and I notice that Peter is shaking.

"Are you all right?"

"Run."

"What?"

He looks at me and his eyes are no longer brown like before. I can't even really describe the color. It's green and orange and purple all at the same time.

"I don't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt any of them, but I have no control. You have to run," he says through gritted teeth.

"Peter what...?"

He's coming at me but I can tell he's fighting.

"I told you there was demon in the forest."

"You're the demon?"

"I'm the pet."

With that I can see that Peter isn't there anymore. And he lunges for me. I stumble away. This can't be happening. Maybe he's got an alien in his head. He is the pet. The master must be the Gran. Rose!

Peter is on me and his hands are on my neck. I blindly feel the ground, and my fingers clasp onto a rock. I thrust it against his head and he loses his grip. I turn and see him slaking himself and I know I can't afford to hesitate. So I hit him again and he falls to the ground, unconscious.

And then I start running. I run faster than I've ever run before. Rose is in danger. I can't let anything happen to Rose. I know that she won't jump back without me. She'll let herself get killed before leaving me behind so I run. I burst into the house and find that Rose is struggling for the upper hand.

The kind old woman isn't kind anymore. In fact, she doesn't even look human. Her skin looks more dried and cracked, like the scales of a crocodile. She's hissing and her tail has a sharp spear on the end that is doing it's best to harm my friend.

She hears me come in and she turns to me as Rose gets flung back.

"Oh, the little girl with the red hood."

"The name is Ryder."

"Little Red Riding Hood then. Yesssss. I think that's a good name for a dish."

I can't help it. It's hilarious. I laugh. Not a chuckle or a giggle but a full blown laugh. But she doesn't find any of it funny.

"What? Why are you laughing? I'm going to kill and eat you and your friend."

I continue to laugh.

"Into the woods to grandmother's house, little red riding hood went, and then the big bad wolf came."

I laugh a moment more but this isn't funny anymore so I stop. Abruptly. I can tell that this throws dear granny for a loop.

"You get one chance. Stop this now. Go back to where you came from. Let us go."

"Or what?"

I grin.

"Are you afraid of the big bad wolf?"

The poor woman doesn't know what to say to that. Rose is recovering I can see. She's beginning to try and find a way to defend us.

"If you mean your friend, then no. She's just a girl."

"Once upon a time, little red riding hood went to grandmothers house. And she said, my what big teeth you have."

"Better to eat you with."

I bark another laugh.

"The big bad wolf ate the grandma in the story, but I don't like that ending. How about, little red riding hood saves the wolf from the granny? And they live happily ever after. The end."

"I have a better ending. The granny eats the Ryder and the Wolf, and sleeps very good that night."

With that she lashes out. And Rose surges forward. Time seems to stop. Penny in the air.


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry. I hate finals. I won't keep you. Read on!**

When Jane leaves with Peter, Rose is left with the old woman. She seems really nice and Rose likes her. But there is something off too.

"Where's peter's parents? If you don't mind my asking."

"No, no. It's fine. They're dead."

"What happened?"

"Their hearts stopped."

It's an odd answer by it must be painful I talk about, do Rose doesn't question it.

"How'd he come to live with you?"

"Questions, questions. You are inquisitive."

"I am a bit curious, yeah."

Rose eyes the woman. There's something wrong here. Something...off. The people were afraid. Peter mentioned a demon in the forest. Peter tried to tell people about the danger in the woods. He hesitated when saying that he lived with his gran.

_"Gran. I brought you two guests for dinner."_

_"I'm more partial to red myself."_

He was nervous. She licked her lips. Rose looks at the woman again.

"Sorry. It's just. You know, Peter doesn't really look like you. How are you related?"

"You're very observant."

"Yeah well."

"I was hoping to let you and your friend eat first but..."

She touches a charm on her chest. Rose had thought it was a necklace, but now she can see that it's embedded in her skin. Her very inhuman skin.

"Sorry for being such a rude hostessss. I didn't ask if you were tired from your trip. Let me relieve you."

The woman, no, creature. She comes at Rose with an obvious intent. The tail comes out from her skirt and Rose sees the glint of a spear like tip.

"Why are you doing this? How does Peter fit into this?"

"Well I'm hungry my dear. I've been stranded on this forsaken rock for decades. A girls gotta eat. Sweet Peter was traveling with his dear grandfather. Mmm. He was tasty."

Rose is horrified by what she's hearing.

"What have you done to Peter?"

"Oh. I've just tapped into his brainwaves. He's wonderful bait for people. And he's stronger than he looks. Well, not mentally but...that just works in my favor."

"You've brainwashed him."

"No. More like, taken slight control. Easy to do to a teen aged boy."

"Monster."

"Yessss."

The creature lunges at Rose. Rose holds her back as best can but she knows she's not strong enough. But she has to be. Jane is out there with Peter. The evil gran said he was under her control which means he probably already attacked her. She has to make sure Jane is okay.

And then Jane burst through the door. The creature is startled and Rose is thrown to the ground. The next few minutes are a blur.

There's something about little red riding hood and Jane is laughing. And then she's not and she like the oncoming storm giving one chance and one chance only. And then the creature goes after her. Rose can't let her. Jane is her friend, her sister. She won't let her get taken. She's lost so much. She deserves to keep her life.

So without another thought the Bad Wolf rushes forward, hopefully in time to save Little Red Riding Hood.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

Penny in the air.

I've long since realized that time flows differently here than where I was born. In Pete's world it moved so slowly. But I became used to it. It moves about the same here. Maybe even more slowly.

I'm kind of like superman. Not in the sense that I can fly, or have super strength or speed, or laser vision or anything like that.

But I'm not in my world. I'm in a world that's different. A world that has a different definition in the speed of thought.

In this moment, my thoughts are racing faster than they have in a long time. The creatures spear tail is coming at me, and Rose is moving forward. There's only two ways this can end.

Heads. The tail moves too fast, and Rose can't get there in time. It pierces me, and I don't survive to see another day.

Tails. Rose is fast enough, and the spear kills her instead.

Either option is horrible. Rose can't die, and I still have work to do.

I'm in that place. The light is yellow. But I'm driving too fast to stop. If I try, I'll stop in the intersection. If I charge through, my rear bumper will hit the red. It's not a choice. Either way, I'll break the law.

I'm not invincible. I have my kryptonite. But not today. Today I only have one choice. I can think as fast for as long as I can. But it will come. I'm delaying the inevitable.

My thoughts can't hold this back for ever. I know that. All I can do is trust. If I die, I'll say what needs to be said before it all falls apart. If Rose gets hurt, I won't let her die. I don't care. She can't die. I have to keep the timeline. The darkness is coming. We need the doctor. Only Rose can get to him. If I don't make sure of this, the darkness will spread to every universe. Including mine. I can't let that happen. So I will deal with it, with whatever happens in the next instant.

So I close my eyes, and clear my mind of it's racing thoughts.

And the penny drops.


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm on time! Yay!**

**And we split. (I'm warning you now that some of you might really hate me for this. Believe me when I say I was just as surprised by the turn this has taken as you.) We are now running in the AU plot line. The cannon plot line will be posted under another title. Any ideas? I'm think Beyond the...something. Someone think of "something." Please?**

**Also, more stuff that I can add to Jane's character. Backstory people! Pipa has been very helpful and I will be using her stuff. (I actually have a few good ideas so watch for it. ;) So let me know what you think of this chapter. I'm anxious about it. **

I'm waiting for it. I fully expect to feel the pain but there is nothing. I open my eyes and Rose drops in front of me.

"No!"

I drop next to her. She's still breathing but the blood is coming fast. I can hear the smile in the creature's voice.

"And the hunter kills the wolf. Now for the girl in red."

I stand up. This isn't happening. Not by a long shot. Rose doesn't die. It just doesn't happen. It didn't happen. It won't happen. The universe has taken everything else, it has taken all that really mattered to me. The least it can do is let live the person who deserves to. My planet, my family, my foundation is nothing more than a distant memory. The universe can have it. All of it. Even my life. But it won't take this. It won't take her. No more. No more.

"No."

"What do mean? She's as good as dead and you're not far behind."

"I said no."

I stand up and I know that I must look insane. I don't care.

"You have nothing left to lose but your life. Wouldn't it just be easy to give in?"

"It would be. But I'm not a coward. I have nothing. You're right. And at this moment, I don't care whether I live or die. Doesn't that frighten you?"

"Nothing frightens me."

"Well I should."

I'm advancing on her. She's shocked by it. She doesn't know how to react. She doesn't know how to fight off a hunter, she only knows how to end the flight of the hunted.

There is a kitchen knife on the floor and I bend to pick it up, my eyes never leaving hers. I keep pressing forward. I dodge any blows she sends my way. This is my fight to win. The amulet embedded in her chest is pulsing a sick green color and my mind labels it as fear.

I feel the grin spread across my face but I'm detached from it. It's like I'm watching this play out as an outsider. I'm back on my couch, in the house I grew up in, with popcorn and candy and I'm watching this. Red Riding Hood advances with the blade poised.

She has to go for the amulet. It looks weak. It's what had to be controlling Peter. These shows are so cliche. Good will win. Good always wins. Peter called this creature a demon. And though I wouldn't call myself a man, nor would I call myself good, the point still stands. I'm on the side of the angels. As long as they aren't weeping. This is war. And demons run when good men go to war.

The girl rushes forward and thrusts the blade into the amulet and the creature.

"What have you done?"

The girl in red pulls out the blade and I'm no longer on my couch. I back away, the knife clutched in my hand as the creature shouts at me. And then the look of fear becomes intense as she looks to the sky.

"No. They found me. What have you done?! What have you done?! You've killed me!"

"No second chances."

And then she disappears and I just know that she had been transmatted out. I drop the weapon from my shaking fingers and I rush to the limp form of Rose Tyler.

"Rose? Rose?"

"Is...she...gone?"

"Yeah," I sob.

"Good..."

"Come on. Let's get you back and they'll stitch you up."

"You go on...I'm gonna sleep."

"No! No Rose you have to stay awake. Come on stay with me."

"I...know...you don't like...promises... But...could you do something for me?"

I wipe the tears from my eyes.

"Yeah. Yeah I can. Anything."

"Find him. Find the...Doctor. Fix the stars. Tell him...tell him I'm sorry. Just..look after him Jane. He needs someone...to look after him."

"No Rose. You're gonna find him. You're gonna look after him yourself."

"Promise me...please."

"I swear. With everything that's left of me. I won't let the Doctor be alone. I...I promise Rose. I promise."

She sighs then. She closes her eyes and nods. And then she's not breathing.

"Rose?"

"Rose?"

"You have to stay awake Rose."

"Rose!"

The tears are flowing freely now. I'm crying for her, and my parents, and the future, the adventure I'll never have, and the adventure that can never be without Rose. But the stars are still going out. Someone has to find the Doctor. Someone has to be there for Donna. Promises are just lies told in advance. But not this one. I told Rose that he wouldn't be alone. I meant it. Someone has to be the Bad Wolf.

I rest my head on Rose and I keep crying as I come to a decision. I will play her part. I will go to journey's end. I'm going to make sure the Doctor won't be alone. But I'm done. After that, I'm done. Donna will live. Donna will travel with him. He won't be alone. The meta crisis will have to make do with Jackie Tyler instead of Rose. He can carve out a life here. And I will sleep.

I'll sleep like Rose is sleeping. I'll let the memories of the doctor burn my mind. And he can't save me by stealing them. The memories run too deep, they go back too far. Erasing all of it, my memory of him and the show, will leave me with well and truly nothing. I would be a little girl alone in the world with no idea why.

So I will burn. I'll ask him to take me to the cove. I know it's there. It has to be there. We went camping there. The year before my parents divorce. It's my last happy memory of the three of us. Before it all fell apart. Before the yelling. Before the broken promises. The cove. Where my father asked my mother to marry him. The cove is where I began in fire. It's where I will end in fire.

And Rose is dead. Rose Tyler is dead and I can't do a thing. I failed her. My friend. My fictional, real life hero. The one I loved, and hated, and wanted to be, and never wanted to meet. I hold her hand as I take a ragged breath.

Should her hand feel warm? I thought the dead were cold. Cold as death they say. I glance at her hand in mine and I see light moving beneath her skin.

"What?!"

I look at her face. Did her eyes just twitch under her eyelids?

The fire in her hand gets too hot and I drop it before it burns me. The light is beginning to seep through and I scramble back, recognizing it for what it is.

Rose's eyes spring open and she looks at me. They're bright and golden and hold power and see right through me.

"Bad wolf," I whisper.

And then she bursts into a flaming being like a celestial star. When the light fades, she's still her. Her face is the same. I slide over to her and her eyes, normal now, roll back into her head as she loses consciousness.

I put my fingers to her pulse point and then rest my head on her chest.

"Who are you?"

I whip around to see Peter, standing there with a bewildered look on his face.

I smile. "The stuff of fairytales."

With that, I trigger the cannon. It pulls us both back since we have contact. It's easier this time. But that's probably because my mind is still reeling from what I just discovered.

Mickey rushes over along with other personnel. Rose is placed on a stretcher.

"Wot 'append?"

"Rose regenerated. You might want to make sure the medical staff that treats her is trustworthy."

I take a shaky breath.

"She has two hearts."

The gobsmacked expression on Mickeys face is one that I know matches my own.


	12. Chapter 12

**Yes. I'm updating again. Twice in one week. I feel proud of myself! **

**I am thrilled that some of you like that Rose is now a time lady. I know this plot development isn't a good idea for some of you but I like it so budge over. :P I do suggest you continue reading though. I have a twist coming later that blew up my brain when I thought of it but it will be a long way off. Okay, it's not that good, but I still felt a bit clever. A little clever. Cleverish? Don't look at me like that. Just read. **

I'm in a daze as Rose is taken into a medical room. Mickey calls Pete immediately knowing that I'm in no shape to make the call myself. He comes in a hurry and oversees Rose's care personally. I hear Mickey explaining the regeneration sickness from that long ago Christmas and that it was tea that helped. Jackie's tea. I swear I heard Pete groan. Who wants to tell Jackie? No one. That's who.

Jake insists that I get checked. Minus some bumps and bruises and a gash on my left arm I'm completely fine. They worried over the gash but there's no poison in the wound so I tell them to shove off. The daze doesn't leave me. I have no idea what to think. So I don't. I drift through the motions as I send a report to Pete's office. I drift through the motions as I head back to the flat.

I head to the roof. Even though I'm exhausted I can't sleep. So I sit and stare at the sky. I count the stars. It's easy to see that there are so many less than before. Eight. I only count eight. We're running out of time. The first light of morning begins to tint the horizon and I remember to count the sun. Nine. Nine stars left.

A breeze comes over me and I shiver. And then there's something warm surrounding me. I jump and look to see that Danny is behind me, setting his coat on my shoulders. I smirk at myself. So many parallels. How could I forget this one?

"You alright?"

"I'm always alright."

Yeah. We all know what that means. Doctor, what in the universe have you taught me?

"No you're not."

I look at Danny then. His orange-red hair looks even brighter in this light. He's dead serious and his eyes hold pity. I hate it.

"Not like it's any of your business Daniel Mott!"

"Now listen here girly. It is my business. Mr. Tyler pays me to make it my business. I look after Miss Rose, and I look after you. It's my job."

"I never asked it to be."

His anger fades.

"No. Neither did I. Do think I knew what I was signing up for when I agreed to be the chaperone/bodyguard of Rose Tyler? I thought it was going to be paparazzi and shopping trips. But no. It's aliens and weapons training. And I've loved every second. I used to feel useless. But this makes me feel important."

We're both looking at the brightening skyline now. He continues.

"I was weary of you at first. I didn't know if I could trust you. Months and months. But you know what?"

I sigh.

"What?"

"You knew my grandad."

I look at him, surprised. Boxing Day. Rose and I had gone over to Danny's for Boxing Day. Sylvia made dinner and was as charming as ever. I didn't like her. She wasn't Noble anymore. Her husband left her and she left the name Noble behind. Daniel was born with the name Mott.

As soon as I realized that Daniel was the Donna of this universe I had to know if Wilf was here too. So I headed outside to the hill. And there he was. He was so perfect I wanted to cry.

_"Orion is missing now you know. It's those aliens, I know it! You'll see one day Jane. There is other life out there. Great big universe, it isn't just us." _

I focus back on the present.

"What makes you say that?"

He shrugs.

"Because you did. You do. You know all of us. You knew Miss Rose, Mickey, and Mr. Tyler. You knew Ms. Jackie and Jake. You knew my grandad. And after that, you seemed to know me too."

I look away. I can't deny it. I haven't ever denied that much. But I can't tell him the same lie. He'll see it as a lie.

"Donna."

My eyes widen and I stare at him.

"W-what?"

"Donna. If I was a girl, mum would have named me Donna. But you know that. You wrote that."

He says the last part so quietly it takes me a moment to process it.

"You Read my JOURNAL!"

He puts his hands up in defense.

"I never touched it!"

"But..."

"It was open to a page on the back seat."

I gape at him.

"A couple of weeks ago. It was open on the back seat. I didn't mean to see. But that name was there. Donna Noble. And other things in there. Chiswick, and spiders. You know I helped Rose and Torchwood with the Racnoss here? You fit so much on those two pages."

I look at him in horror. If he read those two pages he must have seen the title...

"Season 3, episode 1."

I get up and back away from him.

"No one was ever meant to read that."

"I'm not angry Jane. Come on sit down."

I don't want to, but my legs are shaking from disuse.

"You shouldn't have read it Danny."

"Probably not. I've debated a lot with myself over it. But you know, I'm not really shocked by it."

"How could you not be?"

"Because it explains everything."

He takes a deep breath.

"The things you say, and how you react. You walk around like the world around you shouldn't exist, because to you, it shouldn't. And I was a bit angry. But I realized, what's the point? It's not like you chose this. That's clear as day. It's not like you've used your knowledge to exploit us. You kept your past a secret to spare us pain. And you've lived in a fictional world for a year without killing yourself. I don't hate you. I respect you."

"Respect me?"

"If I were in your situation I wouldn't have lasted a week. Maybe not even a day. Yet here you are. Living a life. You're brilliant!"

I laugh. A real laugh. It's just so absurd.

"What?"

I laugh a little harder.

"What?"

I calm myself as best I can.

"Nothing it's just...it's kind of a relief that someone knows."

I smile.

"And it's just funny. Here we are, on a rooftop, but I'm wearing your jacket and you're telling me I'm brilliant. It's not exact but hey, close enough!"

"Close enough to what?"

"To the Doctor and Donna."

He pulls a face that seems to just say 'figures.' We sit in silence for a bit before i break it again.

"Rose changed today. She's not human anymore."

He looks confused but he holds back his curiosity for my sake, and I kind of love him for it.

"That surprises you?"

"Yeah. It didn't happen before. Things would have ended differently. I know Rose too well at this point to think that she would just let what happened, happen if she wasn't human. Actually, Jackie would have thrown a fit now that I think about it."

I can just see Jackie slapping the Doctor on the beach and yelling at him for turning her daughter into an alien and then abandoning her. I shudder at the thought.

"I was going to let it happen. I was going to let the story unfold like it should. But now...everything's changing. I don't know if I can bare it, the end."

"So change it."

I cock my head at him.

"You said it yourself. Everything's changing. Were you in the story before?"

"No. I-I don't think so."

"Well, there you go. This isn't the story you know. Who says it has to end the way you remember it. Change it."

It's simple. So very simple that I can't believe I didn't see it. Well, yeah I can. I've been so focused on keeping to what I thought had to happen instead of working toward what needs to happen. This isn't just a story. It's my story. And I'm going to make it a good one. With a happy ending.

I don't know exactly what I'm going to do to get there, but I know how it ends. Rose and the Doctor are happy together as time lords, forever. Donna Noble continues to be brilliant. I have no idea what will happen with the meta crisis. Or with me. But I'll cross those bridges when I get to them. Right now, I've got a mission to get back too.

I get up and I take off Danny's jacket I hand it to him and lean forward to kiss his cheek.

"You're a genius Daniel Mott. Thank you."

We grin at each other.

"Of course I'm a genius! I could have told you that ages ago."

I rush away laughing.

"Oh shut it!"

His voice follows me down the stairs.

"You shut it! And you're welcome!"


	13. Chapter 13

**Because I'm really nice, I'm giving you two chapters today. *gasp* I know. I'm shocked as well. **

I run into the flat and jump in the shower. I need to freshen up if I'm going to really be able to get through the next few days. I quickly dress and on my way out the door I grab my journal. I can't risk anyone else reading it. Time to keep it close to my chest I think.

Through everything I do I think about.

I rush back to headquarters and make a beeline to where Rose is. She's still unconscious. Mickey is sitting by her bed. He looks up when he hears me come in.

"Hey."

"Hi."

I sit on the other side of our friend.

"How is she?"

"Stable. Malcolm has been running a few tests. Pete trusts him, so...and you said that he was smart yeah?"

I nod.

"Yeah. He's a genius. He's a weird little man, but trustworthy enough."

We sit for a bit longer before I brace myself for the coming argument.

"I want to jump again."

He looks at me like I'm an idiot.

"No. Absolutely not."

"Mickey..."

"No. It's too dangerous to go jumping alone. With you and Rose we all felt a bit better about it but this..."

"Mickey..."

"...absolutely insane! We don't know what's out there. The next time you might get a lot worse than a scratch. Not to mention the fact that Rose would kill me if anything..."

"Mickey!"

He stops short and looks at me. He sighs.

"I can't stop you can I?"

"No. We're running out of time. Another star disappears everyday. The next one could be be our sun. We can't afford to sit around waiting for Rose to wake up."

He puts his head in his hands.

"You're right. We can't. But..."

"I'll be okay. If the multiverse wanted me dead I would have been gone a long time ago. But for some reason it wants me here, so I'm gonna go with it. I'm just gonna...keep breathing. And running. And being as useful as I can."

"You've never been anything if not useful."

"Cheeky."

We laugh a little but there isn't that much humor. The beeping monitors make it difficult.

"We can't waste time. I need to jump. And you need to be in that room. You're the only one I trust to supervise."

"Alright babe. Let's go prep the cannon."

"Thank you."

The prep work takes a couple of hours. Everyone needs to be in positron, the computers need to be functioning, and the cannon needs to be powered up.

I stand there, waiting to play my part. My red jacket is a comforting weight on my shoulders. I breathe in deep through my nose and close my eyes in an attempt to calm the fear bubbling up inside me.

It's not an irrational fear. It's not an all consuming fear. It's a slow burn in my veins. It's a fear of the unknown. I'm not afraid to die. I'm not afraid of being alone either. I've been alone for a year. It doesn't matter that I share living space. It doesn't matter that these people call me a friend. They don't really know me.

Danny has come the closest. The closest to my secrets. But I won't let him get any further. Because I'm afraid.

"You ready Lieutenant?"

I open my eyes and look to see Pete Tyler standing next to me.

"Lieutenant?"

"I think you've earned that rank. Don't you?"

"I'm no soldier Mr. Tyler."

"You're working to save the universe right?"

"Yes sir."

"You're fighting to do that right?"

"Yes, point?"

"That is the very definition of a soldier. A person who fights to save and protect others. Even at their own expense. I think you've earned more than lieutenant, but I can't legally promote you further until you serve for a longer amount of time."

Lieutenant Jane Ryder. I never in a million years thought I would be this. That I would be a soldier on the front line in a fictional war. That I'd be a sort of pioneer in jumping across the void.

"Thank you General Tyler."

I salute my commanding officer. He smiles and shakes his head, and pulls me into his arms.

"Thank you. For everything."

I pull away after a moment.

"What's everything?

"For bringing my daughter back to life. For helping us fix our sky."

I want to argue that they don't need me. They would have gotten here on their own, but I don't. He doesn't need to hear that.

"You're welcome."

Mickey's voice interrupts.

"Ryder!?"

I look over at him.

"You ready?"

"Yeah...Alright everyone. Positions."

I place myself on the platform and take a deep breath.

"Coordinates are locked."

"Power is at 100% capacity."

I meet Mickey's eyes and a silent conversation passes between us. I'm going to be careful. He's going to look after this lot, and more importantly, Rose. Good luck to us both.

I straighten my shoulders and I give the order.

"On my mark. Three, two, one..."

I grin like a loon and snap my fingers.

"Spike."

The sensation runs through me again, that tingle from head to toe, as the cannon is triggered. And in a flash of electric light, I'm shot across the void and into another world.

It's easier this time, but still disorientating. When I open my eyes again and see what's happening in the street in front of me I feel disbelief spread on my face.

"You have got to be kidding me!"


	14. Chapter 14

**You only had to wait as long as it took the page to load. Stop squirming. Read. **

_"You have got to be kidding me!"_

I suppose I should have expected this. I'm living in Doctor who. Running is part of the job description. But this? This is not what I was hoping for when I had them pull the trigger.

The place I'm standing in is obviously not Earth. It's rolling desert landscape with red dirt which could be my home planet except when you look at the sky it's basically purple. Not a good purple either. This purple looks sick. And the black clouds don't help either.

On the horizon I see a mob. Well, more like an angry horde of...people. And when I say people I mean aliens. But the landscape, the sky, and the yelling mob, is not what has me standing there like a gob smacked idiot. No. It's the girl that the mob is chasing. And they're all running right toward me.

"Go! Go! Run!"

She doesn't have to tell me again. I turn tail and start pumping my legs. We fall into step with each other rather easily. Our pace keeps together as we push each other's limits. We run up over a hill and we're about to keep going but I notice a cave on our right. So I reach out and grab her hand to drag her into it.

We hold our breath as the "people" run right past it. They don't even notice. They just keep going. I finally get a good look at them. They're basically humanoid except they have crablike claws and appear to have some sort of shell. In fact, they actually look like crab people. I flip through my journal and come across Martha's new Earth adventure. Macra. There were crab scavengers called Macra. I don't know if that applies but I don't want to call them crab people.

"How the hell did you get on this planet? Humans don't have the technology to get this far out."

I turn my attention to the girl. If it was just a random girl it wouldn't matter. But this girl is not random. She's familiar.

"I could ask the same of you, couldn't I Jenny?"

She looks shocked before her gaze darkens.

"Who are you?"

I shake my head and grin.

"Like father like daughter."

I offer her my hand.

"Jane Ryder."

She eyes me warily but shakes my hand anyway.

"Jenny Mali. But I guess you already knew that."

"Mali?"

"Yeah. As in generated anomali."

"Oh yeah. That makes sense. How did you get here. This isn't your original universe is it?"

She furrows her brow.

"Are there other universes. Because if there are then that explains a lot actually."

"Where those Macra?"

She looks surprised.

"Yeah. Humacra. How do you know that? How do you know me?"

"Oh sweetie, that is a very long story. Let me explain."

I pause.

"No. There is too much. Lemme sum up."

Yep. I quoted the princess's bride. Yes I did.

"I knew your dad in another universe but then I got sucked into another one. In that universe I joined up with a woman named Rose that traveled with your version of your dad. They loved each other. The universes are all falling apart, so I'm helping Rose get to your dad so he can fix it. Got it?"

"Um. Yeah. No. Maybe."

"Good enough. Now, what about you?"

"I was trying to find my dad and I followed a weird signal and ended up going on a bumpy ride that landed me a few galaxies over from here. The history here is wrong and it confused me. Im trying to find my way back. Can you get me back?"

I want to. I'm changing things anyway so I think it would be a good idea. I'm about to tell her yes, when I remember something important.

"I don't have a button for you. And you don't have a tracker to pull you back. I could attempt to get you one and come back but the aim would be too spotty. Likely we would be separated for good."

Her shoulders fall.

"Oh. So I'm stuck here?"

Before I can answer, there is a loud horn sounded. We look at each other and head toward it. Over a few more hills we come to the top of a valley. And in the valley is the largest weapons arsenal I've ever seen.

"What in the world?"

"They're preparing for war. They're going to try taking over this sector. If they succeed, they'll just keep going. I was trying to stop them when you showed up."

"You really are your father's daughter. He'd be very proud."

She grins and I know that that makes her feel better. The next few hours are spent with covert investigations. The whole time, I'm trying to think of way to bring Jenny with me, but I'm coming up empty. Besides that, we learn that the Humacra have turned their entire planet into a battle station. It becomes apparent that the only way to stop them is to destroy the planet.

"We can invert the launch sequence. Cause all their weapons to go off at once without ever leaving the atmosphere. They'd blow themselves up."

"No. We'd be blowing them up. And that's genocide! We can't do that."

"But if we don't, this doesn't bode well for anyone!"

"We have to give them a chance. That's what the Doctor would do."

She grumbles but doesn't argue with me. We head to the leader base and walk right in. I try to reason with them. Jenny acts as my translator sense I can't speak their language. No TARDIS to do it for me. But they don't listen. I didn't actually think they would but I had to try.

They try to kill us and we run for our lives. We barely make it out.

"Jenny. Go to your ship. Get out of here."

"No. We got to finish this. No second chances you said. We have to see it through."

"There's no we. You're leaving. I'll take care of the Macra."

"No! This is my universe now. And don't try to say otherwise. You can't get me out. If I ever do find a way, then I'm on my own. You can't help me. But you can help me do this. But I'm the one that needs to do it."

I let my anger seep into my words. I hold nothing back. Not right now. She won't listen to soft words. She is a soldier. She will listen to a command.

"Yeah you are stuck here. I can't get you out. But you know what I can do? I can make sure that your hands stay clean of this. I can make sure that this universe has a doctor that isn't ridden with the guilt and regret of genocide. I WILL NOT let you destroy this planet and this species for not only your sake but our fathers as well. He would never want this for you. No parent wants this for their child. So you are going to haul your arse back to your ship and you are going to leave. You won't look back and you will not help me."

She's stunned into silence.

"That's an order! Move!"

I see rather than hear her sigh in defeat. And then he surprises me. She throws her arms around me and gives me a big hug.

"Thank you. Please tell Dad I'm okay and that I'm sorry we didn't get to travel together. I miss him."

I hug her back.

"I know sweetie. Listen to me. Everything's gonna be fine. You are going to be, fantastic. You hear me."

I pull back and look into her glistening eyes.

"I think this universe needs a doctor. But you need I be you. Being similar to your dad is fine. But you're the next generation. You are supposed to be better than him. You see why I won't let you stay here?"

"Yeah. Thank you Jane. Good luck."

I smile. "Go."

As she runs away I feel the heaviness of it all crash into me. I've saved the doctor's daughter from this guilt but at a cost. It still must be done, and in the only one who can pay the price. And I can't even get Jenny back to her Dad and her proper universe. There's nothing for it. She has to stay here. I can only hope that the universe somehow gives her a break. Maybe one day she can make it back. But it won't be today.

The inverting is easy. Jenny had explained it before, rambling on like her father would. It startles me how little of an effort it takes for me to end an entire civilization. The Humacra discover me. They come at me. But I use my speed of thought to slow them down. I slow them down long enough to press the button.

I see the explosions start to happen. I hope Jenny is already gone. I decide that I'll believe that she is. I trigger the cannon and I end up back at Torchwood. It's then that it hits me and I sink to my knees.

Mickey bends down in front of me.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm always alright. Just a rough jump. That's all. Send me agian."

"Maybe you need a break."

"Send me again!"

What I need is a distraction. I just trapped a time lady from her only family. I just murdered an entire species. It's time to move on. This is why the Doctor runs. He needs to stay ahead of it. Ahead of the pain and the guilt. I don't feel regret for it. It needed to be done. But it's still unpleasant.

"On my mark. Three, two, one, spike."

There's no jest in it this time. I room for it. When i land, I'm again gobsmacked by what I see. But this time, it's for a completely different reason.

"You can't be serious!"


	15. Chapter 15

**I'm afraid this is anticlimactic. I was writing and it descended into crack so...I might post it separately. If I do, it will be under "Jane Ryder's Detour" or something. It's just one of those things where you laugh because it's stupid. This is a rewritten version of the chapter. I'm anxious to move this story along so the individual jumps are going to get complied. If any of you feel like writing Jane's jumps, feel free. Just let me know so I can read them. Anyway, carry on. **

"You can't be serious!"

In front of me there seems to be a well choreographed flash mob to 'Another one bites the dust.' It's like a bad '80s musical set in the '60s.

I make my way through, and ask questions. Just to make sure that the Doctor isn't here. He's not. I'm very thankful for that. What I'm not thankful for is having to come here in the first place.

I like musicals as much as the next guy but I would never want to be in one. And I definitely wouldn't want to live in one. Who in their right mind would choose to live in a world where people are actually expected to break into random song and dance? Complete with backup singers? And special effects? No. Just...no.

When I do finally make it out of that world and give a brief report to Mickey, he just makes it worse by laughing. My only comfort is picturing him in my place. I'm actually tempted to go back. Jus so I could drag him along and watch him being uncomfortable. It would be hilarious. Mickey Smith, defender of the Earth, resorted to high school musical choir boy. Yeah. Id pay to see that.

With that adventure, I'm nervous for the next jump for entirely different reasons. But my fears are unfounded. It's a little more normal. If you can call people with backward heads normal.

I loose track of the jumps. World after world I just keep going with barely a break. Easier that way. I need to run. I'm exhausted but I can't afford to stop. I need to end this, once and for all.

Everywhere I go, I ask my questions. And I usually end up running for my life. But I can deal with that I think.

And then I find myself standing on a street in what I recognise as good old London. There's Christmas decorations everywhere and I automatically go on high alert. The sun is just coming up and it's beautiful. But the streets are empty. Why?

I pick up a newspaper on the ground and see the date. I'm assuming it's today's date but...who knows. December 25th, 2007. Why is that important.

I hear a loud boom over my head and when I look up my eyes widen so much they hurt. I follow the enormous ship to see just in time as it swoops up and over Buckingham palace. That's when I start laughing.

This has got to be the right universe. I jump back to Pete's world.

"I think we found it!"

"Are you sure?!"

"Yeah Mickey I'm sure. But I have to check. Use the key. Send me back to the same universe but use the key to lock my coordinates."

I pause for a moment to think about what I just said. It kind of sounded like I knew what I was saying. I sort of do but really, that makes no sense. At all.

"Right! Locking you on now. This should get you closer to the TARDIS."

"On my mark. Three, two, one. Spike!"

When I land again, I'm in a more open area. I spin around, my eyes searching.

And then I see it. I see her. I run as fast as I can and stop just before running into her. She's beautiful. All box-y and blue. Bluer than I ever thought.

I reach out tentatively and stroke the wood. I can feel a slight vibration come from it. Does that mean she knows me somehow or is it a warning? I don't speak TARDIS, but it does feel more friendly than threatening.

"Hello Sexy."

Another vibration.

"Just thought I'd come say hi and give you a heads up. Rose is coming. The Bad Wolf is returning. But something else is too. I can't tell you. It isn't time yet. But I promise that I'm working on it."

The next vibration almost feels like a mixture of comfort and approval. I smile.

"Thanks old girl. Try to keep him out of doing something too stupid yeah?"

I turn to leave but then remember something.

"Oh! Try to get him to look into Adipose Industries. It's important. I'm sure you would have thought of it on your own but, yeah. Adipose. Have him investigate. It's gonna be wizard. I'll catch you later."

I wink at her and the little light on top flashes briefly. I feel like the grin on my face is going to split my head open but I can't help it. The TARDIS rather likes me I think. Any Whovian would be giddy about that!

I jump back. Still grinning like an idiot.

"I take it by the look on your face that we've done it?"

I look at Mickey's hopeful expression. I can't speak. I just nod and we laugh and he swoops me into a big hug.

"You got to tell Pete."

"Yeah."

I place the call.

"Mr. Tyler. It's me. We've done it. We have the right universe. We can start narrowing to the Doctor."

My grin gets impossibly wider as he replies.

"Fantastic!"

I close the call and turn back to Mickey.

"Rose is awake!"

Without another word, we run out of the room.

Rose is sitting up when we come in. She sees us and smiles until she notices how beat up I look. My face is dirty and my jeans are ripped and the bandage on my arm in bled through but I don't care.

"Jane! What...?"

"I'm fine! Listen! We did it. We have the right universe. At least I think so. The TARDIS was there. Oh she was beautiful Rose! I don't think I've ever seen anything that gorgeous."

"Whoa slow down. You found it?"

Mickey and I nod in unison. Rose lets out a sigh and lays back with her eyes closed. When she opens them again I can see the spark of life flashing in them.

"And the Doctor?"

"He wasn't there. But even if he was, it's too early in his timeline. We're going to have to go a bit further. But we are so close Rose. So close."

"Then what are we waiting for?"

She's moves to get up and sways a bit on her feet before Mickey sits her down again.

"Whoa. Careful babe. You've been through a lot. Ya better take it slow."

"We don't have time to take it slow."

"Well you better make time. From what your father tells me you're possibly a lord of it now."

Jackie Tyler swoops in like a hurricane.

"And don't think you're off the hook for that Jane."

I try to fold in on myself. There's no doubt in mind that Jackie is gonna give me what for. I'm not looking forward to it.

"Right. I'm just gonna..."

"No you don't Mickey Smith. You're as much at fault as Jane is. Letting my daughter jump into who knows what kind of danger. As I understand it, you two got my daughter killed. My husband will be on the couch for the foreseeable future so don't think that you two are out of the dog house."

She pauses or a breath but before he can continue making Mickey and me wince, Rose interrupts her.

"That's enough mum. It needed to be done, and if Jane hadn't been there I may very well have died. She got me out."

"Oh sweetheart. I was so worried. I didn't know if you were going to wake up. Well, you're comin home with me."

"Mum..."

"No. Just take tomorrow off Rose. If you're feeling up to it after that then I know I can't stop you. All I'm asking is that you rest for one day."

She looks at me helplessly and Mickey won't meet her eyes.

"You can afford to take off one day Rose."

The look of betrayal on her face almost makes me regret my decision to side with Jackie. But the look of gratitude and victory on Jackie's face change my mind. I'm more scared of her then I am of Rose. At least she will forgive me.

"Well Jane has I come too."

I hope.


	16. Chapter 16

**This chapter is dedicated to 10th Squad 3rd Seat since a lot of this chapter deals with their requests and sugestions. I hope it satisfies. :) **

**In other news, Jane Ryder's Detour is now up. I wrote it at 2 am in case you couldn't tell ;P**

**Disclaimer: I don't own DW or the song "Across the Starlit Sky" by Jennifer Thomas. I do love that song though. It's what Jane plays in this. You can look it up on YouTube. It's just absolutely perfect. **

Despite Rose's protests, she falls asleep the minute she is in bed. Which is good for me because it means I don't have to face the wolf until tomorrow. Unfortunately it means dealing with the rest of Tyler's by myself.

But it turns out fine. Dinner is pleasant, Tony is entertaining. I actually put him to bed and he begs me for a story. I smile at him and pull out my Journal.

I flip through the pages to find one. I

know that Rose has told him all of hers, so I decide I'll do one he doesn't know. Near the back of the Journal I find one of my favorites. The song and the fish. A great special.

I spin the story about the little boy and how the the Doctor became the ghost of Christmas past. I tell how Amelia becomes the ghost of the present and how the grumpy old man meets his past self to show the future.

Tony's eyes are wide as I describe the flying fish and the young woman who can sing to them and control them. I try to leave out all the sad parts. A three year old doesn't need that.

When I'm done, I kiss his forehead goodnight and go to sleep in the guest room.

DWDWDW DWDWDW DWDWDW DWDW

The next morning I find Rose in the living room drinking tea with a thoughtful expression.

"Morning."

She nods a greeting without looking at me. I go to the kitchen and get myself some tea before returning and sitting on the couch next to her.

We sit in silence for a moment like we do most mornings. It's a sort of ritual now after a year of being roommates. That thought always throws me. I've been here a year. And I live with Rose Tyler.

"It's so strange."

I look at her.

"What is?"

"This."

She gestures at herself and I know what she's referring to.

"It's like...I can feel it. All of it. The movement of time. And the beats of both my hearts. And the turn of the earth."

"We're falling through space, you and me."

She looks at me and nods. She's not surprised as much by my quotes of her life. Much.

"Yeah."

"Are you okay with it? You're an alien now."

"Mmm. I think so. It's like...it's like I've always been this way. My body feels natural. It's just my mind is a bit confused. It still remembers being human. But it isn't, an it seems to be easier to process that. It shouldn't be this easy."

I take another sip of tea.

"I wouldn't question it. The universe doesn't make things easy often. Take what you can get while it's offering."

She huffs a laugh.

"Yeah, you're right."

She looks worried and I don't want her to be.

"Everything's going to be fine. You'll see. You're gonna get back, and the Doctor will be so happy. I mean, he's not alone anymore. There's you."

"Or you."

She says it so quietly I barely hear it.

"What? What do you mean?"

"You love him, right? And he had to have loved you. Your Doctor. How could he not? You're brilliant. And beautiful. And brave. You're in love with Doctor."

I don't know what to say to this. Everyone loves the Doctor. That's how it works. But he's fiction. she's waiting for me to say something. She's waiting for me to answer. So I tell the truth.

"It's not that simple."

"Love is never simple"

"No that's not...it's not..."

I sigh and gather my thoughts.

"I love the Doctor. Yes. I think everyone does at some point. But...I'm not in love with him. I love his bravery. I love his kindness. I'm a...fangirl. And I see him as a hero. I'm not in love with the Doctor. I'm in love with the idea of him."

She doesn't seem to understand it all that well but I don't know how else to explain it. Not really.

"He doesn't love me Rose. Even if my Doctor did, and he didn't, your Doctor won't. Because he's yours. And you're his."

"How can you know that?"

I smile. There's so much she can't know. But I can give her a glimpse.

"You love Brad Pitt. But he doesn't love you."

"That doesn't even make sense. Brad Pitt doesn't even know me."

I raise my eyes brow at her.

"Oh. My Doctor doesn't know you."

It's true. He doesn't. But neither did my Doctor. Not that she needs to know the details. My point is still made.

"Why are you helping me? With the canon you could go home but you won't. But still you help me. Why?"

"I've told you why I can't go home. And maybe you don't really understand it but that's how it has to be. It doesn't matter if you never get why. But as to why I'm helping you?"

She looks at me expectantly.

"Because I'm in love with the idea of you. The idea of you and the Doctor. Forever. As it should be. I'm helping you because I need to. Because you're my reason."

"Reason for what?"

"Believing. Living. After everything I've been through It would be easy to give up. But you haven't. The Doctor hasn't. After everything he's been through...I think I can keep going. I just need a reason. You're my reason. You and the Doctor."

"Because you're in love with the idea of us?"

She really doesn't understand but I can't expect her to.

"Let me show you something."

I help her up and I lead her to another room down the hall. There's a large piano here that's never used. I sit at the bench.

"You play?"

I brush my fingers over the black and ivory keys.

"Not for a long time."

I look at her as my fingers remember their place on the instrument.

"I'm in love with a lot of things. But what they all have in common, is love itself. I'm in love with the idea of love. I've felt the love of a parent and a friend. But not the kind that you have for the Doctor. But the idea of that depth of emotion is thrilling."

I look at my hands.

"There's a song. You might know it. I don't know. It's sad and it's hopeful. I think it embodies all the love stories that I root for. The girl who waited and the last centurion. The madman on a cloud and his impossible girl. And the Doctor and Rose Tyler, the bad wolf."

"Those first two sound like fairytales."

"They're all fairytales Rose. Maybe I'll tell you someday."

With that, I begin to play.

I think of Rose and nine. And Rose and ten. Sadness and heartbreak and unspoken words. I think of Amy and Rory and how beautiful their story was. I think of Clara and how she sacrificed herself for the man she loved. A story so sad, because he loved the mystery of her. And she loved the mystery I him. An she lost him and he lost himself but she found herself in it all.

The music swells and I'm no longer in the music room of a fictional house. I'm playing in my living room. And my mom is humming along. And my dad wants to but won't because he knows he'll just ruin it.

I don't know how long I was in the void, but it could have been a thousand years. It feels like that long. But I still love them. Those faded faces from the past. And I know that I always will. For the rest of my life. No matter how short. I know that I'm going to die soon. My song will end. But Rose doesn't. No one but me. And I came to terms with that reality a long time ago.

Everyday, I'm closer. Almost there. My fingers stop moving just for a moment before I softly continue to the end. I pour everything into it. My pain, and my guilt. I resolved never to speak of the Humacra incident to anyone. But what I can't say out loud is said through the black and white keys.

The last vibrations from the piano drift away out the window, I blink back the tears. I smile sadly at Rose and her eyes are a mirror to my own.

"Thank you."

It's for more than the song I know. It's for everything that I have and will do. And it is enough. It has to be.

"Can I ask you something?"

I look at her expectantly.

"When we were in that world, and the evil granny threw me to the ground and you came in?"

"Yeah. What about it?"

She bites her lip.

"Well...your eyes. And...everything about you really. In that moment. It was like..."

She's trying to get something out but I don't understand.

"Like...?"

"Like you were the oncoming storm. You went all oncoming storm. Why?"

I take in a sharp breath. Was that what I was like? I think back. It was over a week ago and so much has happened since. But I remember how I came in and how angry I was. I laughed and raged and wouldn't stop. Nothing could have stopped me I think. And then there was the Humacra incident. I'm more like the oncoming storm than she can possibly know.

"What exactly are you asking me?"

"I dunno. I guess. I'm asking you how. Who are you? Ya know. You came here and for a moment I thought you were me and you said that you were in a way. And then other days you're more the Doctor. In fact, you're like him a lot. You have the same eyes, and know so much and when you came in like that all fire and rage...who are you? Really? You never say."

I suck in a breath and I think. Who am I? I'm not who I was before. I can't be. I couldn't be. Time has changed me. But what have I changed into? Rose asked the Doctor that before. With the Dalek. _It's changin'. What about you Doctor? What the hell are you changin' into? _Who am I?

"Lieutenant Jane Ryder, Torchwood operative, and overseer of the Cannon project. That's who I am."

"That's not what I meant."

"You asked who am. That's who am. A year ago I was someone different. But she's dead Rose. That girl died in a plane accident. This is my life now. It's not pretty and it's not perfect. But this is me and this is who I am. You know me Rose Tyler. You know me as well as anyone can."

She looks at me with searching eyes and I look back, silently begging her to take what I've given and to just let it go. I sigh in relief when she breaks her gaze with acceptance.

I need to move on now. It's time to go to the next step in this process.

"So..."

I grin.

"Tomorrow you're going to jump. Do you want to know where?"

She grins back.


	17. Chapter 17

**Thanks for the reviews. :D I'm glad the last chapter went well. I'd love it if more of you could give me little things to add to the story. Whether it's something of you to put in Jane or if there is a conversation you want to see happen. Please let me know. **

**In other news...**

**Finally! These characters are starting to go somewhere. :)**

"Let me see if I understand. Donna Noble travels with the Doctor, and something is going to happen that causes a parallel world to be built around her. And I'm going to have to make her go back to the moment it broke. Which is going to kill her?"

I had just finished giving Rose a vague account of turn left. I didn't give everything away yet. Just the most important bits.

"Basically. Yeah."

"I have to kill her?"

"Well no. Sort of. It's all a bit, wibbly wobbly, timey wimey."

She raises an eyebrow at me.

"You're using his technical terms now are ya?"

I laugh.

"He says he was first in his class for jiggery pokery but I was ten points higher than him."

And then in a stage whisper I add one more thing.

"Extra credit. Plus I was the teacher's favorite."

Rose laughs at this.

"Of course you were!"

The rest of the day is nice. Neither of us thinks too hard about what needs to be done. Tomorrow would take care of itself.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

It's early morning. Rose and I enter the cannon room and she begins to prepare for the jump.

"Are you sure she's up for this?"

Mickey looks at me with a set jaw.

"She can handle it Smith."

"Maybe I should go too."

"No. You will stand down. Throwing you into this is going to change things that I won't be able to predict. We stick to the script."

"This isn't a movie."

Oh, how wrong he is. But what am gonna do?

"Maybe not Mickey, but if it is, I've seen it before. If we change anything, I don't know the storyline anymore. And things could start to get messy. We are dealing with Daleks here. Do you want to take any chances?"

He grumbles, but he doesn't question me again. I take out my journal and look through my entries on season four. Especial turn left. The timing for all of this is crucial. I can't afford to make any mistakes. This past year has been mentally difficult, but physically it's been rather easy. Today is the day the real work begins. This is my real job. Right here right now.

"I'm ready."

I look at Rose and smirk. Blue leather jacket over a magenta jumper complete with jeans and trainers. She looks exactly how she is suppose to, and I find a bit of comfort in it.

"Alright. Let's get to it."

I feel myself slip into solider mode. I can't make a mistake, which means I have to make sure the people here don't either. I have to be a strong leader, and my voice can't leave any room for an argument.

"Everyone take positions."

I head over to the technician who aims the cannon.

"We're sending her to the last universe I jumped to. But we need to make sure the timing is right."

"What time do I send her to then ma'am?"

"Don't call me ma'am. It makes me feel old."

I pause and think for a moment. I need to send her to the partners in crime episode. With the adipose. But I have no idea when that was. So I make a guess. Funny. No room for mistakes and I'm making guesses.

"2008."

It's early in the season so...spring?

"April."

I have no idea what date. At all.

"Just pick a random day in April 2008 and make it London. Use the key to narrow it further."

"Is that all ma'am...lieutenant I mean?"

I set my jaw. It's gonna have to be good enough.

"Yes. Carry on."

I look at Rose one more time with a raised eyebrow. She nods at me and I continue.

"On my mark. Three, two, one. Fire."

And then Rose disappears in a flash of blue sparks.

It's several minutes before the charge comes back and then all of sudden she's there. She takes a deep breathe.

"Are you alright Rose?"

"Yeah. It was the right universe. It felt right."

"Great. That's good. Did anyone speak to you?"

Rose looks at me startled.

"Yeah. Yeah there was this woman. She was rambling about keys in a bin."

I smile.

"That, Rose Tyler, was Donna Noble. The most important woman in the multiverse."

"That was Donna Noble?"

"Yes!"

I laugh as I spin away.

"Okay. Now we're getting somewhere!"

Rose and Mickey smile and shake their heads.

"Lieutenant. We have a problem. There seems to be some strange reading here."

I head over to the technician and look at the monitor. The lines and squiggles wouldn't make sense if I didn't have an idea of what was wrong. The time lines were splitting. Everything converging on one moving point. Donna. That split line has to be the other universe. The original one we were following is jagged. I don't want to send Rose there again. I smirk. But I will be sending a video.

"Right. The time lines are converging on Donna. A parallel world is compensating around her. Let's hold off on the jumps. Malcolm!"

"Yes?"

"Hook a laptop with a webcam up to this thing. We're going to send a video."

People are scrambling to follow my orders and Mickey is making sure they are efficient. Rose heads over to me.

"Why are they converging on Her?"

I smile slyly at her.

"Spoilers."

Malcolm interrupts before she can question me further.

"Laptop is hooked up and running ma'am."

"Good. Don't call me ma'am. Rose. Try to get the Doctor's attention. Techie!"

The young man from the monitors knows I mean him, and he answers.

"Aim this message for May of 2008."

That's got to be around the sontaran day.

"Use the key to get the message into the TARDIS."

The next half hour really consists of Rose shouting for the Doctor through a laptop. About half way through that I tell Techie to change locations. When he asks where I point to a random spot on the screen in between where we are and where the big knot is. That knot has to be the battle. I'm hoping that it's a good aim for the planet Midnight.

I shiver at the thought of that episode. It had to be one of the most disturbing. I only saw it once. Didn't care for a repeat. I giggle at my own joke.

Finally I tell Rose to stop.

"But we're so close."

"We are, but that doesn't mean a thing. We still have stuff to do. Everyone take a break. We are going to jump again in 30 minutes."

Mickey gapes at me.

"That line is still unstable. And you want to send her into that?!"

"Don't be daft Mickey. I'm sending her into the one running next to it. If I don't, this whole thing blows up in our faces."

"You're out o..."

"Stand down Major!"

We wants to argue but he won't. I pulled rank. He can't do anything about it. So he leaves.

"Better rest up Rose. Things are about to get a lot more tedious."

She puts her hand on my shoulder.

"You should rest too. You look tense."

"I am tense. But I can't rest. Not yet. Too busy."

"At least eat something with me."

I sigh. I might not be able to relax, but my stomach is not going to argue.


	18. Chapter 18

**Turn left. *rubs hands together and chuckles***

I didn't warn her. I didn't warn Rose. Before she jumped all I said was get to the Doctor. So when she comes back crying I feel guilty.

"He's dead."

I pull her into my arms.

"Parallel world. He's not dead. Not really. Time is being rewritten by an idiot. We just have to fix it."

"How?"

I smile at her sadly.

"That's why Donna has to die?"

"Yes."

"What do we do?"

"We get some sleep and come back to this in the morning."

"Jane..."

"No. We all need to sleep. You'll thank me later, trust me."

"Fine."

I don't care if she thanks me. I'll thank me. It's been a long day. We're running on fumes. And with so much more to do we can't risk it.

Of course, Rose doesn't need much sleep anymore. When I wake up she's pacing around keeping herself busy.

"I finally get why the Doctor hated it when I slept so much. How can humans sleep so much?!"

"Watch it Rose. You're impatient time lord is showing. You used to be one of those humans so don't push it."

She huffs. It would all be comical if we weren't in such a stressful situation.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

The next jump is easier. Before Rose goes in I tell her what she needs to know.

"Tell Donna to get out of town for the holidays. She's got a raffle ticket. Tell her to use it."

She doesn't question me. She just goes with it. So she jumps. When she comes back she has a question.

"What's on her back? There's something on her back."

"An idiot."

"What?"

"Rewriting time."

"The thing on her back is rewriting time?"

"Yes."

"What is it?"

I think about it for a minute. There's no reason not to tell her that I can think of.

"A beetle. It feeds off of alternate timelines. Or something like that."

The jump after this is harder. I send Rose to unit and tell her to start using the dying TARDIS to make a crude time machine.

"You're gonna need to send Donna back to the moment it went wrong. Tell unit to start working on it. DON'T tell them your name."

The jump after that, Rose comes back looking a little worse for ware.

"I told her she was going to die. You sure she's coming next time?"

"Yeah. Her world is falling down around her. She be willing to do anything to fix it."

This time when I fire Rose through, I know it will be hard for her. But there's nothing I can do about that. I might remind Rose of the Doctor, but she's the one that had to be him today. Knowing what that feels like makes it even harder to send her in.

When she comes back, she's crying. I give her a moment to compose herself.

"Just one more Rose. Then that's it. We can save the universe. The Daleks will die, the stars will come back, and you'll be with the Doctor. "

"Something to look forward to. But I could do without Donna having to die."

I sigh, making a promise to myself. Donna won't die if I can help it. I still hate promises, but I am determined to keep this one.

"One more. Whisper 'bad wolf' in her ear as a message for the Doctor. Then we arm ourselves."

She nods.

"It's not just the Doctor we need is it? It's both of them. Those readings. You never explained very well but it's not the bug. Reality is bending around her, always has. We need both of them."

This scares me. If it's all around her still can I even stop it? Can I take Donna's place? Yes. I can. I swore it.

"Yeah. We need then both. Take position."

I start the count down.

"Three, two, one, fire."

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

Rose lands down the street from a commotion. She hears people saying that someone got hit by a lorry.

She knows who it was without having to see her. She makes her way through the crowd. As she walks forward she feels like a ghost. No one notices her. No one cares. All of these people are just clueless to the world around them. They are clueless to the sacrifice this woman made for them

It was painful to send Donna here. Knowing that she was going to die. And when Donna thought she understood that she would just die here, that this version would simply cease to exist, Rose couldn't lie to her. Donna would still remember dying here. And then there was Jane. The way she said that Donna would die made Rose think there was a lot more to it.

Rose understands Jane a little more now. She walks through the world, knowing what to expect. Knowing the names and faces of people long before they know hers. They must all be like Donna to her. It must be how the Doctor sees things too. They're so similar. The Doctor and Jane Ryder. And Rose thinks that maybe she's a bit like them now too.

She's seen so much. She has an idea of what to expect will happen before it does. She's had to kill for the sake of the universe. It hurts. But she can't even really regret it. Because the universe made it necessary. How cruel is that?

Rose kneels down beside the dying woman. It's so similar to kneeling by her dying father that she nearly sobs again. No one notices. She's a creature of time now. Like the Doctor. Like the TARDIS. Perception filters must run in their blood, in their being. No matter where they went the Doctor never needed to change clothes. Perhaps this is why.

Rose shakes herself. The time for distraction is over. She has a job to do.

"Tell him this. Two words."

And she leans down and whispers the name she scattered through time and space and dimensions. And when she pulls back the woman's eyes close and her final breath rattles out of her lungs. Rose Tyler, the Bad Wolf, walks away without looking back, and disappears in a flash blue light.


	19. Chapter 19

**Planets in the sky! Finally!**

When Rose comes back I take a deep and steady breath. There's no more time to wait any more. There's nothing else that needs to be done. We are nearing the end. At least for me. That's the plan.

But in order for that plan to work, I have to go with Rose. Not on my own. Not with Mickey and Jackie, but with Rose. Which reminds me. I pull Mickey aside for a quick discussion as Rose gears up with a gun that's ridiculously large.

"You can't let Jackie come."

"What?"

"You're going to follow. I know that. But I want Jackie to stay out of it. Don't let her come. We'll need you, but not her. Got it?"

"You got it babe. Just me. But I'll definitely be there."

I pat his head.

"Good boy."

"Ha ha. Very funny. I'm not a tin dog."

"No you're not. You never really were."

Rose heads over with her gun. Seriously. That thing is huge. I don't even want to know how much it weighs. But I suppose I'll have to.

"Okay. I'm ready. Send me through?"

"Not yet."

I walk to the selection of weapons and I select my large gun. It's a little smaller than hers, and a bit more sleek in design. It doesn't pack as much of a punch and won't do nearly as much damage, but it works well enough.

"Wot are you doing?"

"I'm coming with you."

"I thought you said you didn't want to interfere."

"That was before. This is now. I'm coming."

I cock my weapon. She gives me her tongue to teeth grin.

"Now you're gettin' it."

"Positions everyone!"

Since I'm going with Rose, Mickey is the one to give orders and start the countdown.

"Everyone ready?"

Rose winks and I give a lazy, two fingered salute.

"On my mark."

This is it. I'm about to meet the Doctor.

"Three."

I'm going to see the TARDIS.

"Two."

I'm going to fight Daleks.

"One."

Wait. Daleks! What the hell am I thinking?! This was a bad idea.

"Fire."

Before I even have a chance to bail or even properly panic on the outside, we're already on the streets of London. And the sky is filled with planets that shouldn't be there.

"Right. Now we're in trouble."

I turn to Rose as she cocks her gun. I look back at the sky and reply.

"It's only just beginning."

We begin to walk through the panic stricken streets. People everywhere are running around like headless chickens. Shouting and crying. I can't really blame them. I knew it was coming and I'm still a bit spooked. Seeing animation on tellie is nothing compared to the reality of it all.

"End of the world darlin'. End of the stinkin' world!"

A drunk man staggers by us, and Rose answers with with an indulging smile.

"Have one on us, mate."

I roll my eyes at her but smile anyway. Despite everything, it's a kind of cool to be on this side of it. It's easy to detach myself from the fear of everything. But I'm walking down the street with Rose Tyler. Guns in hand. She has her leather jacket. I have my original travel outfit. Well, sort of. The jeans are new. And so is the bow necklace around my neck. But I still have my shirt and my red hoodie. What would little red riding hood be without her red hoodie?

We walk into a shop and there's a couple of punks about to rob it in the chaos.

"Right. You two! You can put that stuff down or you can run for your lives."

They look at us skeptically but then Rose cocks her weapon and I steal one of my favorite lines. Sort of.

"Do you like her gun?"

They run past us out the store and I giggle. I'm borderline crazy right now but I can't seem to make myself care. Rose sits down and looks at the screen.

"Twenty seven planets. But what are they for?"

She turns to me for answers. I smile apologetically.

"Spoilers."

Before she can press for answers, we hear it.

"Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!"

We walk out the shop and look up into the sky. The Dalek ship is enormous and gives me a sick feeling in my stomach. I haven't heard the voice of a Dalek in a year. But it chills me to the bone.

Without needing to say a word to each other, Rose and I walk away as the Dalek ship shoots at the earth. We've trained together in the Torchwood gym. I've been over what needs to happen here with her a hundred times. There's no need for words. So we simply walk away. I can hear the explosion behind us. I even feel it, but neither of us bothers to look back at it.

We make it into what we have learned is Donna's neighborhood. We turn a corner and I can see Wilf and Sylvia facing off with a Dalek.

"Halt! You will come with me."

Rose and share a glance and she readies her weapon. I prefer not to fire until I absolutely have to. If I absolutely have to.

"Will I, 'eck!"

I smile at Wilf as he bravely shoots the eye with a paint ball. It really was clever. Too bad it didn't work.

"My vision is not impaired!"

"I warned you dad."

We are rushing forward now so that Rose can have a cleaner shot.

"Hostility will not be tolerated. Exterminate! Exterminate! Extermin..."

The explosion from the gun was louder than I expected. But I guess that makes sense. When the smoke clears, the father and daughter look between us and the smoking wreckage.

"Do you want to swap?"

Rose looks a bit stunned. I curse myself for not warning her. I never mentioned that Danny and Donna were technically the same. I'd figured it would have made turn left more difficult for her. But I should have said something. I need to speak now.

"You're Donna Noble's family, right?"

Wilf nods. I smile warmly.

"I'm Jane Ryder and this is Rose Tyler. We need your help."

They take us back to their house and Rose manages to get over her shock.

"Can you get a hold of Donna?"

Sylvia is making tea and I sit quietly while I let Rose take the lead again.

"Yeah, I've tried calling her, but I can't get through! But she's still with the Doctor, I know that much and the last time she phoned, it, it was from a planet called Midnight, made of diamonds!"

"What the hell are you two on about?"

Sylvia doesn't understand what she's hearing. I wouldn't either if was her. No ones being very clear. It's really a 'you had to have been there' sort of story.

"Look, she's out there, sweetheart. Your daughter. She's travelling the stars, with that Doctor, she always has been!"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Oh, come on open your eyes! Look at the sky! Look at, look at the Daleks! You can't start denying things now!"

"You're my last hope. If we can't find Donna, we can't find the Doctor... Where is he?!"

This last question, Rose is directing at me. I sigh. I can't tell her yet. It's not time yet.

"Soon Rose."

She's frustrated with me. But she understands why I stay silent so she doesn't push me. No matter how much she might want to strangle answers out of me right now.

A transmission comes on that is being broadcast to the whole planet.

"This is the Commander General of the United Nations calling the Dalek Fleet. We surrender, repeat, we surrender. Planet Earth surrenders."

Sylvia is crying as her father holds her. Rose looks at me with desperation. I smile at her, hoping it's enough reassurance. It's all I have to give at the moment.

"Humans selected for testing will follow Dalek instructions. The Daleks reign supreme. All hail the will obey Dalek instructions without question. You will obey your Dalek Ma..."

The transmission is cut off and I smirk, knowing exactly what's going on.

"Can anyone hear me? The Subwave Network is open. You should be able to hear my voice... Is there anyone there?"

Rose walks over to the computer.

"I know that voice."

"Can anyone hear me?"

I laugh. "Finally."

"This message is of the utmost importance. We haven't much time... Can anyone hear me?"

TBC...


	20. Chapter 20

**There's not a lot of difference in the next few chapters but there is some. A few of the changes could be important so...transcripts make dialogue so much easier right? :)**

I hear Gwen's voice before I see her. "Someone's trying to get in touch."

And then Torchwood appears on the screen and my inner fan girl squeals at the sight of them.

"The whole world's crying out. Just leave it."

"Captain Jack Harkness, shame on you! Now stand to attention, sir!"

Harriet Jones finally comes into focus on the screen.

"What?!" Jack is shocked and Gwen is curios.

"Who is that?"

"Harriet Jones, former Prime Minister."

Jack looks amused. "Yeah, I know who you are."

I'm brought back to the Nobles house when Rose exclaims next to me.

"Harriet! It's me, it's me. Oh, she can't hear me... Have you got a webcam?"

Wilf points at Sylvia. "No, she wouldn't let me, she said they're naughty."

"They can be," I say off handedly but no one pays me any mind.

"I can't speak to her then, can I?"

I place a comforting hand on Rose's shoulder. Harriet's voice calls out again.

"Sarah Jane Smith, 13 Bannerman Road, are you there?"

"Yeah. Yeah I'm here! Yeah, that's me!"

"Good. Now, let's see if we can talk to each other."

The screen gets divided to four parts, Harriet, the Hub and Sarah Jane are all there. But one space remains empty. And I know who it's for.

"The fourth contact seems to be having some trouble getting through."

"That's me! Harriet! That's me!"

I try to tell Rose that it's not. But it's no use. She's not paying attention to me right now.

"I'll just boost the signal."

Martha appears and I feel a grin split my face. There may have been times that I hated Martha. She fell in love with the Doctor far too fast, even knowing he loved someone else. I found her a little needy. But the way she faced The Family was brave. And then she walked the earth and defeated the Master. She was strong enough to get out after that. She became herself after that. And I loved her for it. She walked for a year in a world that should never have been. I can relate.

"Hello?"

Jack laughs. "Martha Jones!"

"Who's she? I want to get through!"

I shake my head.

"Quit whining Rose. She's brilliant. Martha Jones, the girl who walked the Earth. She saved the universe from a madman. Practically all by herself. She traveled with the Doctor. He only takes the best you know. And I like her. So shut it!"

She gapes at me, but then turns her attention back to the screen looking a little apologetic. Jack speaks up.

"Martha, where are you?!"

"I guess Project Indigo was more clever than we thought. One second I was in Manhattan...Next second...Maybe Indigo tapped into my mind. Cos I ended up in the one place that I wanted to be."

Her mum appears next to her.

"You came home... At the end of the world, you came back to me."

Martha smiles before turning back to the screen.

"But then all of a sudden, it's like the laptop turned itself on."

Harriet flashes her badge.

"It did. That was me. Harriet Jones, former Prime Minister."

"Yes, I know who you are."

I sigh. "Doesn't she get the fact that people know her already. Seriously! Is she that insecure?"

Rose shushes me as Harriet continues.

"I thought it was about time we all met. Given the current crisis. Torchwood, this is Sarah Jane Smith."

"I've been following your work. Nice job with the Slitheen."

I shake my head as Jack begins to flirt.

"Yeah, well I've been staying away from you lot. Too many guns!"

"All the same, might I say, looking good, ma'am."

"Really? Oh."

"Man Jack! Put it away! Too many guns indeed," I scoff. Rose snickers.

"Not now, Captain. And Martha Jones, former companion to the Doctor."

"But how did you find me?"

"This, ladies and gentlemen, this is the Subwave Network. A sentient piece of software, programmed to seek out anyone and everyone who can help to contact the Doctor."

Martha responds with a practical question.

"What if the Daleks can hear us?"

"No, that's the beauty of the Subwave, it's undetectable."

Sarah Jane looks impressed. "And you invented it?"

"I developed it. It was created by the Mr Copper Foundation."

The conversation moves to the Osterhagen key. I shiver. I don't like the idea of it. I like to think that Martha never would have actually used it but...Sarah Jane interrupts my mental musings.

"Oh excuse me, Harriet, but, well the thing is, if you're looking for the Doctor... didn't he depose you?"

"He did. And I've wondered about that for a long time. Whether I was wrong, but I stand by my actions, to this day. Because I knew, I knew that one day, the Earth would be in danger, and the Doctor would fail to appear. I told him so myself. And he didn't listen."

"But I've been trying to find him. The Doctor's got my phone on the TARDIS, but I can't get through."

Rose glares at her phone.

"Nor me. Not that he was ever good at answering the phone anyway."

"That's why we need the Subwave. To bring us all together, combine forces. The Doctor's secret army."

"Wait a minute... we boost the signal! That's it! We transmit that telephone number through Torchwood itself, using all the power of the Rift..."

I begin to grin. The companions are getting clever, and I'm right in the middle of it. Maybe this is worth the Daleks. Or not. Maybe not.

"And we've got Mr Smith! He can link up with every telephone exchange on the Earth! He can get the whole world to call the same number, all at the same time! Billions of phones, calling out, all at once!"

"That a boy Luke!" Rose rolls her eyes at me good naturedly.

"Haha, brilliant! Who's the kid?"

"That's my son!" Sarah Jane says proudly.

Ianto steps onto the screen.

"Excuse me, sorry, sorry, hello, Ianto Jones. Um, if we start transmitting, then this Subwave Network is going to become visible. I mean, to the Daleks."

"Yes, and they'll trace it back to me. But my life doesn't matter. Not if it saves the Earth."

Jack salutes and so do I.

"Ma'am."

"Thank you, Captain. But there are people out there dying, on the streets."

"Marvellous woman. I voted for her," Wilf exclaims.

"You did not." Sylvia contradicts. I'm not sure who I believe.

"Now enough of words. Let's begin!"

The Hub gets busy. "Rift Power activated!"

"All terminals coordinated!" "National grid online... giving you everything we've got!"

Sarah Jane doesn't waste time either. "Connecting you to Mr Smith!" "All telephone networks combined! Sending you the number... now!"

Harriet finishes her final act. "Opening Subwave Network to maximum."

"Mr Smith... make that call!"

"Calling the Doctor!" Mr. Smith proclaims.

"So am I," Rose types the number furiously.

"Aaand sending!"

Sparks start flying in the Hub.

"I think we've got a fix!"

"Mr Smith, now at 200%. Oh, come on, Doctor!"

I don't have a phone so I just sit there as Rose and Wilf and Sylvia are busy making the call.

"Find me, Doctor. Find me."

"A saucer's locked on to your location, they've found you..."

"I know. I'm using the Network to mask your transmission. Keep going!"

"Exterminate!"

"Captain, I'm transferring the Subwave Network to Torchwood, you're in charge now. And tell the Doctor from me... he chose his companions well. It's been an honour."

She stands up to face the three Daleks smashing their way into her house. I watch with sadness as she flashes her ID.

"Harriet Jones. Former Prime Minister."

"Yes, we know who you are."

"Oh, you know nothing of any human. And that will be your downfall."

"Exterminate!"

And then there is nothing but white noise. Rose strangles a sob. It only takes a moment, but then the Doctor and Donna are on the screen where Harriet used to be.

"There you are Raggedy Man!"

Rose gasps and I'm laughing. I haven't seen him in a year. I missed his daft face. We might be in the middle of a war zone, but I am determined I enjoy this. Yeah. It's worth it.


	21. Chapter 21

Jack is a little upset.

"Where the hell have you been?! Doctor, it's the Daleks!"

"He's a bit nice, I thought he'd be older," Gwen cocks her head.

"He's not that young," Ianto sounds just a bit jealous. Interesting.

"It's the Daleks, they are taking people to their spaceship..."

Sarah Jane and Martha are talking at once.

"...it's not just Dalek Caan!"

"That's Donna!" Sylvia exclaims.

Wilf sits up straighter with pride. "That's my girl!"

"Sarah Jane! Who's that boy? That must be Torchwood. Aren't they brilliant? Look at you all, you clever people."

I grin. The Doctor is here. The Doctor is here.

Donna points at the screen. "That's Martha. And who's he?"

"Captain Jack. Don't. Just... don't."

I rub Roses shoulders as she sees the man she loves for the first time in four years.

"Doctor, it's me, I came back."

"It's like an outer space Facebook."

The Doctor's forlorn reply makes me cry inside. It's different now. I was invested before, but now I'm actually connected to it.

"Everyone except Rose."

The screen goes white and I brace myself. I only half listen as Davros speaks to the Doctor. I've heard it before. Many times. I don't need to hear it again. Not in person. I have to focus. I hear the Doctor sing song his final word on the matter. "Bye!" The conversation ends and Rose pulls out her phone.

"Control? I need another shift. Lock us on to the Tardis. Now!"

She hands up. "Right, we're gonna find them. Wish us luck!"

"Oh, good luck!"

I hand my gun to Wilf. It's better to get rid of the temptation. "Here. You need this more than I do. Don't use it unless you absolutely have to."

"Oh, thank you. Good luck, ladies."

Then Rose and I disappear in a flash of blue light. We reappear in the middle of a deserted street. I turn around, looking for a familiar box. When I see it, I start to point it out to Rose, but she's already slowly walking toward it.

I force myself to stand back. I don't have the gun anymore, so I won't shoot the Dalek, but I still have to keep out of the way. The meta crisis has to happen for any of this to work. And it all starts with this moment. This is the first domino to fall.

I see the Doctor turn. I watch from a distance as he moves forward on shaky legs. And then they're both running. They're so close.

"Exterminate!"

I shut my eyes as I hear the shot ring out. And then I move. I run toward Rose and the Doctor. I hear a gunshot and I know that Jack has arrived. I reach them as Rose pulls the Doctor's head onto her lap.

"I've got you, it missed you. Look, it's me."

"Rose.."

"Hi."

My heart breaks during the exchange. Rose is going to be very mad at me.

"Long time no see..."

"Yeah, been busy, y'know."

He yells in pain.

"Don't die, oh, my God, don't die. Oh, my god, don't die."

Donna and Jack get to us and Jack starts giving orders.

"Get him into the Tardis, quick. Move!"

Rose and Donna help the Doctor up, and half carry/half drag him back the TARDIS. I pick up Rose's gun and Jack and I fall into a common defense pattern to cover us as we head to safety. I was right. The gun is heavy.

I step into the TARDIS for the first time as the Doctor is being laid on the grating. I'm tempted to rush out and do the run around like everybody else does but I can't. I don't have the luxury. It's amazing. Even knowing to expect the inside to be bigger it still throws you. It's a bit like jet lag, except it's with space instead of time. It's a bit ironic. Donna's worried voice brings me back to the moment.

"What do we do?! There must be some medicine, or something."

I head over and place a comforting hand on her shoulder. Jack is pulling Rose away from the Doctor.

"Just step back. Rose! Do as I say, and get back! He's dying and you know what happens next."

"What d'you mean?"

"Oh, no, I came all this way."

Rose turns on me.

"Why?! You knew this was going to happen but you didn't stop it!"

"What d'you mean? What going to happen?"

Poor Donna is so lost but I can't explain it to her. I look at Rose.

"I'm sorry. But there is a reason for it. You just have to trust me."

She looks like she's about lay into me but we all get distracted by a golden glow. We all look at the Doctor as he lifts his glowing hand to his face.

"It's starting..."

I move toward the Doctor as Jack puts his arms around the other two women.

"Stay back. Here we go. Good luck, Doctor!"

"Will someone please tell me what is going on?!"

I subtly catch the Doctor's attention. He looks at me. He has no idea who I am but there isn't really time right now. I discretely gesture to his hand in the jar. He looks from me to the hand and back again. Realization dawns on his face and I smile as I back away. All this happens as Rose answers Donna's question.

"When he's dying, his-his body... it-it repairs itself. It changes. But you can't!"

"I'm sorry, it's too late. I'm regenerating."

And with that, he bursts into golden light. I realize that Jack and Donna have never seen this. Rose has seen it once. I've seen it many times. Once I saw it in person. When Rose changed, at least on the inside. He thrusts the remaining energy into hand and then the light stops. He straightens up looking the same as he did. And I'm the only one not surprised.

"Now then. Where were we?"

He leans down and checks on his extra hand.

"There now."

He blows on it and it stops glowing. At least he didn't lick it. I roll my eyes at the thought.

"You see? Used the regeneration energy to heal myself, but soon as I was done, I didn't need to change. I didn't want to. Why would I? Look at me."

I scoff at that but he continues.

"So, to stop the energy going all the way, I siphoned off the rest into a handy bio-matching receptacle, namely my hand. My hand there. My handy spare hand. Remember? Christmas Day, Sycorax. Lost my hand in a sword fight? That's my hand. What do you think?"

Rose approaches him uncertainly.

"You're still you?"

"I'm still me."

I can't help being sarcastic.

"No Rose. Can't you tell? He's a completely different person!"

But both she and the Doctor ignore me. Instead, she flings her arms around him as he lifts her into his arms. I grin like a loon. As it should be.

I'm not surprised when Jack turns his attention to me. I was actually expecting it.

"Captain Jack Harkness. And who might you be?"

I give him my most flirtatious smile and reply.

"Lieutenant Jane Ryder. Way out of your league."

He laughs and so do I as I pull him into a hug. I can't help it. He's totally awesome. I keep it short and friendly though. No need for him to get the wrong idea. Donna is practically drooling.

"You can hug me now, if you want. No, really. You can hug me."

Jack looks a tad frightened of the red head and it makes me giddy. The feeling doesn't last though because then the power goes out.

"They've got us. Power's gone. Some kind of chronon loop."

We all scramble for purchase as the TARDIS jerks and tilts. I take a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. I've just about reached the end of the line. I'm nearly at my journey's end.


	22. Chapter 22

**Hello, Captain Jack Harkness. All of you who have reviewed get a hug from me. Violet says I give good hugs. ;) If you want a hug, all you have to do is press the button. And if you give many reviews, maybe I'll...STOP! We don't need to know. **

**Sorry. Jack is a little, well, you know. He does give good hugs though. Anyway, I'm on a roll so you get more reading material today. Enjoy! And thank you. :D**

Before I can continue with my morbid train of thought, Jack's voice interrupts.

"There's a massive Dalek ship at the centre of the planets. They're calling it the Crucible. Guess that's our destination."

"You said these planets were like an engine. But what for?"

And the Doctor thought Rose always asked the right questions. Not that she didn't, by she's not the only one. Martha did from time to time and all Donna does is ask questions.

"Rose, you two have been in a parallel world."

The Doctor indicted to me as he speaks to Rose.

"That world's running ahead of this universe. You've seen the future. What was it?"

"It's the darkness," she says.

"The stars were going out," I add.

"One by one. We looked up at the sky and they were just dying. Basically, we've been building this, er, this travel machine, this, this er, dimension cannon, so I could. Well, so I could..."

She filters and I roll my eyes. Why can't these two just get over the secret crush phase? It's not even a secret! To anyone!

"What?"

"So I could come back."

He gives a goofy grin and I resist the urge to facepalm. On screen it was cute. Here in person, it's sickening sweet. Just kiss already like normal people! But I say nothing because we are in the middle of a very big problem.

"Shut up. Anyway, suddenly, it started to work and the dimensions started to collapse. Not just in our world, not just in yours, but the whole of reality. Even the Void was dead. Something is destroying everything."

Donna interrupts.

"In that parallel world, you said something about me."

"The dimension cannon could measure timelines, and it's, it's weird, Donna, but they all seemed to converge on you."

The cannon isn't the only thing that can see time lines. But Rose, the time lady, would be hard pressed to mention it. I'm still waiting for the Doctor to notice. There's a lot going on but you would think he would notice. But no. He's just thick. He's Mr. Thickety-thick from thick...you know where I'm going with this and I don't have time to finish the thought.

"But why me? I mean, what have I ever done? I'm a temp from Chiswick."

"Oh Donna, when are you going to stop selling yourself short."

Before anyone can remark on my exasperated comment, we are distracted. The scanner beeps, and then the Doctor makes an ominous statement.

"The Dalek Crucible. All aboard."

We can hear the mechanical voices of the enemy just outside.

"The Tardis is secured."

"Doctor, you will step forth or die."

"We'll have to go out. Because if we don't, they'll get in."

"You told me nothing could get through those doors."

"You've got extrapolator shielding."

"Last time we fought the Daleks, they were scavengers and hybrids, and mad."

I don't want to be left out of the conversation so I pick up the rest of it.

This is a full on Dalek Empire, at the height of its power. Experts at fighting Tardises, they can do anything. Right now, that wooden door is just wood."

In my head I add that the sonic screwdriver doesn't work on wood but it's not exactly pertinent information. Rose is nodding at me to say that she understands. Jack looks I just I just said something really inappropriate for anything outside of a bedroom. One track mind, seriously. The Doctor looks stunned, interested, and put out all at the same time. I did just steal the words out of his mouth so i can understand. Donna stands unhearing and unseeing. I know what she must be hearing and I clench my teeth. Donna lives.

Jack shakes himself from his daydream an looks to Rose. "What about your dimension jump?"

"It needs another twenty minutes. And anyway, I'm not leaving."

"What about your teleport?"

"Went down with the power loss."

I snort. "So much for advanced technology."

"Right then. All of us together. Yeah. Donna?"

She's staring off into space.

"Donna?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry. There's nothing else we can do."

Maybe the Doctor can't. But I can.

"No, I know."

"Surrender, Doctor, and face your Dalek masters."

"Crucible on maximum alert."

"Daleks."

"Oh, God."

"It's been good, though, hasn't it? All of us. All of it. Everything we did."

He indicates to all of us in turn.

"You were brilliant. And you were brilliant. And you were brilliant. And I bet you would've been brilliant. Blimey."

I shake my head in annoyance.

"For God's sake, we're not dead yet."

All of their faces convey that try believe that we are. We're dead. Rose is the only one who looks at me with a little hope. I haven't steered her wrong yet. Why start now. Though it does seem rather hopeless.

The Doctor opens the door and Jack and Rose follow him out. Donna moves to follow but seems to get distracted. I move to push her out but the voice outside stops me.

"Daleks reign supreme. All hail the Daleks!"

"Daleks reign supreme. All hail the Daleks! Daleks reign supreme. All hail the Daleks!"

If I push her out now, they might shoot her instead of Jack. Or any other number of things could happen. I can deviate, but only so much. If I go too far, I might make things worse not better.

"Daleks reign supreme. All hail the Daleks! Daleks reign supreme. All hail the Daleks!"

"Behold, Doctor. Behold the might of the true Dalek race."

"Donna! You're no safer in there."

I hear Rose call my name before the doors slam shut. Donna snaps out of it and rushes forward.

"Doctor? What have you done?"

His voice comes from the other side.

"It wasn't me. I didn't do anything."

"Oi! Oi, I'm not staying behind!"

"It's not his fault Donna."

She ignores me. We start to de materialize.

"Doctor!"

She seems to fade out again and then turns toward the hand, which is glowing and twitching. I take a deep breath and go to move toward it. But something stops me. It's like an invisible wall separating me from Donna and the hand.

I begin to frantically run my hands over it. I'm looking for an opening but there isn't even a crack. Donna is still moving toward it.

"Donna! No! Don't touch it! Get away! Donna!"

I'm shouting and bagging but she is oblivious. She has no idea what's going on. She has no idea what is happening. And I don't either. Not like this. I sob as I know what it will mean for her. I scratch at the wall. What is it? Why is it here? I hear a hum in my mind and I feel the vibrations around me. The TARDIS is doing this? Why? But she can't answer me.

As Donna reaches forward I shout again as more tears pour forth. The glow increases. I can't help but watch in awe as a body grows from the single appendage. And then he's sitting there. The meta crisis, and Donna is back in her self.

"It's you!"

"Oh, yes!"

"You're naked."

"Oh, yes."

If I hadn't been so preoccupied with how I needed to change the plan, I would have laughed. But I was preoccupied. Plan A, letting it work itself out, wasn't going to work for me. Plan 2...No... B, take Donna's place. That hadn't worked for some reason the TARDIS couldn't tell me. It was time for Plan C.


	23. Chapter 23

**I know, I know. There are reasons. Read, and you'll find out. Eventually**.

The wall falls away and I head into the bowels of the TARDIS as the meta crisis flies us into the vortex, and out of harms way. I'm rather angry with the TARDIS for stopping my mission and she knows it. She leads me directly to the wardrobe and front and center is already the suit I want. Complete with the red converse on top.

I grab it and look up. "Don't think this means I'll forgive you."

She hums in my mind and I stock back to the console room. Donna is hanging on and the Doctor is busy trying to do something on the controls. He spins around with a grin.

"There! All safe."

"Oi."

I fling the clothes at him and they smack him in the face.

"Put some pants on!"

"It's just skin."

"I second her motion!"

"There. Donna said so too. Put it away."

He rolls his eyes and mutters about how we humans always have our minds in the gutter but gets dressed quickly anyway. I smile to myself, knowing that he's now one of those humans. When he's finished he starts rambling.

"All repaired. Lovely. Shush. No one knows we're here. Got to keep quiet. Silent running, like on submarines when you can't even drop a spanner. Don't drop a spanner! I like blue. Good choice. What do you think?"

"You are bonkers."

"Why? What's wrong with blue?"

"Is that what Time Lords do? Lop a bit off, grow another one? You're like worms."

"No, no, no, no, no. I'm unique. Never been another like me. Because all that regeneration energy went into the hand. Look at my hand. I love that hand. But then you touched it. Wham! Shush. Instantaneous biological metacrisis. I grew out of you. Still, could be worse."

Here comes the banter.

"Oi, watch it, spaceman."

"Oi, watch it, Earth girl. Ooo. I sound like you. I sound all, all sort of rough."

"Oi! "

"Oi!"

"Oi!"

I got to stop this before it comes out of hand.

"Shut it!"

"Spanners. Shush. I must have picked up a bit of your voice, that's all. Is it? Did I? No. Oh, you are kidding me. No way. One heart. I've only got one heart. This body has got only one heart."

"What, like you're human?"

"Oh, that's disgusting."

"Oi!" I'm offended but also find the whole thing hilarious.

"Oi!"

"Stop it," Donna says it this time.

"No, wait. I'm part Time Lord, part human. Well, isn't that wizard?"

"I kept hearing that noise, that heartbeat."

"Oh, that was me. My single heart. Because I'm a complicated event in time and space. Must have rippled back, converging on you."

"But why me?"

"Because you're special." I say it as earnestly as I can. The Doctor nods in agreement.

"Oh, I keep telling you, I'm not."

"No, but you are. Oh. You really don't believe that, do you? I can see, Donna, what you're thinking. All that attitude, all that lip, because all this time you think you're not worth it."

"Stop it."

"Shouting at the world because no one's listening. Well, why should they?"

"Doctor? Stop it."

"But look at what you did. No, it's more than that. It's like we were always heading for this. You came to the Tardis. And you found me again. Your granddad. Your car. Donna, your car. You parked your car right where the Tardis was going land. That's not coincidence at all! We've been blind. Something's been drawing us together for such a long time."

"But you're talking like destiny. There's no such thing. Is there?"

"It's still not finished. It's like the pattern's not complete. The strands are still drawing together. But heading for what?"

He looks at me and I try not to look sad and defeated. I put on a cheeky grin and say the first word that comes to mind.

"Spoilers."

He gives me an intense look. Looking up and down and back at my face. I feel trapped in his gaze.

"Jane was it?"

"Yeah. Jane Ryder."

"No. What your real name?"

"That is my real name."

"No its not. Who are you? What your name?"

"What's yours?! You are the last person to be critiquing me for my choice in name. I have my reasons, just like you do."

He's about to make a retort but an alert from the console grabs his attention.

"It's the planets. The twenty seven planets."

Donna and I flank him to see what he's looking at.

"Single string Z-neutrinos compressed. No way."

There's a small explosion.

"What was it? Doctor, what did it do?"

"Shush. I need parts."

He rushes into the corridor and Donna and I follow. He leads us into the depths of the TARDIS and then into a storage room filled with lots of mechanical looking stuff. Donna looks annoyed.

"Doctor what are we doing in here?"

"I need to build a thing. A very important thing."

My lips quirk up as I add, "Respect the thing."

"You're both bonkers."

"No not really. Just a little off our rockers that's all."

"Right, Donna. I need this thing. It's small. And it's green. Possibly yellow. Anyway, it's sort of crescent shaped. And it's that way. I need you to find it."

With that he grabs my hand and drags me in the other direction.

"Oi! Where you going with her."

She eyes him suspiciously.

"She's gonna help me find other little things. And I don't trust her alone."

"Oi!"

He ignores me and drags me away as a satisfied Donna goes the other way. He grabs some things off shelves and stuffs them into his pockets and then turns to me.

"Alright, explain. Why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying."

"Not now, but you were. Your eyes are still red."

I sigh. Time to start on plan C.

"Because that meta crisis went both ways."

He sucks in a breath.

"Well that's fine. She just has to be careful. A catalyst could..."

"You mean like getting shot? That could trigger all the Doctor memories in her head. Everything. But the thing is...without that happening, we loose. I tried to change it but..."

I trail off. I can't admit that I failed yet. His eyes widen in understanding.

"You were going to take her place."

I nod.

"Parallel world. You knew this was all going to happen but, you can't be Pete's world either. That doesn't make sense."

"Well I'm not. But I've seen all this before. And I have a plan."

"Plans are good. What's the plan."

"Do you still have telepathy?"

"I should. It won't be as strong but I can still feel the TARDIS and Donna, even you a little. But those connections are faint. Always have been. Why?"

"Let me show you."

I take his hands and I place that at my temples.

"Just don't look at what I don't show you, yeah?"

"You trust me?"

"Believe it or not, I know you a bit. So yeah. I trust you."

He nods and closes his eyes. I follow his lead. It's a strange feeling, having someone else in your head. But not unpleasant. I dredge up the memory of Donna saving the day. I don't let him in on scents. That could give things away. So could sight, so I only let him see glimpses here and there. But I do let him have full access to the audio. He needs to hear everything that Donna is doing.

When he reaches the end and pulls out my brain feels a little funny. Like a muscle I haven't stretched before. His hands move to my shoulders to keep me steady.

"You good?"

"Yeah."

"You really have lived through this before...right. Ok. Why show me that? I still don't get the plan."

"You have those memories too. You know how to do what I showed you just now. Give me the knowledge. I can still take Donna's place. She'll have to live a quiet life but she'll keep her memories. She'll live."

"No, no. The pain would be too much. It's one thing to look at a memory you already had, it's quite another to force feed several into it."

"I can handle it."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do. You don't know me. I have been through a lot of pain. I floated in the void and survived. You think that was painless? Not by a long shot. And that's just the start of it."

"I'll do it. You run out with the thing, and I'll do Donna's job."

"That won't work. You're the Doctor. You really think Davros isn't going to lock you up? Of course he is. It has to be me."

I switch tones and try a softer approach.

"I can handle it."

He sighs and then nods. I smile and he raises his fingertips to my head.

"Brace yourself."

He's right. It's painful this time. Before it was just a gentle touch. This is an unnatural force pushing into my mind. The pain is bad but I can't let it be. So I focus on remembering the pain from the void, and loosing my family and friends, and the incident with the Macra. His voice sounds like it's underwater as he says that he's making the shot as the trigger for me just like it would have been for Donna.

When he pulls out, I'm shaking with a massive headache. But I take a deep breath and I focus. Just in time, because that's when Donna is back.

"I found the yellow-green crescent thing."

"Brilliant!"

He takes it from her, glances at me and then rushes out of the room with Donna hot on his heels. I'm grateful for that. We can't let Donna see me clutching my head. She'd blame him. It is his fault but mine too. When the pain is manageable, I move toward the door. That's when I see it. The TARDIS put it right in my path. I pick it up and place my hand on the wall.

"Alright. You're forgiven."

The vibrations comes off as smug to me and admonish her for it.

"Don't make me take it back."

With that, I rush to the console room to join the other two.


	24. Chapter 24

**More thanks for reviews! I don't know about brilliant but I do try to be somewhat clever. :P But we don't want to hear about me. We want to know what in the multiverse Jane Ryder is going to do! Please continue. (R&amp;R)**

I walk into the control room as Donna asks the Doctor about the device he's building.

"So what is this thing?"

"It's our only hope. A Z-neutrino biological inversion catalyser."

"Yeah. Earth girl, remember?"

"Davros said he built those Daleks out of himself. His genetic code runs through the entire race. If I can use this to lock the Crucible's transmission onto Davros himself..."

"It destroys the Daleks?"

"Biggest backfire in history."

I laugh with glee.

"Done! Ready? Maximum power!"

He goes to the control and flies us into the middle of the crucible. With his gun looking gizmo in hand he runs to the doors and flings them open. I watch him run out and then I hear the other Doctor shout.

"Don't!"

I hear the painful cry of the Doctor...okay...from now in it's Doctor and Meta. I need to keep them straight in my head. Donna hears him too and moves to go out to him. But I grab her wrists and take out the thing the TARDIS gave me. A pair of handcuffs. I slip them on her wrist and then secure her to the rail.

"What do you think you're doing?!"

"It's for your own good."

I know she's shouting at me, but my attention is on what's happening outside.

"Activate holding cell."

At that, I take a deep breath and run out. I pick up the thing and try to bring attention to myself. I need to get shot.

"Doctor! I've got it."

Davros shoots me and hot pain rushes through me. But compared to everything else, this is easy. I hear Rose in the background, calling my name. I drop the gun thing and I'm relieved to see I landed behind the panel like I was supposed to. And then a pain shots behind my eyes. When it subsides, I smile. I have the knowledge needed to do what must be done. I start listening again as Davros speaks.

"...Stand witness, Time Lord. Stand witness, humans. Your strategies have failed, your weapons are useless, and, Oh. The end of the universe has come."

"Nine, eight, seven..."

I use my knowledge to look at the controls in front of me and smile as I locate the right button.

"...five, four, three, two, one."

I press it, an alarm sounds, and I stand up. The knowledge burned into my brain gives me all my lines. Show time!

"Mmm, closing all Z-neutrino relay loops using an internalised synchronous backfeed reversal loop. That button there."

"System in shutdown...Detonation negative...Explain. Explain. Explain!"

The Doctor laughs. "I knew you'd be brilliant."

"Rose could have told you that."

"She's right," she nods at him.

"You'll suffer for this."

I pull a lever and Davros' electric power reverses up his own arm. He shouts in pain.

"Oh, bioelectric dampening field with a retrograde field arc inversion."

Davros Is furious, "Exterminate her!"

"Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate."

I rapidly type in commands to the computer. But I'm not as fast as Donna. Not a super temp am I?

"Weapons non-functional."

"What? Macro Transmission of a K-filter wavelength blocking Dalek weaponry in a self-replicating energy blindfold matrix."

The Doctor looks bewildered. "How did you work that out? You're.."

Meta just beams. "Genius. With a few choice memories from me. Part time lord."

"And human. Yep. That was a two-way biological metacrisis. Half Doctor, half Donna. And then I just sort of got caught in the middle of it."

The Doctor comes to a realization and he might not show it, but I know his wheels are turning.

"The Doctor Donna. Just like the Ood said, remember? They saw it coming. The Doctor Donna."

I continue working. "Holding cells deactivated. And seal the Vault. Well, don't just stand there, you raggedy men in pinstripes. Get to work."

Even though they're not raggedy yet, I can't help myself. The Doctor is the Doctor, no matter which face he wears. And he will always be raggedy to me. Even though I never picked a favorite Doctor. My favorite was always the one in the moment.

They rush over as Davros shouts. "Stop them! Get them away from the controls."

I grin. I always wanted to do this part. "And spin."

They all start spinning and crying,"Help me. Help me!"

I'm so glad I got to do this part. I laugh maniacally. "And the other way."

"What did you do?"

"Trip switch circuit-breaker in the psychokinetic threshold manipulator."

The Doctor is shocked. "But that's brilliant! Why did we never think of that?" He turns to Meta.

"Because you two are just Time Lords, missing that thing from humanity. That gut instinct that comes hand in hand with Planet Earth. Jack, be a dear and go get Donna out of the TARDIS."

He gives me a sloppy salute and runs off.

"Now, let's send that trip switch all over the ship."

Jack comes out with a very angry Donna and before she can kill me I explain what I need her to type and why. She puts her anger aside for now, but I have a feeling that I'll be hearing about it later. She heads over and stretches out her hands.

Meta asks, "Donna, what are you doing?"

"Did I never tell you? Best temp in Chiswick? Hundred words per minute." I start giving her protocols as she types.

The Doctor and Meta laugh.

"System malfunction...Motor casing interference...What is happening? Explain!

Jack runs back into the Tardis. Donna gets in on the action.

"Come on then, boys and girl. We've got twenty seven planets to send home."

I smile and say, "Activate magnetron."

"Stop this at once!"

Jack comes back with a couple of giant guns. He passes one to Mickey.

"You will desist!" Mickey points his gun at Davros.

"Just stay where you are, mister."

Jack pushes a Dalek out of the way. Rose and Sarah Jane take care of another and say something I can't hear.

"Ready?" Donna asks. I answer, "And reverse"

The Doctor pulls a switch. "Off you go, Clom."

Meta pulls another. "Back home, Adipose Three."

I pull a couple. "Shallacatop and Pyrovillia on their way."

I have Donna do the last one. "And the Lost Moon of Poosh. Sorted. Ha!"

"Ha!" The Doctor shouts, "We need more power!"

Rose speaks up. "Is anyone going to tell us what's going on?"

Donna can't since she doesn't know so I explain.

"He poured all his regeneration energy into his spare hand. Donna touched the hand, and he grew out of that but that fed back into her. But its dormant inside her head unless there's a synapsis catalyst like Davros' lightning. Part human, part Time Lord. Except it would be bad if she remembered because then It would burn her mind, so the Human Doctor gave me the necessary knowledge to save the day and bam! I got the best bit of the Doctor. I got his mind. Well, part of it anyway."

Sarah Jane looks thoughtful. "So there's four of you?"

Rose is equally confused. "Four Doctors?"

Donna is stunned. "That's bonkers! And a bit wizard."

Meta cuts in, "Well, three and a half-ish."

"I can't tell you what I'm thinking right now."

I roll my eyes. "Shut it Jack."

The Doctor looks at Donna in awe. "You're so unique the timelines were converging on you. Human being with a dormant Time Lord brain."

Davros is not happy. "But you promised me, Dalek Caan. Why did you not foresee this?"

"Oh, I think he did. Something's been manipulating the timelines for ages, getting Donna Noble to the right place at the right time."

"This would always have happened. I only helped, Doctor."

Davros ragges, "You betrayed the Daleks."

"I saw the Daleks. What we have done, throughout time and space, I saw the truth of us, Creator, and I decreed, no more!"

Jack gives a shout of warning. "Heads up!"

The red Dalek shows up in fury. "Davros, you have betrayed us."

"It was Dalek Caan."

"The Vault will be purged. You will all be exterminated."

The red Dalek zaps the control panel.

Jack hoists up his weapon and says, "Like I was saying, feel this!" Then he blasts him and the red Dalek explodes.

"Oh, we've lost the magnetron. And there's only one planet left. Oh, guess which one. But we can use the Tardis."

The Doctor runs into his ship.

Meta continues working. "Holding Earth stability. Maintaining atmospheric shell."

Caan's childlike voice rings out. "The prophecy must complete."

"Don't listen to him," Davros says desperately.

"I have seen the end of everything Dalek, and you must make it happen, Doctor."

"He's right. Because with or without a Reality bomb, this Dalek Empire's big enough to slaughter the cosmos. They've got to be stopped."

"Just, just wait for the Doctor," Donna pleads.

"He is the Doctor," I insist.

He nods at me gratefully. "Maximising Dalekanium power feeds. Blasting them back!"

Everything goes pear shaped as the Daleks explode around us. If I didn't stop this genocide knowing it would happen, does that make me just as guilty? Maybe it does, but I can't regret it. Besides, I know that we'll run into them again. The Doctor returns and is not happy.

"What are you doing!?"

Meta stands up straighter. "Fulfilling the prophecy."

"Do you know what you've done? Now get in the Tardis! Everyone! All of you, inside! Run!"

We all get ushered into the ship. I narrow my eyes. I'm going to have a long conversation with the Doctor. I go over the points in my head. Rose's non-humanness, where I come from, where Jenny is and the fact that she is alive, Donna's memory, and Meta. I sigh. It's gonna be a long hard talk.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

The Doctor stands in the crucible with flames all around. He can't do it again. He can't condemn an entire species to death again.

"Davros? Come with me. I promise I can save you."

"Never forget, Doctor, you did this. I name you. Forever, you are the Destroyer of the World's!"

Davros screams as flames consume him and the Doctor sags in defeat. He turns to go back to the TARDIS but Caan's chilling words give him pause.

"One will still die. Their song will end."

With that, the Doctor closes the doors and shuts out the Daleks screams.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

The Doctor runs in and gets us out of there. I stand back and watch as things progress. I still have a bit of a headache.I smile at the exchange with Torchwood concerning Gwen. Everything is worked out with two rope except one little thing. I giggle when K9 enters to help save the Earth. I always loved K9. His robotic voice is somehow adorable.

"The process is simple."

The Doctor smiles and his giddiness spreads.

"Now then, you lot. Donna, spin this clockwise. Sarah, hold that down. Mickey, you hold that. Because you know why this Tardis is always rattling about the place? Rose? That, there. It's designed to have six pilots, and I have to do it single handed. Martha, keep that level. But not any more. Jack, there you go. Steady that. Now we can fly this thing..."

He falters in front of me. He doesn't know me. I don't expect him to trust me in flying the TARDIS. I smile at him and mouth the words, "no. It's theirs." He nods as he continues.

"...like it's meant to be flown. We've got the Torchwood Rift looped around the Tardis by Mister Smith, and we're going to fly Planet Earth back home. Right then. Off we go."

I shake my head when Donna flirts.

"That's really good, Jack. I think you're the best."

They fly the TARDIS and everyone is beaming. We finally get the Earth back in place right by the moon. Which is really an egg but I decide to keep that filed away. Everyone cheers and I give a shout.

"Good job everyone! You're a right proper TARDIS crew."

I get assaulted by Rose and Mickey who pull me into a group hug and we laugh. The universe is safe for now, and I can breathe easy knowing that in this moment, I feel loved again. I can't help smiling at them and hugging the back. Rose's double heartbeat is a comfort, but also a reminder. I still have a lot of work to do.

The TARDIS lands on Earth and we all move outside. Time for some goodbyes. But hopefully not for good this time. I smile as Sarah Jane talks to the Doctor.

"You know, you act like such a lonely man. But look at you. You've got the biggest family on Earth."

They hug warmly.

"Oh! Gotta go. He's only fourteen. It's a long story. And thank you!"

Donna is off to the side phoning home. I can't hear what she's saying this time. But that's fine. This is more real. Meta leans against the TARDIS with me and we watch the Doctor sonic Jack's teleport.

"I told you, no teleport. And, Martha, get rid of that Osterhagen thing, eh? Save the world one more time."

"Consider it done."

They both salute the Doctor, and he returns it. Jack throws me a wink, which I return before they walk away. Mickey gives one last hug to Rose and nods at me before starting to walk away. He knows I already knew he'd do this. No explanation owed.

"Oi, where are you going?"

"Well, I'm not stupid. I can work out what happens next. And hey, I had a good time in that parallel world, but my gran passed away. Nice and peaceful. She spent her last years living in a mansion. There's nothing there for me now, certainly not Rose. You better do right by her"

"Always. What will you do?"

"Anything. Brand new life. Just you watch. See you, boss. Take care Lieutenant. Hey, you two!"

He rushes off to Jack and Martha and I grin.

"What are you smiling about?"

I turn to look at Meta.

"Smith and Jones. The perfect happy ending to hard journey."

He looks at them bewildered before a grin breaks out on his face.

"Way to go Mickey."

Then he sobers. He looks at the three in front of us. Donna is wrapping up her call. The Doctor looks like he's sagging into what he believes has to happen. Rose is breathing the air of her own universe, eyes closed. The itch for her is gone. But not for me, even though I welcome it. It reminds me this is real. Meta speaks again softly.

"Let's just hope the rest of us get that kind of ending too."

I gesture to Donna and the Doctor.

"Which one do you want to explain to?"

"I guess it's too much to hope that you'd do both." He pauses. "I better do Donna. It would be harder for her to trust you than him."

"Why do you say that?"

He gives me a small smile.

"Because I trust you. Maybe I shouldn't. But you saved Donna. At least to a point. And Rose...you brought Rose back. And I was in your head. There was one thought you didn't feel a need to protect."

I cock my head at him.

"Two hearts."

I try to show him I understand. It's flipped for him. Now he's the one with a short life span. He heads to Donna and drags her over to Rose and then drags them both into the TARDIS to give me time with the Time Lord. I take a deep breath and dive in head first.


	25. Chapter 25

**Just to make sure it's clear, Meta knows that Rose has two hearts and that he can't be with her. **

**In other news, Journey's end is done! I had fun writing it. :D And we are now at Chapter 25 which if all goes to plan is the official halfway mark in this story. I worked on an outline and it coughed up 50 chapters. That might change though. Just depends on how many more ideas I get. Either from my own head or from you. Please R&amp;R. :)**

I walk over and stand right next to the Doctor. He looks at me and I smile at him.

"Why don't we sit down and you can start asking your questions?"

His look is intense as we move over to the park bench. His gaze is unsettling. It's like he can see right through me. But I know he can't. He's amazing, but he's not quite capable of that.

"Go on then Doctor. Ask me."

"Who are you?"

"Lieutenant Jane Ryder. Torchwood one operative in the universe known as Pete's world."

His eyes seem to measure me.

"No. You're River Song."

He says so matter of fact. There no question in his mind. And I'm left sputtering.

"Wha...why would you say that? Do I look like I have a bush instead of hair?"

I actually love River's hair. I'd kill for her hair. Mine is all flat. But he needs to know how odd I find his accusation.

"You know my future. I can tell by how you look at me. You have a book in your pocket. Id bet it's a diary. And then you used the word spoilers. I've never heard anyone else use it."

I cut him off. "Slow down. I'm not River. I am definitely not River. I know who she is. I know where she comes from. She is 100 percent not me."

He really looks at me and seems to decide to believe me.

"Then who are you?"

I sigh. They really are the same man aren't they?

"I don't really want to have this conversation again so I'm going to cut to the chase. You won't tell me your name, I won't tell you mine. Names have power. You know that. If you think I'm going to let you have that power over me than you're being stupid on purpose. The name that I was born with is irrelevant. It's the name I've chosen for myself that defines me. I am Jane Ryder. Others call me many things. The Woman of the Void, the Child of the Dark."

I pause before saying the last one. The Humacra called me that only once and I haven't thought of it since. Not even when Rose nearly brought it to light.

"The Executioner with fire in her wake."

His jaw tightens even as his eyes soften.

"You've killed before."

It's not a question. He can see the blood on my hands as clearly as I see it on his. It takes one to know one.

"You're too young to have to live with that."

I laugh bitterly. I've had a long time to think about this. After all, I used to think the same thing.

"Oh Doctor. Time is relative. Age is nothing more than a measurement of time, so it stands to reason that it doesn't matter how many years I've been alive. What matters is what I've seen. What I've done. Some people live more in a year than others do in twenty. You can't judge me by how many years I've been breathing, you have to measure me in experiences. And by that account I am very, very old."

His smile is rueful. I've surprised him, in a good way I think.

"How did you get to be so wise?"

I look off into the distance and think back to one of the last episodes I saw. Time to take a line from Danny Pink.

"Just like anyone else. I had a bad day."

"Several it sounds like."

"No just one. And it's not over yet. It's a never ending day."

"Alright. Start at the beginning. You don't have to tell me your name but it's your past that's going to tell me who you are."

This is where telling the truth and lies is going to get complicated. I still can't fully explain, but if I lie too much he'll be able to tell.

"Not much to tell really. I was born in England. Lived with my mum and dad until they separated. Then I lived with my dad and spent summers with my mum. I met you and Rose when I was fourteen. I know you far too well, and I can't give you details because it could damage some really important timelines and I've done enough of that for a life time."

He wants to interrupt me here but I don't give him a chance.

"I suppose it would be about a year and half ago now that I fell through the void. There was a plane accident and I still have no idea what really happened but it doesn't matter. I landed in Pete's world. I used my future knowledge to help build and use the dimension cannon."

Again be tries to cut in but I hold my hand up and don't let him.

"Don't. Just...let me get this out."

"Alright. Go on."

"Thank you. So...in my original universe, Donna got shot by Davros and had all your memories and knowledge. It was killing her, and eater than let her die, you erased her memory of you."

I take a deep breath.

"I couldn't let that happen this time. I wanted to take her place completely. But the TARDIS wouldn't let me. Don't know why. But now Donna can remember. I suppose there things she'll have to avoid now, but, a small price to pay considering."

"She can't travel anymore. Too many things could happen."

I nod.

"You have a headache? It's not comfortable to have stuff pushed into your head."

"Yeah I do. It's alright. Just a nuisance really."

"Will you let me...?"

He gestures to his temple. I smile hesitantly.

"Yeah. Please. Just...don't look at anything behind a door."

"I won't. There are rules with telepathy."

I give a teasing smile.

"But you love breaking rules."

"I do. But not with this. You know too much. It wouldn't be good if I were to see something I shouldn't."

"Carry on then."

I'm not sure exactly what he does. It doesn't take long. When he's done, he pulls away and my head feels clear again.

"You took away the knowledge."

"It was causing pressure in your cerebral cortex. The only way to relieve the pressure was to eliminate what was causing it in the first place. In this case, the knowledge that was added to your head. Too much too fast. If you really want that knowledge you'll have to learn it the hard way. No short cuts."

"Thank you. So...next question?"

He pulls back a bit.

"It doesn't matter. We should be going."

He goes to stand up, but I pull him down by his jacket lapels. There is no way I'm letting him do this now. Rose is staying with him. End of story.

"No ya don't Spaceman."

He gapes at me but I don't release my hold on him.

"If I know everything else, what makes you think that I don't know what you're planning right now?"

"What am I planning?"

I narrow my eyes.

"You're planning on leaving Rose with the meta crisis back in Pete's world. On that same bloody beach no less."

His mouth opens and closes like a fish.

"I-It's w-what's best for her. And he's me from before. He needs her. They can build a life together. They can be happy. They can-"

"Stop it. Just stop it. Have you even really looked at her since she got here? No. You know what? Never mind that right now. We'll go back to it. I got a few other things to tell you first."

I finally let him go.

"What?"

"Okay. On one of my jump...I ran into Jenny."

His face is blank.

"You're daughter. She's alive."

"Th-that's impossible."

"No not impossible. I should get you a dictionary for Christmas. Not impossible. Just a bit unlikely."

"But how? She was in my arms she.."

"She regenerated. Of course. But she kept her face. I think it had something to do with being so young. I mean, regeneration is like a birth, and after you regenerated, you grew your freaking hand back. So she grew her life back. I think that makes sense."

He's shaking his head in disbelief.

"She said to tell you that she misses you, and she wishes that you could have traveled together."

"She's really alive?"

I smile. "Yes."

"Jenny's alive!?"

"Yes!"

"My daughters alive!"

His enthusiastic grin is contagious. He can't stand still so he stands up and drags me with him. He spins me around in a hug. Before putting me down.

"So she's in another universe?"

"Yeah. Sorry. I tried to get her a way home to you, but I couldn't. I really did try."

"I believe you did. Thank you."

We sit back down on the park bench.

"Right, so back to what we were talking about before you distracted me with my daughter. Don't you understand that it would be better for everyone if..."

"Fingers on lips. Stop right there."

I take yet another deep breath. At this rate, I'm gonna give myself asthma.

"You could feel other time lords I. Your head right? You could feel your people? Gallifreyan. Right?"

His expression is pained. "I could, but not anymore. They're all gone."

I take his hands in mine. "Reach out. In your head. Look."

"I-I haven't...I keep that part of my mind closed, if I didn't I would go mad."

"Oh, you're already mad. You'll be fine. Just open up. Just for a second. I'll be right here. Not that will reassure you since you don't really know me but please Doctor. Please."

I didn't expect him to give into me so easily, but after everything I just sprang on him, I suppose he's still processing and it's hindering his defenses.

He closes his eyes. After a moment, his grip on my hands tighten. His eyes snap open but they seem glazed over.

"That's not possible. How is that possible?"

"I think that's a question you better ask her. Go."

He searches my eyes.

"Go to her. We can talk more later. We got all the time in the world time lord."

A massive grin splits his face. He pulls me in and plants a big kiss on my forehead before taking off like a shot. I hesitate a fraction a second before following. I make it into the doorway just in time to see him sweep Rose into his arms. They are muttering to each other but I can't hear a word.

Donna is beaming with a knowing look on her face. But there's also some sadness about her. I suppose Meta explained everything. I catch his eye from across the room. No words are needed between us. This is how it had to be. The Doctor and Rose Tyler, in the TARDIS, as it should be, forever.

But Meta will need help adjusting. He's a new species. The woman he loves can never be his, and his memories are not wholly his either. He'll need help.

Plan A: help move the plot in the direction I knew. Build a life for Rose and Meta, help them create a future. Plan B: change it. Take Donna's place, and die in peace. The rest will work itself out. Plan C: Donna keeps her memories, Rose and the Doctor are together, and Meta...well Meta needs someone.

The only reason i'm still alive is because I still have reasons to live. Even the universe thinks so. Even the TARDIS thinks so. This is my new reason. Help Meta adjust. It's the least I can do. Besides. I don't really want to travel with Rose and the Doctor just now. That would be a bit awkward not to mention the fact that I would feel like a massive third wheel. They need some serious alone time judging by the way they're looking at each other right now.

This point forward is now a mystery to me. I'm curious to see how this story will play out. I'm curious what my part will be. For the first time in a long time, I'm actually looking forward to a future. My future.


	26. Chapter 26

**Thank you for the reviews. They make my day. :) I don't have any intention to stop this story. I hate it when stories are abandoned, doomed to be WIP forever. I won't do that to you. Now, to answer the question of what Jane is going to do now, read on. **

Donna is eventually able to pull the Doctor aside. Meta speaks with them as well. I can tell by the looks on their faces that they are talking about taking Donna home. Rose has dragged me into a hug.

"Thank you."

"Of course Rose."

"If there's ever anything I can do for you, you know I'm always here right?"

I smile. "I know. You have been. Thank you."

We hug again. "Sorry but I need to go talk with those three."

"Yeah of course. I'm gonna go see if I can find my old room."

So Rose leaves the console room and I head to the trio of doctors.

Donna is being earnest. "We all know I can't stay. We know that. But don't go thinking that you're done with me. You will visit. Take me on a trip every Christmas. You know I hate Christmas so you're going to help me skip it or at least make it tolerable."

"I couldn't get away from you if I tried Donna."

"You bet your arse spaceman."

She turns to Meta. "And you dumbo, are gonna come stay with me a bit. Grandad would love to have ya anyway."

I can tell Meta is a bit reluctant with that arrangement but he agrees anyway.

"Got any room for me too?"

The Doctor turns to me. "You're not staying? I know Rose would want you to travel with us."

"Oh don't worry, I will definitely be coming along. Just not yet. You and Rose have...stuff to talk about. I'd just be in the way. But you will be coming back. I want to see it all. Every star. Well, not every star but you get the point."

I poke him in the chest to make sure he understands the whole coming back for me later thing.

"So here's what I think. Meta, Donna and I will stay here on Earth while you and Rose take as long as you need. You come get me in a couple of months. If Meta wants to come, he can join us. But first, I need to make a stop. So we'll drop off these two and then you're taking me for one quick trip before bringing me back."

Donna replies loudly. "Sounds like a plan. Hop to it spaceman! I need to check on Grandad."

The two Doctors fly the TARDIS while Donna and I hang on.

"You lot aren't any better together than you were alone!"

That earns me two protests. "Oi!"

I just smile sweetly as Donna lays into them for the same reason. I've decided that no matter what the situation, I always want Donna Noble on my side. She makes fantastic arguments. This is the moment Rose walks back in.

"Wot are ya all yelling about?"

"The Doctors driving skills, or rather the lack there of."

"Oi!"

"I'm going out." With that, Donna proudly walks out of TARDIS.

"Don't worry. I love the way you drive." Rose kisses the Doctor on the cheek and the look on his face is making me sick. Okay, they were cute on tellie. This is sickening. Did they always look at each other like that? Okay, it's still adorable, but I don't want to live with them right now. Best hurry things along. Meta is trying to look indifferent, but failing miserably. I grab his arm and drag him to the doors.

"Go keep Donna out of trouble. I'll be back in an hour."

"With his driving skills?" He grins at his joke. If only it wasn't also serious.

"One hour. Trust me. I am NOT letting him miss. One hour."

He's shaking his head at me as I close the door and turn to find the love birds still making goo-goo eyes at each other. One important trip and they can do what they want, but for now? They need to snap out of it.

"Oi! Love birds! I have an errand to run. You can play reunion kissy kissy later."

Rose raises her eyebrow at me. "Kissy kissy?"

I wince. "Yeah. Remind me not to say that again."

I switch gears. "Right! Doctor! Off to the library."

"What?"

"You hear me. Take me to the library. I need to be there like fifteen minutes before your younger selves left."

"I can't cross my own timeline."

His glare for that is piercing and I don't want to put up with it. "Don't turn the oncoming storm on me. I can do it just as good as you can. Ask Rose."

He turns a surprised look toward her. "She can. I've seen her do it."

"Now, I know you can cross your timeline. So you won't. I just need you to drive me there. You don't even have to leave the TARDIS. You and Rose stay here, and go do what I need to do."

"And what might that be?"

"If you must know, I'm picking up Donna's husband. She deserves a happy ending."

He looks very confused. "Husband?"

"Yeah. Lee. When her brain was in the computer she told you she was married. You two couldn't find him and assumed that she made up the perfect man, except he actually does exist. If you won't go there for me at least go there for her. She's practically your sister."

He purses his lips and I know I've won. No one says a word as he takes us into the vortex. No one says a word as he lands. He gestures to the door. I know Rose won't let him leave without me, and I know he wouldn't dare land in the wrong place. So I walk out and find myself in the library.

A chill runs through me. The silence is deafening. But it's only a moment before people start appearing. I run through the halls of the library until I find the gift shop. I see the Doctor and Donna talking. They're looking left and right and I know they won't find who they're looking for.

I lean against a section of the computer and find myself electrocuted. There's a burn spot on my arm but it isn't bad. I notice the Doctor and Donna turn to leave and I rush forward to get to the handsome tall man whom Donna lived inside the computer. Lee McAvoy. I grab his arm and yank him from the teleport just in time.

"W-w-who are y-you?"

I smile at him reassuringly. "I'm a friend of Donna's. I think of best let her explain all the details but for now all I need to know is if you love her."

He answers dogmatically, without a hint of a stutter. "Yes." If that simple word doesn't convince me, the honest look on his face does.

"Great. All right then. I'll take you Donna. This way. I drag him toward the TARDIS that I had left barely fifteen minutes ago. This trip was easier than I thought it would be.

I push open the door and gesture inside. He disappears into it before coming out again to examine the outside. He heads back in and I'm about to follow when a flicker of an image distracts my attention. I move toward the out of focus hologram until it becomes more solid to reveal River Song.

"Hello Sweetie."

She seems to know me. River knows me? Oh, this is going to be fun. "Hello Melody darling."

She smiles and shakes her head. "Doesn't matter how young you get to me, you always know me. Always."

"Careful darling. Spoilers."

She laughs the only way River can. It's a warm laugh. "I knew you'd come."

I shrug. "Yeah well..." I don't know what to say to that. I am curious to what her part will be now. It can't be the Doctor's wife. Not with Rose in the picture.

So I ask her. "So Melody, mind giving me a heads up? What part you're going to play in all of this?"

She chuckles and gives me a smirk. "Oh sweetie. You know better than anyone why I can't."

"Oh you can."

"Alright, let's go with shouldn't then."

I have to give her that one. "Yeah you're probably right. The Doctor would have your head."

"And you'd have his. You never would let him get away with anything."

"Careful Darling."

"I know, I know. Spoilers."

"Here's a question, did I teach you that word or did you teach me?"

"I suppose it depends on how you look at it doesn't it? It just goes round and round."

"Still, it's be nice to know."

"Oh Ryder, where's the fun in that?"

We laugh but quickly become sober again. She looks longingly at the TARDIS and looks at me with a bit of saddens.

"Give my love to all of them."

I'm not sure who all them are to her but I agree anyway. "Of course." I know she doesn't like goodbyes so I don't say it. "I'll catch you later."

I turn to go back to the TARDIS when she stops me. "Ryder?"

I turn and look at her. "Yeah?"

I don't much like the look she's giving me as she replies. "Just remember, every song must come to an end."

Every song ends? Is she saying that in reference to herself? If she forgiving me for not finding a way to save her? Because she can't be referring to end of the tenth Doctor. Can she? It won't happen that way now. It won't. Rose is here. That changes everything. Doesn't it? I don't want to leave her with no more words and I need to leave with my thoughts so I reply to her in a quiet voice.

"I know."

It's a simple statement. And all too true. I do know. I know too much, and yet not nearly enough.

I don't have time to dwell on these thoughts. I enter the TARDIS and we are immediately off. Rose and I check multiple times that we landed when and where I wanted to. Lee and I say our goodbyes and I send them on their way. With instructions to come get me in a couple months. Now it's time to reintroduce Lee and Donna, and then Meta and I need to figure out what to do next.


	27. Chapter 27

**Thanks for reviews! :D you make me happy. Eeeee. **

**Otherwise...Ugh. So I wrote this chapter and it was good and I was happy with it. Then I accidently deleted it. (!) So I had to rewrite the whole thing. I'm happy with some of it but I'm still frustrated. Because I know there was something I wrote that was good and really liked it. And now it's gone. (*crying*) Anyway, let me know what you think.**

Lee and I walk up to the Nobles door. He looks a bit nervous so I tell him he'll be fine. I lift my hand and I knock. Sylvia answers the door.

"Oh. It's you."

"Yep. Can we come in?"

She eyes Lee but assesses that he seems fine and she steps aside so we can enter.

"They're in the living room."

I head that way while Lee follows. Donna is facing away from us talking to Wilf on the couch. Meta is leaning against the wall. He gives me a hesitant smile. When he sees Lee he raises an eyebrow. The. Wilf notices me.

"Jane Ryder! You helped us earlier!" He rushes over as fast as a grandfather can and gives me a hug.

"It's good to see you too. And I'm gonna need my gun back."

"Oh well, I was hoping I could keep it."

Donna cuts in. "Fat chance." She looks like she's about to say more but then Lee catches her eye and all words leave her. I gently move Wilf and I out of the way. Wilf is perceptive and says nothing as he sits back on the couch.

I go over and stand next to Meta. I answer his silent question. "Her husband from the Library."

He looks back them with a slack jawed expression and I follow his gaze. Lee is smiling gently as Donna slowly lifts her hand to his face.

"Are you real?" Her voice is shaking like she's afraid to believe it.

"D-D-Donna."

That's all it takes for her to release a stranger sob and to fold herself into his chest. He wraps his arms around her and hides his face in her hair. They stay like that for a long time.

Wilf keeps Sylvia from ruining the moment and I'm grateful for it. I'm not sure what I would do if hurt this. I'm not sure what Meta would do either. I've no doubt that it wouldn't be anything good.

But that doesn't matter now. What matters is that Donna is so happy that she's speechless. What matter is that Lee gets a happy ending. They both do. Not the tragic love story they had before. Where he couldn't say her name in time. When they kiss I have to hold back tears. Because I realize that it is the first time that they have kissed. The first time they have kissed in reality.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

The days and weeks pass. Mickey and I still see each other. We are the only ones we really know at this point. I see him and Jack for lunch at least once a week.

Halfway through October, Martha and Tom call it off. They've decided they're not right for each other. I've been telling Martha that for a while and she finally decided I was right. She doesn't want to talk to her mum and Tish about it and none of her friends will understand why it's so hard. So she comes to me and Donna. Donna doesn't know it as much either, but I do. She knew him in the year that never was. But he doesn't remember that. That would put strain on any relationship.

Martha finds a kindred spirit in me because of it. We have memories that we shouldn't. So does Donna really. In more ways than one. The three of us have tea a few times a week if not everyday.

I play match maker. I tell Mickey to ask Martha out. I feel triumphant when he finally does. I'm not surprised that she says yes. Meta is the only one that knows what I'm doing. I even talk him into helping me with it.

Meta spends a lot of time with Wilf. Their relationship is so much like a grandfather and a grandson that I can't help but smile at them every time I catch them animatedly talking about the sky. Donna and Meta are close too. They banter like always but it always ends with laughter.

He takes the name James Noble like I suggested. Everyone calls him James except for Wilf and Donna. Wilf calls him Son more often than not and Donna affectionately calls him Dumbo. Sometimes they say Doctor. But that becomes more rare since in their minds the Doctor is an alien with a TARDIS.

I call him Meta most of the time. But I also call him Doctor. One day he yells at me for calling him that.

"I'm not the Doctor, not any more!"

I have to get in his face and convince him. "You are the Doctor. Just with one heart and a shorter life expectancy. But your memories make you who you are. You and the other Doctor are making separate ones now. When you meet again, yes, you will be two different men. Two Doctors on different paths but still the Doctor. You are the Doctor."

He still doesn't quite believe me. It's nearing Christmas and I decide that he's moped enough and so have the rest of us. Lee takes Donna and her family on a trip to Monte Carlo. Normally "James," Donna's half brother on her father's side, would be invited, but Donna and I have other plans for him.

So I drag him to Cardiff and he and I with Jack and Mickey take care of some weevils and another alien race that I can't pronounce. He feels more like the Doctor after that and builds a sonic screwdriver out of spare parts in his pockets.

A new year comes and goes and Meta and I find ourselves a routine. Lee and Donna are busy with their long engagement. They don't want to rush things this time. Mickey asks Martha to marry him and Meta and I celebrate by saving London from a rogue krilitine.

It's like that. Meta finds some danger and I run after him into it. He calls himself the Doctor and he calls me Ryder. Everyone calls me Jane but he says Jane is boring and that Ryder suits me better. The Doctor and Ryder at large in London.

By the time April rolls around we've become a well oiled machine. Mickey says it's even worse than when it was me and Rose. Rose and I could finish each other's sentences. Meta and I don't even need them when we're in a crisis. So when he detects an anomaly I follow him through London without a word.

It isn't until we board the bus that I realize what's going on.

"Oh crap."

He turns to me. "What?"

"Nothing."

He groans. "Ah, you recognize it don't you? Well that's no fun. Come on then. Tell me. The sooner we get on from this the sooner we can get to something that neither of us know."

I smirk. "You just don't like the fact that I know more than you."

"Come on. What is this?" He shakes his device.

"Spoilers."

He rolls his eyes. He accused me of being River too not long ago. I had to have the same conversation. I gesture to the dark haired woman sitting in the window looking nervous and he doesn't have to ask to know that he needs to sit next to her.

I take off my black jacket and tie it around my waist. I'm glad I wore a red vest today. It's about to get hot. After all, I'm about to be in the middle of the desert. I finger comb my hair up into a high ponytail. Next stop, planet of the dead.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

Meta sits down next the Dark haired thief and I sit sideways in the seat directly in front of them. He offers her a piece of his chocolate egg.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor. Happy Easter."

It's habit really. He can't help but call himself Doctor. And I'm glad. Because he is the Doctor. Even if he is human. Well, human plus telepathy and slightly stronger senses. I do mean slightly.

"The funny thing is, I don't often do Easter. I can never find it. It's always at a different time. Although I remember the original. Between you and me, what really happened was..."

"Meta," I sigh with a slight warning. Then his thing beeps at him.

"Oh. Sorry, hold on to that for me. Actually, go on, have it. Finish it. It's full of sugar and I'm determined to keep these teeth."

He hands her his chocolate.

"Ah. Oh, we've got excitation. I'm picking up something very strange."

"I know the feeling."

I smirk at her. "I bet you do."

She looks at me with a questioning glare. "Jane Ryder. But he just calls me Ryder. I guess because it sounds cooler."

Meta cuts in. "It does sound cooler. Jane is just boring.

"Well that's funny coming from a man named James who happens to occasionally go by JOHN SMITH."

He ignores me and Christina shakes her head and looks worriedly out the window. I have to remember not to call her by name until she tells me what it is though. Meta carries on.

"Rhodium particles, that's what I'm looking for. This thing detects them. Look, this should to round, that little dish there."

"Right now, a way out would come in pretty handy. Can you detect me one of those?"

I get distracted by the couple talking a little ways back.

"Lou, can you hear them?"

"Hear what, sweetheart?"

"The voices. So many voices calling to us. Calling so far."

Meta's device starts spinning and he acts like a little kid excited by a new toy. "Ah, the little dish is going round."

Christina rolls her eyes. "Fascinating."

"And round. Whoa."

It sparks and I duck out of the way to avoid it. A blond woman further up brushes the sparks from her hair.

"Excuse me. Do you mind?"

Meta and I apologize at the same time. "Sorry. That was my little dish." Mine is a little different "Sorry he's an idiot."

Of course he takes offense. "Oi!"

"Can't you turn that thing off?" Christina says exasperated.

Meta looks curious. "What was your name?"

"Christina."

My turn to talk. "Well, Christina. Hold on tight. Everyone, hold on!"

The trolley suddenly jolts. The woman from before says, "Oh, the voices. The voices. They're screaming."

Windows break and shatter. A young man voices his confusion. "What's going on?" And then there's a flash of bright light.


	28. Chapter 28

**This is an extra long chapter. :P Planet of the dead part one. **

When the bus stops, Meta and I head out the doors. Christina follows us.

"End of the line. Call it a hunch, but I think we've gone a little bit further than Brixton."

I raise my eyebrows at him and use my most sarcastic tone. "Noooo. Really?"

Christina digs in her bag and pulls out a pair of sunglasses. "Ready for every emergency."

The look on Meta's face is hilarious. I smirk as he sonics his glasses to make them tinted.

As he puts them on, he says, "Me too."

I shake my head. "No your not. The sonic screwdriver is cheating."

Christina cuts in before he can retort. "And what are your names?"

"I'm the Doctor. This is Ryder."

"Name, not rank."

"The Doctor."

"Surname?"

This is taking to long for my tastes. "Don't you get the point? He's called the Doctor. Just te Doctor."

"That's not a name. That's a psychological condition. Wait...didn't you call him James or John or something?"

He obviously doesn't want her to know anything beyond Doctor so I don't offer her much besides the truth. "No. I call him Meta."

Before she can ask, we are distracted by the Doctor. He's kneeling in the sand, letting it run through his fingers. "Funny sort of sand, this. There's a trace of something else."

He tastes it and I cringe. So does he. "Glah. Not good."

Christina looks unamused. "Well, it wouldn't be. It's sand."

"No, it tastes like...like...Ryder, what's it taste like?"

His senses will still be able to tell him. Human plus time lord after all. But they aren't as sharp and it takes his brain longer to process it. "It'll come to you. And you won't be happy. Give it a second."

"No but it tastes like...oh. Never mind."

Christina looks confused. "What is it? What's wrong?"

The younger man cuts into the conversation now. "Hold on a minute. I saw you, mate. You had that thing, that machine. Did you make this happen?"

"Oh, humans on buses, always blaming me. Look, look, if you must know, I was tracking a hole in the fabric of reality. Call it a hobby. But it was a tiny little hole. No danger to anyone. Suddenly it gets big, and we drive right through it."

I roll my eyes. Of course he still doesn't count himself as one of us. I'll just have to remind him again. Later. The driver speaks up. "But then where is it? There's nothing. There's just sand."

"All right. You want proof? We drove through this."

Together, we both take a handful of sand and throw it at the portal which sort of shimmers. He gives me a look trying to tell me not to steal his thunder. I give him an innocent look. "What? Can't let you have all the fun."

"And that's?" Christina asks.

"A door. A door in space," Meta answers.

The driver tries to straighten it in his mind. "So what you're saying is, on the other side of that is home? We can get to London through there?"

"The bus came through, but we can't," I explain.

"Well then, what are we waiting for?" With that, the Driver runs toward the portal. I forgot that he does that.

Meta tries to stop him. "No, no, don't."

"I'm going home, mate!"

"He said don't. Wait. Listen!" I rush forward to stop him. What's the point in knowing the future is I can't change it? But Meta stops me and pulls me back before I trip in after him. We hear him scream and see as his bones fade from view.

The young man's voice shakes. "He was a skeleton, man. He was bones. Just bones."

"It was the bus. Look at the damage. That was the bus protecting us. Great big box of metal," Meta clarifies.

"Rather like a Faraday cage?" Christina asks.

Another man, (Norman?) adds his own thoughts. "Like in a thunderstorm, yeah? Safest place is inside a car, because the metal conducts the lightning right through. We did it in school."

"Very good," I comment.

"But if we can only travel back inside the bus? A Faraday cage needs to be closed. That thing's been ripped wide open."

"Well, slightly different dynamics with a wormhole. There's enough metal to make it work, I think. I hope."

"Very reassuring Meta."

"Then we have to drive five tons of bus, which is currently buried in the sand, and we've got nothing but our bare hands. Correct?"

"I'd say nine and a half tons, but the point still stands, yes." Wait for it.

"Then we need to apply ourselves to the problem with discipline. Which starts with appointing a leader." Here it comes.

"Yes. At last. Thank you. So."

"Well, thank goodness you've got me. Everyone do exactly as I say. Inside the bus immediately." And it's there. I giggle at the look on his face. He just got put in his place. He needed that. Even as a human his ego is far to big.

"Is it safe in there?" (Nick?) asks.

"I don't think anything's safe any more, but if it's a choice between baking in there or roasting out here, I'd say baking is slower. Come on. All of you. Right now. And you two. The Doctor and Ryder. If that is your name."

"Yes, ma'am," we say in unison. I don't try to tell her it is my name. There would be no point.

So with Christina ushering we all head back into the bus. When we're all seated, Christina starts lecturing.

"...Point five. The crucial thing is, do not panic. Quite apart from anything else, the smell of sweat inside this thing is reaching atrocious levels. We don't need to add any more. Point six. Team identification. Names. I'm Christina. This man is apparently the Doctor and his friend Ryder."

"Hello." Meta and I wave.

"And you?" She gestures to the one I'm not sure about. "Nathan." Nathan! That's what his name was. Or rather is.

The other man introduces himself. "I'm Barclay."

The woman we sparked goes next. "Angela. Angela Whittaker."

The dark skinned man introduces himself and his wife. "My name's Louis. Everyone calls me Lou. And this is Carmen."

Christina continues. "Excellent. Memorise those names. There might be a test. Point seven. Assessment and application of knowledge. Over to you, the Doctor."

"I thought you were in charge."

"I am."

I cut in. Something about her gets on my nerves. Always did. She was cool but...I don't know. Maybe it's the steal for boredom thing. "A good leader utilises her strength. You're the brainbox."

She cuts on me and I let her. "Seems to be. So, start boxing." She gives me an assessing glance and gives a slight nod. I feel like I've passes a test of some kind.

Meta starts boxing as told. "Right. So, the wormhole. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was just an accident."

Carmen interrupts. "No, it wasn't. That thing, the doorway? Someone made it for a reason."

"How do you know?" Meta asks.

Lou answers. "She's got a gift. Ever since she was a little girl, she can just tell things. We do the lottery twice a week."

"You don't look like millionaires." Christina looks calculating.

"No, but we win ten pounds. Every week, twice a week, ten pounds. Don't tell me that's not a gift."

"Tell me, Carmen. How many fingers am I holding up?"

Meta holds a hand behind his back and I don't bother looking as Carmen tells him a couple of times.

"Very good. Low level psychic ability, exacerbated by an alien sun. What can you see, Carmen? Tell me, what's out there?"

She looks out the window with a bit of fear. "Something, something is coming. Riding on the wind, and shining."

"What is it?" He's asking me as much as he's asking her. But I stay silent.

"Death. Death is coming."

Everyone starts panicking a bit before Christina brings them ba kinder control.

"Stop whimpering, all of you."

"All right now, stop it. Everyone, stop it" Meta says.

Angels is still freaking out so I put my hand on her shoulder. "Angela, look at me. Angela? Angela? I have a question. Angela. Look at me. Just answer. Where were you going? When you got on this bus?"

"Doesn't matter now, does it?"

Metas voice joins softly. "Answer the question."

"Just home."

"And what's at home?" I ask kindly.

"Me and Mike. And Suzanne. That's my daughter. She's eighteen."

Meta picks up on what I'm doing. "Suzanne. Good. What about you?"

Barclay answers. "Don't know. Going round Tina's."

"Who's Tina? Your girlfriend?"

He smiles. "Not yet."

Meta continues asI give Barclay a fist bump. "Good boy. What about you, Nathan?"

"Bit strapped for cash. I lost my job last week. I was going to stay in and watch TV."

I grin. Nothing wrong with that. Lord knows I did it plenty of times. It's how I'm able to live here really. "Brilliant. And you two?" I point to Lou and Carmen.

"I was going to cook."

Carmen smile. "It's his turn tonight. Then I clear up."

"What's for tea?" Meta asks.

"Chops. Nice couple of chops and gravy. Nothing special."

"Oh, that's special, Lou. That is so special. Chops and gravy, mmm."

I smile with Meta. "Sounds good to me. And what about you, Christina?" I don't need to ask we since I know but it's part of the game.

"I was going so far away."

Meta sums it up. "Far away. Chops and gravy. Watching TV. Mike and Suzanne and poor old Tina."

Barclay takes offense. "Hey."

"Just think of them. Because that planet out there, all three suns, wormholes and alien sand, that planet is nothing. You hear me? Nothing, compared to all those things waiting for you. Food and home and people. Hold on to that, because we're going to get there. I promise. I'm...we...are going to get you home."

I'm glad he included me in that. I'm know that he means what he says. The alien life and planets out there mean less to him than they did before. He's got family here on Earth now. Proper family. For the first time since he decided to stay here, he looks like he's properly moving on.

Meta gets everyone on working to get the bus out of the sand so we can travel back. We put the seats on the ground like a ramp and Christina has us put some air out of the tires. Meta is impressed. I feel a bit jealous actually but that's ridiculous. Except maybe it's not. He's not fiction anymore. Am I aloud to be jealous. No. It's not like trees anything between us besides understanding and friendship.

Christina tells us to start digging.

"With what?" Barclay asks.

"With this." She pulls a spade out of her rucksack. Meta hands it too Barclay.

"Got anything else in there?" He questions.

She smiles and takes out an axe for Nathan. "Try that. It might help with the seats." He thanks her.

After a moment's confusion, Angela tries starting the bus but it sputters and coughs.

"Ooh, that doesn't sound too good."

Meta, Christina, and I all look over the smoking engine.

"Oh, never mind losing half the top deck. You know what's worse?"

"Sand. The engine's clogged up," I say grimly.

Christina looks around. "Anyone know mechanics?"

Barclay answers. "Me. I did a two week NVQ at the garage. Never finished it, but..."

"Off you go, then. Try stripping the air filter. Fast as you can. Back in two ticks."

Meta grabs my hand and starts dragging me off. That's new. Usually we only ever hold hands when we're running from something.

Christina runs after us. "Wait a minute. You're the man with all the answers. I'm not letting you out of my sight."

"Easier if you left that backpack behind."

"Where I go, it goes."

"A backpack with a spade and an axe. Christina, who's going so far away, and yet scared by the sound of a siren. Who are you?"

"You can talk. Let's just say we're two equal mysteries."

I pull my hand from his. It's too hot. "You two make quite a couple."

"We don't make any sort of couple, thank you very much. Besides, you're a mystery too. You two work just as well. But come on then. Tell me. If Carmen's right, if that wormhole is not an accident, then what is it? Has someone done this on purpose?"

Both Meta and I choose to ignore the comment insulating that we could be together. Like that wouldn't make things far more complicated.

"I don't know, but every single instinct of mine is telling me to get off this planet right now."

"And do you think we can?"

"Ryder?"

I give him the confirmation he's looking for. "We'll get old. It works out."

"How do you know?"

I don't trust her. For good reason. So I just smile. "We live in hope."

"That must be nice. It's Christina de Souza. To be precise, Lady Christina de Souza."

"Ooh, that's handy, because I'm a Lord." I give a pointed look. "Well, my brother is."

"Seriously? The Lord of where?"

"It's quite a big estate."

"No, but there's something more about you. That device you were carrying, and the wormhole. Like you knew. And you, Ryder, no fear in you. Like you know what's happening. And the way you both stride around this place, like.."

"Like?" He asks.

"Like you're not quite..."

She can't find the words so Meta moves on. "Anyway, come on. Allons-y."

"Oui, mais pas si nous allons vers un cauchemar." He grins widely at her response.

"Oh, you two were made for each other."

I'm feeling uncomfortably jealous. I'm not suppose to be jealous. I need to focus.

We cross over another dune and look out over the horizon. The haziness of it makes us all uneasy. But I know what it is. Meta doesn't. Yet. "Ah, don't like the look of that."

"Storm clouds. Must be hundreds of miles away," Christina surmises.

"But getting closer," I say.

"If that's a sand storm, we'll get ripped to shreds."

"It's a storm. Who says it's sand?" They both look at me. I know Meta was already thinking the same thing but to hear me confirm doesn't bode well. So the three of us take off running.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

When we get back to the bus, Meta immediately goes for Barclays phone.

"You're hardly going to get a signal. We're on another planet." Christina looks exasperated.

Meta just sonics it. "Oh, just watch me. Right. Now, bit of hush, thank you. Got to remember the number, very important number."

We had a few run in with unit in the last couple of months so I know exactly why he's making that face. "Seven six Meta not six seven."

"Right." He redials.

We all hear the drone of a computer voice coming through. "Oh, I hate these things."

"If you keep your finger pressed on zero, you get through to a real person. I saw it on Watchdog."

"Thank you, Angela."

He pauses a moment and then says in a very serious tone. "Listen, it's the Doctor. It's me."

Another pause, longer this time. "Did you just salute?" I snicker.

"Erisa, it's about the bus. HQ said you're at the tunnel, yeah?"

He answers whatever question she had. I can't remember the entire conversation from before. It's been too long. Not even my journal is that detailed. "I'm on the bus. But apart from that, not a clue, except it's very pretty and pretty dangerous."

He answers about fatalities. I remember that. "No, and we're not going to, but I'm stuck. I haven't got the Tardis, and I need to analyse that wormhole."

"Oh, is he? We'll see about that." I smile. I knew Malcolm in Pete's world. He was very much the same. This will be good.

"He is a genius." He raises his eyes at me as he listens to the phone.

"I can hear everything you're saying." Meta looks annoyed. "Yes, I am. Hello, Malcolm."

His expression changes to remembering. "Really? What was your favourite, the giant robot?"

"Meta," I warn.

He's properly chastised. "No, no, right, hold on. Let's sort out that wormhole. Excuse me."

"Malcolm, something's not making sense here. I've got a storm and a wormhole, and I can't help thinking there's a connection. I need a complete full range analysis Of that wormhole. The whole thing."

"Fifteen what?" I try to hold in my laughter.

"You named a unit of measurement after yourself?" The look on Meta's face is priceless.

"And who's that Your dad?"

"Be nice," I say.

"Right. Fine. But before I die of old age, and I really don't want to yet, still getting used to the idea...Is there anyone else I can talk to?" I slap his arm.

"You did what?"

"Told you." Everyone else on the bus is looking nervous and confused but they say nothing.

"No. Malcolm, that's brilliant. So you can actually measure the wormhole. Okay. I admit that is genius."

"Now, run a capacity scan. I need a full report. Call me back when you've done it. And Malcolm?" He pauses. "You're my new best friend." With that he hangs up.

"Barclay, I'm holding on to this." He pockets the phone.

"Hey, you'd better bring it back."

Christina and I follow him back into the desert. He starts taking picture of the storm with the phone before handing it to me.

"Send this back to Earth. See if Malcolm can analyse the storm."

"Yes sir," I mock.

"There's something in those clouds. Something shining. Look."

"Like metal. Why would there be metal in a storm?"

"Spoilers." I hit send.

A few minutes later Christina notices the alien creature up a head. We come face to face with is and it chitters and points a weapon at us. Meta clicks and chitters back.

"That's wait. I shout wait, people usually wait."

"No they don't." He ignores me.

"You speak the language?" Christina is surprised.

"Every language." He chitters again. "That's begging for mercy."

The alien gestures with its weapon.

"That means move."

I smile insultingly. "You're learning."

The alien leads us to it's ship. Christina is thoughtful. "These fly things, they must be responsible. They brought us here."

"No, no, no, no, no. Look at the ship. It's a wreck. They crashed, just like us." Meta looks at me for confirmation and I nod.

We are lead inside and hit with a blast of cold air. Christina shivers. "Oh, but this place is freezing."

"Mmm. The hull's made of photafine steel. Turns cold when it's hot. Boiling desert outside, freezing ship inside. Since we met you, Christina, we've been through all the extremes." I'm unnecessarily pleased that he included me in that statement.

"That's how I like things, extreme." It seems to me that she's starting to flirt.

They have a translator and can understand is. Meta translates. They're called Tritovores. They think we came in the 200 to destroy them. Meta is confused until I tell him it's the number of the bus.

"Oh. No, look, I think you're making the same mistake Christina did. I'm the Doctor, by the way, this is Ryder and this is Christina. The Honourable Lady Christina. At least I hope she's honourable. We got pulled through that wormhole. The two hundred doesn't look like that normally. It's broken, just the same as you." The alien lowers it's weapon after Meta's ramble.

"What are they doing?" Christina asks.

"They believe me."

"What, as simple as that?"

"I've got a very honest face. And the translator says I'm telling the truth. Plus the face."

I scoff but he ignores me. Again. I don't like it. He's including me but not at the same time. With Christina here, I'm not his only extra set of eyes.

"Right. So, first things first. There's a very strange storm heading our way. Can you send out a probe? Oh, they've lost power. Hmm, the crash knocked the mainline crystallography out of synch. But if I can jiggle it back."

He gives the machine a good kick and it comes back to life.

"I thank you. Yes, I am. Frequently. Okey doke, let's launch that probe."

"Well aren't you the poster child of modesty."

He winks at me. I try to ignore the little flutter in my gut. We look at the screen as the image zooms into the planet.

"The Scorpion Nebula. We're on the other side of the universe. Just what you wanted. So far away. The planet of San Helios," Meta explains

"And that's us? We're on another world."

"We have been for quite a while," I tell her.

"I know, but seeing it like that..."

"It's good, isn't it?"

"Wonderful."

"The Tritovores were going to trade with San Helios. Population of one hundred billion. Plenty of waste matter for them to absorb."

"By waste matter, you mean..."

I explain so I can sound impressive. "They eat what others leave behind from their behind. It's normal to them. They are flies."

"Charming. Just remind me never to kiss them."

"San Helios City," he says grandly, showing off the screen.

"That's amazing. But you've seen this sort of thing before, haven't you?"

"Thousands of times."

"That Lordship of your brothers. The Lord of where, exactly?"

"Of Time. I come from a race of people called Time Lords."

"You're an alien?"

"Well, technically. He's really more of a half brother. My half sister is human. But being an alien means you're from somewhere else. So Ryder is technically an alien too."

"True." I have to concede that point I hadn't thought if it that way before.

"You look human."

"You look Time Lord. Anyway."

"So if that's San Helios, all we need to do is find that city. They can help us."

"I don't think it's that simple. We're in the city right now."

"But it's sand. That first image, the temples and things, what's that then, ancient history?"

The alien chitters to answer Christina's question. Meta translates.

"The image was taken last year."

"It became a desert in one year?"

"I said there was something in the sand. The city, the oceans, the mountains, the wildlife, and a hundred billion people turned to sand. All those voices in Carmen's head. She's hearing them die."

"But I've got sand in my hair. That's dead people. Oh, that's disgusting. Oh."

"Way to be compassionate your lady ship." My voice drips with sarcasm.

"Something destroyed the whole of San Helois."

"Yes, but in my hair."

"Get over it." I don't need to sneer so much but she's annoying me. And then the phone rings.


	29. Chapter 29

**Planet of the dead part 2! Thanks all of you who have reviewed, favorited and followed this story. It really means a lot to me. :)**

Meta answers the phone. "Malcolm, tell me the bad news."

He waits while Malcolm explains something. "How can it get bigger by itself?

He listens intently. "Good work, both of you"

He seems relieved when another call comes in. "Oh, sorry. Call waiting. Got to go."

He switches calls. "Yeah?"

"Why, what's happened?" He looks concerned.

"What is it, what's wrong? Doctor, tell me."

I don't feel the need to ask but Christina does. "Doctor, tell me. What did he say?"

"It's the probe. It's reached the storm."

"And what's it saying?"

"It's not a storm." Meta hits a button and an image of a sting ray like creature appears. I smile. It's actually rather beautiful.

"It's a swarm. Millions of them." Christina is intrigued.

I correct her. "Billions. And the probe just got eaten, just like everything else on this planet.

She shudders slightly. "How far away is that swarm?"

Meta answers. "A hundred miles. But at that speed, it'll be here in twenty minutes. No, no, no, they're not just coming for us. They want the wormhole."

"They're heading for Earth?"

"Show the analysis. Incredible. They swarm out of a wormhole, strip the planet bare, then move on to the next world. Start the life cycle all over again."

"So, they make the wormholes?"

Meta turns to me to answer that. "Yes."

I sit back and watch as he starts to figure out everything with the worm hole. His excitement is contagious. But when he says that the worse it gets the more he loves it and she says she does too, I feel invisible. The smile he gives her makes my heart clench with jealousy.

"The thing is, Doctor, you're missing the obvious. We came here through the wormhole, yes? But our Tritovore friends didn't. They came here to trade with San Helios. Therefore, the question is, why did they crash?"

"Ah, good question. You're right Ryder. What a team. Like she said, why did you crash?"

The Tritovores take us to the engine room. There is a gaping hole in the side of the ship.

Meta looks down the deep hole in the floor.

"Oh, yes. Gravity well. Look, goes all the way down to the engine. So what happened? He says the drive system stalled. Ten miles up, they fell out of the sky. But what caused that?"

The fly chitters a response. I translate. "Which means no idea."

"Yeah. But wait a minute. That's a crystal nucleus down there, yes? And it looks like it survived the crash. If the crystal's intact? Oh, yes. That's better than diesel."

"What, you can use the crystal to move the bus?" Christina cocks her head.

I nod. "He can."

He explains. "The spaceship's a write-off, but the two hundred's small enough."

"How does a crystal drive a bus?"

Her tone is a bit patronizing.

"In a super clever outer-spacey way. Just trust me. There's the crystal! It's fallen to the bottom of the well. Have you got access shafts? All frozen? Well, maybe I can open them. Ah! Internal comms. Put that on.

He hands me a Bluetooth.

"You stay here. Keep an eye on the shaft. Tell me if anything happens."

I don't like this idea. If I spend any time with her alone I just might do something I'll regret later. So I shove the Bluetooth into her hand. "What he said." And I take off after Meta.

If I can use that sunlight to start the automatic maintenance. What are doing? I thought i..."

"Chrissy can handle it." My time leaves no room for an argument. And he has no time so he moves on.

"Christina? If you see a panel opening in that shaft, let me know."

"Nothing yet," comes through the comm unit.

"Anything now?"

"Afraid not."

He's busy connecting cables together. "Any sign of movement?"

They continue back and forth like this but I know that she's not really paying attention. And then she tells him to consider it done if he wants the crystal. Meta starts yelling at her as we start running to her.

"No!" I hate the concern in his voice. He sonics a pulley and stops her from free falling.

"I decide when I stop, thank you," she calls upward.

"You're about to hit the security grid. Look."

"Excellent. So what do I do?"

"Hit the red button," I say with a bored security grid goes out.

"How predictable."

"Now come back up. I can do that."

"Oh, don't you wish." Her words lap with mine. "You wish." I scowl that we said basically the same thing.

"Slowly."

"Yes, sir." An she continues down.

Meta starts riffling through her bag. "Quite the mystery, aren't you? Lady Christina de Souza, carrying a winch in her bag."

"No stranger than you, spaceman."

"my sister calls me that. Well, she calls me dumbo. My brother is spaceman."

"And is she right? Do you zoom about the place in a rocket?"

"Well, a little blue box. Travels in more than space. It can journey through time, Christina. Oh, the places I've been. World War One. Creation of the universe. End of the universe. The war between China and Japan. And the Court of King Athelstan in 924 AD." He pulls the goblet out if her rucksack. "But I don't remember you being there. So what are you doing with this?"

"Excuse me. A gentleman never goes through a lady's possessions. You should have told him that Ryder."

"You might be a lady, but you're no woman. And I believe that the lesson was never go through a woman's purse."

"Touché."

"It's the Cup of Athelstan, given to the first King of Britain as a coronation gift from Hywel, King of the Welsh. But it's been held in the International Gallery for two hundred years."

I relish in saying it. "Which makes you, Lady Christina, a thief."

"I like to think I liberated it."

"Don't tell me you need the money."

"Daddy lost everything. Invested his fortune in the Icelandic banks."

"No, no, no, no, no. If you're short of cash, you rob a bank. Stealing this? That's a lifestyle." He's so hot when he does the Sherlock thing. Wait, what?

"I take it you disapprove?"

"Absolutely. Except. That little blue box, i, and my brother stole it from our own people."

"Good boys. I think we do make quite a team." I of course, gag. Then there is a roaring sound.

"What the blazes was that?"

"We never did find out why the ship crashed. Christina, I think you should come back up." I say nothing.

"Too late. I can see it."

"Careful. Slowly. Have you got an open-vent system?" The fly answers him and he's not surprised.

"What does that mean?"

"It's like when birds fly into the engines of an aircraft."

I tune out the rest of it for now. I don't much need to hear all of it. I know what's down there. I start stretching out my legs. Running through sad is hard work. Christina start coming back up with the help of the sonic. On her way past, she hits the button to deactivate the grid.

"Ooh, she's good." It is clever, but I don't like that he notices.

She makes it out he drags us both out. I revisit the rug to facepalm and my anger for no reason. Meta tries to get the flies to leave, but they won't listen. I try too. I don't want them to die this time. They should live. But in the end there is nothing either of us can do, and they die.

We rush out and then the phone rings. "Not now, Malcolm!" He hangs up. We finally make it to the bus.

"At last. Where've you been?" Nathan asks.

"Get inside. Get them sitting down. Now then, let's have a look." Meta takes charge.

"So what does that crystal do?"

"Oh, nothing. Don't need the crystal." He tosses it.

"Oh, I risked my life for that."

"No, no. You risked your life for those." Meta holds up the clamps and grins. He attaches them to the wheels. "One there. One there. One there. And one there."

"But what are the clamps for? Do they turn the wheels?"

"Yeah, something like that. I just need to fix this. Have you got a hammer in that bag?" I smile. This will be fun.

"Funnily enough."

"Phone, phone. Call Malcolm." He hands the phone over to me. I redial and hold the phone up to his ear.

"Malcolm, it's me." He pauses. "Ready for what?" I snicker. Then he continues.

"I'm going to try to get back. But listen, there might be something following us. You need to close the wormhole."

"Oh, Malcolm, you're Brilliant." I revisit the urge to say I told you so again.

He pauses for a bit and I know what's going on. "Sorry, got to go." Ever the avoider. I hang up the phone for him. He gives me a grateful look as I pocket it.

We have troubles starting the bus up. "Oh, it's not compatible. Bus, spaceship, spaceship, bus. I need to weld the two systems together."

"And how do you do that?"

"I need something non-corrosive. Something malleable. Something ductile."

As he's talking, I reach into Christina's bag and grab the goblet. I grin manically. "Something gold." Meta gets a glint in his eye.

"Oh no you don't."

"Christina, what is it worth now?" Meta pleas with her.

Barclay tries to give Meta his watch and he may have tried it but I explain that he's been had and returns to his seat as I hand over the goblet. Christina looksresigned.

"It's over a thousand years old, worth eighteen million pounds. Promise me you'll be careful."

"I promise." And then he hammers know it.

"I hate you," she groans.

"Promises are just lies told in advance. You should have made him swear in blood." It's habit that makes me say it. But I've been making more and more of them lately. I'm not sure I believe it all that much anymore.

Meta gets it working. "This is your driver speaking. Hold on tight."

"But what for? What's he doing?" The passengers look a bit scared.

"Do as he says. What are you doing?" Christina shouts before leaning closer. Lucky in in between them.

Meta fires up the bus. "Come on. That's it. You can do it, you beauty. One last trip."

The bus rises into the air and let out a laugh. Everyone in the back is beside themselves. "Ah, you are so kidding me." "We're flying. It's flying." "He's flying the bus." "It's a miracle."

"Antigravity clamps. Didn't I say? Round we go." I shake my head at his cheekiness.

"Doctor, they're coming," Carmen warns us. I don't have to look to know that the swarm is close behind us.

"Do you think this thing will survive the journey back?"

"Only one way to find out. Well two ways. Ryder?"

I grin. "Next stop, planet Earth!"

Everyone screams as we fly through the wormhole. It's shaking and it reminds me of the turbulence in the plane so long ago. But it doesn't matter because this time I'm not alone. God, I'm a sap. I call Malcolm back for Meta.

"Malcolm, close that wormhole." There's a commission, then, "He's hung up on me."

He takes the phone from me and dials himself. As if it's my fault there a problem.

"Malcolm!" He barks. "He's hung up again."

He calls again. "Malcolm, listen to me. I need that signal. We've got billions of those things About to fly through."

he answers a question. "Loop it back through the integrator, and keep the signal ramping up." He shouts another response, "Five hundred Bernards. Do it now!"

He's distracted and doesn't notice the sting ray in out path. "Meta look out!" He grunts in determination. "Oh no, you don't." He hits the sting ray. People cheer.

"Did I say I hated you? I was lying." I'm not about to let her kiss him so I 'fall' onto his lap. He's startled for a moment but he makes no move to push me off. I'd move myself but his arms trapping me so that he can reach the steering wheel. He lands the bus.

"Do not stand forward of this point. Ladies and gentlemen, you have reached your final destination. Welcome home, the mighty two hundred."

The passengers begin to disembark one by one and Christina is as controlling as usual. I try to get up but Meta holds me. I look into his eyes and his expression is amused and thoughtful. "What?"

"Nothing," he chirps and the. Let's me go. I scramble up and away. If stayed that close much longer I have no doubt that I would have fallen into him and kissed him. Not the time. Or the place. I take a steady breath before getting off the bus myself. Meta isn't far behind.

A soldier corners us. "Welcome back. If you could step away from the bus, just to be safe. As fast as you can, thank you. It's standard procedure. We need to screen you and then you'll all be taken to debriefing."

Meta doesn't have any psychic paper to flash but he claims that we don't count anyway. The soldier just takes out word sense he's the doctor. "With me, thank you."

"Doctor." Malcolm rushes over.

"You must be Malcolm." Meta goes to shake his hand, but ends up getting a hug instead.

"Oh. Oh. I love you. I love you. I love you."

A super officer cuts in and I desperately try to keep a straight face. "To your station, Doctor Taylor."

"Yes, ma'am. I love you," he backs away and I snicker besides my best efforts not to.

"Doctor, I salute you whether you like it or not. Now, I take it we're safe from those things?"

"They'll start again. Generate a new doorway. It's not their fault, it's their natural life cycle. But I'll see if I can nudge the wormholes on to uninhabited planets." I know that means that I'll be making a call to Rose. The Doctor will have to take care of this. Rose and I talk on the phone from time to time but we never say anything important. Usually just reminiscing about the past.

Meta keeps talking. "Closer to home, Captain. Those two lads. Very good in a crisis. Nathan needs a job, Barclay's good with engines. You could do a lot worse. Privates Nathan and Barclay, UNIT's finest."

The officer nods. "I'll see what I can do. Now, I've got three dead alien stingrays to clear up. I don't suppose you fancy helping with the paperwork?"

I cringe. "Not a chance. I've had enough of pepper work." Meta nods in agreement.

The officer doesn't even crack a smile. "Till we meet again, Doctor."

"I hope so." Something tells me that he really doesn't.

Christina is dodging police. "That's quite enough of that." She runs over to us.

"Little blue box. Right then. Off we go. Where are you parked. Come on, Doctor, show me the stars."

"No." I'm not sure what I was expecting but no works fine for me.

"What?"

"I said no." Is he saying that because he doesn't have a TARDIS?

"But I saved your life. And you saved mine."

"So?"

"We're surrounded by police. I'll go to prison."

"Yeah."

"But you were right. It's not about the money. I only steal things for the adventure, and today with you. I want more days like this. I want every day to be like this. We're made for each other. The perfect team. Why not?"

"I've got Ryder." I startle at that. He doesn't want her to come because he doesn't need her, but me?

The detective comes and breaks my thoughts. He's looking smug and triumphant. "Lady Christina de Souza. Oh, I have waited a long time to say this. I am arresting you on suspicion of theft. You do not have to say anything, etcetera, etcetera. Dennison, take her away." She's carted off in handcuffs.

Carmen stops to talk to us. "Doctor? Ryder? You take care now."

We both smile as he answers. "You too. Chops and gravy, lovely."

"No, but you be careful. Because your song is ending." No. It can't be. Not Meta. He can't regenerate.

I reach for his hand and he doesn't hesitate. "What do you mean?"

"It is returning. It is returning through the dark. And then? Oh, but then he will knock four times." His grip tightens and so does mine. I don't like how this sounds. I don't like how this is looking.

I'm thankful for the distraction of Christina making a fuss. She's about to be pushed into the car. Meta turns to me and I shrug and let him know he can do whatever he wants. He sonics her handcuffs and she gets out of the car on the other side and runs past is to the bus. The police and the detective following after her.

"I'd step back, if I were you," Meta warns the detective.

"I'm charging you too. Aiding and abetting." He looks pointedly at both of us.

"Yes. We'll just head to the station and arrest ourselves." We back away and the detective is too busy to notice anything.

"Out, now." Christina waves at him and then starts the bus and starts to fly.

"No! Come back!" I laugh. The detective and the thief. I could ship that.

Christina flies the bus over to us and opens the door to wink at Meta. "We could've been so good together."

He pulls his hand out of mine and wraps it around my shoulders, shaking his head. "Maybe."

She shrugs and flies off. But his sentence is unfinished. "Maybe in another universe."

I look up at him and my heart stops. It's a bit cheesy and romantic but I can't help the giddiness I feel. But then look on his face changes. He's just as scared as i am I realize. Something is happening between us, and something tells me that Rose isn't consuming his thoughts anymore. Maybe, given time, we could both be ready for something other than we have? But for now?

I take his hand and smile. "Come on. I'm starving. Let's go home. Gramps said he was going to get curry tonight."

With that we head off, bantering and talking as we've done for months.


	30. Chapter 30

**Another chapter! I know. I'm proud of myself but I think I'm running out of juice. Reviews would help. :P. Too pushy? Maybe you're right. Review if you want to. Thanks again to those who have. Cookies. Or brownies if you don't like cookies. **

I've been deep in thought over the last week. The incident with the wormhole has made me have to think. It brought up a lot of questions. Particularly about Meta's and my relationship. I'm not entirely sure what we are or where we are going, if anywhere.

He hasn't really changed toward me. Not really. We're still friends and we still talk and get into trouble. The only thing that's I can say is truly different is that he smiles more when I say something. Like my cleverness isn't being taken for granted. It makes me think that I can call Rose now.

I'm anxious to see her again. I miss her. And the TARDIS too. I know Meta feels the same. But I think that seeing Rose with his other self will be easier now somehow. But I don't want to be presumptuous either. I don't want to assume that I'm doing anything for him. It's all very confusing. He's still fictional to me. Even right here he is nothing more than a fantasy and I don't know how to deal with it this time. Not like this.

I finally decide to call Rose and tell her to come pick us up, but Meta disappears that day. He's gone for hours. Twelve hours. When he comes back, Donna is furious. She lays into him about making us so worried and everything. I say nothing. He looks at me while she's yelling and there's a look there I haven't seen before. A mixture of longing and regret. My heart nearly stops with that look.

When Donna is finally done, we still stand there looking at each other.

"Where were you?"

He looks at the floor and a smile tugs on his lips as he thinks up his answer. "Spoilers."

I want to press him for answers but I don't. I know that I can't.

"I'm going to call Rose and the Doctor tomorrow. I'm kind of tired of Earth. You gonna come with?" I want him to say yes.

He smiles. "Yeah. Yeah I am."

"Good. Right. I'm gonna get some sleep." I walk out and I don't hear his reply clearly enough to make it out but I think it doesn't really matter much.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

I call Rose the next morning right after breakfast. She's happy to hear from me, but won't talk long so she can come right of way. I tell her when and where we are and ten minutes later the TARDIS is in the back yard. Meta and I both rush out to it.

The doors seem to open of their own accord and we rush in. I go straight to Rose and we end up laughing and hugging. Meta is talking to the Doctor and stroking the console. I roll my eyes. Boys and their toys.

Rose takes me to the galley for some tea? "So, what you been up to?" So I tell her. I tell her about Donna and Lee, and Mickey and Martha, and I tell her about Christina. I don't go into details of what I thought about that adventure. I just tell her the plot, but this time, I lived it. I'm not telling her an episode, I'm telling her about one of my normal days. Normal days for me anyway.

"What about you? What have you been up to?" I waggle my eyebrows at her and she blushes.

"Shut up."

We laugh before she starts to tell me some of the things they've been doing. They apparently finally made it to a concert. Something in the future that I don't know about. Yet. Rose says she really likes their music and wants me to hear some. She also tells me about their Christmas. As she tells about the man they ran into who thought he was the Doctor and the cybermen in the Victorian era. When she finishes by telling about the dinner they had afterwards.

Then she stops and looks at me. "You knew all of it didn't you? I'm telling you an adventure you went through before."

I try to deny it. "No. No of course not. That was the first time I heard it..." It doesn't work. She just raises her eyebrows.

I sigh. "Okay. Yeah. Yeah I knew that one. But it was different this time and stuff."

She laughs and shakes her head. "S'alright. Don't ever change Ryder."

I've changed more in the last few years of life then she could know. By my count it's been maybe three years at this point. A year in Pete's world, plus all the times in jumps, and then almost a year here at Donna's, use time in the void to round it off and I say three years. That would make me old enough to drink in America now. Mum wanted to take me. I had no intention of letting her, but now...now I would give anything to go have a drink with my mum. Just once. Just to see her again.

But I'm fine. I'm here and I have lots of friends. They are my family. The Doctor's family. The biggest family in the universe. And all in all I'm happy. So there's nothing to be afraid of. Except maybe there is.

I put my thought on hold for a bit as the four of us rush off to another planet. Which we save. I don't return to my dark musings until I'm safe in my room on the TARDIS. The ship was good to me. She gave me my dream room. A big bed and a red and gold color scene. Dark cherry wood furniture. A bright and cheery end suit decked in blues and greens. It's perfect and calming.

I lay in bed and look up at Van Gogh's starry night covering my ceiling. I have a lot of questions. There is a lot of unknowns here now. I'm uncomfortable with the unknown. It didn't bother me before but I spent so long with foreknowledge that I've grown accustomed to it.

But there are so many questions. Carmen said that Meta's song with end. She said that he would knock three times. That means Wilf. That means the Master and Gallifrey and Rassilon. But Meta can't regenerate. The Doctor and Rose can. Why wouldn't it be one of them? And if it's not the Doctor, then what about Eleven? How will that work? And what about me? Where do I come in? I can't just let Meta or Wilf die.

Then the Master. My blood runs cold as I think about what he might try to do to Rose. It will be nothing good. I'll have to protect her from it in some way. Whatever "it" is.

My mind is spinning frantically until I finally fall asleep. And then my dreams take over.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

The next morning, i wake up to Rose jumping onto my bed. I groan and bat her away but she insists, so I sit up and make a show of having to wake up.

"Oh, stop whining, I have something to tell you."

I huff but she seems overly excited so I listen. "What?"

She holds up her hand and shows me a big fat diamond on the ring finger of her left hand.

"What?!"

She giggles and lets me take a closer look. "He asked me a couple of weeks ago. I've been going ballistic. I wanted to tell you right away but..."

"Why didn't you?" I'm looking in awe and the cut of the rock and the delicate swirls written in the gold band. I know it's Gallifreyan but I can't read it.

"Because of Meta, or James. We didn't want to say anything till the Doctor talked to him about it. I love him too. I don't want to hurt him. But I think he's over it."

She nudges me as bit over the last comment. "Shut up." I can't help but smile. If she noticed to then maybe it's not in imagination. She tries to get me to tell her something but I don't let her.

"Oh no. Not about me. You're the one with a bolder on your finger. Is a point star?"

She laughs. "Why am I not surprised that you know that?"

"Because I know everything. I'll take that as a yes then. What does the writing say?"

She blushes and smiles while tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "It says, "'For the love of all my lives.'"

I smile with her. "That's beautiful. When's the wedding then?"

"We were thinking in a couple of weeks. Tell a few people and then we're going to go to Women Wept. The Doctor is going to ask Meta to do the ceremony. Donna and Jack will stand as his family and I was hoping that you and Mickey could stand as mine?"

"I'd love to, but you'll have to ask him. Martha's going to want to come. And Lee too. He'll never let Donna out of his sight."

She laughs. "That's fine. Witnesses are good. I just don't want a big fancy affair."

"Like eloping?"

"Sort of yeah."

Then a thought occurs to me. "By standing for you does that mean that I'm giving my consent for him to marry you? I consent and gladly give and all that?"

"Yeah it does actually. I thought if have to explain all that. I already asked the Doctor about the ceremony and all that. It will be mostly Gallifreyan but we're adding some human stuff since that's what I was when we met."

I nod. We giggle and start making plans and talking about everything. I'm touched that she wants me to stand for her. Her mum isn't here to do it and she's asking me. It makes me feel very loved.

I ask her why they decided to get married. Since he doesn't do domestic. She tells me it's because he wants to tell her his name and that makes sense to me. She whispered that he also actually secretly likes the idea of domestic. I say that maybe that's true as long as it's with her.

Donna is thrilled by the idea. Martha and Mickey too and I'm glad. Even Meta seems happy about it. He's taking his role as the marriage official very seriously. Jack is besides himself. He makes so many blatant innuendos that I threaten to castrate him. He believes me and tones it down after that but not completely. That's fine. He wouldn't be Jack if he did.

And so goes my life. Planning a wedding for Donna, planning a wedding for Martha, planning a wedding for Rose. Jack tells me there just might be a fourth wedding. Four weddings. I'm just hoping I don't have to start planning a funeral too. But I'm not. And I'm happy. For the moment, life is good. And I've decided that I'll let the answers come on their own, and that I'm just going to live my life while I can. In all honesty, life in the TARDIS isn't a bad life. I quite like it. Who am I kidding? I love it.


	31. Chapter 31

**Shoutout to MadGirlWithAMask (sorry I'm late with this), DoctorWhoHeHe, OtakuWhovian1224, Peagusfeather7, Rinnala and dawnknits for reviewing. (No I didn't forget 10th Squad 3rd Seat. Hi again.) Also to the Guests whoever you are. :) I'm really bad at acknowledging most of you and I don't tend to PM that often so sorry for that. I still greatly appreciate you. I know you're all glad I update so often but I'm afraid that I'm about to disappoint you. I'm going camping and will have no internet access. (*gasp*) I know. I'm sorry. **

**So in short, this will be the last chapter posted in July 2015. I will be back on August 1st at the earliest. I will try to get you a chapter as soon as I can. Technically I could post one more after this, but then I would have to leave you with a really, really bad cliffhanger. I don't want you all dying for three weeks so I'm giving you this nice fluffy chapter before all the heavy stuff. **

**Luv ya all! And Happy 4th to all the Americans. :D**

The day of Rose and the Doctors wedding arrives. Last night we picked up the whole party so that we could have time to get ready before the ceremony on Women Wept. I stand in front of the full length mirror that the TARDIS added to my room.

I assess my appearance as it is reflected back at me. I didn't want to wear the traditional and heavy robes of the bride's "mother," so I went with something a little more breathable.

The dress comes up and over my left shoulder. There's gold embroidery where the single strap meets with the slight sheer train that flows behind me to my knees. In overall appearance it's long and elegant layers just reach the tops of my golden heeled shoes. The deep red color of the whole thing brings out the flush of my face and neck. I've never felt more regal than in this moment, seeing how tall the dress makes me look.

The TARDIS provides me with a shawl to wrap around myself so my arms can stay warm. The planet we are going to is covered with ice after all. I'm looking forward to seeing the waves frozen in time. I'm also looking forward to seeing Meta. He's been busy with preparations. He picked the best spot on the beach he claims. Plus he was studying the Gallifreyan words that are normally traditional in this kind of wedding. He spent days in the wardrobe trying to find the right ceremonial robe as well. I'm not sure about robes but if that's what the bride and groom want, who am I to argue?

Donna sweeps grandly into my room. She refused to go with the robes as well and instead opted for a simple gold dress. It's loose fabric drapes over her body in the most flattering of ways. The front of the dress reaches up to her collarbone but the back scoops to a little over half way down her back. Since red and gold are the traditional colors I look till I see the red shoes peeking out of the bottom of the dress.

"Is that all the red you're wearing?"

"Do you not see this?" She points to her hair which is curled and elegantly frames her face as it falls over her neck and shoulders.

I smile. "Yes I do. No need to be rude. You are in fact ginger."

"Rude and ginger have nothing to do with each other." She knows what I'm referring to but doesn't truly acknowledge it.

"What are you doing with your hair?" I sigh in frustration as I look back at my reflection. My hair is still in it's customary pony tail.

"I don't know. My hair never cooperates." She shakes her head at me a then practically throws me into a chair.

"It will for me." She pulls my hair free of the tie and grabs a hairbrush. She's not particularly gentle but she's by no means hurting me either. She doesn't let me see what she's doing till she's done. When she finally is, my hair is in a low side bun on the right side of my head, balancing out the the strap on my left shoulder. There's a golden barèt holding it in place.

"Thank you Donna."

"You're welcome. Now come on. We have to go help Rose."

Since Rose's mum did hair for a living, Rose insists on doing her own hair and we don't argue with her. We just help with everything else. As soon as the dress is on though, I leave to make sure everything else is in place. I go out the TARDIS and find Jack and Mickey setting the chairs up in a circle around the circular rug that the marriage will take place on. The rug is a deep burnt orange color with silver Gallifreyan writing embroidered into it. I smile sadly as I think of the sky and the trees that it no doubt is supposed to resemble.

Mickey brings me back to Women Wept. "Hey babe. You're a knockout today."

I smile at his brotherly affection. "Thank you." He refused the robes as well. Too much like a dress as far as he was concerned. He wears a red tunic and black trousers and boots instead.

Jack on the other hand, was totally fine with the robes. In fact, he was enthusiastic. "You look gorgeous." He kisses my cheek and I pull back to take him in.

"So do you," I say cheekily. The robes are rather like a monks. But the color is the same deep red of my dress and Mickey's tunic. However, the undershirt is gold as is the embroidery on the hem. He just winks at me.

I go into the kitchen next to find Martha and Ianto putting finishing touches on a cake. Ianto looks smart in his suit and Martha is rocking a classic silver gown. I try to swipe some icing but Martha smacks my hand.

"Ah! No you don't. That's for later."

I give her a pout but she doesn't budge. Ianto laughs at our antics and offers me a cup of coffee which I take gratefully. Ianto's coffee really is the best in the multiverse. The Doctor comes in wearing red suit with gold pinstripes. My eyes bulge out my head when I see him but I say nothing. Martha however does. I decide to leave since she's scolding him in his wedding fashion choice. It really is atrocious, but very him. Even down to the gold bow tie. Although, I'm not sure how that's going to end up.

The only members of the traveling party I haven't yet seen are Meta and Lee and it doesn't appear that I'm going to see them until the wedding. Which starts a half an hour later.

Donna, Jack, Lee and Martha are already outside in their places. Ianto comes out with me. I notice Donna winking at Lee in his rather expensive looking suit. I smile at how cute they are. Ianto sits down and I take my place.

Meta and the Doctor then make their appearance. The Doctor evidently decided to keep the odd suit. But I'm actually glad. He wouldn't look right in anything else and he wanted to keep the theme. Meta on the other hand, is wearing the robes. Jack is the only other one doing so but it still works fine. Meta's is black with red and gold Gallifreyan stitched into it everywhere it seems. It should look busy but somehow it works.

His eyes lock on mine and my breath catches. His gaze runs over my form and he smiles. When he's close enough for me to hear he whispers. "That's a good dress on you." I can't even manage to say thank you since I'm too busy trying not to blush. The red dress wouldn't just wash me out if I blushed.

I don't have time to muse over any of it since Rose makes her appearance on Mickey's arm. Traditionally the bride would enter with the groom, but Rose wanted this human custom. I hear the click of a camera and I know that Martha is busy documenting the event.

Rose looks stunning. Her up do is elaborate, with braids and little curls escaping to frame her face. The strapless gown fits her curves

nicely and flows out from her hips to the ice covered ground. Lacy red stitching dances up from her left hip to the side of her breast. Her gold and ruby earrings enhance the flush of her face and neck. But her smile...her smile is what makes her so beautiful. It lights up her her whole face and makes her glow with happiness her joy is infectious as it radiates from her.

I turn to see the Doctor's expression. His jaw is slack and his lips are slightly parted. He's entranced by her as she makes her way to him. Try have no eyes for anyone but each other. When her hand slips into his, a smile blooms on his face. And I notice something. The ever present darkness in his eyes is gone. There is no regret, or pain, or sadness residing in their depths. He is smiling without restraint and it makes me happier than I have felt in a long time. Maybe ever.

Mickey stands next to me and Meta begins to speak. The lyrical words of the language reminding me of how the elves would speak in Lord of the Rings. In fact, I recognise some of the words as just that. I never bothered to learn it but now I wish that I had. Perhaps then I would know all of the words being spoken now.

He switches to English as he speaks the human portion of the ceremony.

"Rings?"

Rose and the Doctor each produce a gold band with Gallifreyan etched on them. Meta continues. He has them each place their rings on the others finger as they repeat the words. "With this ring, I thee wed."

The next part is slightly modified from the human version. "Do you Rose, accept The Lord Doctor as your husband, through every regeneration, until final death do you part?"

"I do." Her smile has never left her face as she looks at her almost-husband.

"And do you Doctor, take Rose Tyler as your wife, through every regeneration, until final death do you part?"

He swilled as emotions nearly consume him. "I do."

Meta pulls out a long gold rub ion and motions for them to hold hands as he wraps the cloth around them, binding them together.

"Do the guardians of the bride give consent?"

Mickey speaks his part. "I consent and gladly give."

And then I speak mine. "I consent and gladly give."

"Do the guardians of the groom give their blessing?"

Jack has cheeky grin at being called the Doctor's guardian. "My blessing is freely given."

Donna looks smug as she takes her turn. "My blessing is freely given."

"If none have any reason why these two should be joined then I will continue."

The pause is short since we all know that there isn't one of us that isn't happy about this. So Meta continues with barely a breath in between. "By the power resting on me from the High Council of Gallifrey, and the Shadow Proclamation, I now pronounce you husband and wife, partners in life, from now till the end of time."

He smiles broadly as he says the last part, which is a human custom and not Gallifreyan. "You may kiss the bride."

We all clap as the Doctor pulls Rose into what seems to be a rather spectacular snog. Jack is whistling and making cat calls and all of laughter bubbles on our lips. Donna embraces her fiancé. Martha and Mickey lovingly entwine their fingers together. And Meta slips his arms around my shoulders as we head back into the TARDIS.

The rest of the day is spent in revelry. The TARDIS ballroom was made out to house a fun party. Music plays as we dance or sing karaoke and I get Mickey to sing a High School Musical song. (After several hyper vodkas.) All in all, the whole day is fun and light hearted without a hitch. There laughter and singing and dancing, and I know for a fact that there will be dancing.

I gasp for breath as I lean against the wall after a particularly fast paced song and I feel the TARDIS hum in my mind and vibrate against my back. She's happy too and I smile. Today is my new favorite day. "You will remember this for the rest of your life." The sad tone of the whispered voice is unfamiliar to me. I look around but see nothing. There's no one there. Everyone is still on the dance floor or eating or drinking.

"Is that you?" The TARDIS doesn't answer me. I'm not sure if that's a confirmation or not. Before I can question it further, Rose calls me over. I head to her laughing as she drags me into another dance, this time claiming me as her partner just like that night in Pete's world so long ago. And the whispered voice is forgotten.

The Doctor and Meta say they have one last surprise for all of us before we head to bed, since all of us but the time lords are beginning to fall asleep on our feet. They lead us outside and with sonic screwdriver in hand, the Doctor sends out a signal. A moment later fire works burst in the dark sky.

Orange and red and gold and blue and green fire erupt in showers of light. Everyone watches the intricate designs in awe, but Rose and the Doctor are only seeing the fireworks in each other's eyes. It's cliché, but very true. I look back at the sky and smile, content, and at peace.


	32. Chapter 32

**Hello you beautiful people! I'm back from camping. I'm exhausted. And dirty. But it was a lot of fun**. **Anyway! Here's another chapter. You were so patient that I decided you deserved another nice chapter. Although there's also a bit of plot in it. The next couple of chapters are not going to be nice. (*spoilers*) please R&amp;R**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor who, or the book "Hexwood." But I recommend you read it. It's one of my favorites and is very under appreciated. Sorry I can't remember the name if the author. **

With the wedding over and everything, it was time for everyone to leave the newlyweds to their newfound marital bliss. They only want to be alone for a week or so before getting me and Meta again, but we all think it's a good idea to let them have it.

Meta gets it into his head that he wants to go on a road trip across the United States. He insists that he and I get a car and go. I can't say no to his puppy dog eyes so I agree.

So the Doctor drops us off in New York City in June of 1986. It's agreed that they will pick us up in two weeks our time in Los Angeles. The day spent in New York is quite nice. We do all the typical tourist things and I think Meta is relishing in the humanness of it.

Ever since that day that he disappeared he seems to appreciate it all more. And ever since the wedding he seems to be more attentive to me. I'm not sure how I feel about it. On the one hand I love it. On the other, it's very strange and I feel like I'm reading too much into nothing.

We find a battered old jeep that Meta insists be our car. I try not to let my heart flutter at the thought of it being "ours." After the purchase he strokes the hood and I raise my eyebrows.

"Ya gonna name this one Bessie too?"

"Don't be ridiculous!" He pause and gets a big grin. "This is Helga."

With that, he gets into the driver seat and I get into the passenger seat shaking my head. Despite my fears, he actually isn't a bad driver. I still tease him about it though. He refuses to let me drive his precious Helga but that's just fine with me.

We stop in DC next. The prattles on about the history of everything. He falls in love with the Smithsonian museum. I'll admit that I rather enjoyed it as well.

Next, we find ourselves in New Orleans. He gives me a gift. It surprises me. He hands me a simply wrapped box without a word. I ask what the occasion is and he hair shrugs. When I open it, I find a book. "Hexwood." My breath catches. The cover is the same. The words on every page is familiar. It's a piece of home.

"Where did you find this?"

"That book loft in New York."

"How did you know to get this one?"

"You mentioned a while back that it was your favorite. You were sad because you couldn't find it. You didn't think it existed in this universe. It's just really unknown. Didn't do very well."

I smile at the thoughtfulness of the gesture. He doesn't look me in the eye for several hours. Finally I just force him to look.

"Thank you."

"It's just a book."

"No it's not. It's a piece of my past that I didn't think I'd get back. There's a lot of my past lost to me, but you gave me something back. So thank you."

He smiles. "You're welcome." There's a shift in the air. The same shift I thought I felt for a moment on the bus. He leans in ever so slightly, seeking permission which I grant.

His lips are gentle on mine. Giving and undemanding yet still insistent. He makes no move to deepen the kiss but he doesn't pull back either and I know that he's waiting for me give him the okay. So I deepen it a bit and that's all he needs. He explores like a man with all the time in the world. Mapping my teeth and lips as if committing them to memory. I think he is.

It's a long time before we stop for breath. Our foreheads lean against each other as our breath mingles. We laugh at the absurdity of it. And we stay with what we are both comfortable with.

We next travel to Las Vegas. I have no interest in the slots or the card games but he's curious so I send him off while I order myself a drink. I'm not sitting there alone for long when a woman, not much older than I sits near me. Her hair is longer than mine, braided down her back. It's a little lighter but not by all that much. It's too dark for me to see her clearly but I can sense a sadness about her. But then she speaks to me.

"You need to remember."

I stare at her, startled. "Remember what? Who are you?"

I can hear the smile in her reply. "Spoilers. But that's not the point Jane Ryder. You have to remember."

She finishes off her drink and begins to walk away. "Remember what?!" I call after her. But she doesn't turn around. Meta pulls my attention for just a second but when I turn back, she's gone.

"You all right? What is it?"

I shake my head, trying to clear it. "Nothing. I'm fine. Just tired I guess."

I try not to let my thoughts harm the rest of the trip. But I can tell that Meta notices and looks a bit worried. I have no idea who the woman was. I have no idea what she was talking about. I don't think it was River. That doesn't make sense to me. Maybe it was Rose? After she regenerates next time? Or someone else entirely?

No matter who they are though, the real question in my mind is what I'm supposed to remember. A certain episode? My past in general? My name? It's been a long time since I've heard my real name. I haven't once said it aloud. But I still remember it so that can't be it. Something with Clara maybe? She was always saying to remember.

When we reach Los Angeles, I have no time to think about it any more. The TARDIS is waiting for us when we get to the designated spot. Over the next couple of months I begin to forget all of my questions. I focus more on all the places and times we go to see.

It's fun to watch Meta and the Doctor interact. It's been so long now since they were the same man that they are now separated. They've picked up on their own individuality. The brother explanation seems to work well so they don't deny it. It's sort of what they are anyway. Rose and I are just as close as we ever were. It's nice, just the four of us.

One day Martha and Mickey call saying that they decided to elope without everyone. They didn't want a fuss. Martha was concerned about the Doctor coming to an Earth wedding anyway. We're all fine with it. They deserved their quiet ceremony anyway. So we wish them a congratulations and move on.

Everything is going so well. And then the phone rings. And it's Jack. And then I realize that the universe is telling us that vacation is over. And I'm worried. Because I never watched much of Torchwood. I saw like three episodes. But I heard about this. I heard about the Doctor not coming. I heard about how Jack's grandson died. How Ianto died. But I don't know enough. I don't know if I can fix this one. And that scares me.

Rose looks concerned. "This ones going to be bad. Isn't it?"

"Yeah. Yeah it is."

She nods and that's all there is to it. Meta looks worried as well. The Doctor's jaw is set. Nothing about this bodes well. But there's nothing we can do. So we head to Cardiff, and I try to pretend that I don't have a sense of impending doom. Instead, I focus on the hand that's holding mine.


	33. Chapter 33

**Thank you! It's good to be back. :)**

**I didn't watch Torchwood so I'm not sure I'm doing this justice. But I figure that since Jane doesn't know either that sort of balances it out. **

**I have a new goal. 100 reviews for this story**. **But I need your help. So yeah. Love you all. You're awesome. Have a virtual cookie. No I'm not bribing you. What ever gave you that idea? *sighs* Just read. We can discuss my morals another time. **

The TARDIS hates the idea of landing. But the Doctor finally manages with our help. When we step out the doors, we find ourselves in a hallway. Alarms are blaring. And then...a sudden headache slaps me in the face.

I clutch my head as the screaming sound pierces my ears but no one else seems to hear it. I'm coughing. The air tastes bad and I can tell everyone else knows that. I'm rushed into the TARDIS and she immediately soothes my mind and I can breathe again.

The Doctor scans me with the screwdriver. "What on Earth was that?"

"It's not."

"Not what?" Rose raises her eyebrows at her husband.

"On Earth. Your mind tapped into some sort of frequency."

"Why didn't the rest of us," Meta wants to know.

"I don't know." The Doctor seems genuinely perplexed. Rose seems to think I know.

"I was here last time. I just heard about some of it. I don't know either." She sighs. So much for that plan then.

"We need to get to Jack." Rose reminds us of our plan and I'm grateful for the distraction. The Doctor lands again and this time we are more cautious when we step out.

What we see causes my heart to clench. Jack is on the floor holding the lifeless body of Ianto. I knew that he died, but seeing it hurts, and knowing that I'm too late to stop it hurts me more than anything else.

"Where the hell have you been?!" Jack shouts at us. His tear streaked face breaks my heart even more. He stands and faces off with the Doctor. Rose takes him into her arms and he sobs. I fall on my knees next to Ianto. I don't have enough energy to cry about it.

"It's not your fault." Meta crouches next to me.

"Maybe not completely. But I'm not blameless either. But there's nothing we can do now." I stand up. "Let's move to the next step."

Events unfold one by one after this. The Torchwood team, or what's left of it get back together. Jack briefs us on everything that has already happened. Including his involvement in 1965. The Doctor is furious with him. As am I. Only Rose forgives him immediately. More surprisingly, Meta forgives before I do.

Are attention turns to other events. Gwen tells us how the old man, Clem I believe, died. He was one of the children Jack handed over. I choke on my tears as I look at his body. Frail and bloody. He died in pain.

"What killed him?" Rose asks.

"Dunno. He clutched his head and pain and screamed. And then he just stopped. There was nothing I could do."

"A headache?" Meta gives me a significant look. The timing is the same. "You had one at the same time."

The Doctor scans me again. "It's got to be in your mind. But why not anyone else?"

Jack steps in. "He was connected to the 456. They connect to children. Jane, how old are you?"

I don't know where this is going. "At least twenty by now. Hardly a child."

"No, but your mind in on the same frequency." The Doctor cuts in.

"What's that mean?"

"You think on the same wavelength as a child would from this world. Faster with more imagination. Your time in the void froze your mind's development to a slower frequency."

Meta comes to a realization. "You told me you could slow time."

"No. I can think so fast that I can make it seem like time has stopped around me. But only for a moment and it's just thought. I can't move that fast." I correct him.

The Doctor is intrigued and starts to ask but Rose gets him back on track. We forget about that development for the time being since Rose looks pale.

There's no plan. There never is. And with Rose taken suddenly ill, Jack agrees that the Doctor needs to get her away from the situation. Meta and I stay to deal with the 456. I'd rather be anywhere else than in the middle of this.

"Uncle Jack!"

I don't know how it's going to get there, but I know that something will happen to Stephen.

"Hey there soldier." Jack hugs his grandson. When he introduces me to the young blond boy I resolve that I really must stop whatever it is. His mother Alice doesn't deserve to lose her son.

I'm not sure where Gwen and Rhys are exactly. Protecting children somewhere most likely. The human race makes me sick as I watch the leader agree to the demands of the 456. One by one, children are gathered to be handed over to a race that we know is up to no good.

Jack is all business. "If we cycle the wavelength back at them..."

The man called Dekker cuts him off. "I know what you're trying to do. A constructive wave. Do you think people aren't working on that all over the world? But it's never going to work. The effect would be like shouting at the 456, that's all. Just shouting."

"Why did Clem die?" Meta wants to know.

"It was the 456 that killed him," Johnson answers.

"But how did they do it? Why did they do it?" I ask the questions this time.

"We've got the recording here." Johnson brings it up on the laptop.

"His mind must have synced to the 456 back when he was a child. But they didn't need to kill him. He wasn't any threat," Meta reasons.

Jack finishes. "Unless maybe that connection hurt them." They grin at each other.

Johnson interrupts. "This is the 456 at the moment of his death. We've lifted the sound from the Thames House link." The sound is annoying and I cringe.

"That sound, Mister Dekker, what's that sound?" I ask.

"I don't know. It's new."

Jack shows some real excitement for the first time since we arrived. "Exactly. It's new. We don't have to analyse the wavelength, just copy it. Turn it into a constructive wave. But we've got no way of transmitting."

"Of course you have." I shoot Dekker a startled look. He couldn't mean...

"Shut up." Jack won't look at anyone.

"Same way as them." I have an overwhelming urge to wring Dekker's neck.

"We'll find something else," Meta catches on.

"What does he mean?" Johnson is confused.

"Don't listen to him." Jack is looking desperate.

"Dekker, tell me."

"The 456 used children to establish the resonance."

"Meaning what?"

I huff. "Really Johnson?" Dekker ignores me and answers the question. "We need a child."

Alice becomes concerned. "What do you mean?"

"Centre of the resonance. Oh, that child's going to fry."

My anger rises. "How can you look giddy with the thought of that?! How dare you!" Meta simply glares at him. No words are needed. He may be human, but the oncoming storm is still there.

"No, Dad. No, tell them no." Alice begs.

"One child or millions." My thoughts begin to race. I can't think fast enough to stop time completely. But it slows down as Alice begs again. "Dad, no. Dad, tell them no!"

"We're running out of time." I look at Meta as Johnson says this. His eyes widen and he shakes his head at me.

"Dad, no! No, Dad!"

I place my hand on Jack's shoulder and he looks at me. "I operate in the same frequency," I gently remind him.

I can see his emotions war on his face. Relief and pain and horror all at once. Alice is confused and still worried. Meta begins to frantically try to talk me out of it. The others are lost. But Jack and I don't take notice. We look at each other with a steady gaze.

He's uncertain. So I make it easier for him. "Is it really even a choice Captain? Really?"

He sighs and shakes his head. I nod. Meta shouts. "Ryder! You can't."

"Hold him back." I instruct people to make sure that Meta won't interfere. Jack quietly assures Alice that Stephen will be fine. I feel peace with that thought. I head to the platform and stand in the center as Jack moves to his position.

I smile at the familiarity. "Just like dimension hopping. Standing here giving orders. On your mark Harkness."

His face is grim and stoic. He begins to move. Heightening the frequency, using me as the epicenter. My mind that operates like a child. A mind that can connect to the 456. I allow the sound to run through me. I feel the high pitched squeal come from me and my mind knows that the children of earth follow me.

The sound raises pressure in my mind. It becomes increasingly painful to continue. But still, I don't fight it. I remember all the pain I've felt in my relatively short life, and this is bearable. Except it's not. As my awareness begins to fade, I know with certainty that this time I won't be waking up. My last thought is that I hope Rose can forgive me. I hope Meta will be all right. And then everything just...stops.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

Jack Harkness watches as the young woman called Lieutenant Jane Ryder falls to the ground. He watches as Meta is released and rushes to her lifeless form. He may be a soldier, but he's still a man. He may be immortal, but he's still human. And it's for those reasons that he begins to cry as he watches the Doctor's brother rock Ryder in his arms.

"Please wake up. Please. Don't leave me. Help her! Someone please! Why?! Why?! Please Jane. Please. Ryder they're safe now. You saved them. Now wake up."

Jack can't keep watching. It's tearing him apart. His daughter wants to know if he would have done it. If he would have used Stephen if Jane didn't do it. He can't answer, because he knows he would have. Because it wouldn't have been a choice. His grandson or the Earth's children. It wouldn't have been a choice. Not his to make. He hopes Alice will forgive him of that. But time is what she'll need for that.

The Doctor and Rose come and take Jane and Meta away. He won't talk to them. Rose is too busy crying for her dead friend and sister to try. But the Doctor does. But Jack just can't, and he's at least one man who understands that.

It's several months before he makes contact with people again. Too busy traveling. But Gwen comes. She asks him to stay, but he can't. Earth has gotten too small. So he leaves. And that's where he meets her. A woman with a long braid down her back. He doesn't recognise her at first. But her eyes give her away. Not the color or the shape but the expression behind them. Kindness and strength are in her eyes.

He doesn't know how she's possible. But there seem to be a lot of impossible people in the universe these days. The bartender gives him a note and he knows it's from her. 'She would want you to know. It was her choice and she didn't regret it. And his name is Alonzo if your interested."

The last part makes him raise his eyes in question. She gestures to the man next to him and he gives her a grateful smile. She nods her welcome and turns to walk away. And Jack knows it's all fine. Jane Ryder died for his grandson, and he would never forget that. And it would be fine. Because time can be rewritten, and that woman with familiar eyes had already written a lot. Jane would live. Even if it wasn't in this timeline. Ryder would survive. And so would he.


	34. Chapter 34

**Thank you to all of you for reviews and special thanks to JemmaPOND. "No matter what I will always remember. Jane Ryder. The girl who came closest to us. The girl who was the truth." That is exactly what I was going for so thank you. If my character is coming off correctly then I have succeeded as a writer. Jane is meant to represent all whovians. **

**Fear not. The story is not over yet. There are still about 20 chapters left. However, that doesn't mean there isn't going to be a lot of heartache** **in between now and the ending. Not even I know exactly what is going to happen but we shall see. **

The pain in my head explode behind my eyes. The adrenaline is coursing through my system. My limbs are shaking and my heart is beating fast. The last I remember, I should be dead. But I'm awake again. It doesn't stop does it. Part of me wants to laugh. The universe. Has once again found a way to keep me alive.

As I open my eyes to see who's holding me I look up to see Meta. I smile at him and he tentatively smiles back. But there is an apology in his gaze. I look around to see where we are. I'm surprised to discover that it is no longer Earth.

"We only awakened you for five minutes, Drifter in the Dark."

I recognise the woman. She was in that mini episode where Eight became the War Doctor. Which means that I'm on that weird planet with the sisters of Karn. Five minutes? I must have died this time. I smirk. I liked Eight's lines for this. Maybe I'll take a cue from it.

"Five minutes? That's loads of time. I might get bored. Can I have a book? Maybe a sketch pad and some pencils?"

"This is no joking matter. You must survive."

I raise my eyebrow. That doesn't make much sense. "Then why bring me back for five minutes?"

They turn and look at Meta and I follow suit. He looks at me apologetically again. "A life for a life."

I'm confused. "What?"

The Karn lady explains. "When we made the Doctor a warrior we gave him the life that the woman with him would have had. We couldn't save her. We need a life to give to you. The human Doctor has agreed to give his."

"What?! No!" I frantically plead for him not to. But he pulls away from me. He takes a sip from the chalice that is handed to him. And then moved to make me take a sip.

"No!"

"It has to be this way Ryder."

"No. Why would you say that? You and me. Remember? We're all we've got. We still got to go to Donna's wedding."

He shakes his head. "You still have to go. I've known for a while that this was coming. I've come to peace with it. And so will you."

Tears are streaming freely down my face at this point. How can he leave me alone? I'm tired of being alone. Dare I admit that I'm tired of losing people that I...can I even say it? I pull away as he places the drink to my lips.

"Ryder...you have to. You have to live. We still have things to do. Please don't rewrite those moments now."

I don't know what he means by this. He answers my silent question. "Spoilers." I know that I'll see him again. I don't want to live, not really. But he won't let me say no to him. Not for this. He places the r to my lips and tilts it back. So I drink, knowing that my single sip will steal his life from him.

Strength comes into me nearly immediately. The pain flies away like a wisp of smoke. But Meta buckles in front of me. "No! I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Shush." Golden light seeps from his skin into mine. "Everything will be fine. You'll see. You're going to be brilliant. Fantastic. Amazing."

I choke on my sobs as he begins to fade. I kiss him, desperately trying to hold. Hoping and praying that maybe I can save him. But this isn't some fairytale. This is my harsh reality. I pull away and cry when I see is ashen face.

"I love you," he whispers. I can barely believe that he said it. But he is dying and I know that I won't really get another chance. Not for his sake.

"I love you too." The joy in his eyes at my response makes it all worth it. Every crack in my heart and every tear on my face.

But there's one thing I want him to know. One thing I need him to know. So I lean in and place my lips by his ear. And I whisper my name. My true name. The name my parents gave me. The name I nearly let myself forget. It's been so long since I've said it out loud that it tastes weird on my tongue.

I pull back and see that he's nearly gone. But he understands. He may be human, but the time lord customs are still part of him, and I practically just married him by Gallifrey's standards.

Meta pulls me close and says my name in my ear. I sob. How could I forget how beautiful it sounded? Or maybe that's just because he says it with love in his voice. "I give you my heart."

I smile through my tears. And then he slips through my fingers, and is gone. I rest there in the dust for a long time. Staring uncomprehending at the ground where I last held him. Meta is dead, and it's my fault. My Meta. My Doctor.

I feel far away when I hear Rose yelling. She's yelling at the sisters of Karn. I look up when I hear the Doctor's voice. So similar to Meta but it's not him. The Doctor is furious. From what I understand, they brought me to this planet to bury my body, since it is the closest to Gallifrey as any other place. They were expecting a welcoming party of sisters.

Rose and the Doctor were locked away so they wouldn't interfere. As soon as Meta had given his life, they released them. But it's too late. The damage is done. I am still alive. But at a great cost.

I'm not sure what the Doctor did to the Karn. I know it wasn't good. But we leave in the TARDIS with a great heaviness in the air. Rose holds me why I cry. The Doctor is crying too. I can see it. But he won't show it. Not really.

"Go to him," I tell Rose. She almost protests but she doesn't. He just lost a brother. They were amazingly close and he needs his wife more than I do. So she goes to him.

As soon as we land I head out the doors. It's Donna's house. I let the Doctor do the talking as I hold Wilf's hand. Donna cries on Lee's shoulder. We are a family mourning a loss and I can't take it. So I run up the hill behind the house where Wilf has taken all of us to see the stars.

I don't stand there alone for long. I feel the presence next to me and I turn to see the woman from before. The same long braid down her back. She's a bit taller than me. Her hair is darker, almost black. I can see her profile but she doesn't turn to look at me. She just looks at the sky, pale as a ghost in this lighting.

I sigh. "You come to tell me to remember again? Because I have no idea who you are or what you mean by that."

A slight smile tugs on her lips. "I forgot how snarky you could be."

"I'm insulted. People should never forget that."

"Oh they won't. You make far too much of an impression. But I'm not here to tell you to remember. I tried that. It didn't work the first time. I'm here to remind you."

"Of what?"

"Life is too long to harbor regret."

"I've never heard that before. How am supposed to remember it?"

"Well, you've heard it now. So you better not forget."

"You're rather bossy aren't you?"

"Side effects of being a commanding officer."

"Who are you?"

I hear her answering grin. "Spoilers. Major spoilers. But you like twist endings so it's going to be interesting."

She starts walking away. "Is that it? You just going to leave now?"

She stops and she turns her face slightly toward me but doesn't turn otherwise. "I've been leaving for a long time. Just...it was always coming. It comes for all of us. One day, you'll understand what I mean when I say that. Meta died for you. Not because of you. And that needed to happen, it just...I know it hurts you. Right now. But it gets better, and I don't want you to hate yourself for it."

Who is this girl? As she walks away and disappears into thin air part of me thinks I know. But I don't want to acknowledge it. Not yet. The implications of that could be...I just can't. The idea scares me so I push it to the back of my mind without letting it form into words at all.

I head back into the house. I need to sleep. I just need sleep.


	35. Chapter 35

**I** **know. I'm a horrible person. I looked in the mirror today and saw Moffat for a split second. I hate it. But I also love it. *rubs hands together* **

**In all seriousness, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry but it needed to be done. I cried when I wrote the last chapter but he wasn't fitting properly into the box with the plot bunny. **

**Also, this chapter has a plot development that might not be ideal. Similar to what I did in chapter 11, I suppose as far as shock factor. **

The initial months after the whole thing with the 456 and the Karn I spend in solitude. Not completely of course. But emotionally I pull back from everyone. Not that I had really let them in, in the first place.

I feel empty if I'm honest with myself. Partly because Meta is gone but also because he's no longer there to fill the hole where my blood family once was. But I have a new family now. Family in bond if not in blood. And he was part of it. And it hurts that the universe ripped him from me.

I sit and I read most of the time. And I write. I begin to add my own stories to my journal. It's no longer a simple log of episodes that I've seen. It's a log of episodes that I have lived. I add in the changes and new characters as they appear.

After two months of this particular moping, Donna is the one who gets fed up with it completely. She barges in on me one day and literally forces me to get dress and drags me off to go do something. Anything.

"You can't just sit around doing nothing for the rest of your life. How boring is that?! You my friend are coming with me to shop or go to a movie, anything to get you out of this room!"

"But Donna..."

"No buts. I am getting you out of here, at the very least to take a break from my mother. I don't know how you're still sane, staying with her."

"I have Wilf."

"Grandad does make it bearable but you can only take so much. Come on!"

I have no strength to protest against her. She's far too determined. And I love her for it. She actually gets me to smile.

Rose and the Doctor come back for me. But two months for me has only been a couple weeks for them. Rose is still feeling ill. The Doctor is concerned by it but Rose is adamant that she's fine. I'm not wholly convinced.

Rose pulls me aside and asks me to go with her to get something. She won't tell me what but I agree. When she leads me into the chemists I begin to get suspicious.

"Rose? You don't think...?"

She bites her lip. "I don't know. That's why I need you with me."

"Why not bring the Doctor?"

"Well...just..."

She can't put it into words. She's distracted by her own fear. I stand outside the stall as she pees on the stick. She comes out and we stand there anxiously awaiting the results.

"How long does it take?"

I look at the instructions on the box and answer her. "Ten minutes."

She bounces slightly in her inpatients. "Maybe this test doesn't work for time lords?"

I look at the stick. "Wait. Something's showing up."

We look at as the symbol appears. "What's that mean?" She grabs the box and compares. I feel a real smile spread on my face. She looks at me in shock.

"I'm pregnant," she says in a flat voice.

"You're pregnant," I confirm.

"I'm pregnant."

"Yeah. Yep. You are."

"I'm having a baby."

I nod excitedly, waiting for the other shoe to drop. And then she squeals and we hug and jump up and down. "I'm going to be a mum!"

Then she stops and I see terror enter her eyes. "I'm going to be a mum! And the Doctor's going to be a dad. Again. What am I going to tell him?"

I look at her incredulously. "That he's going to be a dad maybe?"

"No but...we've never talked about this. I don't know if this is something he wants."

She's beginning to panic a little so I sooth her as best I can and convince her that the sooner she tells him the better.

That night, while the rest of us are in the house, Rose talks with him outside. I'm the only one inside who knows, so when I hear the loud, "What?!" I don't jump as much as the others.

I wait a minute, a little worried but then I hear laughter. I peek out the window and I can see the Doctor swinging her around. They both look very happy. I steal Donna's phone from her and snap a quick picture of the moment.

When they come back in everyone starts demanding answers since I wouldn't give them any. The news is well received. Donna gets hyped up with fluttering hands and tips for Rose. Wilf pats the Doctor on the back and Lee offers his congratulations. Even Sylvia cracks a smile.

That night, I lay in bed looking at the ceiling and thinking. I do too much of that I think. But that doesn't stop me. I think about how this development would have changed things for the show. I don't think it would have gone well. It wouldn't have lasted anyway. Too much angst. But as far as living it, it makes me thrilled.

I have a feeling that the next nine months will be extremely hard for all of us. Especially them. I don't know how this will effect everything. But I guess it doesn't matter. I already changed everything else.

Rose is pregnant. I'm going to be an aunt. It puts my losses into perspective. I know Meta would want me to be part of it without reservation. I will always miss him, but wishing he was here won't do anything. So I resolve to put it behind me.

I resolve that this baby is going to have everything that their parents didn't. That I didn't. He or she will grow up with a family that's always there. They won't have to be in a situation that makes them choose between life and death for someone else. They will go through time without blood on their hands. And they will be the happiest child in the universe.

That is my new purpose. I helped Rose, and the Doctor, and Donna, and Lee. I helped Meta. Now I'll help the child. And I'm going to be the most badass aunt in history.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

Rose is just starting to show when we take a trip to old England. And by that, I mean England ruled by Queen Elizabeth the first. It's starts off with some sort of party with Rose and I dressed for the time period. The Doctor of course is not dressed in anything other than his customary suit and I curse him and his ability to avoid corsets.

But even though it started out innocent, I knew wouldn't end that way. Good Queen Bess right? I keep my journal close for the details of this. It's one of my favorites, and I'm looking forward to what changes are going to take place. And that's why I'm not surprised when the Doctor excitedly announces that there is some plot being instigated by Zigots.

However, I am surprised by another development. While at the party, before the Doctor sees anything amiss, we meet the queen. And the Doctor introduces his wife Rose and his sister Jane. But that isn't what surprises me. What does surprise me, is when the Queen winks at me as we walk away. At me.

I groan to myself. This is going to be interesting. The Doctor is otherwise a engaged with his pregnant wife. And the Queen was flirting with me. And as I recall, there was courting the Queen involved with the Doctor's plan. I revisit the urge to bang my head into a wall, repeatedly. This should prove to be interesting.

{A/N: this is not going to be a baby fic. It's like when Amy got pregnant. Except not. Please R&amp;R. I'm curious about what you guy think and I love input. Encouragement a and constructive criticism. :)


	36. Chapter 36

**Thank you for the reviews. :) I did mean Zygons not Zigots. I type fast and then sort of forget to proofread sometimes in my haste to post so you can read it. Also, Rose is about 27 now if you add up all the years that have passed since run. I'm glad at least some of you are okay with the baby. If you're not, keep reading. It's not babyfic fluff, it's part of the plot. *grins knowingly***

**I can't express just how thrilled I am that you like my OC. OCs tend to be a bit of a gamble, not written correctly or just simply out of place so it makes me really happy that you like her and care about her. You're all upset about Meta, I know. But I have reasons. You're just going to have to trust me a bit. (Easy for me to say right?)**

**Anyway...The 50th anniversary special! Finally. I've been looking forward to this. **

Trying to convince the Doctor that Elizabeth is not the Zygon proves to be impossible. He's stubborn and believes in his "brilliant" plan to use me as bait. Because the good Queen couldn't possibly have swung the other way. Right? Wrong.

In my opinion, it's possible and in fact true. And as I think about it, I think it might have been true in my original universe. She never married, she dressed in armor, went to battle, and basically said she was just as good if not better than men at war. She was basically the pioneer of women's lib.

Not that that's a bad thing. I just don't like the fact that my friend the Doctor thinks he can just pimp me out to the Queen of England on hunch, even when he knows that I have enough knowledge to prove him wrong. I'm actually rather ticked off about it.

Despite my feelings though, I agree to the plan. Which is how I find myself riding a horse, side saddle, with a redhead behind me, out of the TARDIS doors. Rose is hidden away inside since her present condition isnt ideal for saving the world. The Doctor has some perch outside to watch the plan.

"There you go, your Majesty. I told you it was bigger on the inside."

"The door isn't. You nearly took my head off. It's normally me who does that."

As we settle into the cushions for our picnic, I eye the horse suspiciously. I know that it's the creature we're hunting but the Doctor will have to see it to believe it. Elizabeth's voice brings me back to the picnic.

"Tell me, Jane, why I'm wasting my time on you. I have wars to plan."

"You have a picnic to eat."

"You could help me."

I nearly gag on the flirtation I have to keep up. "Well, I'm helping you eat the picnic."

I place a grape in her mouth.

"But you have a stomach for war. This face has seen conflict, it's as clear as day." She strokes my face and I realize she's right. I'm no stranger to blood and death.

"Oh, I've seen conflict like you wouldn't believe. But it wasn't this world. But never mind that, your Majesty. Please stand. Come on." I don't want to think about the Macra or any of the others so I move the plan along.

"How dare you? I'm the Queen of England." There's mirth in her voice so I'm not worried.

"I'm technically American. Not English. Sort of." I get down on one knee, which isnt easy in my dark green, rather fancy buttoned dress. "Elizabeth, will you marry me?"

"Oh, my dear sweet love. Of course I will."

"Yeah I was afraid of that."

"My love?"

I'm relieved when the Doctor reveals himself. I'm not in the mood for stealing his rambling lines today.

"Ah-ha! One, the real Elizabeth would never have accepted her marriage proposal. Two, the real Elizabeth would notice when she just casually mentioned other worlds. But then the real Elizabeth isn't a shape-shifting alien from outer space. And...ding." I resist the urge to facepalm as he starts scanning her with his...machine thing.

Elizabeth looks confused. "Why are you here? What's that?"

"It's a machine that goes ding. Made it myself. Lights up in the presence of shapeshifter DNA. Ooo. Also it can microwave frozen dinners from up to twenty feet and download comics from the future. I never know when to stop."

"No you don't." He sticks his tongue at me. Elizabeth turns to me then.

"My love, I do not understand."

"I'm not your love." The Doctor speaks with me. "Yes you do. You're a Zygon."

She's startled but chooses to ignore what I said. "A Zygon?"

"Oh, stop it. It's over. A Zygon, yes. Big red rubbery thing covered in suckers. Surprisingly good kisser. Think the real Queen of England would just decide to share her throne with a girl from nowhere with pretty eyes, just cos she's funny and has a nice horse?" He gestures toward the horse and I don't bother looking. I know what he sees. "Oh."

I cross my arms. "Yeah. Oh. Donna is going to kill you when I tell her you didn't listen to me."

"It was the horse. Run!"

"Does that mean I'm going to be king? Or is there a different title for the wife of a Queen?" There's no point in asking the question as the three of us run for our lives but i'm curious. The Doctor drags me and I drag Elizabeth after me.

"What's happening?"

"We're being attacked by a shape-shifting alien from outer space, formerly disguised as Jane's horse."

We run into a ruined building. "What does that mean?" The Queen asks.

"It means we're going to need a new horse," I say obviously.

She's distracted by what's going on. "Where's it going?"

I want to get away from her and her clinging hands in my arm so I say, "We'll hold it off. You run. Your people need you."

"And I need you alive for our wedding day."

She grabs me and kisses me full on the mouth before running off. I feel my face fold like I'd just eaten a lemon.

The Doctor looks amused. "The Virgin Queen huh? So much for history."

"Shut up." We try to lure the Zygon to us but then we hear Elizabeth screem and we run toward her voice. The Doctor's device keeps dinging.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, very clever." He stops in front of a lop-eared rabbit.

"Whatever you've got planned, forget it. I'm the Doctor. I'm nine hundred and twenty four years old. I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I am the Oncoming Storm, the Bringer of Darkness, and..." He trails off and looks at me. "I'm basically just talking to a rabbit, aren't I?"

I grin. It's my turn to be amused. "Yep."

He frowns and turns back to the rabbit. "Okay, carry on. Just a general warning."

"Jane!"

"Elizabeth!" We find her lying on the ground.

"That thing. Explain what it is. What does it want of us?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out. Probably just your planet."

"What you're trying to figure out. I already know. Not that you listen to me," I correct the Doctor. Just then, a second Elizabeth walks up.

This new one says, "Jane, Doctor. Step away from her, Jane. That's not me. That's the creature."

The first one reacts well enough. "How is that possible? She's me. Jane, she's me!" The Doctor tries to use his device.

The two start arguing. I would be more amused by all the insults and puns except i'm not really in a laughing mood. The Doctor hits his toy. "It's not working."

"One might surmise that the creature would learn quickly to protect itself from any simple means of detection," one says.

"Clearly you understand the creature better than I. But then, you have the advantage," the other answers.

Then the vortex appears and I resist the urge to cheer.

"Back, all of you, now! That's a time fissure. A tear in the fabric of reality. Anything could happen." A red fez drops out of it.

"For instance, a fez?" I smile innocently.


	37. Chapter 37

**Day of the Doctor Part 2. :D Extra chapter for you to hold you through the weekend. **

The next thing to come through the vortex is none other than Eleven himself. So of course it's not graceful. I can't help but chuckle. In his surprise,Ten puts on the fez.

"Who is this man?" I'm not sure which Elizabeth said that.

"That's just what I was wondering."

I smile at Ten's ignorance in this situation.

"Oh, that is skinny. That is proper skinny. It's like a special effect. Oi!" Eleven knocks the fez off Ten's head.

"Ha! Matchstick man." I shake my head at his antics. He really is a child.

Disbelief appears on Ten's face. "You're not."

They both get out their sonic screwdrivers. I watch as they try to oneup each other but Eleven wins. His screwdriver is quite awesome.

"Compensating." Ten tries to regain some ground.

"For what?"

"Regeneration. It's a lottery."

Eleven seems slightly offended but amused at the same time. In fact, he's rather giddy. "Oh, he's cool. Isn't he cool? I'm the Doctor and I'm all cool. Oops, I'm wearing sandshoes."

Ten looks at his feet then back at Eleven. "What are you doing here? I'm busy."

"Oh, busy. I see. Is that what we're calling it, eh? Eh?" He puts on his fez and turns to the two Elizabeths and myself.

"Hello, ladies."

"Don't start."

Eleven ignores the warning and domes over to me. "Ryder! You look smashing in that dress."

"Why thank you." I hug him back. This is awesome and everything but something is striking me as odd about this. I just don't know what. Despite that, I'm human and probably dead in his timeline. He's quite a bit older than the one I'm traveling with. Eleven winks at the Queens.

Ten cuts in again. "Seriously?"

"Listen, what you get up to in the privacy of your own regeneration is your business."

"One of them is a Zygon."

He makes a face. "Urgh. I'm not judging you."

The time fissure reappears and they both put on their glasses. Then they look at each other.

"Oh, lovely," they say in unison.

"Your Majesties. Probably a good time to run," Eleven explains.

"But what about the creature?" It's creepy how they talk at the same time.

"Elizabeth, whichever one of you is the real one, turn and run in the opposite direction to the other one," I instruct.

"Of course, my love." Seriously. Really creepy how they do that.

One of them comes up to me. "Stay alive, my love. I am not done with you yet." She snogs me and then runs off.

"Thanks. I needed that."

The other one comes over next. "I understand. Live for me, my darling. We shall be together again." She snogs me too.

"Looking forward to it," I say as sarcastically as I can.

Eleven looks like he's choking. "One of those was a Zygon."

Ten doesn't look much better. "Yeah."

"Big red rubbery thing covered in suckers?"

"Yeah."

"Venom sacs in the tongue?"

"Shut up you two. I get the point. May I also point out, they were also girls." I gasp at my own words. "No. They couldn't be. I don't need the obvious pointed out Doctors."

"Sorry," they apologize. But they're still snickering.

The voice of a woman comes through the vortex. "Doctor, is that you?"

"Ah, hello, Rose. Can you hear me?" He puts a strange emphasis on the name Rose. That strikes me as odd. Why would he do that? But it makes sense that Rose would be here and not Clara. I'm a little sad by this. I liked Clara. But what's done is done, and Rose is still my best friend.

"Umm. Okay. We can hear you. Where are you?"

Eleven turns to us. "Where are we?"

Ten answers. "England, 1562."

"Who are you talking to?"

"Myself," Ten answers. "And Ryder," Eleven says.

"Can you come back through?" I'm assuming that's Kate if I remember correctly. It has been a few years now.

"Physical passage may not be possible in both directions. It'... Ah! Hang on. Fez incoming!" With that, Eleven throws his fez into the fissure.

"Nothing here," the voice, Rose, calls.

"So where did it go?" Ten asks. He pauses and continues. "Okay, you used to be me, you've done all this before. What happens next?"

A strange look crosses his face. "I don't remember."

"How can you forget this?"

"Hey, hang on. It's not my fault. Maybe you're not paying enough attention. Reverse the polarity!"

"Play nice you two. If you fight with yourself you'll just get a headache." They ignore me as they aim their sonic screwdrivers at the fissure.

"It's not working." Eleven is confused.

I can almost see the light bulb over Ten's head. "We're both reversing the polarity."

"Yes, I know that." I roll my eyes.

"There's two of you. He's reversing it, you're reversing it back again. You're confusing the polarity."

An older looking man drops out of the fissure. I smile. Oh yes. This is going to be very interesting.

"Anyone lose a fez?"

Ten is shocked. "You. How can you be here? More to the point, why are you here?"

"Good afternoon. I'm looking for the Doctor."

"Well, you've certainly come to the right place." Ten looks worried, but Eleven looks a little lost to me. Why is that? Something is wrong here. But what? It's beginning to frustrate me.

"Good. Right. Well, who are you three? Oh, of course. Are you his companions?"

Eleven raises his non existent eyebrows. "His companions?"

"They get younger all the time."

"So do you," I say amused.

The War Doctor continues. "Well, if you could point me in the general direction of the Doctor?"

They both look at each other and then raise their sonic screwdrivers. The War Doctor is startled. "Really?"

"Yeah," Eleven nods.

"Really," Ten confirms.

"You're me? Both of you?"

"Yep."

"Even that one?" He points at Eleven.

He's offended. "Yes!"

"You're my future selves?"

I don't like being left out so I answer for them. "Ding ding ding. Give the man a metal."

"Am I having a midlife crisis? Why are you pointing your screwdrivers like that? They're scientific instruments, not water pistols. Look like you've seen a ghost."

"Still, loving the posh gravelly thing. It's very convincing." I can see the storm brewing under the surface of Ten.

"Brave words, Dick van Dyke."

I smile at Eleven. "Nice. Mind if I use that?"

He's about to answer me but then we get surrounded by soldiers.

"Encircle them. Which of you is the Doctor? The Queen of England is bewitched. I would have the Doctor and Lady Jane's heads."

"Well, this has all the makings of your lucky day." Even though I'm being threatened with a beheading I still laugh at the War Doctor's joke. This is going to a fun day.


	38. Chapter 38

**Happy Monday! I hope you all had a good weekend. Now for Day of the Doctor part 3.**

"I think there's three of them now," vortex Rose says.

"There's a precedent for that." Yeah that's got to be Kate.

The lead soldier is startled. "What is that?"

Ten and Eleven point their screwdrivers and the War Doctor notices. "Oh, the pointing again. They're screwdrivers! What are you going to do, assemble a cabinet at them?"

I prop my arm on his shoulder and lean on him. "Man I love you. You're awesome." He looks a bit confused and Ten looks shocked.

"That thing, what witchcraft is it?"

"Ah, yes. Now that you mention it, that is witchcraft. Yes, yes, yes. Witchy witchcraft. Hello? Hello in there. Excuse me. Hello! Am I talking to the wicked witch of the well?"

"Rose?" Something is not right with the way he says it. But what?

"Hello?" Rose finally responds.

"Rose, hi, hello. Hello. Would you mind telling these prattling mortals to get themselves begone?"

"What he said."

"Yes, tiny bit more colour."

"Right. Prattling mortals, off you pop, or I'll turn you all into frogs."

"Ooo, frogs. Nice. You heard her."

"Doctor, what's going on?" she calls. It sounds like Clara's voice to me.

"It's a timey-wimey thing," he calls back.

"Timey what? Timey-wimey?" The War Doctor furrows his brow.

Ten tries to look innocent. "I've no idea where he picks that stuff up."

I scoff. "Yeah, cause it's not like you said it first or anything." His eyes shoot daggers at me but I just smile. Then Elizabeth shows up again and the soldiers bow.

"The Queen. The Queen."

She holds her head high. "You don't seem to be kneeling. How tremendously brave of you."

"Which one are you? What happened to the other one?" Ten asks.

"Indisposed. Long live the Queen." Her answer seems sinister.

"Long live the Queen," the soldiers repeat.

"Arrest these men and the woman. Take them to the Tower."

"That is not the Queen of England, that's an alien duplicate."

Eleven grins. "And you can take it from Jane, cos she's really checked."

"Shut up. You're not clever." I'm not in the mood for that.

"Venom sacs in the tongue."

"Seriously, stop it," Ten tells him.

Eleven's eyes widen. "No, hang on. The Tower. Did you say the Tower? Ah, yes, brilliant. Love the Tower. Breakfast at eight, please. Will there be Wi-Fi?"

The War Doctor is perturbed. "Are you capable of speaking without flapping your hands about?"

He gestures again. "Yes. No. I demand to be incarcerated in the Tower immediately with my co-conspirators Sandshoes, Granddad, and Sexy Skirt."

"Granddad?" The War Doctor is taken aback.

"Did you just refer to me as a skirt?" I'm not even going near the sexy concept. Hard enough not to blush already.

"They're not sandshoes." Ten looks at his feet.

"Yes, they are." I forgot how sassy the War Doctor was. It's fantastic.

"Silence," Elizabeth orders. "The Tower is not to be taken lightly."

So with that, we are arrested, and ushered to the infamous Tower. The guard pushes us in. "Come on, you lot, get in there."

"You could say please." But the guard ignores me and shuts the door. I know it's not locked but the coming conversation needs to be had so I decide to sit down and stay out of it.

Eleven finds a piece of metal bar and starts scratching on a stone pillar. "More than one Doctor in one cell? That's going to cause some nasty anomalies if we don't get out soon."

"What are you doing?" Ten asks.

"Getting us out." He remains concentrated on what he's doing.

The War Doctor scans the wood door with his screwdriver. "The sonic won't work on that, it's too primitive."

I respond to Ten so that I don't feel useless. "Maybe we should ask for a better door so we can escape."

He ignores my comment. "Okay, so the Queen of England is now a Zygon. But never mind that. Why are we all together? Why are we all here? Well, me and Chinny, we were surprised, but you came looking for us. You knew it was going to happen. Who told you?"

I look in the direction that the War Doctor is and I'm surprised to realize that I can see her. I can see the Moment. The Bad Wolf. She holds a finger to her lips. Why can I see her.

"Oi, Chinny?"

"Yeah, you do have a chin."

I cut in so that I can distract myself from this new development. "News flash. We all have a chin."

Eleven continues scratching into the pillar. The War Doctor sits down next to me and fiddles with his screwdriver. "In theory, I can trigger an isolated sonic shift among the molecules, and the door should disintegrate."

"We'd have to calculate the exact harmonic resonance of the entire structure down to a sub-atomic level. Even the sonic would take years." I have to bite my tongue and War and Ten have this exchange. I can't give it away yet.

"No, no, the sonic would take centuries. Oh, we might as well get started. Help to pass the timey-wimey. Do you have to talk like children? What is it that makes you so ashamed of being a grown up?" Ten glares at him but Eleven's gaze is more frightened and curious than stormy. "Oh, the way you both look at me. What is that? I'm trying to think of a better word than dread."

"It must be really recent for you." Ten says.

"Recent?"

"The Time War." Eleven clarifies.

"The last day. The day you killed them all," I say gently.

"The day we killed them all." Tens countenance is dark and brooding, and it hurts me I see it. He needs Rose with him now but she's in the TARDIS, pregnant, not knowing what's going on.

"Same thing," Eleven says. He turns back to the pillar.

The Moment begins to speak. "It's history for them. All decided. They think their future is real. They don't know it's still up to you."

"I don't talk about it."

"You're not talking about it. There's no one else here."

I glare at Ten. "What am I? A potato?"

"I didn't mean that Ryder."

"Then what? That I might as well be you? You'd be right. You're not the only one who has committed genocide. You're not the only one who's lost everything. At least you gained something back. You have a wife and a child on the way."

He's sufficiently chastised. We haven't talked much about what I've done, but we never needed to. We had an understanding not to talk about the wars we've fought. Eleven looks sad as I speak. And I can feel the man next to me stiffen. "Spoilers," I whisper in his direction. It doesn't matter. He'll forget this anyway.

The Moment addresses him. "Go on, ask them. Ask them what you need to know."

"Did you ever count?"

"Count what?" Eleven asks.

"How many children there were on Gallifrey that day."

He stops his scratching. "I have absolutely no idea."

"How old are you now?"

"Ah, I don't know. I lose track. Twelve hundred and something, I think, unless I'm lying. I can't remember if I'm lying about my age, that's how old I am," he evades the War Doctor's question nicely.

"Four hundred years older than me, and in all that time you've never even wondered how many there were? You never once counted?" I frown at his earnest question. He's almost begging.

"Tell me, what would be the point?" It seems to me that this Doctor doesn't understand. He's different from his predecessor yet very much the same as well.

"Two point four seven billion." I wince when Ten gives his number.

"You did count!"

But he doesn't acknowledge the man next to me. He turns to the other in anger. "You forgot? Four hundred years, is that all it takes?"

"I moved on," he tries to explain.

"Where? Where can you be now that you can forget something like that?" I move over to him and place my hand on his shoulder since Rose isn't here to do it.

"Spoilers."

"No. No, no, no. For once I would like to know where I'm going."

"No, you really wouldn't." I don't like that answer. Something in the way he says it makes me afraid. Did something happen? He has some version of Rose at least. Does something happen to the baby?

The War Doctor interrupts my thoughts. "I don't know who you are, either of you. I haven't got the faintest idea."

The Moment speaks. "They're you. They're what come from you if you destroy Gallifrey. The man who regrets and the man who forgets. The moment is coming. The Moment is me. You have to decide."

"No."

"No?" The others can't hear her.

"Just, no." Eleven starts laughing.

"Is something funny? Did I miss a funny thing?" I rub Ten's shoulder to sooth him.

"Sorry. It just occured to me. This is what I'm like when I'm alone." I smile at this. I think I'm rather like this when I'm alone too.

Ten starts flipping his screwdriver. And the moment speaks. "It's the same screwdriver. Same software, different case."

I grin as realization dawn on the War Doctor. "Four hundred years."

"I'm sorry?" Ten is lost. But I'm not.

"At a software level, they're all the same device, aren't they. Same software, different case."

"Yeah," he answers. Eleven questions, "So?"

My turn to steal a line. "So, it would take centuries for the screwdriver to calculate how to disintegrate the door."

The War Doctor picks it up and does what he says as he says it. "Scanning the door, implanting the calculation as a permanent subroutine in the software architecture and, if you really are me, with your sandshoes and your dickie bow, and that screwdriver is still mine, that calculation is still going on."

Ten checks. "Yeah, still going."

"Calculation complete." They all grin.

The moment and I speak together but I ignore the War Doctor's surprised expression. "Same software, different face."

"Hey, four hundred years in four seconds. We may have had our differences, which is frankly odd in the circumstances, but, I tell you what, boys. We are incredibly clever."

"Or we could just try the door," I say as I open it to reveal Clara...I mean Rose...and Elizabeth standing there. Rose regenerates into Clara?! Whoa. But no time for that.

"How did you do that?" Eleven asks.

"It wasn't locked." Rose and I fist bump.

"Right."

"So they're both you, then, yeah?" I'm confused by Rose's reaction. Doesn't she remember.

Elevenis unsurprised. "Yes. You've met them before. You remember." He puts his arm around her. She seems surprised but moves on.

"A bit. Nice suit."

"Thanks." Ten is eyeing her too. If this was Rose, something happened, and Ten seems to be determined to find out what.

"Hang on. Three of you in one cell, and the companion is the one who thought to try the door?"

"Who says I'm the companion? They're my companion." She grins at that.

"It should have been locked," eleven says weekly.

"Yes. Exactly. Why wasn't it locked?" Ten asks.

"Because I was fascinated to see what you would do upon escaping. I understand you're rather fond of this world. It's time I think you saw what's going to happen to it." And with that rather ominous answer from Elizabeth, we follow her out of the Tower.

As we follow the Queen through the halls she explains the motivation of the Zygons. "The Zygons lost their own world. It burnt in the first days of the Time War. A new home is required."

Okay. I need to differentiate. Clara/Rose tries to sum it up. "So they want this one."

"Not yet. It's far too primitive. Zygons are used to a certain level of comfort."

One of the Zygons approach. "Commander, why are these creatures here?"

"Because I say they should be. It is time you too were translated. Observe this. I believe you will find it fascinating."

The Zygon puts his hand on a glass cube with dents in the corners, then vanishes. He reappears in the 3D painting.

"That's him! That's the Zygon in the picture now," Clara/Rose exclaims.

The War Doctor begins the explanation. "It's not a picture, it's a stasis cube. Time Lord art. Frozen instants in time, bigger on the inside, but could be deployed as..."

Ten finishes it. "Suspended animation. Oh, that's very good. The Zygons all pop inside the pictures, wait a few centuries till the planet's a bit more interesting, and then out they come."

Eleven clarifies it. "You see, Rose, they're stored in the paintings in the Under Gallery, like cup-a-soups. Except you add time, if you can picture that. Nobody could picture that. Forget I said cup-a-soups."

"And now the world is worth conquering. So the Zygons are invading the future from the past," I say.

"Exactly," Eleven points at me.

"And do you know why I know that you're a fake? Because you're such a bad copy. It's not just the smell, or the unconvincing hair, or the atrocious teeth, or the eyes just a bit too close together, or the breath that could stun a horse. It's because the real Elizabeth, would never be stupid enough to reveal her own plan. Honestly, why would you do that?" Ten gets in the Queens face.

I bite my lip to keep from laughing. "No need to be offensive dear brother."

"Because it's not my plan. And I am the real Elizabeth."

"Ouch. You really should listen to me more."

Ten tries to fix it. "Okay. So, backtracking a moment just to lend context to my earlier remarks."

"My twin is dead in the forest. I am accustomed to taking precautions." She pulls a dagger from the garter under her skirts. "These Zygon creatures never even considered that it was me who survived rather than their own commander. The arrogance that typifies their kind."

"Zygons?"

"Men," Elizabeth corrects Rose.

"And you actually killed one of them?"

"I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but at the time, so did the Zygon. The future of my kingdom is imperilled. Doctor, can I rely on your service?"

"Well, I'm going to need my Tardis."

"It has been procured already."

"Ah." Ten is pleased by this.

"But first," she turns to me, "my love, you have a promise to keep." I might as well get over with.


	39. Chapter 39

**We have now reached the last chapter in the 50th special rewrite. There's a plot twist here. I want to hear your thoughts. I haven't been able to find an fics with the same concept so please tell me if you know any. R&amp;R. :D**

"I now pronounce you spouse and wife."

"Woo hoo!" Clara/Rose cheers.

"You may kiss the bride." I shut my brain off. I don't need to remember this. I finally manage to push her off and breathe.

"God speed, my love."

I look at Ten for help. "Right! We will be right back." And he thankfully drags me know the TARDIS after him and starts the dematerialization sequence. The others follow us in.

"You've let this place go a bit," the War Doctor says.

"Ah, it's his grunge phase. He grows out of it." Eleven explains.

Ten strokes the console. "Don't you listen to them." An alarm sounds and he gets an electric shock. "Ow! The desktop is glitching."

"Three of us from different time zones. It's trying to compensate." The War Doctor looks around.

"Hey, look. Round things." Eleven is such a child and I can't help but smile.

"I love the round things." Not that Ten is much better.

"What are the round things?" Eleven asks.

"No idea," Ten says. I say, "Wallpaper."

"Oh dear, the friction contrafibulator. Ha! There, stabilised." Eleven does something and the desktop changes again.

"Oh, you've redecorated. I don't like it," Ten is aghast.

"Oh. Oh yeah? Oh, you never do. Listen, we're going to the National Gallery. The Zygons are underneath it." Eleven is all business.

"No, UNIT HQ. They followed us there in the Black Archive." We all stare at the Clara/Rose person.

"Okay, so you've heard of that, then."

I head into the corridor to check on our current Rose. She's sleeping soundly through the whole thing. The baby has been draining her energy lately.

I head back to the console room and the Doctor's are talking to Kate. "I'm sorry."

"Not as sorry as you will be. This is not a decision you will ever be able to live with.

"Kate, we're trying to bring the Tardis in. Why can't we land?"

"I said, switch it off."

"No, Kate, please. Just listen to me!" Eleven shouts.

"The Tower of London, totally Tardis-proof." Ten is right.

"How can they do that?" Clara/Rose asks.

"Alien technology plus human stupidity. Trust me, it's unbeatable." And now Ten is wrong. I pick up the stasis cube is on the console.

The War Doctor looks at me. "We don't need to land."

"Yeah, we do. A tiny bit. Try and keep up." He is infuriating.

The War Doctor contradicts him. "No, we don't. We don't. There is another way. Cup-a-soup. What is cup-a-soup?"

DWDWDW DWDWDW DWDWDWDDWDW

Eleven gets back on the phone. "Take a look at your phone and confirm who you're talking to...You were just talking to me. I know. I'm a time traveller, figure it out. I need you to send the Gallifrey Falls painting to the Black Archive. Understood?...just do it."

Things get blurry for me after that. Next thing I know, there's a Dalek being thrown into a room. "Exterminate!" Not sure what happens but then the Dalek is dead. Thankfully.

"Hello," the War Doctor says.

"I'm the Doctor," Ten announces.

"Sorry about the Dalek," Eleven finishes off.

"Also the showing off."

"We got to make an entrance," I tell Clara/Rose.

"Kate Lethbridge Stewart, what in the name of sanity are you doing?" Finally, he didn't sound like a child.

"The countdown can only be halted at my personal command. There's nothing you can do," one of the Kate's say.

"Except make you both agree to halt it."

"You're about to murder millions of people."

Kate is adamant. "To save billions. How many times have you made that calculation?"

The clock says 1:36 but I'm not all that worried.

"Once. Turned me into the man I am now. I'm not even sure who that is any more. You tell yourself it's justified, but it's a lie. Because what I did that day was wrong. Just wrong." I hold back tears as Ten gives his speech. I can connect to it this time. The War Doctor turns to look at the Moment.

I have something to say. "He's right. And because we got it wrong, we're going to make you get it right."

"How?" Kate asks.

"Any second now, you're going to stop that countdown. Both of you, together." Ten Sits down and puts his feet up on the table.

Eleven follows suit. I smirk. Bromance with yourself. Go figure. "Then you're going to negotiate the most perfect treaty of all time."

"Safeguards all round, completely fair on both sides."

"And the key to perfect negotiation?"

"Not knowing what side you're on."

"So, for the next few hours, until we decide to let you out..."

"No one in this room will be able to remember if they're human..."

"Or Zygon." Eleven jumps on the table all three Doctors do something with their screwdrivers to the memory filter. "Whoops a daisy."

The countdown gets dangerously close to the end but both Kate's shout, "Cancel the detonation!"

It stops at five. "Peace in our time." And then the negotiations start. I head over and lean on the wall next to Eleven. He looks at me and I cock my head.

"What?"

"I'm not sure. You tell me. Because something...something isn't right about all this. You say that woman is Rose but she's not used to being called that. And you're acting funny. You're not...reacting the way you should. So what happened?"

He smiles slightly. "You always were perceptive. Never could lie to you. Mum yes, Dad sometimes but you. Never."

Okay. I'm lost. What? "Start with Clara. Why are you with Clara and not Rose?"

He's startled. "You know her name?"

"Of course. I know everything. It's not just perception, it's foreknowledge. Sort of. So?"

"Where's your Rose?"

"I asked you first."

"Your answer to my question will answer your question."

"She's in the TARDIS."

"Why?" He's trying to lead me to something... but what?

"Because she's pregnant. Is that where your Rose is? Is she pregnant again?"

He sighs. "So much for perceptive. Do I have to spell it out?"

"Oi. Attitude. And yes that would be nice. It's been a long day and I'm tired."

His gaze holds mine. "Your Rose is pregnant. I'm a time traveler."

No...no. That's...could that be? I look at him and I know it's true. And he knows that I've realized the truth because he's smiling at me. "Hello Auntie Jane."

"Oh my..." I touch his face and he tears up slightly. I pull him into me and we hug. His arms wrap around me tightly. "You're all grown up."

"And you're extremely young."

I pull back and hit him lightly. "Oh shut up." There's still sadness in his eyes. He lost River and Amy and Rory already. He must have lost me. I won't live that long. Neither will Donna. But something in his eyes tells me that he's alone. "What happened? To your parents?"

He looks at the ground between us. He shakes his head. "I can't. You taught me better than that."

I smile softly. "Yeah. Spoilers right?"

He nods but there's more lightness in him now. "There's so much I can't tell you. You're not my aunt yet. Not really. But you will be soon. You're running out of time."

"What do you mean?"

"You're song is ending."

I suck in a breath. I've heard it before. I'd forgotten about it. "He will knock four times."

"I'm sorry."

I shake my head. As timelines are concerned, he's older than me. But I feel older than him. I feel a deep parental protection for this man and I won't let him be sorry for this. "Not your fault. Never your fault. Now. Enough of this. We got work to do." I smile at him because I know. Today the Doctor's son is going to help save Gallifrey.

Clara brings it to everyone's attention that the War Doctor disappeared. Except I can't call her Clara. I have to remember that Eleven... not sure what else I will call him, needs to be seen as the Doctor. Which means Clara has to be Rose to everyone else.

And that's what I tell myself to remember as we all fly to the moment it happened. The moment he pushed the big red button.

DWDWDW DWDWDW DWDWDW DWDW

When we land, Rose is awake, and she walks out with Ten and I. Eleven and Clara come from the other TARDIS.

"I told you. He hasn't done it yet." I smile as Clara makes her point.

"Go away now, all of you. This is for me."

Ten is confused. "These events should be time-locked. We shouldn't even be here."

"So something let us through," Eleven agrees.

The moment in the corner speaks, but the War Doctor and I are the only ones who see and hear her. "You clever boys."

"Go back. Go back to your lives. Go and be the Doctor that I could never be. Make it worthwhile."

"All those years, burying you in my memory. Pretending you didn't exist."

"Keeping you a secret, even from myself." I know what he means. His father didn't tell him this. Most likely because his father never truly knew.

"Pretending you weren't the Doctor, when you were the Doctor more than anybody else." I'm glad that Ten is making peace with himself.

My turn to encourage him. "You were the Doctor on the day it wasn't possible to get it right."

Ten smiles at me. "But this time..."

"You don't have to do it alone." Ten, Eleven and I put our hands on the button together. I see Rose standing next the moment. I know Rose can see her.

The War Doctor has yet to notice. "Thank you."

I turn my attention to Ten. "What we do today is not out of fear or hatred. It is done because there is no other way."

"And it is done in the name of the many lives we are failing to save." Eleven looks at Clara, who shakes her head.

"What? What is it? What?"

"Nothing."

"No, it's something. Tell me."

"You told me your people were wiped out. I just. I never pictured you doing it, that's all."

The Moment speaks. "Take a closer look."

It suddenly goes dark.

"What's happening?" Clara asks.

"Nothing. It's a projection."

"It's a reality around you." Rose says it, but the War Doctor doesn't notice. We see the war on Gallifrey.

"These are the people you're going to burn?"

Clara sobs slightly.

"There isn't anything we can do," Ten says mournfully.

"He's right. There isn't another way. There never was. Either we destroy our own people or let the universe burn."

"Look at you. The three of you. The warrior, the hero, and you," the way Clara says I know she knows. Eleven must have explained it to her.

"And what am I?" he asks.

"Have you really forgotten?"

"Yes. Maybe, yes."

"We've got enough warriors. Any old idiot can be a hero."

"Then what do I do?"

"What you've always done. Be a doctor. You told me that name was a promise. What was the promise?"

The projection freezes and I can feel the tears in my eyes. My opinion has changed. Some promises aren't meant to be broken. This is my promise too. Not because I'm the Doctor, but because I'm part of his family. Their family. It's not the promise of one man. It's the promise of all of us.

"Never cruel or cowardly." Ten starts.

"Never give up, never give in." The warrior finishes. The frozen image disappears.

"You're not actually suggesting that we change our own personal history?"

My turn. "We change history all the time. I change history everyday by simply breathing in this universe. We're suggesting far worse."

"What, exactly?"

"Gentlemen, I have had four hundred years to think about this. The Doctors have changed thei mind." Eleven sonicks the big red button back into the Moment box.

"There's still a billion billion Daleks up there, attacking," the War Doctor reminds us.

"Yeah. But there's something those billion billion Daleks don't know," I say in a sing song voice.

"Because if they did, they'd probably send for reinforcements," Eleven agrees.

"What? What don't they know?" Clara's lost.

"This time, there's three of us," it makes me giddy how excited Ten is.

"Oh! Oh, yes, that is good. That is brilliant! She didn't just show me any old future, she showed me exactly the future I needed to see."

"Now you're getting it." The Moment and Rose do an air high five since the Moments not actually there.

"What? Who did?" Eleven has finally noticed his...mum.

"Oh, Bad Wolf girl, I could kiss you."

"Yeah, that's going to happen," the Moment is amused.

"Sorry, did you just say Bad Wolf? Cause I don't mind if you do." Rose walks over and gives the War Doctor a gentle kiss. Elevens expression is how any kid looks when they see their parents showing affection. Ten is equal parts jealous and smug. That must be confusing.

"What?" The War Doctor is stunned.

Rose smiles. "Hello."

"I'll take my wife back now." Ten pulls her into his side. They really are adorable.

Clara saves Eleven from further embarrassment. "So what are we doing? What's the plan?"

The War Doctor shakes himself to answer. "The Dalek fleets are surrounding Gallifrey, firing on it constantly."

"The Sky Trench is holding, but what if the whole planet just disappeared?" Ten wonders.

I smile as I give my input. "The Daleks would be firing on each other. They'd destroy themselves in their own crossfire."

"Gallifrey would be gone, the Daleks would be destroyed, and it would look to the rest of the universe as if they'd annihilated each other." Eleven laughs.

"But where would Gallifrey be?" Rose asks.

"Frozen. Frozen in an instant of time, safe and hidden away," Ten explains.

"Exactly," I smile.

"Like a painting," the War Doctor

confirms.

There's not much I can do in all of this. Rose goes with Ten, Clara goes with Eleven so I invite myself to go with the War Doctor. He doesn't protest. As I follow his instructions to help him, I watch him. He's a man before the split. Before the meta crisis. Which means Meta lived this man's life. He is a part of him. And I can see it. I see Meta in him.

It leaves me with a hollow feeling but I can't give into the pain yet. He said that there were moments he didn't want me to rewrite. That means I'll see him again. So is he truly d...gone yet?

I turn my attention back to the battle. When we succeed I hug the War Doctor. The relief and happiness in his eyes is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

We find ourselves having tea in the Gallery, looking at the 3D painting of the Time War.

"I don't suppose we'll know if we actually succeeded. But at worst, we failed doing the right thing, as opposed to succeeding in doing the wrong." The War Doctor makes a point.

"Life and soul, you are," Clara says. Rose smiles at her. It makes me laugh. Rose thinks that it's her future self, and I can't tell them otherwise.

"What is it actually called?" Ten asks.

His son answers him. "Well, there's some debate. Either No More or Gallifrey Falls."

"Not very encouraging when you say it like that," I comment. Of course I know what it's called. Gallifrey falls no more. But that's an answer for another time.

"How did it get here?" Rose inquires.

"No idea." Eleven looks hard at it like it will tell him where it came from.

"There's always something we don't know, isn't there?" Ten looks at me when he says it, but his past self responds.

"One should certainly hope so. Well, gentlemen, it has been an honour and a privilege."

Ten realies I won't answer him, so he moves on. "Likewise."

"Doctor." When Eleven says his goodbye I smile sadly. I can tell he wants to say Dad. But Doctor is what he must say.

"And if I grow to be half the man that you are, Jane Ryder, I shall be happy indeed."

I laugh. "That's right. Shoot for the stars."

"I won't remember this, will I?"

"The time streams are out of sync. You can't retain it, no." This saddens Eleven.

"So I won't remember that I tried to save Gallifrey rather than burn it. I'll have to live with that. But for now, for this moment, I am the Doctor again. Thank you. Which one is mine? Ha!"

He heads into his TARDIS and disappears as we look on. Then Ten speaks.

"I won't remember either, so you might as well tell me."

"Tell you what?" I cautiously watch the exchange between father and son.

"Where it is we're going that you don't want to talk about."

"I saw Trenzalore, where we're buried. We die in battle among millions."

"That's not how it's supposed to be."

"That's how the story ends. Nothing we can do about it. Trenzalore is where you're going."

"Oh, never say nothing. Anyway, good to know my future is in safe hands. Keep a tight hold on it, Rose." He winks at Clara, thinking her his wife in the future. Clara takes it well.

"On it." He kisses her hand. I think it's because Eleven gives him a warning with his eyes. He must think himself is very jealous in the future.

"Trenzalore. We need a new destination, because I don't want to go." Rose takes his hand, he smiles at her and kisses it before brushing his other hand over abdomen where their child, their son, is growing. And then he heads toward the TARDIS.

Rose turns to me. "You coming Jane."

"Yeah. Just give me a second." She nods and allows her Doctor to lead her the rest of the way into the TARDIS.

I head to Clara and give her a hug. "It was lovely to meet you Clara. You take care of him for me and his parents alright."

"Of course. It wonderful to meet you too Ryder."

"You can call me Auntie Jane like he does if it suits you. No pressure." I grin cheekily at her and she winks at me. Yeah. I like her.

She sees that I need to talk to her Doctor so she heads into the TARDIS. I turn to him and he smiles at me.

"I like her. You should keep her around."

He looks at the floor and smiles. "I intend to."

"Good. Because I can tell your mum would approve."

He laughs. "They didn't suspect anything did they?"

"No. Not at all."

We sit down on the bench in the middle of the room. "Trenzalore. Your parents died there. Didn't they?"

He sighs. I taught him better but I already guessed it so he'll tell me. "Dad did. But they're both buried there. And I will be too." He pauses and continues. "You already know so much. You knew what was going to happen today."

"Not all of it. There were a few surprises."

"Ha! Yeah. But because you already knew the major plot, you're going to remember this and my parents won't."

Strange choice of words. The way he's looking at me makes me think he knows where I'm from. "How much did I tell you?"

He lays his head on shoulder like child curling up to someone who makes them feel safe. "Enough. You wanted to make sure that I grew up knowing how the world really works. You taught me a lot." He straightens his bow tie. "It's cool."

I laugh. "You better believe it is."

I smile and stand up. I ruffle his hair. "I think it's time for me to go now. You be good. Be better than our Dad. Find Gallifrey. Take care of Clara. She's good for you. And remember, life is too long to harbor regret."

I push the hair out of his face and he nods. "Yes mam." He stands and hugs me. "It was good to see you again."

The way he says it tells me a lot. I'm dead. Of course, I knew that already. After all, my song is ending. And he will knock four times. It's for me. That warning is for me. I pull away and he watches as I disappear into the TARDIS.


	40. Chapter 40

-***approaches reviewers like they're wild animals* Its okay people. Everything's going to be fine. I promise. **

** -This fic is loosely based off of a dream that I had. The most realistic dream ever. Ryder is who I should have been. Instead, in that dream, I was a lot darker. I want all of you to know this so you understand why I keep giving Ryder so much crap to deal with. I wanted to be a character worth being proud of. I want you to be a character that you can be proud of. You don't need to become her. You ARE the story of Jane Ryder. Thank you for making it a good one. :)**

** -Now grab some Kleenex. This is going to be a rough chapter. (Don't worry though. Ryder will get a happy ending. But you won't see it until like the last two paragraphs of the final chapter. Until then...)**

About a week has passed since the incident with the Moment and everything. Rose and the Doctor don't remember it. But I knew that they wouldn't. The Doctor does remember the whole thing in the sense of Elizabeth and Zygons. That's the one thing I wish he would forget.

The whole ordeal was extremely draining. Of course, a lot has been happening. First with Meta, and then Eleven actually being the Doctor's son. My song will end. He will knock four times. Really it all started in a plane but that wa so long ago. I hardly think about it any more.

I want to lose myself and forget for a while. So I immerse myself in a book. The book that Meta got me in New York. Hexwood. It's then that I find it. A note tucked between the pages. A letter to me.

Dearest Ryder,

By the time you read this I will be gone. I'm sorry. But I can't let you die. I just can't. I know you don't understand that yet. But you will. So much needs to happen. So much that you need to do.

Remember that day I disappeared? You didn't ask me where I was because you knew I couldn't answer. Not yet. But the answer is coming. You'll know. And when you get there, you need to be careful, because I won't quite be ready. For us I mean. It's just the beginning really.

But I need you to know now. I need you to know that I love you. I've been afraid of those words but I can't be. Something about my humanity makes me want to embrace it. In life and in death.

You told me once that we were your reason. Rose and the Doctor and Donna and I. You told me that I was part of your reason for living. That purpose was keeping you alive. You are my reason Jane Ryder. You are the reason that I'm still alive. And because of that, it's worth it. You're worth dying for.

Be safe my love. Find a new reason, because I don't want you going on alone.

Always, Your Meta

Tears stream down my face as I clutch the letter to my chest. How is this fair? Why did this need to happen? I feel anger well up in me from deep within my bones. I shake with it as I grab the book and fling it across the room.

I scream in rage. "Why?!" I yank the covers from my bed and fall to my knees. I wail and cry. How dare he! How dare he write me a simple letter like this. Why couldn't he have told me to my face.

"Coward!" My tears block my vision. I see nothing. Hear nothing. I curl in on myself as my crying turns to soft sobbing. The letter is still clutched in my fist. My awareness leaves me as my body gives into exhaustion.

DWDWDW DWDWDW DWDWDW DWDW

When I awaken, I'm relieved to realize that the Doctor and Rose didn't find me. The TARDIS hums to me and I know that she blocked them out so they wouldn't hear me in my grief.

"Thanks old girl." I didn't want them to find me. Rose is having a baby, I don't want to make her upset. And the Doctor has had enough sadness in his life. He doesn't need mine.

I set out to straighten up. I fix my bed, and I straighten the book shelves. I smooth out the letter and stick it to the mirror on my vanity table. I can't stay mad at him. Not really. It was his way of saying goodbye, even if I'm not ready for that just yet.

Months in the TARDIS pass. Adventures both dangerous and simple fun come our way. Rose is just entering the eighth month of her pregnancy when we head to a theater showing of Phantom of the Opera in 2059.

As we head out of the theater, snow drifts down from the sky. And then a familiar sound is heard not far away. The sound of the TARDIS materializing. A moment later, Rose and the Doctor both groan.

"What was that?" Rose asks.

The Doctor is concerned and looks slightly angry. "Someone is pulling on a fixed point."

I yank my journal from my jacket to confirm my suspicion. November 21st, 2059. The day that Bowie Base One exploded. The waters of mars. I suck in a breath. Could the Doctor have done something? The presence of another TARDIS and the ripple in the timeline seems to suggest it.

"Go back to the TARDIS."

"Jane?"

"Rose. You and the Doctor need to go back to the TARDIS. I'll be back in a minute." I start to head in the direction the sound came from.

"Where are you going?" The Doctor calls after me.

"To help a friend. Go take care of your wife." I turn the corner and I start to run. I don't know exactly where I'm going but I try to trust my instincts. I pass a street that looks familiar so I go back and turn down it. And then I see the TARDIS.

There's a man walking toward it. There's something familiar about him but he isn't the Doctor. Not the one I know. I'm running toward him, but the sound of a gunshot stops me in my tracks. The man turns toward the house that the shot rang from an falls to his knees.

I rush forward as fast as I can. I brush my hand on the TARDIS and ask the silent question. She answers me. This is the Doctor's son. I go to his bent over form and wrap my arms around him.

"You stupid stupid boy. Why would you do this?"

The young man in my arms cries. He doesn't hug me back, but he leans into me for comfort as sobs wrack his body. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Shush. It's okay. It's okay. Everyone makes mistakes. As long as you learn from them, you're going to be just fine."

He pulls back and wipes the tears from his face. And then he looks at me for the first time. His eyes are just like his mothers. Whiskey colored and full of life. But there is sadness in them too, like his father. His brown hair stands up on all ends like the man before him. He's wearing the orange space suit that I know he must have been wearing for the whole adventure.

He forces a smile. "Hi Auntie Jane."

I smile back at him. "Hello young man."

"I'm really not. A young man I mean. I'm in my 450's."

My eyes widen. 450 years? He's been around a long time. "Old man then."

His smile is a little more real this time. And then it drops from his face as he speaks. "I shouldn't have done it. I was wrong. The Time lord Victorious is wrong."

"Yes. But you learned something didn't you? So learn it, remember it and move on. That's all you can really do."

"What am I suppose to do now Auntie Jane? I'm alone. I'm the last of my kind. How am I suppose to...?"

I sigh heavily. His uncle Meta had the answer for this. "You find a new reason. You find a purpose to live. You find something worth living for, and worth dying for."

He swallows my advice silently. And then I ask a question to clarify. "You've come from Trenzalore. Haven't you?"

He nods. "My parents...they..." He can't bare to finish his sentence.

I rub his shoulder and shush him. "It's okay. You don't have to explain."

A shadow falls over us and he looks up. "Dad."

I look up and see the Doctor. His stoic face softens as he looks at his son for the first time. At least in memory. He crouches down in front of him. "I know I taught you better than this."

"You did. I lost myself for a moment."

The Doctor nods and looks down. "I know the feeling. But you can't let it happen again. I assume you're alone now. I don't want you to be. I'll do my best to change that but..."

"You can't Dad. Any more than I could save Adelaide tonight. Some moments aren't meant to be rewritten. But it's okay." A look of determination crosses his face. "Someone has to be the Doctor."

The Doctor himself is pained by this. "I never wanted that burden for you."

"It's okay. I'll be fine. I'm always fine."

The Doctor seems resigned to it. So he places his hand on his son's shoulder and gives his blessing. "Never cruel or cowardly."

He looks at me and I finish it. "Never give up, never give in."

The Time Lord of the future nods, smiles and stands. He winces as he fails to walk straight. The Doctor and I catch him. "Son?"

"I'm fine...just..." He pulls his hand away from his side and I notice blood for the first time. "It's time for me to go."

He places his hand on the TARDIS and steadies himself. "It's time for me to continue the story without you. Love you Dad. And thank you Jane Ryder for everything. I'll never forget you."

"I don't want you to go." My heart breaks with the Doctor's voice.

I need to be the strong one yet again I think. This situation needs to be lightened. "May the force be with you, my young Padawan."

He smiles at me and let's out a small laugh. He inclines his head to me. "Thank you master." And with that, he walks inside and closes the door.

The Doctor and I stand unmoving as the box disappears before us. But what that reveals makes my heart stop. An Ood stands there. Silent and solemn. No. It can't be time yet. Not yet. But I know that it is. There's no putting this off.

"Time for us I go."

"Go where?"

"To the planet of the Ood. My song is ending Doctor. He will knock four times. We...I'm out of time."

"Your song? But I've heard that before. Wait sorry. Did you say four knocks?"

I simply look at him and he knows. "Right. Time to go."

"Yeah."

We head back to our home. Rose asks if it was sorted. By silent consensus we decide not to tell her what happened and simply tell her that everything worked out fine. Time to go. Yeah. Yeah it is. Id like to think that I'll get rest from this. But Meta and I still have something ahead, and the Doctor's son still knows me. Perhaps the universe will wake me up again. Then again, time can be rewritten.


	41. Chapter 41

**Okay. We've made it to the End of Time. We are getting closer to the promised happy ending. Even though we still have angst to get through. **

**I agree that Rose is really left in the dark, but I have no idea how to bring her into it without something bad happening. Like I tried writing her more into this episode, but the Master wasn't cooperating and kept doing evil things. So...yeah. After the baby is born she'll be around more. But until then...let's take a deep breath and get through this. :)**

Despite my insistence that we go to the Ood Sphere immediately, the Doctor decides for another trip. We go to several places and cause some trouble. Then he takes us to a planet called Hanukkah, a future colony of the Hawaiian Islands. I have no doubt that he would try for even more trips, but with Rose on my side he couldn't. I didn't tell Rose that this trip would kill me and the Doctor would bring it up because of her condition. All I needed to say was that the Earth was in danger, and he was powerless to resist the trip.

So we head to the Ood's planet. We step outside the doors into the snow covered landscape. The Doctor is wearing a Stetson and I'm covered in leis. Rose opts out for a hot bath. She's not big on the cold while being pregnant. I'm grateful I didn't have to deter her anymore than that.

"Ah! Now, sorry. There you are. So, where were we? We were summoned, weren't we? An Ood in the snow, calling to us."

I cut in to the Doctor's ramble. "Well, we didn't exactly come straight here. Had a bit of fun, you know. Travelled about, did this and that. Got into trouble. You know him. He was trying to avoid the inevitable. Went and saw the Phosphorous Carousel of the Great Magellan Jestadt, saved a planet from the Red Carnivorous Maw, named a galaxy Alison. Got married. That was a mistake. Good Queen Bess. And let me tell you, her nickname is no longer...Anyway, I'm here now. Shall we talk business?"

Ood Sigma answers. "You should not have delayed."

"The last time I was here you said that my sisters song would be ending soon. I didn't understand that at the time. Thought you maybe meant Donna. But now I do get it and I'm in no hurry for that to happen."

I'm touched by the concern his voice. And then Sigma speaks again. "You will come with me."

"Hold on. Better lock the Tardis." The Doctor points a remote key at the Tardis. The door locks and the light flashes at it beeps. "See? Like a car. I locked it like a car. Like. It's funny. No? Little bit? Blimey, try to make an Ood laugh."

I roll my eyes and change the subject. "So how old are you now, Ood Sigma? Whoa." I'm startled by the city.

The Doctor is excited. "Magnificent. Oh, come on, that is splendid. You've achieved all this in how long?"

"One hundred years," Sigma answers.

"Then we've got a problem. Because all of this is way too fast. Not just the city, I mean your ability to call us. Reaching all the way back to the twenty first century. Something's accelerating your species way beyond normal."

"And the Mind of the Ood is troubled." It's an ominous statement.

"Why, what's happened?" I let the Doctor ask even though I know the answer.

"Every night, Doctor, every night we have bad dreams."

We head to the cave to join the Ood counsel. We sit in a civil in the ice cave. The Elder Ood speaks. "Returning, returning, returning, it is slowly returning through the dark and the fire and the blood. Always returning, returning to this world. It is returning, and he is returning, and they are returning, but too late. Too late. Far too late. He has come."

"Sit with the Elder of the Ood and share the dreaming," Sigma instructs.

"So. Right. Hello." The Doctor and I move to join.

In unison the Ood chant. "You will join. You will join. You will join. You will join. You will join. You will join. You will join."

We sit and link hands with them. And then the Master's face appears in my mind and his maniacal laughter rings in my ears.

The Elder speaks. "He comes to us every night. I think all the peoples of the universe dream of him now."

"That man is dead." The Doctor says it certainly but still looks at me for confirmation. I sit stoically.

Elder continues. "There is yet more. Join us. Events are taking shape. So many years ago, and yet changing the now. There is a man..." The laughter echoes again. "So scared."

"Wilfred. Is he all right? What about Donna, is she safe?" The Doctor worries.

"You should not have delayed, for the lines of convergence are being drawn across the Earth. Even now, the king is in his Counting house." Images of a dark skinned man and his daughter appear. Honestly I don't remember why they're important at all.

"I don't know who they are," the Doctor looks at me and I shrug.

"I don't know everything. But I did tell you that we should have come straight here."

Before he can respond, the Elder interrupts. "And there is another. The most lonely of all, lost and forgotten."

The woman appears and I announce who she is. "The Master's wife." Her story makes me very sad. She didn't ask to become the abused wife of a lunatic. She deserved better.

Sigma looks toward us. "We see so much, but understand little. The woman in the cage, who is she?"

The Doctor speaks my thoughts. "She was. It wasn't her fault, she was. The Master, he's a Time Lord, like me. I can show you."

The Doctor shows the Ood images from the last time he saw the Master. "The Master took the name of Saxon. He married a human, a woman called Lucy. And he corrupted her. She stood at his side while he conquered the Earth. I reversed everything he'd done so it never even happened, but Lucy Saxon remembered. I held him in my arms. I burnt his body. The Master is dead."

"And yet, you did not see," I say sadly.

"What's that?"

The Ood show us how a woman picked the Master's ring from the rubble. The Doctor's eyes widen. "Part of him survived. We have to go!"

He yanks me up and keeps a firm grasp on my hand as the Elder gives us more information. "But something more is happening, Doctor. The Master is part of a greater design, because a shadow is falling over creation. Something vast is stirring in the dark. The Ood have gained this power to see through time, because time is bleeding. Shapes of things once lost are moving through the veil, and these events from years ago threaten to destroy this future, and the present, and the past."

"What do you mean?"

"This is what we have seen, Doctor. The darkness heralds only one thing."

I finish the statement. "The end of time itself."

The oncoming storm mixes with a look of intense fear. I try to convey that everything will be fine but I know it won't be. His grip tightens as he runs back to the TARDIS, dragging me with him.

DWDWDW DWDWDW DWDWDW DWDW

The Doctor's explanation to Rose is rushed. She insists that she can't leave him, or me in this situation but being eight months pregnant doesn't put her in much of a position to help. In the end, she ends up locking herself into the zero room. If anything happens, the TARDIS is programmed to take her to Jack on the other side of the universe. I hope that it doesn't come to that.

A little later, the Doctor and I stand on a small cliff. He breathes in deeply, hoping to find the Master. And then we hear it. The four beats of a drum. We run toward it and then see the sipper of the Master against the skyline. A shiver of fear runs up my spine as he leaps into the air. We chase him. When we catch up, his skeleton flashes.

"Please, let me help. You're burning up your own life force." Despite the Doctors plea, he runs again. We follow, but then Wilf is blocking us with a group of older people behind him.

"Oh, my gosh, Doctor. You're a sight for sore eyes." We haven't seen Wilf since telling him that Meta was dead. He's been looking for us. I knew that. We've all been ignoring his calls. We agree to take the bus with him. We owe him that, and he's a bit important in this story.

Wilf takes us to a cafe. "Oh, we had some good times, didn't we though? I mean, all those ATMOS things, and planets in the sky, and me with that paint gun. And that time Meta and Donna decided to do that mud run but Donna thought it was a spa." I laugh at that. It was a good day. "I keep seeing things, Doctor. This face at night."

"Who are you?" Wilf is confused by the Doctor's question.

"I'm Wilfred Mott."

"No. People have waited hundreds of years to find me and then you manage it in a few hours."

"Well, I'm just lucky I suppose."

"No, we keep on meeting, Wilf. Over and over again like something's still connecting us." When the Doctor says that it brings something to mind.

"Boxing Day." They both look at me to elaborate. "Back in Pete's World...that one's version of Donna was mine and Rose's driver. And we went to their house for Boxing Day. You were there Wilf. That version of you. It's not the Doctor you're connected to. It's me. You're both connected to me. That's why you keep meeting."

"What's so important about you and me?"

"Exactly. Why you two?"

I look at him mournfully. "I'm going to die." That's the reason. That's why it's us too. I just hope I can make sure that the Doctor won't blame himself for the events today.

Wilf tries to make light of it. "Well, so am I, one day."

"Don't you dare." The Doctor doesn't like that idea. Wilf has been a father type figure in his life for a couple of years now. Him and Meta often would talk with him and about him. I shake myself. I have to move on right now. Thoughts of Meta will just distract me.

"All right, I'll try not to." I smile at Wilf's response.

"But we were told. He will knock four times. That was the prophecy. Knock four times, and then..." I trail off in my sentence. Wilf will knock, but he doesn't know it yet.

"I won't let that happen." The Doctor is adamant, but he won't be able to change it. Wilf has gone quiet so we follow his gaze out the window. Donna gets out of the car.

"I'm sorry. I had to. With James gone she'll definitely want you here." Lee steps out with her. "The wedding is in the spring. You'll be there won't you. All of you?"

I give the Doctor a look. "Yeah. We'll be there."

"We'll see. I'll try," I say.

"That's all I'm asking. So how's Rose. When is she due?"

"A few more weeks. She's doing good. But something happened recently. Ran into my child all grown up. He was alone. Did something stupid..." He breaks down a bit and tears fill his eyes.

"Oh, my word. I'm sorry." Wilf's words are a comfort for something he doesn't understand.

I give the Doctor a small smile. He smiles back and says, "Merry Christmas."

"Yeah, and you," Wilf smiles.

"Look at us."

"Everything will be okay. You'll see. At point or another we all have to leave out children alone. Our job is to just prepare them for that in the mean time."

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

We bid Wilf farewell when we finish our tea and pie at the cafe. And we go back to tracking down the Master. It's night time by the time we find him. The Mastef fires bolts of energy at us from his hands. On his third attempt he hits the Doctor square in the chest. I catch him and lower him to the ground.

The Master approaches with the rambling a of a madman. "I had estates. Do you remember my father's land back home? Pastures of red grass, stretching far across the slopes of Mount Perdition. We used to run across those fields all day, calling up at the sky. Look at us now."

"All that eloquence. But how many people have you killed?" The Doctor's breath is ragged.

"I am so hungry." He eyes me up and down and I try my hardest to keep my fear from showing by glaring at him with my own version of the Oncoming Storm. The face of the Merciless Exocutioner."

"Leave her be. Your resurrection went wrong. That energy. Your body's ripped open. Now you're killing yourself." The Doctor place a protective hand on my arm.

The Master doesn't appear to hear anything. "That human Christmas out there. They eat so much. All that roasting meat, cakes and red wine. Hot, fat, blood, food. Pots, plates of meat, and flesh, and grease, and juice, and baking, burnt, sticky hot skin. Hot. It's so hot."

"Stop it." He's really freaking me out.

"Sliced. Sliced. Sliced."

I stand to my fill height. "Stop it."

"It's mine. It's mine. It's mine to eat and eat and eat."

The Doctor cuts in. "Stop it. What if I ask you for help? There's more at work tonight than you and me."

"Oh yeah?"

"I've been told something is returning." He leaves me out of it, not wanting to bring attention to me.

"And here I am."

"No, something more."

"But it hurts."

"I was told the end of time."

"It hurts. Doctor, the noise. The noise in my head, Doctor. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Stronger than ever before. Can't you hear it?"

"I'm sorry." The Doctor thinks it's insanity but I know better. Maybe I can help him? Maybe?

"Listen, listen, listen, listen. Every minute, every second, every beat of my hearts, there it is, calling to me. Please listen."

"I can hear it." Both men look at me with shock. But their shock is for different reasons. The Master is excited. The Doctor thinks I'm being stupid and lying.

"You can hear the drums?" He gets in my face a bit.

"I have before. I can't hear it now. And the Doctor has never heard it."

"Listen." He forces the sound into the Doctor's head. He pulls away in shock.

"What?" The Master asks.

"But..." he sputters in answer.

"What!"

"I heard it. But there's no noise. There never has been. It's just your insanity. What is it? What's inside your head?"

"It's real. It's real. It's real!" He takes off and we run after him. "All these years, you thought I was mad. King of the wasteland. But something is calling me, Doctor. What is it? What is it? What is it?"

A helicopter comes and knocks the Master out. The Doctor tries to get them to stop but they fire at him. And then he gets shot in the back.


	42. Chapter 42

**The Master has never met Ryder before but he's a bit too crazy to have an introduction so yeah...she's just a new companion as far as he's concerned. In answer to the other question: no*cough* no. How does that make sense? Groped? Never mind. **

**I feel like I'm starting to lose steam or this story. Am I evil? Yeah...You know what? Don't answer that. Have a good weekend!**

It's not easy, but I manage to get the Doctor back to the TARDIS. She helps me find a way to revive him. When he wakes up, we head to the Noble's house. Wilf comes out to us shortly after.

"I lost him. I was unconscious. Jane couldn't follow. He's still on Earth, I can smell him, but he's too far away."

"Listen, you can't park there. If Donna sees she'll never let you out of her sight."

"You're the only one, Wilf. The only connection I can think of. You're involved, if I could work out how. Tell me, have you seen anything? I don't know. Anything strange, anything odd?"

"Well, there was a..." I eye Wilf carefully.

"What? What is it? Tell me."

I give Wilf a look. He can't say anything. I won't know how to do this if he says something. "Well, it was. No, it's nothing."

"Think-a think-a think. Maybe something out of the blue. Something connected to your life. Something."

"Well, Donna was a bit strange. She randomly got me that book out of no where. No reason just got it."

"What book?"

He shows it to us. "His name's Joshua Naismith."

I look at it and then at the Doctor. "That's the man the Ood showed us."

"The what?"

I shake him off. "Never mind. Why would Sonna get the book?"

"Part of the convergence. Maybe? It may be touching Donna's subconscious. Oh, she's brilliant. The Doctor Donna."

"Dad, what are you up to? You. Finally came for a visit did you?"

"Merry Christmas." We give Sylvia a greeting.

"Merry Christmas. You staying for dinner then? Donna will be glad. She keeps complaining that you aren't returning her calls."

The Doctor shakes his head. "No. We have to go."

"Yeah, me too." Wilf moves to follow us.

"Oh no, you don't." He ignores her. "Dad, I'm warning you."

"Bye, see you later."

"You can't come with us." The Doctor tries to push him out.

"He has to Doctor." He studies me for a moment but then relents. We head into the TARDIS, and leave despite Sylvia's protests.

"Naismith. If I can track him down..."

Wilf cuts him off with a thought. "Listen, Doctor, if this is a time machine, that man you're chasing, why can't you just pop back to yesterday and catch him?"

"I can't go back inside my own timeline. I have to stay relative to the Master within the causal nexus. Understand?"

"Not a word."

I smile at Wilf. "Welcome aboard."

He smiles back. "Thank you."

When we land, Wilf is astonished. He's been in the TARDIS before but we've never taken me anywhere. "We've moved. We've really moved!"

"You should stay here," the Doctor insists.

"Not bloody likely."

"Don't swear," I admonish him.

The Doctor points the key at the Tardis, and it disappears. "Just a second out of sync. Don't want the Master finding the Tardis. That's the last thing we need." He doesn't need to say that it's Rose he's worried about. We already know that.

We head to the mansion and hide from the patrolman on the grounds. "That book said he's a billionaire. He's got his own private army," Wilf comments.

"Down here." The Doctor opens a small door in an archway, and leads us in. As we follow him, in distinct voices travel toward us. We move until they become clear and we enter the basement.

"And the multiple overshots have triplicated." The woman doesn't notice us until I clear my throat.

She turns and the Doctor makes a comment. "Nice Gate."

"Hello. Sorry." I roll my eyes as Wilf apologizes.

"Don't try calling security, or I'll tell them you're wearing a Shimmer. Because I reckon anyone wearing a Shimmer doesn't want the Shimmer to be noticed, or they wouldn't need a Shimmer in the first place." I resist the urge to facepalm. Seriously, does he have to sound like an idiot while outsmarting people?

"I'm sorry? What's a Shimmer?" The woman tries to look innocent. The Doctor points his sonic screwdriver at her and her disguise falls away.

"Shimmer." The Doctor looks completely calm as her true green form shows.

"Oh, my Lord. She's a cactus."

I look at Wilf incredulously. "Don't be racist."

The Doctor examines the archway. "He's got it working, but what is it? What's working?"

"What are you doing here?" A man enters the room. Without turning around, the Doctor points the screwdriver at him.

"Shimmer!" The man turns green. "Now, tell me quickly, what's going on? The Master, Harold Saxon, Skeletor, whatever you're calling him, what's he doing up there? Because Jane won't tell me anything."

With that comment I decide to check out of the conversation. They explain who they are. They call themselves Miss Addams and Mr. Rossiter. They are Vinvocci as is the arch. A salvage team. And then they say that the machine does something with transmitting medical blueprint yada yada. All I know is the Doctor runs out and down a corridor. So I follow him and Wilf follows.

We rush into the gate room as the Doctor shouts. "Turn the Gate off right now!"

"At arms!"

"No! Whatever you do, just don't let him near that thing." But of course no one listens to me.

"Oh, like that was ever going to happen." The Master throws off the strait jacket and jumps into the gate. "Homeless, was I? Destitute and dying? Well, look at me now."

"Deactivate it. All of you, turn the whole thing off!" The Doctor orders. The Master laughs.

"He's inside my head." The Naismith man groans.

"Get out of there!" A blast of energy from the Master knocks the Doctor down.

"Doctor! Doctor, there's, there's this face."Wilf panics slightly. And so do I.

"Doctor I can see it too!" The drums try to force their way into my head.

"What is it? What can you see?"

"Him! Who do you think?" Forgive me for the sarcasm. But the drums are giving me a headache.

The Doctor goes to the computer and tries to shut down the Gate. "I can't turn it off."

"That's because I locked it, idiot." It's the Master. Of course he locked it.

"Wilfred! Jane! Get inside. Get him out." I follow the Doctor into one of the glass boxes while Wilf let's a young man out to use the other one. "Just need to filter the levels."

"Oh, I can see again! He's gone." Wilf is good and so am I. With the headache gone I begin to think more clearly about where I am.

"Radiation shielding. Now press the button. Let me out."

"You what?" Wilf is confused by what the Doctor wants.

"I can't get out until you press the button. That button there."

"Whoever invented this was an idiot." I can't help but say it. Because whoever that idiot is, they've killed me. I am going to for in this class cubical. Wilf presses the button and the Doctor and I are able to get out while Wilf is stuck.

"Fifty seconds and counting." The Master interrupts my thoughts.

"To what?"

"Oh, you're going to love this." I look toward Wilf as the Master brags and see him opening his phone.

"What is it, hypnotism? Mind control. You're grafting your thoughts inside them, is that it?" The Doctor ventures a guess.

"Oh, that's way too easy. No, no, no. They're not going to think like me, they're going to become me. And, zero!" A blast of energy goes out everyone starts to change. I feel a pressure in my head but I ignore it. Peoples faces begin to change.

"You can't have." The Doctor is shocked. He turns to me and checks my eyes. "Why aren't you...?"

"Doctor? Donna's got a headache. I think she just passed out!" Everyone's face changes and Wilf looks around in shock. "What is it? What have you done, you monster?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, are you talking to me? Or to me? Or to me? Or to me? Or to us?"

On the TV, another him speaks. "Breaking news. I'm everyone. And everyone in the world is me!"

But I'm not. Which means I will bare witness. Gallifrey is returning.


	43. Chapter 43

**Can you believe that I still don't own any of this stuff? Seriously, I've been writing for ages. Doesn't that mean I own at least part if it? No? Fine. Be that way. I don't like you either BBC. **

**I'm just kidding. Please give me more episodes. **

The Doctor gets gagged and tied to a trolley. Wilf and I are tied to chairs. The Master is his insane self. "Now then, I've got a planet to run. Is everybody ready?"

Another him answers. "Six billion, seven hundred and twenty seven million, nine hundred and forty nine thousand three hundred and thirty eight versions of us."

"Awaiting orders." I clench my teeth as powerful person, after powerful person hands over all power to the Master. Technically he is everyone. It's really unnerving. But he has power over all the firepower he could want.

And so he brags about it. "Enough soldiers and weapons to turn this planet into a warship. Nothing to say, Doctor? What's that? Pardon? Sorry?"

Wilf gets indignant. "You let him go, you swine."

"Oh, your dad's still kicking up a fuss. Your girlfriend's not bad though."The Master gets a bit in my face and I scowl at him.

"Yeah? Well, they're both my kids so back off."

"Hush, now. Listen to your Master." Before I can say anything to that a phone rings. "But that's a mobile."

"Yeah, it's mine. Let me turn it off," Wilf says.

"No, no, no, no, no. I don't think you understand. Everybody on this planet is me. And I'm not phoning you, so who the hell is that?"

"It's nobody. I tell you, it's nothing. It's probably one of them ring-back calls."

"Just leave it!" I don't want to sound like I'm begging but I have to protect Donna. The Master searches Wilf's pockets and finds the revolver.

"Ooo, and look at this. Good man!" He tosses it on the floor and gets the phone.

"Donna. Who's Donna?"

"She's no one. Just leave it." I try to give Wild a comforting look but fail miserably.

The Master listens. "Who is she? Why didn't she change?"

"Don't say anything Wilf. Stay quiet," I say urgently.

"Oh, he's been teaching you well hasn't he been Earth girl. Ugh. What else has he taught you?" I bend as far away from him as I can.

The Master shouts orders. "Find her. Trace the call. Say goodbye to the freak, Granddad."

Wilf starts shouting. "Donna, get out of there! Just get out of there. I'm telling you, run!"

Another Master makes an announcement. "She's on Wessex Lane, Chiswick. Open the phone lines. Everyone on Wessex Lane. Red alert."

Wilf keeps shouting for her to run. She starts complaining of a headache and asking where the hell the Doctor is. I'm worried. If they do anything they could trigger something. "Sonna get out of there!" "Run!" And then all goes silent. Wilf begins to panic. But the Doctor is smiling, and he winks at Wilf and I. I release a breath. He gave a fail safe to protect her like before. Except this time, her memories are also protected.

The Master goes over and removes his gag. The Doctor works his jaw. "That's better. Hello. But really, did you think I'd leave my best friend without a defence mechanism?"

Wilf is confused. "Doctor? What happened?"

"She's alright. She's fine, I promise. She'll just sleep."

The Master lets it go. "Tell me, where's your Tardis?"

"You could be so wonderful," the Doctor says sadly.

"Where is it?"

"You're a genius. You're stone cold brilliant, you are. I swear, you really are. But you could be so much more. You could be beautiful. With a mind like that, we could travel the stars. It would be my honour. Because you don't need to own the universe, just see it. To have the privilege of seeing the whole of time and space. That's ownership enough."

"Would it stop, then? The noise in my head?"

"I can help," he offers.

"I don't know what I'd be without that noise."

Wilf cuts in. "What does he mean? What noise?"

"It began on Gallifrey, as children. Not that you'd call it childhood. More a life of duty. Eight years old. I was taken for initiation, to stare into the Untempered Schism."

"What does that mean?"

"It's a gap in the fabric of reality. You can see into the Time Vortex itself. And it hurts." I stay silent as the Doctor and then the Master explain it.

"They took me there in the dark. I looked into time, old man, and I heard it calling to me. Drums. The never ending drums. Listen to it. Listen."

"Then let's find it. You and me." I don't know why the Doctor is making this offer. He has a wife and child to protect. But that is why isn't it. If he can save the Master, maybe his child won't be alone in the end. Maybe his son won't have to take on his burdens. Before, he wanted to save the Master so he would have someone. Now it's so his son will. But then the Master begins to have an idea and the Doctor gets worried.

"The noise exists within my head, and now within six billion heads. Everyone on Earth can hear it. Imagine. Oh. Oh, yes." I jump as his Skelton flashes again.

"The Gate wasn't enough. You're still dying."

"This body was born out of death. All it can do is die. But what did you say to me, back in the wasteland? You said the end of time."

"I said something is returning. I was shown a prophecy. That's why I need your help."

"What if I'm part of it? Don't you see? The drumbeat is calling from so far away. From the end of time itself. And now it's been amplified six billion times. Triangulate all those signals. I could find its source. Oh, Doctor. That's what your prophecy was. Me!"

The Master hits the Doctor and I wince. "Where's the Tardis?"

"No. Just stop. Just think," are Doctor pleads.

The Master sneers and then stocks over to me. And then he does something that shocks me. He yanks my head back and crashes his lips to mine in a fierce and punishing kiss. He releases me just as roughly and I try not to gag from the intrusion of his tongue. The Master smirks and then walks back to the Doctor who looks livid.

Understanding dawns on me. The Master thinks I'm the Doctor's girlfriend. He's trying to hurt him. "Kill her." Yep. Definitely trying to hurt him. A guard points a gun at my head but I'm not worried. I remember how this works.

"I need that technology, Doctor. Tell me where it is, or the girly is dead."

"Don't tell him," I say calmly.

"I'll kill her right now!"

" Actually, the most impressive thing about you is that after all this time, you're still bone dead stupid."

"Take aim." I just smile. I can tell that unnerves the crazy man.

"You've got six billion pairs of eyes, but you still can't see the obvious, can you?"

" Like what?"

"That guard is one inch too tall." The guard knocks the Master out with the butt of his gun. He removes his helmet to reveal the green man from before.

"Oh my God, I hit him. I've never hit anyone in my life." The green woman runs in.

"Well, come on. We need to get out of here fast." She untied Wilf and I while her partner gets the Doctor.

"God bless the cactuses!" I laugh at Wilf's exclamation.

"That's cacti," the Doctor corrects.

" That's racist!" The green man cries. What would the politically correct word for green be I wonder?

They don't manage to get the Doctor untied so we just start to wheel him out. And of course he complains about it. He tries to lead us to the TARDIS but I stick to the script and follow the cacti. I don't really remember if that's important to do but I definitely don't want to lead the Master to the TARDIS where Rose is bidding. That would be bad. Good thing I decide that because the Master is right behind us. And then the cacti beam is up to their ship in orbit.

The Doctor gets on his feet immediately. "Where's the flight deck?"

The green people try to convince us that we're safe up in space. Yeah right. I decide to remind them of a little fact. "Maybe we're in space. But he's got access to every long range missile on earth."

"Good point."

With the Doctor running off to deal with the threat it's left to me to help Wilf. I pull him from the window. "We're in space!"

I smile. "Really? I hadn't noticed." We make it to the deck just in time to see the Doctor destroy the panel in order to keep us hidden. The Cacti people begin to scold him and call him an idiot. Wilf tries to get reassurance that there is a plan. But the Doctor just looks at me. Silently asking if he did the right thing. I give a nod. At least it was the right thing last time.

DWDWDW DWDWDW DWDWDW DWDW

Time passes around us as we wait. I stand by the Doctor as he fiddles and tinkers. I look out the window. And then he asks me a question. "We can do this can't we?"

I smile at the ground. "We don't have the luxury to fail."

"That's not an answer."

"I think we can. It won't be easy. Especially for you I think. But it something that must happen."

He pauses for a moment and I think he's done, but he asks something else. "How do you do it? How do you get through each day? You're so much younger, but you've lost just as much. I've been given time to heal in between but you...how do you do it?"

I don't know how to answer that. But he needs to hear an answer from me. "I don't know. I suppose...I suppose it's because I must. I see what needs to be done and I focus on it. Find a reason to live. Find a reason to die. Remember who I am and who I want to be. I think...I think I do it by looking at it like I'm not actually here. Like I'm seeing it from the outside and not really living it. I'm...disconnected. And you say time heals, but...I think you're wrong. Despite time, you would have healed. If only for Rose. Love heals. I do it because I love and i am loved. There's Rose and Donna and Wilf and you and your son. Even Meta for a time and I'm grateful for that. I do it with love."

It's a revelation to me as much as him, but Wilf reruns from his exploration before the Doctor can comment. "Aye, aye. Got this old tub mended?"

" Just trying to fix the heating."

"Oh. I've always dreamt of a view like that. Hee, hee. I'm an astronaut. It's dawn over England, look. Brand new day. My wife's buried down there. I might never visit her again now. Do you think he changed them, in their graves?"

I cringe at the thought and so does the Time Lord. "I'm sorry."

"No, not your fault."

" Isn't it?" I sigh at the Doctors answer but Wilf continues.

"Oh, 1948, I was over there. End of the Mandate in Palestine. Private Mott. Skinny little idiot, I was. Stood on this rooftop, in the middle of a skirmish. It was like a blizzard, all them bullets in the air. The world gone mad. Yeah, you don't want to listen to an old man's tales, do you?"

"I'm older than you," the Doctor reminds him.

"I know. Doesn't matter though. Listen, I, I want you to have this. I've kept it all this time, and I thought..." He offers his revolver.

But he won't take it. "No."

"No, but if you take it, you could..."

"No. You had that gun in the mansion. You could have shot the Master there and then."

"Too scared, I suppose."

"I say too brave." Wilf smiles a thanks at me.

" I'd be proud."

"Of what?" He wants to know.

"If you were my dad. And you were my sister." The show didn't quite get the Doctor's expression right. Or maybe it's so much deeper because it's more true now. Wilf has been a dad. And I'm his wife's sister.

"Oh, come on, don't start. But you said, you were told he will knock four times and then Jane dies. Well, that's him, isn't it? The Master. That noise in his head? The Master is going to kill her."

The Doctor won't grace that with an answer so I do. "Yeah."

"Then kill him first."

"And that's how the Master started. It's not like I'm an innocent. I've taken lives. I got worse. I got clever. Manipulated people into taking their own. Sometimes I think a Time Lord lives too long. I can't. I just can't." I don't accept the offer either. Mostly because I know the Doctor will in a moment.

"If the Master dies, what happens to all the people?"

He's hesitant to answer but finally does. "The template snaps."

"What, they go back to being human? They're alive, and human. Then don't you dare, sir. Don't you dare put him before them. Now you take this. That's an order, Doctor. Take the gun. You take the gun and protect our Jane. Please don't let her die."

As much as he wants to keep me safe he won't take the weapon. He shakes his head. "Never."

And then the Master's voice comes over the intercom "A star fell from the sky. Don't you want to know where from? Because now it makes sense, Doctor. The whole of my life. My destiny. The star was a diamond. And the diamond is a Whitepoint Star. And I have worked all night to sanctify that gift. Now the star is mine. I can increase the signal and use it as a lifeline. Do you get it now? Do you see? Keep watching, Doctor. This should be spectacular. Over and out."

I close my eyes shut to prepare myself mentally. Wilf doesn't know to do that. "What's he on about? What's he doing? Doctor, what does that mean?"

"A Whitepoint star is only found on one planet. Gallifrey. Which means it's the Time Lords. The Time Lords are returning." I can see his thoughts spinning out of control.

"Well, I mean, that's good, isn't it? I mean, that's your people." He ignores Wilf's words. He looks at me and I see fear in his eyes. Fear for Rose and his for his son. Maybe for me too, but I'm not as much apart of his family as they are. With the Time Lords returning, he needs to think of then. Without a word, he snatches the revolver from Wilf and bolts from the room. And like always, we follow him. This is where everything is about to get intense, and the outcome won't surprise me no matter which way it goes.


	44. Chapter 44

**The final chapter for the End of Time rewrite. I will warn you that Ryder cusses in this chapter. I figured that PG-13 films get one "F" word, and it needed to be said. So this is where I'm using it. That's all. **

"But you said your people were dead. Past tense." Wilf is lost.

"Inside the Time War. And the whole War was Timelocked. Like, sealed inside a bubble. It's not a bubble but just think of a bubble. Nothing can get in or get out of the Timelock. Don't you see? Nothing can get in or get out, except something that was already there."

"The signal. The drums since he was a kid," I clarify.

"If they can follow the signal, they can escape before they die." I start to tune out what they're saying. I can hear then. The drums. It's not very loud. But if I focus on it I can hear it. I don't know why and I don't want to know. I'm cut from my musings when the Doctor shouts for Wilf and I to get to the lazer pods.

A bit later the Doctor shouts at us. "You lot. . What did I say? Lasers."

"What for?" Asks the cactus.

"Because of the missiles. We've got to fight off an entire planet."

I give her a mad grin. "Fantastic. It's going to be a blast." Great. Now I'm picking up on the puns too. Very James Bond.

we take our places an then Wilf asks, "Hey! How does this thing work?"

She answers, "The tracking is automatic. Just deploy the trigger on the joystick."

"We've got incoming," the other cactus warns.

"Look at this one! Oh, my God!"

"You three, open fire!"

"Oh, my word!"

"Whoa. Whoa!"

"No, no, no, no, no!"

"Open fire! Come on, Wilf!"

As to be expected everyone is freaking out. I let out a whoop and a cheer. It makes it so much more fun to just think of it as an elaborate video game. There's more chatter around me, but between shooting lazers and the drums in my head I don't pay attention. And then we're eaded to the mansion.

"Destination?"

"Fifty kliks and closing. We've locked on to the house. We are going to stop, though. Doctor? We are going to stop?"

"Jane? Jane, you said you were going to die."

"SHe said what?"

"But is that all of us? I won't stop you Doctor, sir. But is this it?"

I roll my eyes. "Shut up Wilf. Not the time!"

The ship basically crashes and the Doctor jumps out with the revolver in hand. He crashes down. And I know what's waiting there.

"Land it!" I order.

"We are not going in there." I'm so not in the mood for this.

"I am not leaving him. He's part of what little family I've got. So land the bloody ship!" Wilf and I run. We run faster than I thought either of us could. Gallifrey hovers ominously over the Earth. And then we push our way into the room with the Master and the Doctor and Rassilon.

"But, I did this. I get the credit. I'm on your side." The Master isn't happy.

Wilf pushes past people clearing a path for us. "Come on, get out of the way. Get out of the way! Doctor?"

I look and my eye catches with the woman. Many believed her to be the Doctor's mother, but it wasn't confirmed as far as I knew. But there he was. And she smiles at me like she knows me. She nods and I nod back. And then the Doctor is shouting. "Wilf, don't. Don't!"

I turn I in time to see Wilf letting the man out of the booth. "I've got you. Come on. Go on." The man runs out and I duck behind a desk before Rassilon notices me.

"But this is fantastic, isn't it? The Time Lords restored."

"You weren't there in the final days of the War. You never saw what was born. But if the Timelock's broken, then everything's coming through. Not just the Daleks, but the Skaro Degradations, the Horde of Travesties, the Nightmare Child, the Could-have-been King with his army of Meanwhiles and Never-weres. The War turned into hell. And that's what you've opened, right above the Earth. Hell is descending."

"My kind of world." I feel sick with the Masters ignorance.

"Just listen! Because even the Time Lords can't survive that."

"We will initiate the Final Sanction. The end of time will come at my hand. The rupture will continue until it rips the Time Vortex apart." I clench my teeth at their lust for power.

"That's suicide." Now the Master begins to see.

"We will ascend to become creatures of consciousness alone. Free of these bodies, free of time, and cause and effect, while creation itself ceases to be."

"You see now? That's what they were planning in the final days of the War. I had to stop them."

"Then, take me with you, Lord President. Let me ascend into glory." Really Master? How naive can you be?

"You are diseased, albeit a disease of our own making. No more." I peek around the desk and see the Doctor stand as he points the revolver the Lord President.

"Choose your enemy well. We are many. The Master is but one."

"But he's the President. Kill him, and Gallifrey could be yours." The Doctor turns and aims at the Master. He is confused on how to handle this.

"He's to blame, not me. Oh, the link is inside my head. Kill me, the link gets broken, they go back. You never would, you coward. Go on then. Do it." He aims at the President again.

"Exactly. It's not just me, it's him. He's the link. Kill him!"

"The final act of your life is murder. But which one of us?" Okay...enough of this.

I stand up and start to walk toward the others. The woman raises her face from her hands and smiles at me as I announce myself. "Well fuck you Rassilon! You know what you are? A pompous arse with a lust for power. You're no better than the Daleks. In fact, I think you're worse. At least they don't hide behind a curtain of righteousness." I'm practically spitting but I don't care.

I know the woman is looking at the Doctor. And I've given him a distraction. Rassilon is lookin at me speechless as the Doctor speaks quietly behind me. "Get out of the way."

A shot rings out as the link in broken. I duck I escape the sparks that are flying. "The link is broken. Back into the Time War, Rassilon. Back into hell." The Doctor is seething and I don't blame him.

"You'll die with me, Doctor."

"Not this time," I smirk with satisfaction. Rassilon aims his gauntlet at the Doctor. The woman covers her face again.

"Get out of the way." I yank the Doctor away as the Master attacks the President. "You did this to me! All of my life! You made me! One! Two! Three! Four!"

There's a flash of light and they're gone. I crouch in front of the Doctor to make sure he's alright and he smiles. "You're alive. I've. There was. Youre still alive."

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

I smile sadly as the look on his face turns to horror. I shut my eyes in acceptance as the Doctor looks toward the sound.

"They gone, then? Yeah, good-o. If you could let me out?"

"Yeah."

"Only, this thing seems to be making a bit of a noise."

"The Master left the Nuclear Bolt running. It's gone into overload." I swallow hard as the Doctor stands.

"And that's bad, is it?"

"No, because all the excess radiation gets vented inside there. Vinvocci glass contains it. All five hundred thousand rads, about to flood that thing." I slowly rise as well.

"Oh. Well, you'd better let me out, then."

"Except it's gone critical. Touch one control and it floods. Even this would set it off." He holds up the sonic screwdriver.

"I'm sorry."

I give a little smile. "It's alright Wilf."

"Look, just leave me."

"Okay, right then, we will. Because you had to go in there, didn't you? You had to go and get stuck, oh yes. Because that's who you are, Wilfred. You were always this. Waiting for her all this time."

Understanding dawns. "No really, just leave me. I'm an old man, Ryder. I've had my time."

I'm about to interject but the Doctor beats me I it. "Well, exactly. Look at you. Not remotely important. But her? She could do so much more. So much more! But this is what we get. My reward. My wife's reward. And it's not fair! Oh. Oh. The universe has known me too long."

As the Doctor rants and throws papers, I calmly walk to the booth and open the door. "No. No, no, please, please don't. No, don't! Please don't! Please!"

The Doctor notices too late. "Ryder! No!"

"It's alright. It's my honor to die for you grandad. Be quick." I shut the door and his side unlocks. He rushes out and then it starts.

The heat is unlike anything I've ever felt. It's the opposite of the voids cold clutches. This is what he'll fire feels like. I refuse to scream. It's bad enough that they have to watch my body contort in pain. I don't want them to hear it as well. I sink to my knees in an effort to ease the burn. I look through the glass and the Doctor is looking at me in shock and fear. I place my hand over his on the glass. I whimper as hot iron pierces me from the inside. But despite this I smile at him. My vision fades from me. And then it's black.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

When I wake up I'm in the TARDIS again. Rose is holding my hand. I groan in frustration more than anything. The universe just can't let me sleep in peace can it?

"What happened?"

"The Doctor brought you back to the TARDIS. You've been fading in and out for hours." She struggles to hold back tears. "You're not going to make it."

I squeeze her hand as best I can but I'm too weak. I look around and see that I'm in the med bay. "He's got me hooked up to a lot of machines."

"You'd be dead already if he hadn't. I begged him. I wanted to at least...say goodbye."

I sigh. I start ripping the tubes and cords out of myself. "Jane-"

"Don't Rose. No use in delaying the inevitable. Help me get to the control room."

She slowly nods and helps me walk. It isn't easy. I feel like fire is running through my veins and it's making my legs weak. On the way, Rose stops and puts my hand on her swollen belly. "Rose what...was that a kick?"

She smiles. "Yeah." Her eyes well up with tears. "I wanted you to meet them. You're their aunt."

"I know. Come on."

We make it to the control room and the Doctor is sitting in the jump seat staring at the console. He looks up at us when we enter. "You shouldn't have left the med bay. I bought you a few more hours but you're cheating yourself down to thirty minutes, maybe."

I find the strength to scowl at him. It's really more of grimace of pain but he doesn't need to know that. "I'm fine with the time I've been given. I don't need to buy more. But thank you. It'll be nice to...make a farewell tour if you will. A couple people I need to see. So come on. Take me to see Mickey."

He wants to protest, on what part I don't know but Rose stops him. It's my life despite it's length and he will grant my last request. So when we land I stroll out, refusing their help and asking them to wait. On my way, I grab the mallet, but neither have time to question me about it.

The pain is excruciating but I bite my tongue and get through it anyway. I hit the potato alien in the back of the vent and stand on the ridge as I look down toward Mr. And Mrs. Smith. I can barely stand and Mickey senses that something is wrong so he comes to me.

"Lieutenant."

"Major."

After our greeting, we fall into a hug. "You feel warm."

He would notice that. "I'm dying."

"No. No that's...can the Doctor do nothing."

I shake my head. "Not this time. But don't cry for me you big cowardly lion. Just...take care of what matters yeah?"

Being the soldier he is he salutes me. "Yes sir. Little Red Riding Hood. " Martha hugs me as well and she holds him as I walk away.

I next request to go to New Earth to see the face of Boe a week before he dies. I want to see Jack in that form at least once. I walk out into the dark hall and make my way through the dust to find him. It's getting harder to breath now. My lungs are burning by the time I find him. I stumble over and place my hand on the glass.

His soothing voice speaks in my mind. "Hello Jane Ryder."

"Well if it isn't Jack Harkness. I always thought you were a little big headed."

He chuckles at my joke. "What brings you here?"

"I think you know the answer to that."

"Yes, I think I do. But fear not Drifter in the Dark. You are not alone."

I smile. "That's a secret for another man like yourself. The lonely god."

"And for the avenging angel who is like me just as much if not more. But death is not the end Ryder. It's simply a new chapter. And you will not be alone."

"Wise words coming from a man who believes that Tainted Love could be considered classical music." He chuckles again. I know that I'm glossing over it. But I don't need a heavy visit. Just a goodbye. "Goodbye Captain."

"See you around Lieutenant."

It's difficult to make it back to the TARDIS, but I do it. My last stop is for me. No one else. I was going to request it before, but things changed. I ask to go to the cove. A place where the landscape is the same. My father proposed here. We came camping here when I was little. Except not. It's a universe away but it feels the same. Looks the same. Smells the same.

I stand at the water's edge in the mouth of the cave. Rose and the Doctor stand behind me as I look out at the horizon. I allow the pain to come now. I don't fight it back. It burns even worse than before. My mind feels ablaze as well. How can your thoughts feel like they're on fire?

I turn and look at my companions. The young woman who first gave me direction to go. The old man with the face of my almost lover. But they are different. Just as different as brothers could be. But I love them, these people in front of me. They are real to me now. I'm as close to them as I have been to anyone else. In some ways, closer. I need to say something.

"It's a beautiful day don't ya think?"

Rose laughs bitterly. "Yeah."

"You're strong Jane Ryder. You have a will to live. The radiation should have killed you by now."

"You hooked me up to machines."

"Doesn't matter. You should have been dead before I even had a chance to carry You back."

"Another mystery then. Another impossibility. Then again, I stopped believing in impossible along time ago so...right. Well." The ache in my gut is getting stronger. The burn in my mind is getting hotter.

I look down the beach and I see Ood Sigma. "We will sing to you, Ryder. The universe will sing you to your sleep. This song is ending, but the story never ends."

The four beats pump in my head. But they aren't drums. Not to be. It's the sound of a heartbeat. The heartbeat of a timelord. The burn intensifies and I double over in pain. The Doctor and Rose make a move toward me put I put up my hand to stop them. "Stay back. It's impossible and mad, absolute bonkers really. But I don't think you're quite done with me yet. This song is ending. But the story never ends. So time to turn the page I guess. I started out as an ordinary girl. Then I fell into the void. I lived a life in Pete's World and became Jane Ryder. And I was remade again in this universe. Well, I'm done now."

"What are you talking about?" They are confused and so am I, but the heartbeat is getting louder.

"I don't know either. But seeing as how I don't want to have terrible last words, I'm going to change something."

I straighten up and look then in the eye. The pressure behind my eyes and in my core is building, and I can't hold back any longer. "No regrets. It's time for me to go." I smile and wink. "Catch ya later."

And then the pressure explodes. The burning sensation is intense as it flows through my body. I expel it out and scream as the fire burns my skin. I feel as though my flesh is being stripped away by acid. I throat feels as though I've swallowed boiling water. My eyes burn as if I stared at the sun. And then it stops.

It's as though I've been doused with ice water. And I feel normal again. Or do I? What does normal feel like? I wobble around on my unsteady legs. I look down. Why is the ground so far away? I look around in a daze. Everything looks so bright and colorful. I see two people staring at me. Who..oh right. The Doctor and Rose Tyler. Their my friends. Why are they gaping like fish? "What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost."

I whip around at the sound of the unfamiliar voice. "Who said that?" Realization dawns. "Oh I did!" I slap a hand over my mouth. I blink at their still shocked expressions. I'm about to call them out on it my stomach convulses and I fall to my knees as my lungs heave. Golden like dust drifts away.

"Whoa. That's new." And the world goes black.


	45. Chapter 45

**Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad you're all excited by this new development. **

**So classes have started up again, so I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to continue posting everyday like I have been. :( But...I am going to try. So we'll see how it goes. But my education had to come first. I mean think about it. How much better of writer could I be if I paid attention to my English professor. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Anyway...class dismissed. You may read. :D**

Rose Tyler stands with the Doctor by the TARIS as their friend, Jane Ryder, watches the waves with her back to them. She turns and looks at them. She's pale and feverish and her eyes have a suspicious sheen to them. "It's a beautiful day don't ya think?" She asks.

Rose forces out a laugh at her friend's attempt to distract them. Always the one to comfort everyone else. "Yeah."

"You're strong Jane Ryder. You have a will to live. The radiation should have killed you by now." Then again she was always strong.

"You hooked me up to machines."

"Doesn't matter. You should have been dead before I even had a chance to carry You back." She's something more than human at times. She is in this universe. But not enough to survive. Not even a time lord could survive this.

"Another mystery then. Another impossibility. Then again, I stopped believing in impossible along time ago so...right. Well." She turns and looks down the beach but Rose sees nothing.

She looks back at them before bending over in obvious pain. Rose wants to go I her aid but she holds the both back. "Stay back. It's impossible and mad, absolute bonkers really. But I don't think you're quite done with me yet. This song is ending. But the story never ends. So time to turn the page I guess. I started out as an ordinary girl. Then I fell into the void. I lived a life in Pete's World and became Jane Ryder. And I was remade again in this universe. Well, I'm done now."

What is she saying? What could she mean? The questions are too many and there isn't any time to answer. By she asks anyway. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't know either. But seeing as how I don't want to have terrible last words, I'm going to change something." Rose holds back a sob and her husband wraps an arm around her. "No regrets. It's time for me to go.

She grins and throws them a wink. "Catch ya later." And then she explodes with light. Her regeneration is violent and painful looking. Her scream is loud in their ears but they can do nothing but stand there as it happens. But she was human. How is this possible?

When the light fades, a new woman is standing there. She's taller, more lythe. Her body looks like it's built for athletics. Her hair is dark and her eyes are piercing as she looks at them with confusion. "What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost." Rose stares in shock, mouth agape.

The new woman startles at the sound of her own voice. "Who said that?" Her eyes widen. "Oh I did!" She slaps a hand over her mouth. She looks at them again.

And then she falls to her knees and gasps. A burst of leftover regeneration energy escapes her open mouth. "Whoa. That's new." And with that, her eyes roll into the back of her head and she falls onto the sand, unconscious.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

My eyes flutter open and settle on my midnight ceiling. I feel disorientated and dizzy. I close my eyes as my memories slowly fall back into place like a faded dream. When I get to the part where I...wait. Regenerated? No. That had to have been a dream. Freaky.

I groan as I slowly sit up on my bed. I rub the sleep from my eyes with the heel of my hand as I move to sit on the edge of my bed. I look up to come face to face with an unfamiliar woman. I jump as she jumps with me. All breath leaves me. My brain logically offers that I'm looking in a mirror and that the woman is my reflection.

I slowly stand on new and wobbly legs. I stumble forward to get a closer look. Slowly, I place my hand to the cool glass. I raise my other hand to run it over my forehead, eyes, nose and mouth. My nose is sharper and my lips are fuller. But the most striking feature of this face has to be the eyes. Intense and blue and near transparent as they stare back at me.

I run my fingers through thick black hair that cascades all the way down to my lower back. I turn my face to see the profile and something strikes me as familiar. I begin to braid my hair back away from my face. I didn't braid much before but these hands are nimble and easily find the right pattern.

I feel the TARDIS hum in my mind and I turn to see that she laid clothes out on the bed for me. It takes a minute but I manage to get into the dark skinny jeans. I shrug the deep purple sleeveless shirt over my head and look toward my reflection. The effect is startling.

I stand before the full length mirror to take it all in. The long legs, the toned arms, and the fierce braid running down my back is all too familiar to me. I let out a breathless laugh at the absurdity of it. I was the woman from before. The one who told me to remember. But why did I cross my own time line? I suppose I'll find out another day.

"You're beautiful." I jump as my eyes meet familiar ones in the mirror. "Not that you weren't before."

I turn toward the bed but the man is not there. "Meta?"

"In a way." I turn back to mirror. I can see him the reflection but he isn't behind me like he appears to be. I back up to the bed and sit heavily onto it. It appears that he's right next to me. But if I turn to look, there's nothing.

"How?"

He smiles sadly. "You're going to have to be a bit more specific than that."

I feel anger well inside me. "You want specific? Fine. How are you here? Why can I only see you in the mirror? How do I have two hearts? How am I even alive?"

He holds his hand up to stop me. "That's a lot of questions but if you want to get to the core of the answer then there is only one." He pauses and I look at him impatiently. "I gave you my heart."

I furrow my brow. "I don't understand."

"I gave my life to you. A piece of me is part of you. That's what allows you to talk to me right now. In times of distress I'm called up from your subconscious."

"Oh so you're a delusion. That's nice. I thought I was going crazy."

He smiles warmly. "Haven't lost your sarcasm then. If fact, I thinks it's even heavier." I give him my 'not amused' face. He sighs. "That's all the answers Ryder. I gave you my heart."

My hand runs over the place my human heart once beat alone. I slowly drag it to the origin of that second pulse. My second heart. His heart. "You meant it literally?"

He looks down. "I meant it both ways. You held my heart long before that, but saying it in that moment was my only way to warn you."

"Why did you do it? Why did the Karn make you do that?"

"You had to live."

"Why?!"

"Spoilers," he whispers. "It's time for me to go now. You're accepting it."

"Will I see you again."

His reflection kisses my forehead but I feel nothing. "When you need me I'll be there."

"Where do you go if you're not with me?" Tears stain my face. His imaginary fingers brush them away as they evaporate into the air.

"Stay strong love." And then he's gone.

I sit there motionless for a long time, staring at nothing. And then I sit longer still staring at the face that's suppose to be mine. I figure I'll get used to wearing it but at the moment? I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. It doesn't look like me. It doesn't feel like me. But the longer I look at her the more I see me. A stronger me. A harder me. Even my voice is harder this time around. It has the edge of a soldier. Not just the tone or the way I speak like I had learned before. But now it sounds like it belongs to someone who is use to giving orders.

I know that I can't sulk forever. So I find myself shoes. Combat boots seem to be more my style now then converse. I head into the library where Rose and the Doctor are having tea. Rose is immediately asking how I feel and if I'm hungry. She's trying to make me feel normal. It takes a minute to see how I take my tea. I used to take sugar in it but seems now that my tastes are more for lemon.

The Doctor is unfazed. He treats me exactly the same as before. Looks at me exactly like he always has. At least after he got to know me anyway. I figure this has to be because he is a time lord. He has to be use to this sort of thing. But maybe he's trying too hard. But I don't think about that. His being the same is making my change easier.

I already know a lot about what to expect. Rose and I had many conversations in the past about it. Of course, she only changed biologically and I changed physiology as well. I tell them both about my visit from Meta's ghost. The Doctor has his realizations and it all makes perfect sense to him.

Meta gave me his life force, and with it, I received a dose of part time lord TNA, which when mixed with the Karn elixir and the chemicals my brain produced upon death, led my body into a regeneration. Rose didn't change faces because there was no superset DNA pool to take from. I changed because Meta's life blood introduced the potential to unlock my deeper gene pool.

So life goes on. Surprisingly or not. I don't really know any more. And it's not long before the Doctor gets us all back into the swing of things. We're in the process of capturing a carnivorous alien plant on Earth in the early 22nd century when the unthinkable happens.

The trap is set and the buzzing sound of the plant is getting closer when I hear a splash. The Doctor and I look toward Rose, who's standing out of harm's way but refusing to miss anything else. She looks at the floor and then back at us. "I think my water just broke."

The Doctor gapes like a fish out of water and I roll my eyes. "Perfect timing. He's definitely your son."

"Oh shut up Janey." I scowl at that. I hate it when he calls me Janey.

"Hello? Pregnant woman going into labor over here." Right. Okay. New new Ryder? New new TARDIS crew member on the way? Meat eating plant making it's way toward us? I grin to myself like a lunatic. This should be fun.


	46. Chapter 46

**Hello. So, why did I made Jane like lemon in her tea now. I like lemon and honey in my tea personally, but that's a side note. I thought the sourness of just lemon would sort of be a manifestation of how Ryder has become a stronger person. It's hard to eat lemon without your face folding in on itself. :P**

**And I am looking forward to school again. My brain always starts to feel like mush during breaks when I don't have have much to do as far as my brain is concerned. Except writing fanfiction apparently. **

**But we don't care about me right now. We want to know what's happening next. Just so you know; I think that this might be my favorite** **chapter to write thus far. Besides the conversation with Danny Mott. (Wow that was forever ago!) Happy reading! :D**

"Hello? Pregnant woman going into labor over here." Right. Okay. New new Ryder? New new TARDIS crew member on the way? Meat eating plant making it's way toward us? I grin to myself like a lunatic. This should be fun.

"Right yes. Right. Okay. We need a towel, a bowl of hot water, and a...what does a bowl of water have to do with anything? How can you be having the baby now? Wait! Focus. There's a hungry plant coming this way. Do you think you can hold it?" I raise my eyebrows at the Doctor's panicking rant. The last part makes me brace myself for Rose's explosion.

"Hold it in?! It's not like I have to pee! There's a bloody person coming out of me!" I cringe as Rose shrieks. The clanging around the bend alerts me to the fact that the plant is here. No more time for this.

"Oi. Shush. I'll get Rose back to the TARDIS, since the Doctor is the only one who understands how that thingamajig works." I point to the device that came out of the Doctor's pocket. Something about the plant operating on a frequency and the right one will kill it before it eats any more of the people New Hampshire.

"But...she's my wife. I should be there..." The Doctor protests but Rose lets out a groan as a contraction hits.

"No time for that. We have to get her back to the TARDIS but if someone doesn't take care of that thing, we won't make it before 'lunch' time."

"Oh come on! Let's just go!" It seems Rose is finished discussing it.

"The faster you deal with the giant Venus flytrap the sooner you can come help Rose." With that I put an arm around Rose and half carry, half drag her back toward the TARDIS.

The Doctors indignant voice follows after us. "It's not a giant Venus flytrap. It's a Aldrovanda muscipula from the planet Sarracenia." I ignore him. What do I care? There's a woman about to have a baby.

Trekking back to the sentient ship isn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. Not that that means it's easy. No. It's definitely not easy. We stumble through the doors and rush her to the medbay. I thank the TARDIS for bringing it closer to the control room. I've never helped anyone give birth before. The Doctor was planning taking her to Martha. But I know Rose is going to have to do all the work now. We might not make it to Doctor Jones-Smith in time.

Another contraction hits. "Argh!"

"It's alright Rose."

"Don't tell me it's alright. You're not the one with a baby time lord coming out of you."

I decide that it might be best to not anger at the moment. She's stressed out enough. I time the contractions as the come. "Where is he?"

Her contractions are at five minute intervals when the Doctor finally shows up with green goo in his hair. "What happened to you?"

"The frequency caused the plant to have an external combustion of indigestion."

"You mean you got barfed on by the plant."

No idea what he would have said to that because Rose cries out. "Argh!"

She's ready to give birth, and there's no time. So I hold her hand, or rather she cuts the circulation out of mine, while the Doctor preps for his son to make it into the world. Juniors first cries are some of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard. "It's a boy."

Of course we all already knew that. But it's still a good way to announce new life I suppose. "Hello little Raggedy man." As Rose holds her son for the first time and the proud father beams at them, I quietly exit the room. They need this moment as a little family, and I need a shower. And I need to get some feeling back into my hand.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

Junior is barely three weeks old when We take him to meet the rest of the crazies. When we get there, I'm as much as an attraction as he is. New face and all that. Wilf is happy I survived in some way but continued to apologize profusely.

Mickey manages to take in stride. He's no stranger to regeneration. It's a little harder for Martha to swallow it, but it still fascinates her. Donna barely notices. She just shrugs it off as another weird alien thing that should just be thought of a normal. I guess it is the norm for us in a way. Of course, she's getting married to Lee in three days so distraction is to be expected.

I manage to get a hold of Jack. He's off in space somewhere trying to escape all the guilt of killing me the first time, but I convince him to come seeing as how he's not the only one here who has "killed" me so he should just get over himself. Of course, Donna and Lee have become quite fond of him and I have a feeling she would kill him a few times if he didn't show up. So he agrees as long as he can "bring a friend." I ask him why he bothered to ask. He'd just bring his friend despite my answer.

The rehearsal dinner is when shows up. And it's also when he brings his friend. Meta. It's hard to get him alone but I finally do. "Hello."

He smiles at me. "Hello."

"I guess someone told you some sort of explanation about this." I gesture to myself and my different face.

"Yeah. The Doctor filled me in on what he could. Spoilers and all that. I gathered I did something. I'm guessing it killed me."

I skeptical. "He told you that?"

He shrugs. "Not hard to figure that one out. Donna was way too happy to see me. So was Wilf." He pauses. "Motherhood seems to suit her." He nods toward Rose.

"Yeah. It does." Realization dawns on me. "You haven't seen her yet have you?"

"Not since the day you call Journey's end."

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be. I'm ready to see them now. When I get back I'll let you know."

"Yeah." I know now where he was that day. That day that he disappeared. He was here. And this is the day he meant. The day we had ahead of us. Which means that this is probably the last time I'll see him. At least in person.

I don't realize that I've started crying until he's holding me in his arms. We stay that way for a while. I wish I could kiss him. But I won't. He's not quite ready for that, and I like the idea that my first kiss with him was his with me. So I leave it at that.

The next day, the wedding goes off without a hitch. Donna gets it all. The white dress, the church bells, and the cake and flower finery. It really is quite the epic wedding. Not the elopement of Mickey and Martha, not the small family affair of the Doctor and Rose, but a wedding to rival the royal family. It's very Donna.

Meta gives Donna a lotto ticket and winks at her. "Oi that's cheating." She's rebuking him but she stuffs it into her bra anyway and gives him a kiss. There's tears in her eyes but the happiness of getting married and seeing her brother out ways the bitterness of having to tell him goodbye.

But the day does end. And goodbye does come. As Jack prepares to take Meta back to when he belongs, I hear his voice in my mind. "When you need me, I'll be here." And I know he'll always be there, because I'll always need him.

I look down at the little baby in my arms. The Doctor is spinning Rose on the dance floor. I smile as he looks up at me with his mother's bright eyes. "Well little Raggedy man, I think it's time to tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a girl who got on a plane. And you wouldn't believe where she landed." And so I tell him the story. The true story. My story.


	47. Chapter 47

**I realized that in the last chapter it might seem like Meta was "with" Jack. But Jack just brought Meta to the Wedding as a sort of gift to Donna and apology to Ryder. They weren't "together." I don't think Meta swings that way. **

**Anyway...a certain someone will recognise something in this chapter. Thank you for the idea. :) **

They say that time flies when you're having fun. I have to agree with that statement. A year passes since my regeneration and I finally get the hang of my own body. The harder changes come in the form of telepathic abilities. I'm thankful it's only touch telepathy. Otherwise I'd be reading everyone's thoughts all the time. But touch can be controlled.

What really takes a long time to get used to is time sense. Being able to feel how much time has passed. It's not so much feeling the turn of the Earth I realize, it's feeling the time moving around the Earth that the Doctor can feel. It's amazing. It makes you feel powerful. Time lines are more tricky. The first few months I would focus in and out of them with no control. Calling them up when I want and hiding it from myself when I don't, is harder. But I learn.

I learn that that place at the end of all my possible lines that are connected to me is where I die. It's the one place no time traveler can ever go. My grave. Everyone has one, so I don't let it bother me. I'm fascinated by the way the time lines merge together. Each strand from other people that have come in and out of my life is one more strand to my braided rope of a past. It's beautiful.

A year of having two hearts has gotten me used to it. I can barely remember what it felt like to be human any more. It's one more wall between me and my past. It saddens me. I'm not entirely sure just how many years it has been since the plane crash. But I peer at my time lines and have to say that if you count the dark part that is the void it adds up to a grand total of ten years. A decade since everything happened. But only if you count the void.

I break myself from my depressing thought process and move on. After all, a certain baby boy is about to turn a year old.

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The celebration was a huge success. Everyone was thrilled with it. Especially Junior, which is what everyone has taken to calling him. His name is unknown to everyone but his parents, but that's just fine. He needs to learn to keep secrets.

I don't give him my gift until everything else is done. I go to his room where he's supposed to be sleeping. I smile down at him as he cooes and place the stuffed animal next to him.

"You know, when I was little we had this cat. Just like this one. An orange tabby. Her name was Pippa. Well...actually it was Piper but I was two or three at the time and I couldn't say it properly. So, to me her name was Pippa. She was a good kitty. She liked to catch gophers. She threw one once so high in the air that it landed on top of the shed." I laugh at the memory.

"When I was older, she was having trouble getting a gopher, so in spite...she turned around and went to the bathroom right in the hole. Right on the gophers house." I'd forgotten that. It really was hilarious and still is. (A/N: believe it or not, but that's a true story. lol.)

The Doctor enters then and his face is one of disgust. "A cat? Why did you give my son a cat? Cats are evil and...catty."

I shake my head in amusement. "Relax Doctor. It's not a nurse or a nun, it's not even wearing a weird hat/hood thing. It's just a stuffed animal."

He's sputtering. I continue matter of factly. "And her name is Pippa."

Junior laughs and the Doctor's face softens. Oh yeah. This little boy is going to be trouble. Neither of his parents are ever going to be able to tell him no.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

"Pleeeeeease!" I was right. His parents can't tell him no. It's hard to believe that so much time has passed. It seems like yesterday that Junior was born, not six years. But here he is, no longer a baby but actually a little boy who's trying to grow up too fast. And begging me to let him go on the rollercoaster that he's way too short for.

"No."

"But Daddy would let me."

"Well I'm not him am I?" And here it comes. The Oncoming Pout. He's a master at begging, I'll give him that.

We've come to some carnival on some distant planet in the far future. If I really think about it, it seems familiar to me. I think Eleven came here with Clara once. I look back down at the little boy clutching my hand. Right. Not so much Eleven as it is him. It makes sense. Junior could bring Clara here when he's older. Fond memories and all that. Best not think about the Cybermen though. Not while he's still getting a hang for telepathy. And I still forget to keep my shields up sometimes.

"What's a cyberman?" Oops. His parents wanted to wait till he was older to tell him about them. Since the Cybermen are such a sore subject. Pete's world and Canary wharf. I can't say that I blame them. But now the little boys naked curiosity is too much. Who am I kidding? I can't tell him no either.

"Well, I suppose that calls for a story then."

"Yay!"

I get us ice cream comes and we sit on the bench. I tell him the story that I didn't live. The Next Doctor. But I tell him the version that had his mum in it. Since I wasn't there it means I don't have any fear or memories of pain that I could have for something else. Granted, I wasn't there for any other of the Cybermen encounters either, but they're still too sad for him to handle.

Finally his parents come back, and I'm glad he understands not to tell them about the story I just told him. Instead he starts complaining about the rollercoaster. "Auntie Jane wouldn't let me."

"Well when we're not here, then she's in charge." I smile at Rose as the Doctor picks Junior up.

I nudge her shoulder. "So where'd he take you?" I was babysitting for their anniversary. They've been married for nine years at this point. I keep trying to figure that. Apparently, they used the time machine to take frequent extended holidays from the rest of us.

She smiles at me. "Oh you would have loved it! It had these sunsets..." And she goes on to tell me about the rest of their trip.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

"Hey Dad! Look at this. Look what I found!" I look up from my book as the thirteen year old boy runs as fast as he can into the control room.

I smile as the Doctor reminds him to use Gallifreyan. The Doctor started teaching all of us since Junior was born. But we only ever speak it when there's no humans on board. Which means we don't speak it that often. Giving people thank you trips is a bit of a regular thing for us.

Of course I'm not always here either. I have a home base down the street from Donna and Lee. They have four kids at this point. All boys. But they're in the process of adopting a girl. I enjoy spending time with them. And we visit often enough. And Jonah and Junior are close enough in age that Jonah joins us sometimes. With strict rules of not doing anything dangerous.

Rose joins us in the room as well which means we'll probably be heading off on an adventure any minute. Rose and I have a harder time speaking the language since it isn't our native tongue. But we have fun trying. And it actually does get easier the more you practice. Speaking is fine. What I have more problems with is reading and writing it. It takes forever and the grammar is ridiculous and formal. At least when speaking you can use slang as a short cut. But don't when reading or writing. Something about etiquette and the Doctor won't break that rule because Junior needs to know his heritage...yada yada.

Still, it's really cool. Even if confusing with life on the TARDIS.


	48. Chapter 48

**Okay. Let's play a game. I spy with my little eye all the usernames of the people who have reviewed. :D Well...sort of. At least part of your username is here in the next two chapters if you have reviewed this story. It's my thank you to you all. Even "Guest" is referenced. Let the game begin!**

By the time Junior is eighteen he already knows more about me than anyone else in this universe. He's the only one that knows how I have foreknowledge. I wouldn't have told him excel this future self knew. I think he did on purpose. To make sure I would tell him. Sometimes on adventure I catch him winking at nothing.

"What are you doing?"

"Saying hello to your couch potato self." I learn to ignore his antics after that. If he wants to say hi to air, that's his business. But it does make me think about Eleven more. When he regenerated, he looked at the camera. In fact, he looked at the camera plenty of times. I remember feeling like he was looking right at me. Whoa. That's...he was looking at me. Maybe. It's an interesting thought but it doesn't have too much of an impact otherwise.

One day the Rose says she needs a break from running and I'm inclined to agree even if the boys complain about it. So we agree to one day of relaxing. So the Doctor takes us somewhere and Rose packs is a lunch.

"Welcome to Asgard!"

I look at the alien world in wonder. "It looks like Thor's home town." I smile at Junior's ever present knowledge of comic books. I roll my eyes at him and he looks offended. "My fandom is better than yours." Now I'm offended.

"Come on. Let's pick a spot to eat. I'm starving." We all go down the hill to find ourselves a nice patch of grass under a tree.

As Rose sits on the blanket she notices something and digs under the blanket until she finds the offending object. "Doctor? What is this? It's huge!"

"Oh!" The Doctor excitedly takes it from her to examine it with his specs on. "It's a Pegasus feather! Oh, I haven't seen one in ages."

This begins a lesson in Pegasus biology and mythology. I tune him out and turn my attention to my book. Rose flops down next to me. It amazes me how youthful she still is even after raising a kid to adulthood. At least by human standards. "You're always there reading."

"I like reading." Her laugh is infectious. The Doctor looks over at her with that loving look and even though it makes me a little sick I'm still glad about it. At least they're happy.

"What are you reading today then?"

"Harry Potter. Someone stuck the whole series into one book. It's brilliant. I can go through the whole series without even putting the book down."

Junior looks at me confused. "Weren't you reading the Hunger Games series yesterday?"

"Yeah I finished it."

"But you're already halfway through that."

I just shrug and smile. "Time lady tribute of Hogwarts." They all laugh at my joke even though I didn't even think it was funny.

We've settled into an easy conversation when a peculiar sensation grabs our attention. The ripple in the time lines near us alerts us to the fact that a time traveler with a vortex manipulator has arrived. I turn expecting to see Jack, but instead see the long legs and curly hair of Professor River Song.

I jump up excitedly. I haven't seen her since that day in The Library so long ago. The Doctor eyes her suspiciously and Rose looks curious. "River!"

"Hello Sweetie." We embrace.

I give my true hello as a whisper in her ear. "Hello Melody Jemma Pond." I pull away and she smiles at me gratefully. I'm the only one who always knows her. No matter what. As far as knowing her middle name, I only found that out about three months before. We were at the university she would be at one day and I had hacked into the true records of River Song to make sure no one would discover her true name.

"What are you doing here?" The story of The Library is no secret in this family but the hostility in Junior's voice surprises me.

It also surprises his mother. "Rude and not ginger," she reminds him. That phrase has become a common admonishment, a standard reminder to be polite and play nice with the locals and their customs.

"Sorry." River looks a little hurt but she hides it well. She looks at me with a silent question. I convey to her as best I can that they don't really know her yet. She shakes it off but I can still tell just how sad that knowledge makes her.

"So, are you here for the party tonight?"

We look at her curiously. "What party?"

"Princess Rinnala's coming out party. It's her first public event here in Asgard." He smiles cheekily. "I hear it's going to be a masquerade."

That last part gets Rose's attention as I'm sure River knew. "Oh! That sounds like fun. We should go."

The Doctor, not being able to deny her anything of course agrees. "Why not?" Not that he seems particularly excited by the prospect.

Rose's enthusiasm is infectious as we head to the TARDIS wardrobe to pick our outfits. The boys request that the TARDIS send choices to their rooms so that they can stay out of our way. That gives Rose, River, and I free reign. River's laughter calls our attention.

"Oh, I haven't seen this for ages." I look to see her holding a long formal black dress. "It's a bit different though. The sheer sleeves are gone."

"Or not there yet," I point out.

"Very true."

"Isn't that the dress you wore at the weeping angel crash landing party?"

"I knew you were good." The black dress definitely suits her. Especially when she pairs it with her bright red heels and lipstick. Her hair just needs some tossel and hairspray and all she needs a mask.

It takes me a bit longer to find my dress but when I see it I know. I put it on to see how it looks. The deep purple satiny fabric shimmers in the light. The skirt from behind appears to be full and heavy but is actually quite light. But when i turn you realize that it's a high low cut to just above my knee. The top is sleeveless and has a lacy pattern from the top to my hips. I slip on the fingerless gloves that go all the way to middle of my upper arm. The heels I pick out are black and are a series of straps all the way up to just below the bottom of the dress and goes with the matching choker.

"You look dangerous." I smile at River as she pays me the compliment.

"I am dangerous darling." Rose and River's laughter makes us all feel giddy. It's kind of nice to just have a girls "shopping" day. We find masks for River and I. River's is black with silver sparkles making her look like the night sky has been painted onto her face. "You look like a mad girl with a mask." She just winks at me.

Mine looks like it's made of metal forged into the same pattern as the lace on my dress. It moulds itself to my face in a way that makes it feel as though I'm not wearing one at all. Rose piles my dark hair on top of my head with free curls cascading down my neck and framing my face in an attractive way.

This leaves us with the job of finding Rose the perfect outfit, and hers is definitely the most striking of us all. The sleeveless, TARDIS blue dress has a form fitting bodice before flowing out into a beautiful and full ball gown. The delicate swirl gold trim perfectly brings out the gold in her skin tone. The shoes are simple since you can barely see them. The mask appears to be simple and wolf like at first glance but a closer look reveals delicate etchings detailing the wolf like features. In a word, she looks breathless.

"Oh Rose. No ones going to be able to keep their eyes off you." She grins at us with her tongue peeking out and River starts vibrating with excitement.

"Oh wait till the Doctor sees you. He's going to be speechless." I never heard a more true statement. When we walk into the control room the Doctor's jaw hits the floor. Even Junior is shocked. Then his eyes turn to River and his ears turn pink. Well that's just adorable.

So with his wife on his arm and the psychic paper in hand the Doctor leads the way to the party. Junior is left to escort both River and myself. "Well isn't this my lucky day. I have two dates instead of one."

"Don't get too excited Raggedy." He rolls his eyes. He's not too happy with his nickname at this age. But that just makes me want to call him that even more.

He fiddles with the bow tie on his tux. His dad and him match. Simple tuxedo and a plain black mask. They look sharp, but not outstanding. He keeps tugging at it till I slap him. "Stop it."

"I feel dorky. Who wears a bow tie?" I smile secretly to River and she winks at me.

"Bow ties are cool," we say in unison. He seems to ignore it but I know that it's going to make a lasting impression. Especially since he stops messing with it after that.

So we head to the party, and then things get interesting. But why wouldn't they? The Doctor is wearing a tux. And nothing ever goes right when he's wearing it. Let alone two Doctor's wearing one. Well, Doctor in training at least. Point is: Doctor plus tux equals trouble.


	49. Chapter 49

**Part 2 of the I Spy the Username game. :) I don't normally ship River and the Doctor (any version) but for the purposes of this story, that's basically still happening. I feel like I've got almost every ship in this fic. 10/Rose, Duplicate10/OC, Eleven/River, Eleven/Clara, Donna/Lee, Martha/Mickey. It's all here. Anyway...find the user name!**

It's easy to get into the party. A flash of the psychic paper, a smile from Rose and we stroll right in. And since this is a fancy event, there's a man announcing each of the Guests as they come in.

"Now presenting Lord Doctor and Lady Rose of Tardis!"

"Now presenting Mr. Noble, Professor Song, and the Lady Ryder of the Void Estate!"

I raise my eyebrow at the Doctor. "Really? The void estate? You couldn't come up with something better than that?"

"I can't be expected to come up with everything."

"Well, I'm thirsty so I'm going to go find a drink." I head off to find refreshment and return with a glass in hand. I walk into a conversation with River and Junior.

"And then you insist on keeping that Calico Kitty of yours." River is teasing him I can tell.

"It's named Pippa. There no reason to bring her into this." He's defending the stuffed animal I gave him seventeen years before.

"And that just proves my point. You're still a child." Ah. That's what he's arguing. It's been an ongoing battle for a couple of years now. He insists he's old enough to handle some of the heavier stuff on trips but we still protect him as much as we can. He doesn't like behind babied. But he'll be grateful for it when he's on his own.

We're interrupted by another announcement. "Now presenting Master Otaku, the Wicken of Asgard!"

The Doctor is happy about this. "Ooo. A Wicken. I've always wanted to meet one. Let's say hello."

"What's a Wicken?" Junior asks.

"Well, in common mythology they're people with a third eye. Capable of seeing the future. Little things like who you might marry or what job you're going to get. But really they're a cousin species to the time lords. Very different as far as their life spans which are closer to a human but they are time sensitive."

I try to clarify it in my mind. "So they can see timelines but only to an extent?"

"Yes. They make brilliant fortune tellers." At this point we have arrived in front of the tall man with hair that seems to be black but closer inspection reveals that it is the darkest green I've ever seen. Other then that, he seems completely normal. If you're counting human as normal that is.

"Hello! I'm the Doctor and this is my wife Rose, her sister Ryder, my son Junior, and our friend River."

"How do you do? I am Otaku. Royal advisor to the court."

"You're a Wicken right?" What is with this family and it's rudeness?

"Yes. On my father's side. My mother was native Asgardian. I'm a third generation advisor to the royal family."

"Wonderful!" I exclaim. No particular reason. What else am I going to say to that? Just the the trumpets sound and the attention of the whole room turns to the announcer.

"And now ladies and gentlemen, her royal highness, the Crown Princess of Asgard, our lady Rinnala!"

Everyone's attention becomes riveted on the young woman who makes her way down the steps into the grand hall. Her dress is as red as blood, with burgundy flashing in its folds that matches her hair color perfectly. Her face is obscured by an elaborate mask complete with a ruby in the center of her forehead, with red Pegasus feathers adorning it to frame her head. The skirt flows behind her, making her steps took as though she is gliding across water. In a word, she's mesmerizing.

She notices Otaku and smiles. She makes her way toward him, and by extension, us. "You look lovely your highness." He bows to her politely.

She inclines her head back to him. "Thank you Master Otaku. It's a fact that Dawn knits the best silks. I should not look half as lovely without this dress."

Otaku finds his manners and manages to introduce us to the Princess. "My lady, may I present Lord Doctor, his wife Rose, their son Junior, her sister Lady Ryder, and their friend...was it Professor...Song?"

"Indeed," River confirms. We all bow politely and she greets us.

"Thank you for attending my party. I'm so pleased that you were able to make it."

The Doctor continues the exchange. "My lady...may I be so bold as to ask about the nature of the throne? You are the only heir yes?"

"Of course. Lord Doctor was it?"

"Yes."

"Doctor who? He he," she giggles at the absurdity of his name. I smile. They always have to ask that.

"Just Doctor." He smiles too.

"Of course. Yes. I'm the only heir. My father is growing ill which is why I'm coming out so early. If you'll excuse me."

She turns her attention to other guests come to greet her. It isn't long before she accepts a dance invitation and is gracing the dance floor. I look at the Doctor only to see his thinking face. Rose notices it too. "Trouble?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. It could be nothing."

I roll my eyes. "Who are we kidding. It's always something." Rose and the Doctor just grin and Junior gets excited as well. River and I look at each other and laugh. As we head off to investigate, the Doctor explains that something isn't right about all of this. Rinnala should not be coming out, even if her father is ill. She's apparently only sixteen and is considered too young to even be an acting ruler. If something happened to the King, an advisor would temporarily take the throne.

So we split up and then there's of course an assignation attempt. And that leads to us having to keep everyone on lockdown. But everyone's in masks so that makes everything even more complicated. Even the guards are wearing full masks of gold under their black Arabian robes.

But that's how we catch the assassin, because one of the guards is too short. "Look at the 10th squad, 3rd seat in." We look where the Doctor directed and sure enough, too short.

We remove the mask and take the young woman in for questioning. Her name is Alexa Chan. She tried to kill the princess in order to get Otaku on the throne because she's secretly in love with him. Ironically, Otaku never knew she existed. She was a simple chambermaid who never said a word to him or anyone else for that matter.

As far as adventures go, it was a rather simple one. We were even able to enjoy the rest of the evening. We danced and laughed and it was good day. And by the time River says goodbye at the end of the night, everyone is sad to see her go.

When we're back in the vortex, I sit on my bed and write in my journal. It's gotten thicker over the years. All my old entries about episodes are still there but I rarely have need of them anymore. Now it's filled with adventures that I've lived rather than seen. So I add the events of today and smile. I always wondered what the picnic at Asgard would be like, and now I know.


	50. Chapter 50

**I hope you enjoyed the last couple of chapters. I enjoyed writing them. If I somehow missed you then speak up and I'll see what I can do. :) **

**Right...so...Let's get back to the depressing stuff. I think the last couple of chapters were a nice break. **

The TARDIS hovers in space overlooking the Tarantula nebula. A place where stars are born. The doors are open and I sit with my legs dangling out into the nothingness as I contemplate the years I have spent in this world. I am eighty two years old, though I certainly don't look it. Anyone who's met me wouldn't believe my age to be past twenty five but there you go. Sixty four years since I fell into Pete's world. Sixty four years since I've seen my parents faces or heard their voices. Sixty four years and that doesn't even count the years in the void. And even though the darkness has dimmed, I'm still in it. Life is darkness with pockets of light to keep you on the path.

As I sit here thinking about the last six decades I think back to all of the things that don't add up. Little things that I've been ignoring for a long time. Too long. But I can't anymore. The timelines show me that there is a storm coming my way. A choice is on to have to be made, and whatever that choice is it's going to lead me to cross my own timeline. I just don't know why. But the thing that really doesn't add up is the Doctor

I thought I understood him all those years ago but I knew nothing. Perhaps we are kindred spirits. Perhaps we have both made difficult and often similar decisions, but I didn't know him as a person. Now I do. I know him and his wife and their son better than I knew my own family. That's what happens when you give someone your time. So I think about how I know him, and I realize that he is hiding something from me. He has been for a long time.

I can't quite put my finger on what it is. Little things. A sideways glance here. A worried expression there. The day I regenerated. Something about that day niggles at me. And as I sit here I finally realize what the look on his face was conveying. Recognition. He knew my face, this face. And as I think about all the things that Meta's memory ghost has told me over the years, I remember one important thing. We still have a lot to do, and I had to live. Not because he wanted me to, not because Rose needed me to; but because for some reason the universe did. And the sisters of Karn made sure that I survived.

I sense the Doctor enter the control room. He usually wakes up from our weekly sleep first, but today I couldn't even fall asleep. He comes and sits himself next to me. Our feet sway together in the nether space. White chucks next to black combat boots. It's a funny comparison. "Couldn't sleep?" He asks.

I feel my lips quirk in a rye smile. "No. Not tonight."

We look at the swirls of color in the nebula before us. After a moment, he breaks the silence. "It reminds me of that time in the Orion Nebula."

He grins as I start to laugh outright at the memory he's brought up. "Oh your face! I've never seen you look so horrified."

"It's not my fault you looked terrifying. I've never seen anyone look so red! In a thousand years I've never seen anyone get that sunburned." We continue to laugh.

"How long ago was that now?" I wonder out loud.

"Oh a good twenty years or so ago now. Junior was around forty at the time i think."

"Yeah. Twenty years. Mmm." It amazes me that I can say things like that. Once it was my parents telling me stories from twenty years ago. Now I'm the one reminiscing about things that may have happened fifty years ago depending.

"You look confused." I realize he's right. I'm furrowing my brow.

"No. Just thoughtful."

"Thinking is good. What about?"

I take a deep breath. "I was thinking about how old I am. Yes, to you I'm a child still but...if things had been different Id be spoiling grandchildren by now. I could have had a very different life. I was going to finish school. Get a job. No idea what though. I hadn't really decided or thought about what I wanted to do. I would have gotten married and grown old and passed away in my sleep. But here I am, watching stars explode into existence. Seeing colors that I never knew existed. I always knew the universe was big but never this big."

I pause for a moment to turn toward him. "And then you. I knew you once but not at the same time. And over the years we've become similar but we're still very much different. And I'm out of foreknowledge. I have been for decades. But it doesn't change the fact that I still know more of your past then I lived with you. But then again...I suppose you know me better then you let on too. Don't you."

His gaze flickers back to the raging storm outside the door. "When did you figure that?"

"About two hours ago. I couldn't ignore it any longer. You did good hiding it I admit. Didn't really get suspicious till last week when I blew up that Dalek." We'd found a rogue Dalek on some backward planet causing trouble. In the end, I was the one to take it apart this time. It was old and demented; easy compared to other situations we've faced.

He sighs. "I can't deny it can I?"

I shake my head sadly. "No."

He huffs out a breath. "River said something to me once that I think sums it up perfectly. It's like looking at a photograph of someone before you knew them. You know it's them. But they're not quite...done yet. And until last week, you weren't done yet."

"It was the first time you saw me as you knew me." He nods in confirmation. "You know this means I can't stay."

He rubs his hand over his face. "Time can be rewritten."

"Sometimes. But I don't think this can." I contemplate all the clues I've had this far, and I keep coming back to the same conclusion. "You knew me in the time war. Right?"

He's about to reply but he can't bring himself to. What is he supposed to say I don't know. "Rose isn't going to like it, and Junior will sulk for weeks."

"What happens if I don't go? Mm? What happens?"

He looks me in the eye and tells me the truth. Pure truth, and it scares me. "Then the war never would have ended. You give me the gun and I pull the trigger. Always."

That's why I could see the Bad Wolf as the moment. She wasn't just judging the Doctor, she was judging me. Words leave me. We sit in silence for a long time longer. I don't pay attention to what my times sense to tell me. We sit and we watch stars catch fire until Rose and Junior wake up. We don't tell them right away. We go for another trip. Someplace calm. A private beach on a slow and peaceful planet. My reprieve before going off to war. But all vacations end.

Rose notices first. She corners me about it late in our trip. I tell her all of it since she needs to know. She gets a bit mad at the Doctor for not telling her that I was "her." Whoever "her" is. Junior remains oblivious at first. But then we all sit in the living room and I explain it. He's not too happy about it. But there's nothing he can do. Nothing at all.

I don't take much with me. I have the clothes on my back, a journal in my pocket and a lifetime of happy memories to sustain me. Juniors tearful goodbye breaks my hearts but it's time for him to move on. He doesn't need me anymore.

I say goodbye to the Doctor next. "Thank you. For everything." He nods toward his family. If I hadn't changed everything, he wouldn't have them. And he knows it. I give him a hug and then face Rose.

After only a moment's hesitation, she embraces me. We stand tree crying for a fair amount of time. "I'll miss you," she says.

"I'll miss you too. But it's alright. Everything's going to be fine. You'll see." We pull apart and I head for the TARDIS doors. I turn and look back at my family one last time.

"Love you." I give them a watery smile.

"We love you too." Rose speaks for the rest of them. I opens the doors and move I go out.

"No!" Junior barrels into me. "Please don't go. You'll die. Please don't." He's mumbling into my jacket but it's still tearing at my heart strings. I kiss his forehead.

"Never cruel or cowardly, never give up and never give in. Look at me." He looks at me and I speak earnestly. "You are going to be fantastic. Remember what I taught you. Be happy, be smart..."

"...and smile for the camera," he finishes for me. I smile.

"Hole in one little Raggedy man." I kiss his forehead and then rush out the door, closing it behind me. I walk away into the waist high scarlet grass toward the sun rising on the burnt orange horizon, and I don't look back. Not even when I hear it dematerializing. I look into the distance to see the lightning flash of battle. I square my shoulders, and charge toward the fray.


	51. Chapter 51

**Hello beautiful readers! :D Yes Jane is in the time war. She is a type of paradox. She fell through the void because she has to be there and vice versa. Like I wrote in the last chapter, she could see the Moment because the Moment was judging her for her part in what the Doctor has to do. Hopefully it will make more sense after the next chapter. **

**In other news, this fic is finished and only needs to be posted. :) I made myself cry but I also cheered so...trust me. My brother read it and said it was brilliant. And he's pocket about this sort of thing so...yeah. Anyway, enjoy. Please R&amp;R. As we near the end I want your input and opinions. It will help me edit the last chapters in a way to make them better for you. Happy day!**

The first six months are the hardest. I'm grateful for all the Gallifreyan the Doctor taught me. Also for the customs. You would think that war would make these people drop the formalities in deference to survival but try are a cultural people. So for the first six months I fight as best I can with my wits and piece of sharpened scrap metal.

I fight alone. I know no one here. Eventually I'll meet the War Doctor. I'll have to be careful when that happens. I'm crossing time lines by being here. But I'm also closing a paradoxical loop. So when I find myself in the middle of a major scale ambush on the edge of Wild Endeavor's coast, I'm not expecting to find allies.

I run into the front room of the library there with a handful of explosives that I managed to get my hands on. There's a man and a woman fighting off Daleks back to back. They're surrounded with no way out. I smirk. Good thing I'm here then.

I rush at the weakest looking Dalek and use my metal sword to chop off it's gun. They have a slight weakness right at the base of the metal welding that makes it possible. I push the Dalek with my foot into the one next to it.

"Get out!" I shout at the other two time lords. The charge through the opening I made. I pull the pin out of the grenade with my teeth and toss it into the center of the squad and follow after them like my feet are on fire. The force of the explosion knocks me to the ground.

The next thing I know is I'm being staged up from the ground. The three of us run for our lives to get out of the line of fire. When we make it behind a building and out of the way we lean heavily on the wall to catch out breath.

"Thank you kindly," the woman says to me. She appears to be around twenty five like I do. But I can tell by her eyes and timelines that he is in fact older than me. Somewhere around seven hundred years old. Her hair is probably platinum blond but it's so dirty from the life a soldier that I can't quite tell. Her eyes are a nondescript brown color but there is life there that makes them interesting.

"Your thanks is welcome." Until names are exchanged the formality is expected.

I turn to man as he speaks. He appears to be older, about mid-thirties, but with a closer look I realize that he's younger, around five hundred and fifty or so. Everything about him is dark. His hair, his eyes, his skin. The only color on him are the red robes of a warrior but even they are tattered. "I am Lord Door of the House of Heartshaven. This is my cousin, Lady Trey. May I inquire after your title?"

In all honesty I hadn't thought about it. I can't call myself Jane Ryder here. It's a name that I'll have to leave behind. I think about all of the titles that I have earned over the years...but only one feels like it could be my name. The Drifter in the Dark. "I am Lady Drifter of the House of Commons." The House of Commons is a phrase that simply means I have no family. It effectively labels me an orphan. I would have said Lungbarrow, but when I meet the Doctor, that will raise questions i'd rather not answer.

"We are honored." He may be younger, but he is the male of the Household which is why he is speaking. Gallifrey has rather Victorian era customs. It's a strange mix of equality and purism. Women are capable of joining the army and even being president, but the government on a smaller scale within families has a stricter order. Not that I can fully comprehend it.

"Would you both perhaps be open to a friendship between us?" I ask politely in the common method for becoming less formal.

"Certainly. I am Tonsillfrolizongurvorzela."

"And I am Romanadvoratrelundar, former Lady President."

My eyes widen. Not because of the long names. Those are common. But because this is Romana. It must be. I don't know much about her. I know she traveled with the Doctor before the Time War at some point. I can't let on though.

"I have no name under Gallifrey of which to speak of, but you may call me Drift."

"And I Tonsil."

"And I Romana."

The screams in the street bring our attention back to the battle. Even though I'm the youngest, I'm have a lot of experience in the fight and have been a lieutenant since I was around nineteen years old. Because of that, I naturally take charge of the situation we find ourselves in.

The battle is not a loss, but we can hardly call it a win either. Both sides suffer. Both sides burn. And we barely have space in between to lick our wounds. Over time, the camaraderie between the three of us builds. We fight side by side and begin to build a reputation. But I keep Romana out of as much as I can. Especially after her regeneration and I realize that she was the woman covering her face when we were dealing with the Master. I can't afford Rassilon finding out that she's with me. Her position on the counsel is too valuable.

As far as the High Counsel is concerned, I'm a renegade. Even after successfully helping them keep the Dome City, they banish me from the planet. But I don't leave. As a fugitive I both run and fight for a planet that I know is doomed. But i am here none the less. And I fight regardless. I may not have been born here, but these people now run in my blood, and instinct will not let me abandon my species, despite human memories.

It's is only a couple years before I meet him. The War Doctor. It wasn't the happy day I'd allowed myself to imagine. I thought perhaps I would tease him with knowing something he did not. That I could help him through the war as he would help me. But it isn't like that. It's at a battle in a city with no name. Romana is not with Tonsil and I for this fight. She had work to do in the counsel, trying to uncover the truth about Rassilon's plans for the Time Lord ascension.

We are overwhelmed. Being slaughtered. Tonsil gets hit directly in the heart and there is nothing I can do for him as he goes down. I try to fight my way toward him. To give him time to regenerate. But I'm too late, they deliver the death blow in the middle if the process and I'm too far away. After fighting in a war like this you get use to seeing death. And even seeing the fall of a friend is not as shocking to me as it once was. I'd seen too much of that at this point.

But it still hurts. Tonsil was a good man, a decent man. He worked hard and fought with fire in his soul. He was a good follower of my orders and he was useful in a skirmish. And he was funny. More blunt than anyone else I'd ever met in my life. And he honestly believed we could win. He almost made me believe at times, at the times I needed to most.

It's because of my moment of mourning that I don't see the Dalek come after me. I don't see the shot until it's in my right shoulder, and then again in my left hip. I thought it would burn, getting shot with their lasers. But it's like a bullet of ice piercing your body. The cold spreads in a painful way. And it does burn. The kind of burn when you're too cold to stand in the hot shower because it stings so much.

I fall to the ground. They didn't shoot me anywhere lethal. Not yet. But they will. And when I start to regenerate, they'll shoot to kill. I'm about to go down fighting like my character demands of me when an explosion knocks me back down. The next thing I know is that I'm lifted up and run from the battlefield in a fireman's carry.

The old abandoned coal house provides cover for me and my rescuer as he sets me down. It doesn't really surprised to see the War Doctor. Not really. I know him well enough though, to know that formalities will simply try his patients even more than mine. So I skip to the important stuff. "Thank you. I'm Drift."

He hesitates for a moment. "Warrior."

I raise my eyebrows. "You're a bad liar. If you're going to help me with my wounds, I think I deserve to know who you are."

He huffs only the way an old man can. "Doctor then."

I smile. "Nice to meet you Doctor." I wince from the icy pain beginning to spread further. Without preamble, he rips my shirt. If these burns aren't cared for immediately it will mean a slow and painful death for me. I grit my teeth as I survey the damage. I'll likely lose feeling in both places. The black blisters indicate the frostbite like reaction. I've seen it before, but I never realized how painful it could be.

The Doctor does his name justice. He helps me apply the salve and bandage it up. He doesn't fight me when I insist we get out of here. This fight is lost and it isn't cowardly of us to retreat. We won't sacrifice ourselves to a lost cause. We will live to fight another day. Romana eventually joins back up with us. She is saddened by the death of her cousin but she is strong, and does her best to hide it.

With her here, the Doctor and I are able to relax. With just the two of us we would barely speak. I cant tell him the future and he has nothing to say to me. But it makes reading each other into a necessary skill, which proves to be our most valuable weapon when in the middle of a fight. Our silent ability to communicate makes for a fantastic tactical advantage. Romana is thrilled to have an old friend around. And with time, trust builds, and the threes of us become close all over again, in loving memory of Tonsil.

And over the years I try. I try to find another way to end it. A way I can fix it so that Gallifrey is easier to find or never gets lost in the first place. And I come up with nothing. Options are running out. And one day, Romana makes that immensely clear. I stay silent with my thoughts as Romana and the Doctor try to decide our next step, the next plan. But I know the plan. And it's time to set it in motion.


	52. Chapter 52

**This is a rewrite of the first fic I ever wrote entitled "He Has Her Eyes." If you read it, you can get an idea of the Doctor's POV for this chapter. I decided to connect the two stories because I wanted Drift to have more of a back story and Ryder's seemed like a good choice. But it's a one shot that can still be considered canon and not part of this Verse when read alone. **

We sit in a dusty and dark basement while the war continues to rage outside. "We have to wipe out the Daleks completely if we are to win this war," Romana states adamantly.

"Agreed but how? The Daleks have us on the defensive," the Doctor says hopelessly.

I haven't spoken in hours, but it's time. I can't put it off any longer. "There is one way." Now they looked at me expectantly and wearily.

"How?" they asked at the same time.

"We must use the Temporal Distorter. The Moment is the only way." Shock registers on Romana's face and a look of defeat crossed the Doctor's old and haggard features.

"We can't!" Romana cries. "It will destroy Gallifrey. Everything would be gone."

The Doctor's hushed voice speaks, "So would the Daleks. It would mean the end of the war."

"It would," I stated matter of factly.

Romana sighs. "The counsel will never agree. Lord President has become too fixed on power and survival. He'll kill us before he authorizes it."

The Doctor's fury comes through in his reply. "He would see the end of all the universe for a chance to control the vortex. We already knew we would have to stop him at the end of this. But it seems to be necessary now."

"It will have to be you that keeps him from stopping us Romana. The Doctor and I are already outcasts. Neither of us will be able to get in close enough," I explain.

Romana sighs again. "You're right. It will have to be me. You two will have to be the ones that do the rest."

The Doctor clenched his jaw. "In that case, Romana, you should leave and get to that. The less you know about our plan, the better."

Romana nods slightly and turns to leave. She stops and looks at us both. "Good luck then. Be careful. Both of you."

"Rassilon with you," we reply according to custom. It's habitual please try despite not meaning it. The Doctor's eyes meet mine as we share an understanding only we can have. We're about to commit genocide. On our own species. Except I know that it won't be that. Gallifrey will move on to a pocket universe. But the Doctor must live with the guilt for the rest if his life. I take comfort knowing that his son will help save it.

"The President isn't the only one we have to distract," I remind him gently.

"Davros." He doesn't even try to hide the malice in his voice. "I should do it. He already hates me and will be fixated on me," he said.

"No." I sigh. He doesn't know why. "It can't be you. It has to be me. I can use a Bio-deflector to make him think that I'm you."

"But that leaves me to Detonate the Moment. You can't ask me to do that," he exclaims.

I take a deep breath and break it to him the only way I can. "You already have."

Understanding dawns on his face. "Did you cross your own timeline because I thought you knew better than that!"

"I didn't cross any timelines," I say exasperated. Lie. "I'm just a paradox Doctor. I've always been a paradox." Truth.

"You knew. You knew that it was going to end this way."

"I tried to find a way to change it. I really did. But this war is time locked. I can't change it and neither can you. It was all leading to this. When you met me you saw that our timelines were interwoven. Why did you think that was? I was always going to tell you how to stop it and you were always going to be the one to take action. I give you the gun and you pull the trigger. Always." I repeat the words his future self told to me.

His face goes blank as he becomes emotionally drained. "You're going to die." Its a statement. Not a question.

"Everyone dies Doctor. You understand that better than a lot of our own people."

He looks at the floor before he looks at me again. "How long have you known?"

I can't look at him as I answer. "I've known since the moment I came into this world. This is my fate." Not entirely true. I've known since I came to Gallifrey. But he doesn't hear that way. I continue. "I'll distract Davros. You go to the dome city and retrieve the Temporal Distorter. There's a rumor that the device is sentient. You must be prepared for judgment from its consciousness."

He hesitates only a second before pulling me into a hug. He hasn't hugged me in this form before. We are fighters with no time. But this is goodbye. Or so he thinks. For me it is, so I hug him back. "You were brilliant Drift. Don't forget that."

"Promise me something." I pull away.

"Anything."

"No matter what happens, no matter how much it hurts, keep breathing. Keep running," I beg him.

He searches my face. For what I don't know. "I have no desire to survive this."

"Please."

"Alright." He gives in and I give I slight smile.

"Thank you. Good luck Doctor. I know you're going to be fantastic."

"May Rassilon be with you."

I adjust a teleport on my wrist and shrug on my leather jacket. I smile one last time before pushing the button, and in a flash of light, I leave him alone, only to see another him. My first Doctor whom never thought I'd meet. Nine.

I can tell he's sulking and I can venture a guess. After all, I came here for a reason.

"Are you trying to be stupid?"

He spins around to face me. "You're alive!"

I feel bad for giving him hope. But I have to crush it. "At the moment."

His face falls. "Oh, you haven't yet have you."

"No," I shake my head. "I needed to make this stop first. Another paradox actually. I seem to be full of them. I'm here to tell you that you have to go back."

He looks confused. "Go back where?"

"To Rose Tyler, stupid." I roll my eyes but secretly thrilled. I always wanted to know why he asked twice.

"She said 'no'," he argues.

"Well, you left out the best bit. It travels in time," i smile widely, even if it doesn't quite reach my eyes. "You need her Doctor. More than you know or could possibly understand at the moment. So go."

"They're all dead Drift. There's no one left. Not even you. I'm last of our kind Drift," he says with heartbreaking despair.

"I know. I always knew actually. I know that you blame yourself but you shouldn't. I'm just as guilty."

He looks at me coldly. "But I have to live with it. You made me promise that. Why?"

"Because you're fantastic. You will be fantastic for so many more adventures. You're going to see so much and help so many. There's no one left Doctor which means that the protection of time and space falls to you. The last of the Time Lords! The Oncoming Storm! You still have so much to do. So yes I made you promise to live. To run. And I know I can't hold your hand but Rose can. And I will still be there in your memory. I will be running with you in my hearts."

"Okay," he sighed. I'll go back. I'll live, I'll run, and I'll show Rose the universe. I won't break my promise, I swear. "

"Good. I'm glad you lost the waist coat. It was getting a little old. But I do still like the jacket. It suits this you." I move to press my vortex manipulator but he stopped me.

"Can you tell Davros something for me?"

"Anything."

"Tell him I said bye." We share a grin and laugh.

I look at him and I realize something. "Did you know that you have my eyes?" I grin cheekily.

"Oi. I'll have you know, I liked that waist coat. And I deserve to have your eyes since I also got these ridiculous ears," he counters as he flaps at said ears.

I chuckle with my final farewell. "Have a fantastic life for me Doctor. Goodbye." I press the button and leave.

I walk into the heart of the Dalek fleet, right up to Davros. "Hello Doctor," he says with a hiss.

I smile. The bio-deflector is working. He thinks I'm the Doctor. "Hello Davros. Lovely ship you have. Quite spacious."

"Enough! I see you've regenerated since our last encounter. How's it feel to be in the weaker body of a female?"

"Not weaker. Just different. It doesn't change the fact that I'm still going to kill you." Now he's a sexist. Doesn't surprise me. I let them see a flash of my Oncoming Storm, the one they call The Executioner.

But he looks amused. "And how exactly do you plan on doing that Doctor?"

I pull the necklace out from my jumper and press the charm. "What!?" He shouts. Now he knows who I am.

I laugh. An insane, completely deadly type of laugh that causes the Daleks to back away ever so slightly. I'm reminded of that time so long ago when I thought Rose had died. The first time I fought on my own. "As you can now see I'm not the Doctor. I am the Drifter and when I'm done, you will wish that I was."

My smile disappears as I walk a bit toward my left where an assortment of controls are begging to be messed with. "I have one last thing to say to you from the Doctor, Davros." I grin madly on last time as overload their engine. "Bye!"

"Exterminate, Exterminate!" The Daleks chorus. I feel a warmth spread through me as I sense the detonation of the the Temporal Distorter. The screams of thousands of Daleks echoed in my ear. The burning of the Time Lord's demise ringing in the back of my mind. I feel myself being pulled away. The Moment is the Bad Wolf, and she won't let me die. Darkness closes in, and I succumb.


	53. Chapter 53

When I wake up, I'm in a cell. I'm being charged with war crimes. Romana has already been executed. We're her death was a single regeneration or a complete death is unknown to me. No one bothers to tell the prisoner anything. Across the hall from me is the Master's cell. The silence in his head has made him a little more crazy. He talks incessantly but I manage to tune him out and not listen.

My sentence is nearing a verdict when a crack appears on my cell wall. I recognise it as the crack in Amy's wall. At least that's what it looks like to me. I get closer but not too close. I can hear him. I can hear Junior. I choke on a sob as I remember the scared boy that I left in the TARDIS with parents that I knew would one day leave him alone in the universe.

If the crack is here, and I can hear him, then that means he's almost there. Eleven's hour is over now, the clock is striking Twelve's. I send as much metal comfort as I can through the opening. I relax when I receive a response. I want to know what happened. To his parents, so I send that question through on the link as well.

And that's when the memories start pouring into me. His memories. It's the only way he can tell me the story. And I watch as the images play out behind my eyelids. I sit against the wall they flow through.

*Things are good for many decades. Even centuries. The Doctor regenerates again and I feel giddy that he finally got to be ginger. Rose regenerates once as well, and I'm surprised to see that her coloring resembles that of my first body when I was human. Not exactly, but similar.

But then a war brings them to Trenzalore. It's a horrible battle. A fight between shadow and light. I feel Junior's shock and fear when his father falls on the field. He and Rose rush him back to the TARDIS, but it's too late. He's dying, and he has no regenerations left. The Doctor says goodbye to his family. "I love you."

But his death was not in vain. It is the reason that the army if light gathers together in anger to defeat the shadows, and the succeed. Trenzalore is won for another day.

Mother and son leave to mourn their loss. They travel for a few more years together. But tragedy strikes again. Rose becomes sick. It's the same disease that quarantined a whole planet when Amy had to wait for 46 years. A disease that is deadly to two hearted species.

"Be strong son. I know you can be. You're a good man, and that's all your father and I ever wanted. You just continue to be a good man." Through Junior's eyes, I watch the light fade from hers as she draws her last breath.

From here he falls into depression. Even going so far as becoming the Timelord Victorious on Mars. Which is where his father and I had run into him that day so long ago. He was sick then as well with a more mild strain of the disease. He survived, but it cost him a regeneration, and that is when he crash landed in the backyard of Amelia Pond.*

The memories stop coming then, and I come back to my present. My cheeks are wet with tears. My sister is dead, and it hurts more than I thought it would. I cry for her, and for the Doctor, and for their son, my nephew who took on his name and purpose.

I open my eyes to see my distorted reflection in a metal pipe running from the floor to the ceiling in my cell. Next to me, I can just make out the reflection of Meta. My personal ghost who kept his promise. He's always there when I need him.

A clanging brings my attention to my cell door. The Master I shouting at the people who have come to visit. It's the new Lady President. I don't know her name. She took power after the Master killed Rassilon. The only thing the Master ever did right, really.

They've come to analyze the anomaly in my cell. When they realize that "the Doctor" is on the other side, the Lady President immediately wants confirmation. If it is, then try can bring Gallifrey back into the universe it belongs to.

"Doctor who?"

Silence will fall when the question is asked. "Doctor who?"

"He won't answer you. He can't. It isn't safe." But they don't listen to me. For hours they keep asking the same question, and I can sense that what may be hours for us, centuries are passing over there. Junior is growing old and the clock is ticking.

And then, like the voice of an angel, I hear Clara speak. "Listen to me, you lot. Listen! Help him. Help him change the future. Do it. Do something. You've been asking a question, and it's time someone told you you've been getting it wrong. His name, his name is the Doctor. All the name he needs. Everything you need to know about him. And if you love him, and you should, help him. Help him."

"Listen to her," I beg them. "She's right. He's the Doctor. And he's dying. An if he dies, you aren't ever getting out of this pocket universe!"

The Lady President looks thoughtfully at me. "What would you be willing to do to save him?"

I don't have to think about it. I love that man like he's my own son. I never regretted not having my own children because I helped raise him. "Anything. Everything."

She nods at me. And that's how my sentence is decided. Because of my war crimes against the High Counsel, I will give my regenerations. All of them till final death. And they will be given to Junior, or the man that they called Doctor.

I don't know why he needs it this time. He's not on his last regeneration. He doesn't need extra. But I don't think that matters to them. They need to give him enough time to find them again, and it might take even more lives than I have to give.

I stand there as the read me the rites. I don't listen to them. I don't need to know what they're saying in their formal language. And then the ceremony begins, and they pull my life from me.

It's painful. They're essentially striping me of my body's connection to the time vortex. I feel the energy pouring out of me from every pore. I feel like I'm shriveling up into nothing. My vision blurs as if I'm staring through heat and the world around me is a mirage. And then pain becomes too intense for my conscious body to handle, and the darkness claims me yet again. This time, most likely for good.


	54. Chapter 54

I wake up on the floor of the TARDIS. I sit up and look around confused. "I survived. Again. I keep doing that. Rory and I should have a contest," I say to no one in particular.

"Auntie Jane!" Junior walks into the console as his young self. I haven't seen him look like that since he was about twenty years old. I'm about to question him but someone else answers.

"What's up?" I turn and see my younger self coming over to him to see what he needs.

He holds up the journal. My journal of impossible things. "Journey's end. No one ever said. Why would Dad leave Mum on the beach? That doesn't make any sense."

I remember this. He was around twenty at the time. Since he needed to know the truth about me, I gave him my journal as a history book of my past. In a way. He was quite upset by the fact his Dad could even think of leaving his Mum. I had to explain to him that it was a different universe with different circumstances. What I think bothered him about it so much was that he realized that his world wasn't the only one for the first time. Logically he knew, but knowing and understanding are completely different.

"Just because that was what happened as fiction in my world, doesn't mean it would've happened here. In fact, it didn't happen here." I watch myself as I comfort him. "Just because that reality exists, it doesn't make your reality any less real."

It took me a while to come to terms with that, but I'm glad I was able to make his knowledge easier for him to bare. I remember when he asked if he could talk to my young self when I was in my original universe. If I was there watching, why couldn't he? I told him he could, but that I wouldn't talk back. But I remember how I had realized that that was why Eleven always seemed to be talking to the audience. Looking at the camera. "I will always remember when the Doctor was me."

The scene in front of me changes. I realize that I am dead, or rather dying. Eleven did this at the end of season five. He went back through his life. He rewound. But he hates repeats. I look up and see a very young me standing up on the hill in Wilf's backyard. I remember this too. It was before I regenerated, just after I lost Meta. I climb the hill and look up at the stars, ready to play my part.

"You come to tell me to remember again?" she asks. "Because I have no idea who you are or what you mean by that."

I smile. I haven't told her that yet but I will do. "I forgot how snarky you could be."

"I'm insulted. People should never forget that."

"Oh they won't. You make far too much of an impression. But I'm not here to tell you to remember. I tried that. It didn't work the first time. I'm here to remind you."

"Of what?"

"Life is too long to harbor regret." Only now do I realize just how true that statement is.

"I've never heard that before. How am supposed to remember it?"

"Well, you've heard it now. So you better not forget."I shrug slightly.

"You're rather bossy aren't you?"

"Side effects of being a commanding officer." I've been one for a long time. And in the Time War no less. But she won't understand that yet.

She turns more fully to me. "Who are you?"

It never ceases to amaze me how I've never lost my love for quotes. "Spoilers. Major spoilers. But you like twist endings so it's going to be interesting."

I start to leave before I let something slip that I shouldn't but her voice stops me. "Is that it? You just going to leave now?"

I turn my ear toward her so that she can see my profile. I remember not being able to see the mysterious woman's face. And now I'm her. "I've been leaving for a long time. Just...it was always coming. It comes for all of us. One day, you'll understand what I mean when I say that."

I do understand it. Death comes for us all. I was never going to last forever, despite the universe's tendency to wake me up. "Meta died for you. Not because of you. And that needed to happen, it just...I know it hurts you. Right now. But it gets better, and I don't want you to hate yourself for it." And with that, I fade into the next step in my life flashing before my eyes.

I next find myself in a galactic bar. I'm confused by it at first. I was never one to prowl these kinds of places but then I see a man drowning his sorrows. Jack. I can tell by looking at him that he's here out of guilt. Guilt for Ianto, guilt for me. So I buy him a drink, and write him a note. "She would want you to know. It was her choice and she didn't regret it. And his name is Alonzo if your interested."

I send it over to him and he looks up at me. I give a little wave. I can tell by the way he looks at me that he knows exactly who I am. He always was clever. I nod toward Alonzo and winks at me in thanks. I roll my eyes as I fade away.

The next stop on memory lane is Vegas. That time that Meta and I went on a road trip. I smile as I think of our car Helga. She's still in a garage back on Earth. I wonder if anyone will take care of her.

I see my younger self. I get myself a drink and head over to plant the seeds for a long and complicated history. "You need to remember."

She looks at me startled. "Remember what? Who are you?"

"Spoilers. But that's not the point Jane Ryder. You have to remember." With that, I swig back the rest of my drink, and walk away. She calls after me, but then I'm gone.

Music is playing in my next destination. A young me is leaning against the wall, watching as the Wedding party dances. I lean next to her and give her some more insight. "You're going to remember this for the rest of your life."

She looks around but sees right through me. My smile fades. She can't see me any more. But she can hear me. She asks the TARDIS if it was her, but it wasn't. It was me. It had always been me. Without warning, I'm sucked away again.

This time, different music is playing. A song that I haven't heard in a very long time. I run the corner to see myself playing the piano for Rose in Pete's house. I remember this too. We were preparing to jump to find the Doctor the next day. I'm about to sit and continue list behind but once again, I'm pulled away.

The next stop is more painful than any of the others before it. It was a few days before the plane crash. I was packing for the trip. And my Dad came in to help me.

"You got everything?" I gasp as I see him walk through my old bedroom door. He's just as I remember him, except he seems smaller. Of course I'm taller now. But there are things I'd forgotten. I forgot the cleft in his chin, I forgot how one of his eyes was a shade darker than the other. Most people didn't even notice unless he told them or oh we're looking for it.

"Yeah, I think I'm good."

"Great. Do you want to break for lunch? I'm thinking something from that polish place."

"Sounds great!"

This is all going on in front of me as I break down crying at the familiarity if it all. But they don't hear me. I can't reach out and hug my father. Even if I could, he wouldn't know me. Not with this face. What would I tell him? Nothing. That was the point in the first place. Protecting my family from knowing things better left hidden.

The next one hurts just as much. It's before my parents divorce. I was eight years old. Just around the time we started watching Doctor Who together. We went out for a park day. We ate sandwiches on the grass and mum and I ran around chasing bubbles that dad was blowing from the little plastics bottle. It was one of the last good days.

I hadn't realized how beautiful my mum was before. I haven't seen her in even longer than my dad. She lived so far away. I never understood why she needed that much distance but it doesn't matter any more. The turn my life took gave me a new perspective. The world is bigger than our ordinary personal problems.

"I'm going to get you!" The eight year old me shrieks and laughs as her mother swoops her up and tickles her. The tears are running even more freely now. I wipe them away and when I look again, I'm standing in front of my bedroom door.

I slowly open it and walk inside. The eight year old me is sleeping. I notice the nightlight and smile. Once upon a time I was afraid of the dark. Except it wasn't the dark that scared me, it was the monsters that lived in the dark. And here I am, all grown up, and I'm the one that fights the monsters.

I sit down on the edge of the bed. Something rubs up against me and I look down to see Pippa curling up in a ball into my side. I give a watery smile as I stroke her fur for the first time in a hundred years. I look back at my sleeping form.

"You wouldn't believe it," I speak softly. "You would believe how big it all is. How dangerous, and frightening, and utterly wonderful. The dark isn't so bad once you let your eyes adjust. You can't let it consume you." I sigh heavily.

"Few realize just how vast our surroundings truly are. The omniverse breaks down into millions of multiverses which then breaks down into billions of universes that breakdown into countless stars and planets and people of all shapes and sizes. How can anyone even begin to fathom the extraordinary depth in the creation that builds and expands continually until no number is large enough to count it? And in the center of it all there's just one little rock. It's metaphorical and true all at once in it's complicated simplicity. And though that shouldn't make sense, it does, because it's innocent ignorance makes it so. This rock in the center of the omniverse is the prime universe. The one where all the others stories are told."

I've gotten sentimental in my old age and I keep talking, this speech that I've prepared for such a moment. "Those few storytellers that seemingly have a talent for writing a fantasy that transports us to another world have an altogether different gift than is supposedly evident. Their imagination is their gift, for it opens their mind to the possibility that those other worlds exists. To the fact that those stories might possibly be so much more true than that. Because the best stories always have a bit of truth in them."

"And so of the many stories told there was one that many couldn't let go of. And it grew into something entirely different. To many it became their life. They wrote it and acted it out and dreamed it and read it. It became a little escape from reality until some it consumed and others it made stronger. But isn't that something that all stories do? Don't all stories become so much apart of us that we can no longer distinguish what was us before the story became our definition? When did people begin to recognize us for the stories we love and share?" Asking these questions bring me comfort. I close my eyes and continue.

"I no longer remember who I was before the story. I don't remember when the story became my own. I only know that it is the only story that I have left to tell." On the edges of my past existence I stand and keep watch over my young self as I tell the story.

"I use to be sad when a story ended. But I realize now, there is no such thing as an ending. Only breathes between beginnings."

"Every universe tells a different story. Except that one. That solitary rock floating alone in the vast space. It tells every story. It tells yours and mine and every story ever thought of or ever told or ever will exist. And each and everyone of us has a story to share. It's just a question of whether or not we choose to tell a good one. So I ask simply of you, which story will you tell? Will it be yours? Or the story of another world, and which is more fulfilling in the end?"

"The best way for you to understanding any of this, is to hear the story of someone like you. A person from your world who was defined by the stories that they loved, until one day they defined the story itself. They became woven into the tapestry of that piece of truthful fiction. So I ask you to listen. Please. Bare with me. Because this is not just anyone's story, it's yours."

I think about what has made me who I am today, and I tell her, even though she'll never truly remember this, I know that it will linger. "I never wanted to be just any companion. I want to be compassionate like Rose Tyler, steadfast like Mickey Smith and brave like Jack Harkness. I want to be strong like Martha Jones and determined like Donna Noble. I want to be protective like Amy Pond and loyal like Rory Williams. I want to be fierce like River Song and clever like Clara Oswin Oswald. I never wanted to be just any companion. I wanted to be them all." A single tear escapes my eye and rolls down my face.

"You have a hard road ahead. Things are going to happen to you, horrible things, but in the end it will be beautiful. Because it's your story. And between you and me...I think we made it a good one. You just...need to remember. Remember. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel." I turn and see the bedroom door glowing in an unearthly way.

"That's my cue." I stand up, much to the protest of Pippa who had gotten quite comfortable. I kiss the little girls forehead. "Goodnight," and I whisper her real name. My name.

I head to the door and move to open it. I look back one last time. I've spent more than a life time in the dark and this is it. This is where I can finally see the light. I can finally rest. And I don't want to go. I understand why Ten didn't either. "Sweet dreams." And with that, I walk through the door, and leave my past behind.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

I open my eyes and find myself standing in a white hallway. Brown doors appear to lead off into more colorful rooms but you would have to open them first. I furrow my brow. I've seen this somewhere. Wasn't this part of season eight?

I don't have time to finish that line of questioning because I am forcefully turned around only to find myself in a desperate kiss. It's new and familiar at the same time. It's hungry and gentle, the kind of kiss I could lose myself in. But in the end, the need to see overwhelms me. Part of me doesn't want to know, because if I'm wrong my hearts will break all over again.

I pull away only to look into deep chocolate brown eyes. "Meta?"

He widely smiles at me. "Welcome to Paradise."

THE END


	55. Author's Note

**There you have it! The completed fic entitled "Across the Dark." It was so much fun to write and I'm thrilled that so many people were able to read it and enjoy it. **

**I'd just like to thank everyone who reviewed, favorited, and followed this story. There are too many of you to name (not necessarily true but how many read the list of usernames?) but please know that I appreciate each of you and that this fic never would have been finished without your support. :)**

**Now for a few announcements: I know I said that I would write a canon version of this story but at this point I'm not sure I really want to. I'm too happy with the way this one turned out and I would hate to deviate from what I've created. Plus, Ryder is a difficult character to write. I essentially had to be inside her head and as you can imagine since you've been there too, it's not all that pretty. It's exhausting. **

**However, I will be writing a sequel entitled "Beyond the Light." :D I can't just leave you all hanging now can I? **

**Thank you again so much for all of your support! You're all stars. So cookies and brownies and Jack hugs for everyone. And I look forward to seeing you around the fanfiction. Catch you later! :D**


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